Chapter Text
Clarke had two choices in front of her. There was the sweet, vanilla cupcake with rainbow sprinkles on top. Or was the bitter, chocolate cupcake with black bat sprinkles. The second one was more appropriate for the upcoming holiday, as the trees coated their green leaves in red and orange in the midst of autumn.
She looked up at the two boys who had given her these baked goods as a gift and a bribe. Both of them wanted to be her date to her mom’s Halloween party. After the huge Date Fiasco when Clarke answered “maybe” to fifteen different boys about being her date to the Valentine’s Day dance, Abby set down some ground rules: woo her daughter with a cupcake; if she picks you cupcake, you get to be her date. Otherwise you have to leave Clarke and her date alone. Seven years later, Abby’s annual Halloween Party was the only event that mattered to the boys who wanted to be Clarke’s date. Even if she was dating someone at the time of the holiday, if she picked someone else’s cupcake, they had to let her alone for the night. There were a number of rounds the boys had to go through to be her date, since not all of them came to her at once.
Clarke never told anyone, but every year she got a few extra cupcakes from girls. She tried to acknowledge them the best she could in private, because was bisexual and it was a nice gesture, but she wasn’t out yet and she didn't want to let any of them down if she decided to stay in the closet indefinitely. Most of the ones that came from girls she was sure had no idea that she was bi, they were only throwing out a bone and hoping they’d be rewarded.
“So which is it?” Finn asked. “Which one of us is out of the game?”
She looked up at the two boys standing across from her. Then back down at the sweets. Finn’s was the more festive one, matching his dark and brooding personality. The other one, Bellamy’s, matched his sweet and kind demeanor as well. She’d rather Bellamy over Finn any day, except that Bellamy was like her brother and who goes to a party with their brother?
“Finn,” she said, figuring she could knock Bellamy’s offer out when the next one came in. If there was one. The number of men in her life was dwindling, either from petering connection or they found someone else. With Halloween only a few days away, she was crossing all of her fingers.
“Sorry, mate, seems she doesn’t want to show up to her mom’s party with her greasy ex-boyfriend,” Bellamy teased, clapping a hand on Finn’s shoulder.
“Abby never liked me anyways,” Finn sighed. He pointed to his cupcake. “You can keep that if you’d like. Plenty more where that came from. See you later, Clarke, Blake.” He gave a small wave then let himself out of Clarke’s apartment.
“I don’t suppose you want me as your date to your mom’s party either? I just heard Finn would be making an offer and figured I’d put my name into the hat to give him a little competition. And give you an escape goat.”
“Thanks Bell. And no, I’m not really keen on giving my mom the satisfaction of us finally going on a date. As soon as the next offer’s up I’m taking it. No offense, of course.”
“None taken.”
Clarke picked up the rejected boy’s cupcake and examined it. “Finn always bought me chocolates even though I don’t like them.”
/////
The doorbell rang. Bellamy shuffled to open the door since he was closest, with Clarke not far behind. It was Wells, another childhood friend, holding another cupcake.
“Hey Bell, is Clarke home?” Wells asked, not even phased by the fact that Bellamy opened the door instead of her.
“I’m right here.” Clarke pushed her way through Bellamy to face him. She looked at what he was holding. “Oh that looks like a good one.”
“Strawberry, because I know you don’t like chocolate and I knew every other guy was going to get you vanilla if they didn’t get you chocolate,” Wells blurted.
Clarke thought for a moment. “Hm, this one’s smart, eh Bell? Wells, I’m sorry, but I’ve already chosen Bellamy as my date to my mom’s party.”
His face turned downcast. “That’s alright,” he said even though it clearly wasn’t. “Do you want this anyways?”
“Only if you take the chocolate one Finn gave me.”
“Deal.”
“Come on in, I put it in the fridge. It’s movie night, care to join?”
“Um, no thanks, I’ll just get the cupcake and then be on my way.”
“Hi Wells,” Raven called from the couch in the next room. He walked in, waving, also noticing Octavia laying across her lap.
“Hi Raven, hi Octavia. Haven’t seen you in a while.”
