Chapter Text
Zanka had taken a long break from school after Enjin first took him in.
But after a few years of living with Enjin, Riyo, and now Rudo (who was a newer addition to their family), he felt that he was finally ready. Enjin suggested to him to just a couple classes at the university to get used to the college course workload.
His first class back was the hardest.
Maybe one of the hardest things he's done so far. In retrospect, it wasn’t hard in the same way that his family was with him- it was difficult because he had such a hard time being “kind” to himself. His family always told him that “excuses make you weak”.
So he pushed himself.
Too hard, apparently, according to Enjin and Riyo. When he gave them more details about his family, they looked at him horrified. He just looked at them, confused. Zanka had thought everyone was raised like that.
Ok, maybe his family was a bit harsh, as Enjin had put it when they met, but he still believed that (hopefully) they were doing it out of love. But that “didn’t justify the way they treated him,” as he put it. Which, now that he’s been living outside of the Nijiku family for a few years, maybe he’s right.
Being back in school, he had lots of panic attacks. Thankfully, he was able to hold it in until he got home or inside Enjin’s car, instead of inside a classroom, which would have been embarrassing.
Topics included, but were not limited to, meeting Enjin’s expectations, his family possibly returning to punish him because he’s a coward, and being seen as a failure. But, over time, with support from his new family, he had been slowly recovering from his family's mindset. But it was not without its fair share of relapses in those thought processes, where he’d push himself too far or get caught up in his own thoughts.
To help with this, Enjin had him try a variety of hobbies, so he had something else to do besides anything related to filmmaking. He had lectured him many times about how important it was to have other hobbies besides one's profession. That it had led him to burnout once, and he didn't want the same to happen to them. At first, he thought it was irritating how much he pushed it, but once he did actually find something he enjoyed, he understood.
Zanka found that he liked taking morning runs, meditation, playing video games (on "family game nights" as Enjin called them), and crocheting, which he really didn't expect, but he enjoyed having something productive to do with his hands.
He continued taking some general education courses like math, history, science, etc., anything he needed for his degree, before tackling the major-specific classes. Which gave him more time to repair his relationship with art/creativity and making things just for himself.
Once he felt he had a good handle on taking classes again, he took his first college-level film class.
Honestly, he was both excited and nervous to get back into making films again. He'd worked so hard to get where he was now with his mental health, and he didn't wanna ruin that. But he also wanted to make stuff again. He would prove Enjin was right about him.
During his "Intro to Video Production" class, his professor brings up an upcoming film festival with student films from across the local area. Although Zanka doesn't really have anything to submit, he asks if he can tag along with Enjin to go watch since he's already going. He's a bit hesitant about having Zanka watch an awards ceremony that could trigger him.
This time, Zanka is the one to reassure Enjin that he's ready, especially since he didn't even enter anything. Enjin sighs, "As long as you're sure…"
They get all dressed up for the night, Riyo and Rudo also deciding to tag along since it'd be "so boring at home," or that's at least what Riyo said.
Enjin walks into the venue first, relaxed as ever, with the kids traveling like ducklings behind him. Zanka’s face is a mix of focused and determined. He can do this. He's gotta get back into the swing of things.
Riyo's watching him closely out the corner of her eye, protective of Zanka even if he is technically the oldest of the three.
The screenings of all the films begin once everyone takes their seats. As they’re watching, only a few really catch Zanka's eye, and from the looks of it, Enjin feels the same. Throughout the couple of years Zanka's been with them, Enjin has given him a few pointers on what he looks for when judging, so he's more prepared when he does decide to submit to festivals again.
Since Enjin isn't a judge this time, he sits in the audience with the kids and asks them what they thought of the films (very teacher-like of him; he has those moments) while the judges calculate scores.
First place goes to the film Zanka thought had the most potential, a film by one "Jabber Wonger". When he came up on stage, he was surprised that he looked around the same age as himself. But his demeanor was… odd.
He seemed so carefree, walked up so casually. Big smile when he accepted the award, but then he looked… bored somehow? Like he hadn't been "challenged" enough by his competitors.
"Must be another one of those damn geniuses."
Zanka sighs, staring intensely at this "Jabber".
"He’s just like Hyo-"
His old frustrations threaten to reappear as he can feel his heart start racing.
"Can't have a damn panic attack here. Calm down. It's ok. You're not back there."
He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.
He'll keep an eye on Jabber. He'll beat this genius one day. Doesn’t need to be now; he’ll get there eventually. He will. He has to.
When he opens his eyes, Jabber is still on stage with an indifferent look on his face, as the head judge goes on about grading criteria or something. At that point, Zanka's not really listening.
