Chapter Text
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[Mumbo]
Right, so um, statement of…oh, wait. I’m supposed to say who I am, aren’t I?
Sorry, let me start over.
This is Mumbo K. Jumbo, archival assistant. Grian’s not here today, so we’re taking turns recording statements while he’s out. We don’t really know…where he went after the party, exactly. He told us he was going home to get some sleep before he had to come in for work, but whether or not he actually made it back to his apartment is anyone’s guess. Pearl’s pretty fussed about the whole thing. Says she’s worried he’s doing something stupid. Knowing Grian, she’s probably right. (Sighs)
I just hope wherever he is, he’s being at least a little careful, and he comes back to work in one piece.
Or at the very least, mostly one piece.
Anyway, where were we? Right. The statement.
Statement of Evbo Parker, regarding a city in the sky. Original interview transcribed…let’s see…May 1, 2011. Statement recorded November 1, 2024.
Statement begins, I guess?
[Mumbo- Statement]
Parkour.
The agility, the technique, the speed. The idea that no matter what obstacle lies before you, you can clear it with a simple leap. It’s a rush, and I love it. I’ve always loved it.
Ever since I was twelve, back when I first watched Couri and Fruit dodging and weaving their way through walls and bars, only for Jojo to descend from above and cross the finish line at the last second, I knew I would do whatever it took to be just like them.
I would become a parkour champion.
Eight years passed and so did the world’s obsession with parkour. Don’t get me wrong, it was still around—there were still tournaments on TV and everything—it just wasn’t as mainstream as before. That didn’t matter much to me though. I was still determined to see my dream through, even if the only people watching were my friends.
So that’s how I found myself a month out from competing in my first big tournament.
Parkour tournaments seem complex, but at their core they require three things: speed, strength, and strategy. I had watched enough professionals compete over the years to hone my strategic skills, but for all I trained, I always seemed to be just short of the strength and speed I needed to give me an edge. Sure, I had done well enough to make the cut so far, thanks to the tricks and tips I learned, and my tendency to obsess, but if I wanted to really go big, I needed to excel.
I was on my morning route, rounding a street corner, when I saw it.
It was a flyer, attached to a light pole with a nail, with a title printed in giant gold lettering: “Parkour Civilization—A Place for Aspiring Champions.” Beneath it was a row of weird blocks and lines, and then an address, a date and time, and the signature of someone named “AJ the Bold.”
Now, listen. I’m smart enough to know that walking up to a random address to meet a person you don’t know for a vaguely described event is not smart. I know that. Things could go wrong, they could turn out to be a serial killer, yada yada, ecetera ecetera. But I was curious to see what sort of new parkour tricks they could teach me, and I doubted I was the only one who saw the flyer. And if they tried to pull one over on me, or try something unpleasant, I’d just walk away, and if need be, give them a piece of my mind before I did.
Plus, if I’m being honest, I was desperate for new ideas.
So, noticing that the flyer said it needed to be taken with the participant, I ripped it off the post, and headed on my way.
When the day came, I packed my bag with basic training essentials—a water bottle, a towel, a few jerky sticks—laced up my running shoes, tied my beloved striped bandana around my head, and jogged to the address.
When I got there, I found two guys standing outside a giant marble mansion, which was gleaming like a beacon in the sunlight. The two of them turned to look at me as I sprinted over. As I got closer, I noticed that they were holding flyers identical to mine.
One of them was an enderian. He was tall, with big silver eyes that were so light that they looked pure white, and a long tail that ended in a curly tuft of hair. He fidgeted nervously with the small crown shaped earring in his left ear, and introduced himself as Emfrid, or as his friends liked to call him “EMF.”
“It’s because I like ghost hunting shows,” he told me.
The other man was more relaxed, with flowing chocolate hair, and practically glowing bronze skin. He wore a cream tank top and a pair of beat up blue jeans, and when he yawned and stretched I could see the muscles in his arms ripple. His name was Seawatt, and he was there because he was training for the military, and wanted to gain “extra skills” to impress the scouts. I wanted to shoot back that he was probably impressive enough already, but before I got the chance, a man stepped out of the mansion door.