Octavia gestured to his hands. “I guess you’ve been rejected as Clarke’s date as well.”
“Unfortunately. She said she’s going with Bellamy.”
Octavia and Raven looked at each other. “First we’re hearing about it.”
“Really? I thought--”
“Here’s the cupcake, Wells,” Clarke interrupted, shoving the chocolate one into his hand and taking the strawberry one. “Out you go, I’ll see you at my mom’s party in a few days.”
“Okay but--”
“Bye!” Clarke pushed him out the door and shut it behind him. Then she went and flopped on the couch, taking care not to sit on Octavia’s legs.
“Please tell me you aren’t actually taking my stupid brother,” Octavia groaned.
“Who is right here,” he reminded her.
“Right, sorry.”
“No, I’m not, I’m not taking anyone yet,” Clarke told them.
“Yet? What do you mean ‘yet’?” Raven asked.
Clarke rolled her eyes. “I mean, that I haven’t been asked by the right person. Yet,” she added. “Start the movie already.”
“But Clarke!” Raven whined. “You’ve crossed off most of the eligible guys in your life, and I would have thought you would for sure have gone with Wells. He’s been worrying about when and how to ask you for weeks.”
“Then he’ll just have to wait another year to ask again. Start the movie!”
Bellamy grabbed the remote and hit play. He only let it play for a few minutes before pausing it again.
“You aren’t even watching!” Octavia kicked her, hard.
“Ow!” Clarke looked up from her phone to glare at her friend. “I was. I just got a text.”
“And since when do you answer texts in the middle of a movie night?”
“Since never, that’s when,” Raven chimed in. “Put the phone down Clarke."
The phone started ringing. “Hold on, they’re calling me. Go ahead and watch the movie without me. This shouldn’t take long.” She quickly stood up and left the apartment, ignoring the protests of her friends. Once outside she answered the call. “Hey Lexa.”
“Hey Clarke. How was movie night going?”
“Ugh, so awkward. Thanks for getting me out of there."
“No problem.”
“I managed to convince every guy to be my date to my mom’s Halloween party that I was going with Bellamy, all while telling my friends I didn’t know who I’m going with. Wells came by earlier and told Raven and Octavia I said I was going with Bellamy. They were so confused and in denial that I would ever go anywhere with him that they almost ruined all my hard work,” she chuckled. “Thank God I was able to get Wells out of there before they told him I didn’t actually have a date yet.”
“That sounds awkward, I’m sorry. So you’ve turned down every guy who’s asked. Now what?”
“Eh, I don’t know. I was thinking I could go alone this year.”
“And what would your mom say to that? She sounds like the kind of woman who would try to set you up with a son of someone she knows if you didn’t willingly find yourself a date.”
“Yeah,” Clarke sighed. “That’s exactly what kind of woman she is. And the older I get the more she’s pushing me to settle down with a guy. Offering to talk to one of the doctors at the hospital.”
“Doesn’t Wells’ dad work at the hospital too?”
“Mmhm, neurosurgery. That’s how our parents met and why we spent so much time together growing up. I’m pretty sure they have a bet on whether or not we’ll get married.”
“Ew, I hate when parents do that.”
“They’ve also got one on me and Bell, but that’s for sure never going to happen.”
“I think it degrades us, like they can play with our lives.”
“Exactly.”
Both of them paused. Then they both spoke at the same time.
“Do you want to come over for movie night?--”
“--When can I see you next?”
“You first,” Clarke laughed.
“I was asking when I could maybe see you next,” Lexa laughed as well. “It’s been a few weeks.”
“You saw me two days ago?”
“Yeah, but you know, our last date was two weeks ago.”
“Lex, you’re so old fashion, all ‘when can I see you next.’ Is this the date when you propose?”
“Of course not, I’m not ready for that, but I suppose it might happen someday with someone.”
“Don’t think we’ll last that long?”
“I think I don’t want to count my chickens before they’ve hatched. I’m very fond of you and I don’t want to rush into things.”
Clarke could understand that, but she continued to tease her. “It’s the twenty-first century, some people get married as soon as their second date.”
“So you’re saying you want to get married?”
