No matter what sort of problems GOB had caused, he knew he had a bigger one on his hands. Seriously, there was something really gross looking on his hands and he had to try and wash it off. It looked like he had tried writing a reminder to himself about something, but the words were too smudged to read. The only thing he could make out were the letters G-O-T.
“I either forgot to record Game of Thrones on the DVR or this is something really important,” GOB said to himself. He then started reading the blurred message out loud, trying to make sense of it.
“J-oh-t. Joat? What could that possibly mean?” he asked himself.
“Uh, that looks like ‘goat’ to me,” came a voice from behind him.
“Maybe…” GOB considered the idea for a second.
“Yeah?”
“What? Oh, it’s you,” GOB said after being startled out of his state of deep contemplation. Maeby was the source of the mysterious voice he had been hearing.
“You do know you don’t live here, right? I think you picked the wrong house when you came back late last night covered in… whatever that is,” she told him.
GOB turned to look in the mirror. He was covered in something, all right. He forgot what exactly was all over his outfit, just as he had forgotten everything else about the previous night.
“The way you look right now, you remind me of someone,” Maeby said.
“I remind me of someone, too.” Then it dawned on him. He was covered in feathers. He looked just like Lucille Austero minus the hair and makeup and pretty much everything else that made her look the way she did. But he had feathers, and that’s all that mattered.
“I must have been at a farm. These are chicken feathers,” GOB said.
Maeby, who had had previous experience with a Thanksgiving party fowl, thought it might be a different kind of bird, however.
“It might be a duck. Those feathers belong to a water-dwelling bird.”
“What’s a duck?” GOB was very confused at this point.
Maeby facepalmed. “Are you kidding me? It’s the one that goes ‘quack quack’ instead of ‘coo-coocoo coo-coocoo’.” She then proceeded to dance her version of a chicken dance. I’ll spare you the details and just say it was in a true Bluth fashion.
Needless to say, GOB had forgotten quite a bit. What he concluded from these revelations was that whether he had encountered a chicken or a duck, he had been on a farm, and that he needed to return there in order to put the pieces together and find a goat.
GOB later found himself at a farm, although on this farm there were no birds (leaving Maeby shouting “coo-coocoo coo-coocoo coo” with no response). It turns out they were at a goat dairy farm called “Squeeze ‘n’ Cheese” and he now remembered why that phrase seemed familiar earlier on.
“So you’re sure you didn’t see me here last night?” GOB asked the owner of the farm, whose nametag read “Gene”.
“No, I reckon I’ve never seen such a hot mess in all my life. Also, we only have goats here. No birds,” the farmer replied, noting that GOB still had feathers all over his shirt.
“Well, now what?” asked GOB after he had purchased a block of goat cheese for later.
Maeby reappeared. “Bad news: I have to go pick up my dad from the Gothic Castle; we might come up with an idea on the way there. Apparently he was jerking off in public.”
“That’s disgusting!”
“You’re telling me. I thought he could handle the stigma of being a sexual predator, but it’s really messed him up.”
“The Gothic Castle, I meant. That place has really been run down lately,” GOB said.
“Oh… right. Yeah.”
The uncle and niece made their way to the “Gothic Castle”. When they arrived, Maeby realized she had not expected it to be a gay club. And such a niche club, at that. After looking around for a full five seconds, she located her father, Tobias.
“What are you doing, dad? I got complaints that you were jerking off here!” she complained.
“Oh, there’s no need to worry. That gentleman over there seemed to be offended when I removed his sauce from my mouth. I told him I just wasn’t comfortable swallowing it, but that ended up being quite the sticky situation!” Tobias explained.
Maeby and GOB just stared at him in wonder when a familiar voice carried over the crowd.
“GOB! There you are! I was hoping you would show up soon. We have our show together after all!” Tony Wonder came strolling through the club.
GOB looked down and realized he had written an appointment down on his hand last night. For the Gothic Castle anniversary show he was doing with Tony. A familiar tune ran through his head as he realized he had nothing prepared for his act.
Tony pulled him aside. “Hey, listen, GOB. I just barely remembered this show for some reason and… I have nothing prepared. I’m really sorry to disappoint you. I’ve ruined our anniversary.”
“…SAME!” GOB responded.
“Really?”
“Yeah. We must have both taken Forget-Me-Nows for some reason. And now we both screwed up our own anniversary. Stupid, forgetful GOB.”
“Stupid, forgetful Tony.”
They both looked at each other for a second and then burst into tears, embracing each other.
“All- all I ever wanted was to do a show with you, where we were guaranteed to be successful!” GOB shouted in between sobs.
“SAME!” Tony screamed.
By this point, everyone in the Gothic Asshole was fixated on the distraught couple. GOB looked around and thought of an idea. He whispered into Tony’s ear. “There is… one thing we can do.”
“What is it? Anything to save our careers!”
“The ol’ ‘Squeeze ‘n’ Cheese!’” GOB shouted triumphantly, now remembering the first time he had ever heard the phrase.
The “Squeeze ‘n’ Cheese” was an illusion where it appeared the magician(s) went into a miniature photo booth, returning with selfies taken in a rather spacious room. GOB put down his block of goat cheese on the bar and went to set up the trick with Tony.
“Oh, this would be amazing with my jerk chicken,” Tobias said as he grabbed the cheese. “Of course, I’ll have to remove the jerk flavoring first.”
“So you’re telling me that you weren’t jerking off but rather taking off…”
“The club sauce,” GOB said seductively, appearing out of nowhere and interrupting Maeby.
“Yes, that man’s sauce was in my mouth and I tried to get rid of it, like I told you,” Tobias said.
“Whatever. I’ve got illusions to perform. Hey, who moved my cheese?” GOB asked as he left.
Maeby sighed. She heard the intro to “The Final Countdown” begin to play and took a seat next to her father. “By the way, I think that’s duck…” she told him.
GOB and Tony were ready to talk after the show, which ended up being a success despite consisting of only one trick. Both of them were covered in feathers, which was now what Tony used instead of glitter.
“You really pulled through for me, man. I don’t know how I could make it up to you. Besides a bit of gay sex or something, right? Haha. Ha,” Tony told GOB.
“See, I was gonna talk to you about that. I think maybe we should both lay off the getting laid part so that we don’t have to take Forget-Me-Nows. It really messed with our lives today,” GOB said.
“I’ll say! Somehow I ended up on a duck farm. I’ll never know why I was there…” Tony trailed off.
“I’m just happy being with you. And it doesn’t matter which Poof! we’re in or if we’re in any Poof! at all. We’ll still be… f-f… f-f-f-f-f… we’ll still… you know.”
“We’ll still be fucking? Haha! We sure will, right? Normal gay fucking,” Tony said before taking a bite of a brand new peanut butter sandwich.
What GOB had been trying to say was the biggest f-bomb of all: “friends”. But he supposed taking their relationship to the next level could wait for another night. Making sure there was not a glass of water to be found, they went home together, laughing on the outside and crying on the inside to the Sound of Silence.