I couldn’t see what he looked like—he was wearing a suit of armor—but he was loud and kind of intimidating. He told us that he was “AJ the Bold,” the one who hung up the flyers, and that he was pleased we had shown up. He invited us to follow him inside, where he said he would reveal the “nature of The Civilization.”
Inside was your stereotypical rich person house. Big windows, spiral staircase, crystal chandelier—all that jazz. He asked us if we wanted anything to eat before we started, but I had already had breakfast, and I was eager to get going. I think the other guys had the same idea. They declined, and he skipped the kitchen and headed up the staircase, the three of us close behind. As we walked, AJ’s boots caught my eye.
At first glance they seemed like pretty standard “knight in shining armor” boots. They were (obviously) shiny, as if made from some precious metal or gem, and although they didn’t match the rest of the set, teal isn’t that uncommon of a color. The metal also had cloud designs engraved into it, but that just appeared to be an ornamental touch. No, the odd part about them was their shape.
Instead of a typical boot structure with a standard, nearly flat bottom, these boots were arched like the feet of some great bird, and they ended in sharp claws that clicked with each of AJ’s steps. They looked really uncomfortable, but he gave no indication that he was in pain.
If anything, he walked as if his feet were molded to the boots.
I don’t know… I tried to tell myself it wasn’t a big deal, I guess? Like maybe they were just a neat design choice, or something? But I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong. Something about them made me…uneasy.
Like I was walking into something I shouldn’t be.
Regardless, I tried my best to push that thought to the back of my mind as we stepped out onto the roof. Luckily for me, what I saw next made doing that very easy.
My jaw dropped.
There was another staircase, but this time it was bigger. Impossibly bigger. Defying all logic, it spiraled into the sky, and disappeared behind the clouds. It was made of something clear, making it nearly invisible. It looked almost like glass, but not quite.
The armored man allowed us a moment to gape, before he once again gestured for us to follow him. I placed a foot on the steps, half convinced it was going to go right through, but it held.
It was real.
We climbed for what felt like days, yet when I caught the sun in the corner of my eye it seemed as if it had barely moved. Every so often clouds would drift past, close enough that I could see them clearly, but far enough that I couldn’t quite reach them with my hand. A few times EMF stumbled over a step, and nearly went plunging over the edge, only for AJ to laugh and catch him.
Eventually a platform came into view at the top of the steps. After the shock of the staircase, I figured my jaw couldn’t fall any farther that day, but what we found at the top proved me wrong.
All around the platform, hundreds if not thousands of identical little floating islands of grass and dirt spanned across the sky, evenly spaced several feet apart into neat rows.
They looked like they went on for miles without end, almost like a lush green ocean. The majority of them were empty, save for the grass, but some of them—the larger ones—had whole houses on top. When I squinted, I could even make out some sort of massive structure in the distance, looming over everything else. It was hard to see the finer details, but whatever it was, it looked old.
AJ laughed at our awestruck faces, then gestured to the islands around us.
In a booming voice, he cried, “Welcome, my friends, to Parkour Civilization! A world of my invention, created to help you master speed, agility, and endurance!”
He reached down into a small chest next to him, pulling out three pairs of brown leather boots, before handing one pair to each of us.
“Put them on.” He commanded. I did, and for a moment my feet tingled with pins and needles, as if they had fallen asleep, before the feeling vanished. But it was quickly replaced by a sudden ache in my stomach. Hunger. It started small, but quickly grew into a ravenous burn that demanded to be satisfied. Frantically, I dug around my bag for the jerky sticks, but to my confusion, they were gone.
“Looking for these?” AJ asked, spinning one of them around between his fingers. I reached for it, desperate, but before I could blink he tossed it over the edge of the platform. I watched in horror as it fell down, down, down, disappearing into the endless blue below.
It was then I realized that I couldn’t see the ground below us anymore.
“Ah, ah, ah.” AJ tutted, pulling out the two remaining sticks and waving them around.
“In my world, if you want something, you have to jump for it.”
Almost lazily, he tossed the chicken stick onto a nearby island, then tossed the beef stick to the first island’s neighbor, where it landed on a small log.
“Now, what’ll it be, Evbo? You can do a horizontal single for the chicken stick, or a vertical single for the beef. I’d pick quickly though, ‘cause it looks like your fellow trainees are hungry too.”