“No, Lex, I’m teasing. Neither of us are ready for that, don’t worry.”
“Okay, I thought you were serious for a second there, I was about to start panicking about affording a decent ring.”
“We’ve got time to work that all out. More dates and stuff. And I’d want to tell Raven, O, and Bellamy that we’re dating at all first, before we start thinking about it.”
“It’s not like I’d be incompatible with them though. We’re all friends, aren’t we?”
“Oh no, I’m not worried about that. If I’m going to get married I want them to be there, grudge free, I can’t have them mad at me for not telling them. I imagine Bell would come regardless, but the other two are stubborn.”
“You’re talking about this an awful lot for someone who wants to wait a few more dates.”
“Whatever.”
“What did you say earlier?”
“I was just wondering if maybe you wanted to come over and join us for movie night.”
“I feel like if you had gone first we could have avoided the whole wedding thing, Clarke.”
“I am also realizing that just now. The offer still stands.”
“Um, I’ll have to check to see if Anya needs the car in the morning.”
Clarke smirked even though she knew Lexa wouldn’t be able to see it on the other side of the line. “What? Planning on staying the night?”
“No, Clarke, you cocky sneak. We just put half a gallon in the tank and that’s usually more than enough to get Anya to work but lately it’s been leaky lately.”
“You know Raven can fix that right?”
“We can’t afford a mechanic.”
“I’m sure if you give her those puppy eyes are very convincing if I remember our first date correctly.”
“You would have jumped in the pool regardless.”
“True, but the eyes helped. Just ask, you’ll never know unless you try. Here, I’ll go in and tell them you’re stopping by because of car trouble and then you can stay to finish the movie.”
“Ever the plotter.”
“Oh hush, you like it.”
“Don’t make me regret having feelings for you.”
“That would be a tragedy, you can hardly keep your hands to yourself. What would you do if we stopped seeing each other?”
“Friends get handsy sometimes. I’d get my fix.”
“Okay, well, get your car over here so I can squish your adorable face.”
“Okay okay. You better be ready to cover the cost if she charges.”
“She won’t, Lex, you’re practically part of the squad.”
“Keyword: practically. I’m not in yet.”
“Oh my God. Just get here already. See you soon.”
“See you soon.”
/////
Clarke hung up. She looked up at the window of her apartment on the third floor. Her friends must’ve turned off the main light because all she could see was the flashing glow of the television. It would be a few minutes until Lexa arrived, too many to stand outside and wait, so she went back upstairs to inform her friends of Lexa’s car troubles.
“Took you long enough,” Raven scolded. “The movie’s halfway through.”
“Sorry, sorry.” Clarke didn’t bother sitting down again. “So um, Lexa is coming by in a few. Car troubles. I kind of told her she could stay for movie night after Raven fixed her car.”
“And you just assume I want to fix her car? For free? And you assume I have my tools in the back of my truck or something?”
“Well...yeah, basically. But I did offer to cover the cost if needed.”
Raven picked up the remote and paused the movie, earning grunts of annoyance from both of the Blakes. “Griffin, you’re in luck, because I do in face have my tools. And I won’t charge her, this time. She’s practically part of the squad.”
Clarke grinned. “Thanks Rae.” Her phone buzzed to alert her Lexa was parked around the corner. “Be down in a sec, raven just has to grab her tools,” she sent back.
The four of them put on their coats and headed down to Raven’s truck with her. Bellamy gave her a boost so all Raven had to do was lift the tarp over the flatbed and pull out the toolbox and box of extra parts. Then, she excitedly demanded to be put down and hobbled around the corner to where Lexa said she was.
“Raven, thank God,” they heard as they rounded the corner. “Anya and I can’t afford a mechanic right now and our gas tank seems to be leaking.”
“Is she with you?” Raven asked, sounding hopeful.
“No, I just figured I’d stop by on my way to the store and hoped you’d be willing to help. I’m sorry to bother you all, I know it’s movie night.”
“Nonsense.” Bellamy waved her apology away as Raven turned to check on the car. “You’re practically part of the squad. All you need to be initiated is a good, old fashioned blood ritual.”