Jabber suddenly meets his eyes and smiles. Zanka's eyes widen in shock, and he quickly looks away. He's not blushing at all- that would be stupid.
Maybe he wasn't looking at him. Probably not. Why would anyone look at him? Stupid geniuses and their good looks.
"They just get whatever they want, huh?"
That thought reignites his anger, finding comfort in the familiar feeling. He stares at the back of other people's heads for the rest of the ceremony, not wanting to meet anyone's gaze. Running his fingers over the grooves of his mobility aid, Lovely, to calm his nerves.
Lovely, is the now sanded-down and polished stick that he found at his lowest, in that ditch with him years ago. Even after his initial leg injury healed, his knees and ankles are still on the weaker side, and they often flare up if he stands for long periods. She also helps him to calm down, feeling the texture of the wood grounding him, like right now.
"Alright, you guys ready to go home?" Enjin says as he stands, snapping Zanka out of his trance.
Riyo stands, stretching her arms over her head, "Yup, I'm tired of sitting".
Enjin chuckles, copying the motion, "Completely agree with that one".
Rudo and Zanka remain quiet, wanting to escape their loud surroundings, people now hurrying to get out of the cramped venue. The louder two of the group lead the way through the dispersing crowd.
Once they're out and driving home, Enjin takes the driver’s seat, of course, he’s the only one with a license, somehow. With the way he drives, Zanka's surprised he hasn't had it revoked. But they're all used to his “driving style” at this point, so they aren't fazed.
Rudo sits in the middle of the two older teens, so he doesn't hit his arms on the sides of the car. Riyo's on the far left so that Zanka can be on the right and doesn't hit his bad knee on the car door. Sometimes one of them sits in the front with Enjin if they don't wanna feel as squished, but they kinda like it this way. They like the deep pressure; it makes them all feel more at ease.
Once they get home (unharmed), Riyo comes up along his right side as they're walking towards the house. Enjin and Rudo are talking ahead of them, so Riyo takes this opportunity to ask him if he's doing ok since she noticed his fidgeting earlier.
"How does she always notice everything…" he sighs, trying to prepare an answer that would satisfy her.
"Yeah, I'm alright now, I was just… a little overwhelmed". He says hesitantly, looking down at Lovely as he’s using her to walk.
"Yeah, I guess that makes sense, it's been a while since you've been to one of those things". Riyo shrugs, feigning nonchalance.
She places a hand on his shoulder, "Just let me know if you ever wanna talk, ok?"
"Yeah, sure".
Normally, he hates being touched but, if it's someone he's comfortable with, then he doesn't mind. He appreciates the gesture a lot, actually; she knows about his general aversion to touch and made the action slow enough that he could've ducked away if he wanted.
Enjin doesn't ask how Zanka is doing, once they're inside, he must have heard his and Riyo's conversation earlier.
"Or maybe he doesn't care".
A part of him says. He shakes it off, knowing (hoping) that Enjin just doesn't want him to feel babied.
As he finishes up his beginning production classes, Zanka continues seeing Jabber's name pop up numerous times. Winning awards and being a part of showcases.
It pisses him off.
Mostly because it's not unjust, he is pretty damn good.
It's just that he can feel his competitiveness coming back, that feeling that he needs to be the best. That feeling that he needs to prove his worth.
He finds himself slipping into his old habits again. Staying up way too late, not affording time for his hobbies, and skipping meals.
Albeit less intense than it used to be since he now has people to keep him from going too far. If one of them notices Zanka is too hyper-focused on an assignment or project, they distract him with something to get him to take a break.
Riyo will bug him until he agrees to paint her nails or do her hair. Rudo barges into his room when he needs help with a level in a video game. Enjin catches them doing this, seeing his kids helping each other, a small smile spreads across his face.
But if those two aren't around, then Enjin dramatically complains to Zanka about needing help with cooking, which also works as a way to make sure he eats.
Their little family is odd, but it works.
As much as Enjin enjoys teaching, he still loves making films.
So when summer break rolls around, he's excited to take the kids to get some hands-on experience with people he trusts. Zanka was the first to ask (beg) to go, then Riyo and Rudo also wanted to tag along since it'd be good to actually get them on a set as well. Enjin had a hunch all of them would want to go, but he wanted it to be their choice.
Even though all three of them would be going into different parts of the industry, it would still be valuable for them in the future. Riyo in makeup/costuming, Zanka directing, and Rudo, who is still trying to get an idea of his options, so he’s been trying a bit of everything.
They all pile in the car in their usual spots to head out to the location they’d be filming at for the first few days.
Rudo’s bouncing his leg in the backseat of the car from the moment they hit the road. The other two are calmer in comparison, looking out the window on either side, Lovely placed between Zanka’s legs, Riyo with her hands behind her head, with the occasional squabbling between the two.