I glanced at Seawatt and EMF, and noticed that he was right. They were both fixated on the jerky, Seawatt’s mouth watering, EMF’s tail flicking in anticipation. It was weird, but everything about this place was, and I was too hungry to care, so I didn’t think too much about it.
Taking a deep breath, I jumped for the beef.
I stumbled a bit when I hit the log, but thankfully, I made it. Scooping my prize up, I leapt back onto the platform, ripping the plastic open and practically inhaling it in one bite. Licking the last traces of food from my lips, I watched as AJ tossed another beef stick back onto the log, then gave EMF his choice of food. He played it safe and chose the chicken. Then it was Seawatt’s turn, and he went for the beef. He wobbled a little, but managed to make it.
Seemingly impressed, AJ nodded. “Not bad, not bad at all. Let's see how you do with the next few.”
He then has us perform several other kinds of jumps with varying heights, obstacles, and rules. We leapt onto overturned barrels with our eyes closed, hopped one legged on thin walls made of glass, and teetered on the edge of tree branches.
More than a few times EMF tripped over his own feet, and Seawatt almost went over the edge during an ice challenge, but for all I expected to be thrown off balance, I never once stumbled. It was like the ground beneath me was a breeze, and my feet were as light as feathers. On one of the jumps, I even managed to pull off a full 360 degree rotation midair.
Eventually, when the sun hung low in the sky, AJ finally seemed satisfied with our performances. “Good! Very good! I’d say you all passed the test!”
A distant bell rang out..
“Oh, and just in time for the gathering, too! Follow me!”
Apruptly, he began to leap from island to island, heading toward the large structure in the distance.
I quickly leapt after him, passing by the houses, all of which were strangely vacant, trying my best not to look down. Instead, I opted to stare at the massive building we were approaching. It was clearly very old, its granite walls covered in ivy in more than a few spots, but despite its age it still had a regal air to it. I could tell that, whatever it was, it was an important place.
Without missing a beat, AJ headed inside as soon as his feet hit the building’s floor, leaving the three of us to scramble after him. To my surprise, inside “The Temple” as it was called, was about fifty other people, all laughing and chatting with one another. When they saw AJ, they grinned, happily greeting their “champion” and asking him who the newcomers were.
As I looked around, I saw that some of them had leather boots, like mine, but others had boots that were made from iron, and even gold. Not one of them had boots like AJ’s though, so I figured it must have had something to do with the whole “champion” thing.
Eventually, after making his way across the room, AJ approached a circular hole in the floor, the partygoers close behind. He stopped next to a small crystal platform sitting in front of it, before turning and addressing the crowd.
“Dear people of Parkour Civilization! You may have noticed that my arrival today is not solely mine, but that of three new citizens as well. Evbo, EMF, and Seawatt—please step forward, and all of you, give them a warm welcome.”
I turned to face the crowd as they clapped, but something felt…wrong with their faces. Their smiles looked almost too wide, too bright.
Too eager.
“Wait, ‘new citizens’?” Seawatt whispered to me. “I thought this a one day eve—“
He was cut off by AJ’s next words.
“These three have come here today to learn the way of parkour, and what better way to be taught our ways than to be the center of our celebration!” He turned to me. “Evbo, as the one who has shown the most promise today, would you please do your fellow parkourers a great honor, and step onto the platform?”
I did. The crowd cheered, but I felt goosebumps rise along my skin.
Something wasn’t right.
“Evbo, child of the ground world, pupil of the expanse, you have made your Champion very proud today. You should take great pride in your performance, and know that your contribution to your people will not be forgotten.”
My blood ran cold.
“May The Civilization be satisfied with your fall.” AJ recited.
“Let your sacrifice bring us another day,” the crowd chorused.
For a moment, it was like everything was in slow motion. I watched Seawatt and EMF’s eyes fill with terror as AJ’s hand connected with my chest.
My heart dropped to my stomach.
Obviously I’ve fallen many times before in my life. The first time I rode my bike without training wheels, I fell off and skinned both my knees. While parkouring between a pair of balance beams, I slipped on the landing and sprained my wrist. Needless to say, falling was nothing new.
But this kind of falling—this sudden, intense kind of plunge—this was terrifying. I had no way to stop myself. There was no way back. My mouth opened in shock and I tried to scream, but it was drowned out by the rushing of air and the pounding of my own heartbeat. The void spread out before me like a thick blue fog, and I knew it was only a matter of time before I hit the ground and my body pulverized into a million pieces.