Lexa looked uncomfortable. She shuffled her feet. “Um...”
“He’s kidding,” Octavia assured her. “But we do have an initiation process. We all go skinny dipping down at the lake.”
“All as in?”
“Just us for and the person being initiated. No sense in scaring you away having everyone there. Jasper can be a bit of a perv,” she stage whispered the last part. “Monty’s a sweetheart though, and everyone else is pretty mellow. We four have the power to initiate or ban members of the squad.”
“So I’m joining a cult then?”
“Almost,” Bellamy chuckled.
Clarke reached out to put a hand on her arm, but opted for her shoulder instead at the least second. “It’ll be fun,” she grinned.
“Define fun,” Lexa muttered under her breath.
Raven wriggled out from under the car and patted it happily. “You’re good to go. If it starts leaking again feel free to bring it to my place, and don’t forget to bring your sister this time.”
Lexa smirked. Anya would be pleased to hear that. Her and Raven give each other bedroom eyes every time they see each other and refuse to do anything about it. Not that she was any less subtle around Clarke. “Thanks Raven, I’ll tell her to stop by soon.”
“Great.” Raven grinned. “Are you staying for movie night?”
“What are you watching?”
“We’re about halfway through the first Harry Potter, and we aim to finish the first three tonight.”
Clarke’s hand left Lexa’s shoulder. She knew she should go, they really were in need of groceries, but the thought of cuddling into Clarke on the couch for hours was enticing. It was the image of them sitting there with Clarke’s arms wrapped around her that convinced her.
“I’ll stay. Let me just call Anya and let her know where I am, and about the car. Thanks again, Raven.”
“Ah, no problem.”
Lexa pulled out her phone and gave Anya a call to tell her the news. Then, all five of them made their way up to Clarke’s apartment to park themselves back on the couch. Bellamy sat in the arm chair, while Octavia and Raven snuggled in with each other on one end of the couch. Clarke and Lexa snuggled in on the other end. Bellamy unpaused the movie. “And you better watch this time Clarke.”
She threw a pillow at him.
/////
At the end of the night, they had gotten through the first four movies. It was three in the morning. Octavia was nearly asleep in Raven’s lap, Bellamy also snoozing in his chair. Clarke and Lexa, on the other hand, were very much awake. Their entwined fingers were hidden under the blanket they pulled over them to keep warm and an electric shock flowed through them every time one of the other three looked their way, worried they could tell. If they noticed they didn’t say anything. As the final credits rolled, Raven dumped Octavia onto the floor and dragged herself to the bathroom. Octavia woke with a grunt when she hit the floor. Groaning, she situated herself on the floor for the night by grabbing a pillow from the couch.
“Off the couch you two. That’s where Raven’s sleeping,” she mumbled. “Doctor’s orders.”
The two remaining girls on the couch separated their hands and moved the blanket away. “Alright, alright.” They stood up and turned off the TV.
“Lexa,” Clarke said softly as to not wake up Bellamy. “Why don’t you come sleep in my room? I have an extra mattress that I can lay out.”
“That’d be great, yeah.”
They left their sleeping friends and went to Clarke’s room. They passed Raven on the way and told her Lexa was to sleep on the extra mattress so she could still have the couch as usual. Clarke switched on the light, blinking in the sudden brightness, and searched her drawer for a shirt and some sweats for Lexa to sleep in. She handed them to her, then went to the bathroom to change and brush her teeth. When she got back to the room, Lexa was on her way out to brush her teeth already changed.
“There’s a toothbrush in the cabinet under the sink.”
“Thanks.”
While she was gone, Clarke dragged out the mattress and some blankets for it. Lexa returned tucking her hair into a ponytail. The sight of her made Clarke stop what she was doing.
“Oh fuck this,” she breathed, abandoning the mattress. “You’re getting in bed with me.” She climbed into her own queen bed and patted the space next to her. Lexa set her clothes on the floor by the door and switched off the light.
“Alright then,” she chuckled quietly.
They laid next to each other and brought the blankets over them. Clarke curled herself around Lexa and breathed in her scent with a smile. She started humming into her neck.
