Work Text:
I cannot see
In the way I'm ignorant to my surroundings
In the way I make excuses for me
I cannot see
I live in a bubble in my head
That warps my view of reality
I say I know everything
My arrogance blocks me to see
What will that make of me
I'm aware of whats wrong
In that way I can see
Like how an ant can only see forward
If I'm only an ant
Does the fact I only see one direction mean anything
Nothing will change if I turn
Nothing will change even if I change me
If I could change
I refused
Because I can see what's wrong
And "I know everything
It won't matter what I choose"
I say,
"I'm in limbo
A cycle I made"
I could have all the knowledge in the world
But I still won't change
I chose not to
When told you can't, I won't
I'm not one to push
I know what I can and can't do
But I don't
I give up
Use convenient excuses
Explaining why I'm not enough
"I just wasn't built for it"
"I'll do it another day"
"I just dont feel like it"
"I'm just in a certain mood today"
I cannot see
Why even try
It feels like I put in so much effort
But I'll run out of time
Why even do anything
Theres always something else
I hop from one topic to another
Searching
Because I never found myself
I leave a half baked trail wherever I go
You'll know its me by the stench
The smell of waste follows my steps
Waste of the person I could've been
I mourn for her sometimes
Crying, wishing she was me
Sorry that she was stuck with a person
That left her no hope
That she would ever be
My ignorance is blinding
Believing that I'm well off
I cannot see
All I can
Is a person I am not
My blinding eyes disillusioned me
I know what I want
If I can only see forward
That would be the only thing I see
But it's not real
Hasn't come to be
And none of my half baked effort will ever
Make it reality
I cant stand the girl
For her eyes are colored in ignorance
Which wont ever allow her to see
She sees the world surrounding her
And she is overwhelmed by her own pressure
Digging holes and crying when shes stuck
She'll never get better
Theres an ache in my hands
Watching her act
Fingers in fists
I hold back
Im angry at myself
Supposedly, I'm a know it all
But I know nothing
I'm doomed to fall
I know what I'm supposed to do
I know whats wrong
I know, yet I don't act
Then talk my way out despite it all
Contradictions
One after another
I dont care if I hurt
I urge to break the cycle
I feel like a failure
One who dreamed for the fun of it
I feel dramatic
One wrong action caused all of this
Even if I push through
I lose the will halfway
If I'm still going
Its only until I'm alone
After that I'll be nothing
Ill be alone
Ill see no one
Because that what I believe
That theres no point to keep going
That theres no one for me
If I hurt whats the point
I refuse to see
I could try
Could work
Could act
But what would it amount to
The little effort till now hasn't meant anything
I feel hopeless
My ambition limited by doubt
I say I know everything
But I don't know the real world because I've always saw without