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Falling asleep is harder than it looks. It never used to be this difficult. Kieran misses the times when he could just lie in bed, curl up underneath the covers, and let sleep overtake him. He realizes now that he took that for granted. He can't even remember the last time he'd gotten a decent amount of sleep.
Ruining his sleeping habits was one of the worst things he had done to himself. Forcing himself to stay awake and pushing himself to be better, stronger, meant less time to rest. Sleeping took up time that he couldn't spare. Even napping was frowned upon while he was in that obsessive mental state.
And now, it's coming to bite him in the ass.
"Ugh," Kieran groans.
He slumps over on the table in the club room. The pencil that was in his hand rolls down his notebook, stopping short of falling off.
Fatigue hits him easier these days, especially whenever he lets his body rest. Sitting down for so long just felt wrong. It was hard to focus on homework despite knowing the material. He could push himself to finish the work, but he wasn't trying to make things worse for himself.
"What's the matter?" Juliana asks from across the table. Curiosity and concern etched across her face.
"Nothin'," Kieran sighs out and looks away from her. He forces himself to sit up and take hold of his pencil.
He feels bad for trying to act like nothing is wrong. Is he pushing her away again? No. Maybe? It's not intentional. He just doesn't want to let her know that he isn't sleeping well. The last thing he wants is for her to blame herself over his stupid mistakes.
Then again, they are friends. And friends help each other out. He loosens his hold on his pencil, not realizing he was practically gripping onto it for dear life.
"Actually, I...I haven't been sleeping well..." Kieran admits while glancing at her.
"Oh," Juliana replies. She puts a hand under her chin as she gets lost in thought. "Have you tried having some tea before bed?"
"Yeah. It worked once...But I don't think that's for me."
It was hard to stomach the taste of the tea he was recommended to try. The flavor was too strong, too tangy instead of sweet. The taste lingered in his mouth for far too long. While he managed to fall asleep, it wasn't worth chugging that down to deal with the aftertaste.
"What about reading?"
"Before bed? No way!" He shakes his head. "I probably won't wana to sleep if I pick up somethin' interesting."
He knows this from experience. Picking up a book and reading it while tucked into bed could put him to sleep, eventually. By the time he does knock out, he'd be far into the book and way past his initial bedtime.
"You're right..." Juliana sighs. She furrows her brows as she struggles to come up with other options.
"You don't have to try and help," Kieran mutters. It's the thought that counts. She's willing to lend a hand to his self-inflicted problem. That alone is good enough for him.
Unfortunately, his words fall on deaf ears. Juliana doesn't brush off his words. Instead, she lights up when an idea strikes.
"I think I know something that just might work." Juliana gets to her feet, leaving her own notebook and pencil at the table. "Are you willing to give it a shot?"
"Umm...sure?" Kieran shrugs and gets to his feet.
He thought that they were going to leave the club room, maybe go to the cafeteria, and try some weird concoction that might help knock him out. Instead, she leads him over to the couch. Juliana takes a seat and pats the space beside her.
"Why are we on the couch...?" He asks once he sits beside her.
"Put your head here."
Juliana pats her lap.
Kieran immediately freezes. His cheeks are colored a rosy red as he loses his voice. He struggles to get something out, but the sudden, nonchalant instruction makes him falter.
"Trust me. This will help."
No, it won't.
As much as he wants to say that, he doesn't. Juliana means well, and it hardly looks like she means this as a joke. After a moment, he sighs and does as she says. His head rests on her lap while he gets comfortable lying on the couch.
"L-Like this?"
"Mhm!"
Without another word, she rests one hand over his forehead. She starts to move her fingers in a circular motion, gently applying some pressure, but not enough that it would hurt. Meanwhile, her other hand rests on his shoulder to keep him still.
"Honestly...I'm not sure if this will work," she admits with a nervous laugh. Kieran tries to look at her, but her hand is in the way. "My mom used to do this to me when I was younger. Whenever I couldn't sleep or needed to calm down...it really helped."
Kieran doesn't reply. He still feels stiff and tense. Lying on her lap is completely different compared to her own experience. But he doesn't have the energy to argue back. Especially when this massage feels...nice.
Lying down lets his body actually rest. His mind usually wanders all over the place to prevent sleep. Now his thoughts are on her more than they should be. A part of him feels restless, but the soothing motion of her fingers cancels that out.
He lets out a long breath, and his body goes limp. His eyelids are beginning to feel heavy. His thoughts still linger on how close he is to her, but they're slowly fading away.
Something this simple can't have this much of an effect on him, can it? His body and mind say otherwise.
"Should...stop soon," he mumbles. He can't even mask the tiredness in his voice. A yawn escapes him, and his eyes feel a little teary.
Juliana doesn't listen to his quiet plea. Intent on helping him, she even begins to softly hum a tune. It's unfamiliar to him, but he could only assume it's a lullaby. Probably something her mother used to do for her, too.
"Juli..." Kieran whispers her name. Mustering any more words is impossible as his consciousness begins to fade. He can't keep his eyes open, his body relaxes into the couch, and his mind finally stops whirling with countless thoughts.
Normally, he doesn't dream. Sleep comes and goes, and he barely registers it. This time, his mind grants him a special dream, one with him and Juliana.