But I never did.
The sky never changed, but I could tell that days had passed since AJ pushed me off. It didn’t really matter much though: I just kept falling. Sometimes fast and full of white-hot fear, sometimes slowly and full of icy foreboding. It’s stupid, but I actually started to feel guilty, like I was doing something wrong. Everyone at The Temple had made it seem like I was going to die rather quickly, yet somehow, I was still alive, and I didn’t know why.
As time went on, I noticed my bones slowly started to feel lighter, and the constant ache of hunger that would gnaw at me for hours on end faded. I felt muscles in my legs and feet twist as they rearranged themselves, and when I glanced down at them, I realized my boots were no longer leather, but made of a shining material with a purple hue so dark as to nearly be black, its surface crisscrossed with lightning bolts.
And they ended in talons.
A thought occurred to me then, that if I wanted to stop myself, all I had to do was stand up. I wasn't sure where exactly it had come from, but it was the best idea that had crossed my mind in quite a while.
So I did.
I dug my boots into the air around me, and to my disbelief I slowed to a stop, until I was suspended in the middle of the sky. Tentatively, I took a step forward. It felt strange at first, but after I did it was exhilarating. I was literally walking on air. I took another step, and then another. I didn’t fall. The sky kept me in place. Then I took a step up, and I realized that not only could I walk on air, but I could climb.
And climb I did.
When I reached The Temple again, I was angry, and It was loud. I could feel It roaring inside of me, and it only made my anger grow.
None of them tried to stop me. It wasn’t as strong for them as It was for me, but they could feel Its presence too. He could feel It. It had chosen me as Its mouthpiece—as Its god, for lack of a better term. When I came for him, he didn't run or hide. He just bowed his head, and asked me for forgiveness. I didn’t want to. Not really. Maybe it was because I wasn’t quite human anymore, but somewhere inside me I wanted to make him fall—make him suffer for days on end like I had—and see the fear slowly eat away at him from the inside out. But then I realized, The Civilization wasn't his anymore. Technically It never had been, but If anyone would be considered to “own” It, It would belong to everyone that lived in It, or at the very least, Its guardian.
And I believe in second chances.
So instead, I took a jab at AJ’s pride, and demoted him to a Master, crowning EMF the new Champion in his place. We still have to feed The Civ from time to time, of course. I don’t…I’m not going to say I’m proud of that fact, but it’s the truth. We’ve all been connected to The Civ for so long now that if It were to fall, there’s no telling what would happen to all of us. Luckily, between Seawatt’s knack for potions, EMF’s leadership skills, and my ability to materialize objects, we’ve gotten pretty good at tracking down criminals for that exact purpose.
Sorry, I know this was probably a lot to read, but nowadays staying down here for too long gives me claustrophobia, and all this unbroken ground is kind of hard on my feet, so I wanted to get it all out at once.
You know, it’s kind of a shame. I was really looking forward to competing in the Midoffs.
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[Mumbo]
Right, so…
Okay, I’ll just be honest—that was awful. How does Grian manage to get through multiple of these things in a day? I mean, not that I don’t have to do research on this sort of thing, but actually being in this room, reading this…
It’s creepy.
But anyways, Scar did some research on the house described in this statement, and while the presence of a giant staircase is not visible in any photos of the building, or mentioned by anyone outside of the statement, police records do indicate the reported disappearance of three young men identified as Emfrin Summit, Seawatt Chainier, and Evbo Parker. As for the man referred to as “AJ the Bold,” he hasn’t been seen entering or exiting his house since the day of their disappearance.
All in all, I think this statement still leaves a lot of unanswered questions. Like, what’s a “Master,” how do the citizens of this civilization grow food or gather water from extreme altitudes, and of course why Evbo was chosen as the civilization’s god, and not another sacrificial victim.
Oh, and it looks like I missed something while reading. It’s small, but at the bottom of the statement, it says, “P.S. If the old man asks about me, tell him I’m still jumping.”
Not sure who he’s referring to here, but that seems somewhat positive, and since the way Grian talks about these recordings makes it seem like they rarely end on that kind of note, I think I’m going to stop it here.
So, um…bye!
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