“What song is that?”
“A lullaby my dad used to sing to me. I can’t remember the words, neither can my mom, but I love the tune.”
“It’s very nice,” Lexa muttered. Suddenly she rolled her entire body to face Clarke. Her green eyes for Clarke’s blue ones in the muted light. “Does this count as our date?”
“Of course not, silly.”
“So that means I can still take you out on a proper one to Grounders?”
Clarke smirked. “How would you even get a reservation there?”
“What if I said I already have?”
“I wouldn’t believe you.”
“I think you should stop by the restaurant around, say, 7:30, on Tuesday then. Just to be sure. I’ll be by to check too.”
“Lex, I swear if this is a joke.”
“You’ll just have to wait and see.” Lexa pretended to zip her lips and throw away the key. Clarke squished her face to try and get the information out of her, but she only burrowed deeper into the blankets to escape. Finally, Clarke stopped and pulled her back up to eye level. Their faces were awfully close, closer than they had ever been before. Lexa knew this moment was important. Either they ignored their racing hearts and went to sleep for the night, or they could act on that feeling that was making their hearts beat so quickly. The latter was already in motion, it was shy they had been on any dates at all.
It began when Clarke and Lexa met at an art show, a year and a half ago. After a heated discussion about a certain painting titled View From Space , they had gone out for a drink after with Clarke’s friends, where Clarke drunkenly made Lexa guess who she was. Their entire discussion revolved around the meaning of the painting and whether or not it was an accurate view from space. Lexa insisted it wasn’t quite right, because the scene was of the side of the Earth not facing the sun and there were no lights from the big cities. Clarke tried to explain that the artist saw the scene in a dream, where she lived on a space station because there was so much radiation on the Earth. There were no lights because there was nobody left on the planet. Lexa was skeptical about the dream, saying nobody dreamed in that much detail.
“Then you haven’t dreamed,” Clarke told her.
It took Lexa several drinks to finally agree with the statement, and another to finally guess who Clarke was.
“You’re Clarke Griffin, you painted the stupid thing!” she had exclaimed. “No wonder you were so intent on convincing me about the dream.
Three months passed. Clarke invited Lexa to the squad’s outings and it wasn’t long before the others would make plans that automatically included her. Seven for lunch instead of six, one less spot in the car for people who want to tag along. Four months after they met, Lexa decided she wasn’t going to be a lonely coward anymore and asked Clarke on a date. Clark hesitated to say yes, asking Lexa if she could have a few days to think about it. At first Lexa worried that she was wasting her time, that she had fallen for yet another straight girl, but in the end she figured life was going to run it’s course. If Clarke said yes then she said yes, and if she said no then she said no. She did have a hunch that Clarke would say yes though. And she did. After explaining that she wasn’t out to anyone yet about being bisexual and asking if it was okay to be dating on the down low until she was ready to tell everyone. Lexa knew “dating on the down low” could be for days or months, even a year. But she still told Clarke it was fine. They set a date for the next week and it went well, maybe too well; they didn’t mention the day for a month.
When Clarke didn’t say anything or text her about it for the next month, Lexa wondered if it was all a dream, that their date hadn’t been real even if the feelings she felt were the most real she’d ever felt. Then Clarke was on her doorstep in the middle of the night telling her she had a lot of fun on their date and that she had to take some time to come to terms with that. She knew she liked girls and she knew she liked Lexa, but it was all so strange to her still.
“I’ve had crushes on girls before,” she admitted. “But I’ve ever only dated guys.”
Dating Lexa meant coming out eventually and she wasn’t sure if she was comfortable with that so soon. Lexa understood. Coming out was a process, Clarke had only completed the first step up until then: coming out to herself.
A year later, and here they were, lying in bed beside each other. Exactly a year, in fact, since their first date. It was slow going, Lexa wouldn’t deny she was frustrated by their progress, but she liked Clarke a lot and wanted to go at her pace. They’d been on several dates where Clarke was constantly looking over her shoulder for someone they might know in case they were seen together. Lexa did her best not to feel offended or feel like she was being strung along. Especially because at the end of every date Clarke would check in with her about her feelings. The gesture renewed her faith in their relationship, as much as Anya advised her against it.
