Work Text:
Rose flipped through the book, pictures of people were tucked inside- the first a woman, older, formal “my mother”, Constance stated, after Rose looked at her curiously.
The second photo was of a young boy, a toddler by the looks - informal, caught as if the child was in a moment of play.
“Whose this, your brother?” She questioned.
“My son, Tommy” after a moment of hesitation was the response.
Rose looked away, she didn’t know what to do with this information, her mother had warned her of people like her. Whores - who couldn’t keep their legs shut, someone to be wary of. Looking away she began to ponder about this revelation, the past hour spent with Constance did not present any of these things that her mother pointed out, in fact she has very much enjoyed herself, learning to swim with Constance being a stable presence for when she faltered. She had originally desired to learn to swim for a connection with her husband, Lucian, but the more she thought about it, the more she realised how little fun her life had before. This simple joy of learning to swim with a woman she should hate and her mother would undoubtedly judge surprised her. Constance, such a mystery, but a mystery who had brought her happiness for the briefest moment, happiness that Rose wanted to chase.
“You can’t love someone who isn’t true to themselves” is what she said to Lucian before he proposed and Rose knew she wasn’t true to herself, infact she has only ever been true to herself twice in her life, once to Lucian when she begged him not to propose, once to Constance or more accurately herself, learning to swim in the picturesque ocean. Rose decided she liked it, however she was not naive in the fact that it would last. Soon both would have to leave this beach and Rose would have to go back to her duty of being a wife to Lucian, all smiles and pretend, pretending that she doesn’t notice his wandering eyes and distaste for her. Her gilded prison.
“I should get going, Mrs Ainsworth doesn’t pay me to sit around.” Constance says standing up, brushing sand from her lap as she does and knocking Rose out of her mind. Damn - she took to Long to answer and now sweet Constance believed she disapproved, that she was judging her. Well she was meant to do that wasn’t she, a voice suspiciously sounding like her mother told her, after all she did get pregnant unwed. No- a voice protested almost instantly to this comment though, here on this beach she was being true to herself and her true self felt a flutter of happiness being around Constance, Rose enjoyed her company and had not room to speak about poor choices with the fact she was untwined in a loveless marriage. She liked Constance and decided right then and there to make a pact with herself to seek out these hours with Constance where she can be true to herself for that time, her one act of rebellion.
Rose watched Constance leave and thought about the past hour. To think that she had originally asked Lucian, Constance was much better company, the hour spent learning to swim was much more exciting, more enjoyable than a year of marriage to Lucian. The two girls laughed like school children the whole time splashing about in the water and laying on their backs as the salt in the water kept them afloat. Thinking back on it a small smile formed on Rose's face.
Rose also thought back on the light touches they exchanged as Constance taught her how to swim, holding Rose's torso initially as she taught Rose to kick. The touches were light, feathering up and down as if there to be a guiding presence that Rose herself could cling onto, presenting how she’s not alone. They sent electric jolts to her stomach with every encouraging moment. How embarrassing to be this affected by a simple touch, how deprived of touch she was, Rose thought. Regardless, Rose knew she’d do anything to get Constance to touch her again. Touch Constance and her hands, whose softness was interrupted every so often by callouses but it just made sense in a way her husband never did.
Rose realised something as she continued to think on the matter, something that she had never felt before in the arms of another - she felt for the first time in a while safe but not only that but protected like Constance would shield her from the world and have for once, her best interests at heart. I mean of course she always felt safe with Lucian but that was just it - there was nothing else there. He would never have her best interests at heart because he didn’t love her and eventually his eyes would wander to the next conquest, someone of a better match to him, someone she could never be. No matter how much Rose knew this, it still hurt but she could admit, sitting here in the sand, being true to herself, that that fact hurt a little less with Constance around.
Her mother always stated that she had Rose's best interests at heart, oftentimes with a cold smile and a suggestion that she could either do the task with a smile or bring shame. “I’m just setting you up with the best possible chance at life, Rose”, she’d always say but then of course Rose was never true to herself as a result, nor did she feel protected, not at least what it felt like to spend a minute in Constance’s arms. It was truly something wonderful, her mother would never approve, what with her illegitimate son and lower class, her mother wouldn’t even be able to fathom why Rose wanted to talk to her, let alone spend time with her, making a connection and perhaps becoming friends. God the thought of that, of spending more time with Constance sent a flutter of joy to her stomach. Besides she was, at least in this moment, being true to herself and thus, as her mother was all the way in England, and she was here on a beach in Portofino, it didn’t much matter what her mother thought.
Rose stared off into the sea. It was so picturesque and peaceful, infact the only place she’d found peace was here and she didn’t want this moment to end, but as always with life, it didn’t stop for her. Soon someone will wonder where she is. Soon the sun will set, taking the warmth she was basking in. Soon her pruned hands and the wetness of her swimming suit would begin to irritate her and Rose would have to leave all this behind, but for now she just sat.
After what felt like hours, Rose got up to head back to the hotel and her life of pretend, only stopping to make the promise to herself that she’d be back to the ocean to be true to herself once more, back and hopefully with Constance in tow.