Chapter Text
Your name is John Egbert, and you love teasing your bestfriend. Dave can brag and brag all he wants about how the girls at his school swoon over him, how he’s such a ladies man, how popular and cool and how much of a catch he is. But you know the truth. He’s a dork. You, Jade, and Rose all know it. It doesn’t take long talking to him to figure out just how dorky he really is, which you can’t help but to find a bit endearing.
He’s always phrasing things weird, going on long tangents where he vomits out too many words, more than he meant. That was a guaranteed in every conversation you two had, and quite frankly, you wouldn’t have it any other way. That’s just how Dave was. Goofy, weird, ‘ironic’, and SUCH A NERD. He can make fun of you for liking Con Air and Ghostbusters and Star Trek all he wants, but that doesn’t change the fact he’s obsessed with Adventure Time and he’s always slipping Hetalia references in his SBaHJ comics. You constantly give him shit for that, especially after you found out what that is.
Then there’s the super late/early conversations he tricks you into having at the ungodly hours of anywhere from 2-5 A.M.
-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 04:13 --
TG: yo
TG: dude
TG: new SBaHJ strip just dropped
TG: second one today im on fire with these man you have no idea egbert
TG: im telling you im burning might as well drop me into a pit of lava then throw my charred remains into a campfire for some boyscouts to roast their marshmallows with
TG: working on the third strip now
TG: this mind is a one man orchestra and these hands are orchestrating with some wicked precision
EB: jesus, dave, what the hell are you doing up? It’s 4 in the morning.
EB: and why the hell are you texting me i’m trying to fucking sleep and i have school in the morning.
EB: and you do too!
TG: well excuse me
TG: just thought my best bro would appreciate my artistic ability to lay down the most sicknasty ill SBaHJ panels at the speed of light
TG: 186,282 miles per second
TG: you would know that if you paid attention in science class
TG: gotta get your head in the game egbert your slipping
EB: no one just happens to know the speed of light immediately on the top of their head.
EB: maybe rose, and you i guess, how do you know that???
EB: plus we haven’t even covered that in my science class
TG: shhh
TG: just like a magician never reveals his secrets a cool bro never reveals his cool knowledge source
EB: ahah! you got it from rose, didn’t you?
TG: i wont reveal to you where my cool kid knowledge comes from nerd
TG: but no i didnt get it from rose
TG: rose is more into like
TG: ways of the dark artsTM smarts than science smarts
EB: yeah i guess that’s more of jade’s thing
TG: nah her thing is plants and stuff
EB: eh i guess :/
EB: aw damnit! you did it again!
TG: https://youtu.be/DEsqGOHo0nI?si=ZNo0944JCXFFZDKb
EB: no, do not send me britney spears!
TG: i thought you liked britney spears
EB: no, her music sucks, but that’s besides the point.
EB: you tricked me into having one of your stupid late night conversations again!
TG: technically its early morning
EB: oh, shut up.
TG: also
TG: how dare you insult our girl britney
TG: she is godly on the mic
TG: or would it be goddessly idfk
TG: either way toxic is one of the best songs to bless our ears and i am very disappointed that you can just sit there and diss on britney spears like that
TG: not cool dude
EB: i’m going to sleep, this conversation is over, you have tortured me enough.
TG: not even a goodnight?
-- ectoBiologist [EB] has ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG]--
Okay, if you’re being honest, those late night chats sometimes piss you off. Why would Dave decide to bother you at such an inconvenient time? No clue, and it’s always on a school night, too. Point is, he’s weird. And you’re pretty sure no one else knows just how weird he is besides you, not even Jade and Rose know the full extent of his weirdness; and for some reason that notion puts a little fluttery feeling in your stomach. No one knows him better than you do, and it makes you feel… special. Like there’s this secret side of him that only you get to see. I mean, there really is, those small moments where he’s genuine, where he takes those glasses off for just a second, those rare instances where he’s actually kind of sweet.
-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 12:03 --
TG: guess whos back on his bullshit
TG: me
TG: im back on my bullshit
TG: but my cool bullshit
TG: my bullshit is incredibly cool
TG: but you already know that from just how much you talk to me
TG: yeah you know
TG: we talk a lot
TG: and uh
TG: jesus this is gonna sound corny
TG: i just wanna say thanks for that
TG: for talking to me
TG: i guess
TG: anyway youre probably asleep
TG: im gonna end this here before i regret how weird and sappy this is
TG: goodnight
-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --
You didn’t see those texts until the next morning, but they showed a side of Dave that you adored… not in a gay way though. You think about your bestfriend a lot, but not in that way. You’re not gay, after all. And even if you were, you don’t think you’d ever go for a guy like Dave. as a bestfriend, he was great, a little annoying sure, but great. As a boyfriend, though? There’s a reason he’s never had a girlfriend.