Anya didn’t know she was dating Clarke. She knew Lexa was dating some girl she met at the art gallery who she never brought around for dinner or to events, who she wanted to keep secret from the rest of her friends so they wouldn’t tease her about being so gay. As far as Anya knew, she was dating some girl named Eliza. Not completely untrue, since Clarke’s middle name was Elizabeth, but a lie nonetheless. Clarke had given her permission to tell Anya about “Eliza” as a way to vent if things were getting difficult for her. The first time Lexa decided to act on that permission, she only planned to tell Anya that she had been seeing a girl for a few months and she just wanted to let her know. But it turned into a shouting match over how idiotic it was to date a girl in the closet and Lexa never said anything again. A year into their relationship and Clarke was still in the closet.
“Lexa?” Clarke whispered.
“Clarke?”
“What are you thinking about?”
Lexa kissed the bridge of her nose. “It’s been exactly a year since our first date.”
This made Clarke pause. She looked away. “I know...”
“Hey.” Lexa put a finger on her chin to bring it up so their eyes met. “It’s been great. I can’t say that I’ve enjoyed every second of it, because there were moments that I doubted you and it was complete shit, especially with Anya on me about dating a girl in the closet. But there were so many moments that make this, us, you,” she kissed her nose again, “worth it. They outweigh the bad by billions. You’re my best friend. I wouldn’t give that part up even if we decided to stop this.”
“Lex...”
“Look how far you’ve come, Clarke. You’ve stopped looking over your shoulder when we go out. You hold my hand in public. We have secret night calls when the squad is over. You’ve made progress.”
Clarke fumbled for Lexa’s hand under the blankets and laced their fingers together. “I...I think I want to come out.”
“Oh.” Lexa wasn’t surprised, it was more of a proud reaction than anything. “Are you sure?”
Clarke nodded.
“I’m so proud of you Clarke.”
“It’s only because of you, Lexa. Without you I’d probably still be with Finn and in denial of my sexuality. The day I met you was the day I knew I couldn’t push down my feelings anymore. I wanted to be with you so bad. And I was so afraid.” Her whisper was barely audible at this point and Lexa had to strain to hear.
“It’s okay Clarke, I’ve got you.” Lexa gripped her hand tightly, squeezing it briefly.
Clarke’s eyes flitted to Lexa’s lips.
She had never kissed a girl before. Plenty of boys, most of whom didn’t even know her name when they woke up to find her gone in the morning. It’s been a year for crying out loud. A year since she last felt harsh lips on her, greedy hands all over her body. She wanted that with Lexa, but something was stopping her. She didn’t want to get so invested in this that if Lexa left her she wouldn’t be torn apart. A year together had proved to be challenging, but fun, only because of her. What if Lexa became tired of waiting for her to take the next step? What if coming out wasn’t enough? It would have to be for now, Clarke decided, because she wanted this girl more than any guy she’d ever met before. She wanted to make her feel loved and cared for, whether they were in public or in private. She wanted to stop driving across the city to the next town just so she could feel a safe distance from her friends.
She joined their lips together.
Lexa hummed into the kiss, squeezing Clarke’s hand again. It was a short kiss, experimental, a kiss they wanted to remember well. What came before or after didn’t matter, as long as this moment was one they remembered forever.
“Clarke...”
“God, why didn’t we do that sooner?” she muttered. She shifted so she was straddling Lexa. Lexa looked up at her with wide, loving eyes, watching as Clarke pulled the bottom of her t shirt over her head. Leca started to protest, saying they didn’t have to do any more tonight if she didn’t want to. But Clarke swooped down and kissed her with more passion than Lexa thought she could ever feel in a kiss.
“Relax, Lex, everyone’s in the next room anyways. I just want to feel your skin while we sleep, that’s all. If that’s okay?”
Lexa sat them up and kissed her. “That is completely fine,” she smiled. Then she pulled off her own shirt, tossing both hers and Clarke’s off the bed. They laid beside each other again and whispered quietly about their days to each other until they fell asleep at 4:30 AM.