Work Text:
Frank Langdon is back from Rehab, 10 months after he was caught stealing meds from the hospital due to his addiction to benzos. He is back on shift. He received a neutral reaction from pretty much everyone. It felt like most of them didn't really care for it. Dana and Cassie were warm to him. Robby was cold to him and Santos, understandably was really pissed off at him. Al-Hashimi, the new attending was nice to him in the beginning, only to completely switch up on him a couple of hours later, which he believes is after, she might have known the real reason why he went to rehab. His back was hurting after he carried a kid into the ED from the ambulance bay. He was feeling a lot of pain, physically because he was still getting used to being back in the ED, mentally because of his fear of everyone at work switching up on him like Santos said they would if they knew the truth, or like Al-Hashimi did after knowing the truth.
Besides all this, he knew his marriage was almost done for. He does not blame his wife. He fears losing his kids to custody. He really hopes to be at least an year sober if his wife decides on divorce so that he can vouch for himself as a father a lot more. He knows he cannot make a single mistake in that direction. He must not relapse under any circumstances. But his first day back at work was really only making things worse.
He felt like he was on the brink of doing something terrible to himself as he sat on the floor in the lounge, almost 2 hours after his shift, still not ready to clock out, while also not wanting to be around patients or his colleagues. He was not crying. He was merely burying his head under his knees, desperately wanting a release from all this pain. It was then, he heard someone open the door.
He was dreading explaining himself to anyone that might have just entered. He was fully expecting a disappointed Robby or anyone else exactly like that. But the person quietly closed the door, while his head was still buried between his knees. He felt this person slowly kneel down beside him. He then heard the voice of an angel, his angel, " Doctor Langdon?"
It was Mel. Of course it was her. It was only with her, where he felt the most peace while working, which was rare for a 4th of July shift at the PTMC ED. He noticed her genuine happiness to see him back again after 10 months. It was strange, considering she had only known him for 12 hours, after which he was suspended. But he loved to see her smile and remember a joke from that long ago. They actually had inside jokes. He also knew, she had a pretty stressful day herself. A deposition, her sister, today might have taken a huge toll on her too. Yet here she was, right beside him, when he was at his absolute worst. He decided to look up, at her.
His eyes were glassy, yet not really filled much with tears. But Mel realized the amount of pain he was in anyway. She asked, " What happened? Are you well?" He opened his mouth to breath, and started to reply.
" I um, I'm definitely not... okay, but don't worry about it, you can leave..."
" I am definitely not leaving you right now. You can, only if you're comfortable, tell me what's going on, I can help, or just be here with you, like this."
"Everything hurts, inside and outside I don't think I can do this. At least not here"
" Do what? What do you mean?"
" I don't think I have it in me to work here, in this ED anymore"
"Oh..." It was probably the worst thing Mel could hear right now. But this was his choice, she will respect that. But she wanted to, not needed to know more. " Why? If you don't mind me asking"
" I just came back from rehab. The work, Robby, Al-Hashimi, Santos, they all see me as this explosive, waiting for something or just myself to set me on fire, and completely end up burning and destroying this entire place. Like, I'm this volcano about to erupt myself on everyone and everything around here. And I don't blame them. I'm a fucking drug addict, stealing meds from the hospital- just an absolute fuck up."
" Do you... see yourself that way?"
" Maybe.... It's not that hard to think that way"
" Is this because, you think you might---" she hesitated. He finished it for her-"relapse?"
There was a pause, after which he whispered, " yeah, I kind of feel like it." He buried his head under his knees again.
Mel started to feel worried, but she hid that well for the time being.
She started, " Addiction is an unfortunate, medical condition, a decease really--"
she was interrupted, " Mel please, I--"
" No, actually... Dr Langdon, I know you are in a pretty fucked up state now, but please just listen to me, just let me finish okay..?"
He was a little startled at that interruption as well as her cursing. But he was definitely interested in hearing the rest of it. He replied, "okay"
"Okay" she smiled slightly, and then proceeded in a more serious tone,
" Your condition made you do thinks you wouldn't do with a clear head. You owned up to it. You took the steps needed to get back here. You deserve to work here just like everyone else. Neither legally, nor morally, is there anything that can change that. You are a brilliant doctor, with vast experience, skill and professionalism, while also, genuinely amazing to work with."
Langdon looked up at that as she continued,
" About your pain, physically, you're just back from a long leave. I will take some time to get used to this chaos and strain. Plus, you're in a hospital, we'll take care of you. I'll take care of you. And mentally, well, just know you are not alone on this. I will stand with you all the time moving forward. And this is not pity, or generosity, it's because, well... I don't want you to leave.
I um... no one really sees me around here. I work, but I feel rather invisible, no one really talks to me much. This place can get really overwhelming for me--I mean... you know that--and that is my point actually. You see me. You understand me. You listen to me. You always find a way to cheer me up, despite your 'degree in cynicism', you are my favorite person to work with in this place.
You told me 10 months ago, that this place needs sensitive people like me, that you needed me. Well... turns out, I need you too! This place needs you! It needs determined, hard working, and caring people like you, to survive. So please... stay....?"
Frank Langdon was speechless, as he looked at her in awe. He never thought anyone would ever 'need' him for any non-medical reason around here. He got the words of reassurance, he desperately needed to hear the entire day. His head started to feel lighter, his back pain, felt more bearable, he genuinely felt relaxed hearing that. But his eyes were filling up. Mel gently touched his elbow, and Frank quietly wept beneath his knees. Mel moved closer to him and gently hugged him as she spoke softly, " you're okay, you're gonna be okay, I'm right here. It's okay.." Frank wiped his tears after a minute as they broke apart. He looked at her and sniffled as he said, " I guess I'm staying then" They both smiled a little, as Mel spoke again,
" I'm really glad to hear you say that"
" Of course... anything for my favorite R3"
"Dr Langdon, um... I think you should go home now. It's almost 9:00pm"
" oh, I just don't feel like sleeping on a couch tonight "
Mel had a guess about what that meant. But she decided not to press further on that. She came up with a solution instead. " How about you stay at my place then, My sister's bedroom is free as she is staying at her boyfriend's parent's place to watch the fireworks tonight."
"oh, right. You sure it's no trouble, I really don't want to impose Mel.."
" Absolutely not! I want you to get some proper sleep before you clock in tomorrow morning before our shift. I'll get you some of my dad's old clothes for you to sleep in. If you want to get any prescribed meds you take, or maybe some---"
"Mel, I was going to sleep somewhere around here actually, so I did pack some stuff don't worry."
"Perfect, let's get going then!" They both stood up straight.
" How about, we make a stop at the roof first, to watch some fireworks?"
She smiled from ear to ear, " I would love that Dr Langdon "
" Since, I call you Mel, maybe you can call me Frank if you want "
she smiled slightly, and nodded, " Okay... Let's go.. Frank :) "
Before Mel began to walk, Frank hugged her. She hugged back slowly and they stayed that way for about 10 seconds as Frank breathed a sigh of relief which made Mel smile once again. They broke apart and stepped out of the lounge.