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"Damn." Nick stared at the sad, deflated grey thing wilting over the side of the pot.
Hank was round-eyed in disbelief, staring at the sad remains of what had been a healthy-looking eight inch tall succulent the day before. "I had no idea that was even possible."
"It's possible," said Nick gloomily, poking it a little warily with his pen.
"Nick. It's a cactus." Hank sighed heavily, "it was a cactus. I gave you a cactus because I figured start you off with something small, then move on to the more complicated stuff. No one can kill a cactus."
"Apparently I can." Nick gave the deflated grey balloon another poke. No getting away from it. The cactus was really most sincerely dead. He winced. Some part of Nick's evil genius had prompted him to imply to his beloved, that they could care for the cottage garden themselves.
True it wasn't much of a garden. But it was theirs.
Nick's first sight of the cottage that Sean had bought sometime after being shot, and before Jack's presence had taken over his life, was something of a shock. At the time, holding onto Sean's hand, Nick had tried to keep his thoughts to himself, because damn!
The building was less a cottage than a shack. In the woods no less. Not far from where Nick used to have the trailer.
The trailer was a positive luxury compared to this place.
Nick stared, open mouthed, at the strange looking and almost lop-sided building that Sean was staring at with fondness and an eager expression, and swallowed his first thoughts, then his second and his third. Sean must have been much, much more traumatised if the zauberbiest thought this was even in the possible category of fixer-upper.
In the "cottage's" defence it had running water, courtesy of a well, electricity that wasn't actually dangerous (although Nick was going to reserve judgement until he could get back there with a qualified electrician), and a useable fireplace (mental note to call a chimney sweep before collecting any logs). Turning to his severely traumatised love, Nick smiled (a genuine smile, Sean was too good at reading him) and squeezed Sean's hand, "I love it."
Just seeing the way Sean's smile lit up, Nick realised he had made his zauberbiest inexplicably (in Nick's opinion) extremely happy, and Nick would go a long way to keeping that smile on his face.
It was a little weird realising that Sean was more damaged by the events of the last couple of years or so than Nick even imagined a zauberbiest could be. That Nick did need to be gentle with Sean sometimes, not that the proud biest would ever admit it, or Nick would let him know that Nick had noticed.
In fact, until the subject of the garden, Nick thought he was doing a pretty good job, caring for his biest, but subtly, so Sean couldn't get all proud and huffy about it.
"Killed the cactus, I see." Wu's unwelcomely smug tone was just the wrong side of enough. "I did warn you." Wu said to Hank.
"Who can actually kill a cactus?" Hank waved his hands helplessly. "You don't even need to water it that often. Cactii thrive on neglect."
Wu patted Hank's shoulder, "I suspect the problem was not neglect." He leaned over Nick's shoulder and gave the deceased a carefully considering look. "You over-watered it, didn't you?" He patted Nick on the shoulder. "Never mind. And never let it be said that your favourite Sergeant didn't bail you out of a crisis. I shall return."
He disappeared then, while Nick gloomily surveyed the corpse and wondered if he should just dump the whole thing in his waste basket, or hide the evidence and dispose of it a bit more discreetly somewhere outside.
"E voila." Used to Sean's impeccable French, Wu's accent was truly atrocious, even to Nick's relatively untrained ear, he half turned in his chair to say as much, and got an eyeful of what Wu was carrying.
"Wu, what is that?" he said, proud to be able to keep the tremble out of his voice.
"Spider plant." Wu set the pot down on the table, the planet had long thin green-and-cream leaves which over flowed the black pot it was in, there were even a couple of mini versions of itself dangling from long stalks which erupted out of the centre of the plant.
"Spider plants are indestructible. It isn't possible for you to kill it. I even printed instructions for you to follow." Wu produced a three fold leaflet from his back pocket. Something told Nick that Wu had been attending one of those computer courses he loved so much, and this was probably in the nature of some sort of new skill he was using Nick's ineptitude with green things to hone his skills on.
Wondering in a vague sort of way if Sean was likely to be needing double sided three fold leaflets in his life any time soon, Nick took the paper from Wu's hand.
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"It's dead."
Nick was certain that Wu had been a lot less disbelieving about the knowledge that Wesen existed. It could be said that Nick had never actually managed to render the Sergeant mute before.
Wu's hands waved, his mouth opened and shut a couple of times, but nothing came out.
Hank was wearing an almost satisfied grin. "I warned you."
"Spider plant. Unkillable." Wu's tone was weak, and a little confused.
Nick eyed the yellow and brown evidence and contemplated going on a coffee run. Extra strong. On his side, so far, Sean had not actually seen evidence of Nick's inability to care for the most basic and undemanding of house plants, so Nick was safe. He had a book on gardening that the bookshop had assured him was for absolute beginniners, and Nick had artfully concealed in the bedside table on his side of their bed. Sean did not yet realise that Nick was a complete non starter when it came to green things.
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"NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT!!"
"You don't even know what I am going to ask yet!"
"Hank warned me." Monroe's eyes flashed a little red, "those rose bushes are heritage bushes, cuttings which were handed down through my family, and you are not going to practice on them."
Nick deflated. Wounded. He was never going to be able to practice on anything, and Sean was going to find out that Nick was no gardener.
He said as much.
Monroe snorted. "If you think the Prince hasn't already figured that out, well..." He snorted again for good measure. "He knows. Believe me. He knows."
There was nothing for it. Nick was going to have to admit incompetence.
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Lying in bed was a good place to do it. "Sean." Nick said, blushing a little, and trying to hold his beloved's eyeline... which was proving curiously difficult because Nick was embarrassed. "Remember when I said we should look after the cottage garden together... Well, I might have over-estimated..."
Sean's lips were on his, and the big hands were sliding, in a very distracting way, down Nick's body. In between kisses, Sean whispered, "I know."
Nick's turn to be a bit confused, "you know."
"Cactii don't grow almost six inches in a week, and the spider plant started turning yellow two weeks ago." Sean leaned back enough to grin down at his lover, "and I found the Gardening for Dummies book in your bedside table last week when I was putting away some stuff."
He resumed kissing Nick with a dedication that Nick frankly admired.
"You don't mind?" Nick asked when he came up for air some time later.
"Teach you myself..." Sean burrowed in and nipped at Nick's collarbone. "Now where were we?"
Nick gave himself up to the exciting ministrations of his clever biest, and forgot the garden.