"Hey Rudo!" Enjin shouts from the front seat, looking at him from the rear view mirror.
Rudo looks up, startled out of his trance. "Huh?"
"You're gonna be fine. I trust these guys, they're not gonna give ya more work than you can handle. And if they do, just let me know".
"N-No, I know! I just… hope they like me.” Rudo breaks eye contact, looking down at his hands.
"'Course they'll like ya, kid! They'll see what I see in you. Just trust me, alright?"
"Ok…" he sighs, continuing to look at his hands, fiddling with the seams of his gloves.
"Yeah, Rudo!” Riyo says as she lightly nudges his shoulder.
“Zanka and I have met ‘em before, they're chill, don't worry". She smiles reassuringly, then looks over at Zanka expectantly.
"They're right, Rudo. You'll do fine".
The boy nods and takes a deep breath, calming himself. The anxiety buzzing in his body doesn't go away completely, but the reassurances from everyone help to calm his nerves.
Once on set, everyone meets Rudo (they think he's adorable), and they plan out their shots for the day. Zanka generally stays with Enjin as the director, Riyo with August, their eccentric costume designer. Rudo takes his first shift with the audio engineer/boom operator, Gris.
As Rudo starts to work, he notices that something's different about how Enjin looks at Gris. But he can't quite put his finger on it. Sure, he's not the best at reading social cues, but it’s pretty obvious that something is up. Touches lasting longer than they should've or Enjin getting way closer than he needs to when telling him something. He chooses not to say anything to the pair; he can't get kicked out of Enjin’s house already. So he decides to go to the next best thing once they finish up for the day.
Everyone begins to disperse; some grab some snacks and drinks on their way out. Enjin’s in a shaded tent nearby, talking with his cinematographer/project manager, Semiu. Rudo rushed over to the snacks, searching for anything sugary.
"So, how was your first day?" Riyo asks the younger boy as she approaches him with Zanka, who had followed alongside her.
"…It was good,” Rudo says, lost in thought, deciding what snacks to grab.
“I do have a question, though," he continues, finally deciding on a pack of mini cookies.
"Yeah, sure, what's up?" She asks as she grabs a water bottle from the table nearby.
"Is there… somethin’ going on between Enjin and Gris?"
Zanka, halfway through a sip of water, nearly chokes.
"I mean- just forget I asked if I'm completely off! Was just curious, I guess." Rudo looks down at his gloved hands, slightly crinkling the package of cookies.
"No, yer’ right. They've been dancin’ around like this for months. He makes all these excuses to go to these film screenings and parties that Gris just "so happened to be at”. Then he’ll say he "needs to support his friends", but then doesn't do that shit for anyone else, at least not to this extent”. Zanka laments, looking at Rudo, exhausted.
"I think he's scared to bring him home, probably wants us all to be comfortable with him first.” Riyo shrugs and takes a sip of her water.
“Definitely not being as slick as he thinks he is, though!" Riyo laughs as she caps the bottle.
"Oh", Rudo watches her in surprise like the biggest bomb had just been dropped directly on top of him.
"Honestly, if he doesn't say something soon to us, I will!" She continues, giggling.
The summer felt like it flew by, with everyone eventually getting into the flow of their work. The kids all left the production feeling more confident in their skills to implement into their next projects.
When they had their typical 'end of filming' party, which Enjin insisted they have, he finally takes the three aside and tells them about his and Gris's relationship. This is the most nervous they’ve seen Enjin like- ever. Normally, he’s a cool-headed guy with a quiet confidence to him, but right now, he’s quite the opposite. Picking at his painted nails (which he never does, he doesn’t want to chip them), and his hands look a bit sweaty. This nervousness is entertaining, harmless fun, Riyo thinks. Zanka and Rudo think he's coming to tell them that he can’t take care of them anymore.
"Sorry I didn't tell you kids earlier about Gris, I just… didn't wanna scare ya."
All three of the kids stare at him with varying degrees of emotion, Riyo with a sly smile, while Zanka and Rudo look relieved? What did they think he was gonna say? He’d thought they’d be angry or feel betrayed. But instead, he gets the response of, "Yeah, we kinda figured", the three of them say almost in unison.
"What?! You knew?!" Enjin looks horrified, mouth slightly open, that his “secret relationship” wasn't that much of a secret after all.
"Well duh, it wasn't hard to figure out. Even Rudo asked about you two after his first day", Riyo replies, gesturing towards Rudo with her thumb.
The kids then proceed to give Enjin a hard time about not telling them sooner, but they can tell Gris is a good guy, especially now that they've spent the summer with him and the rest of the crew. So, they’re not really pissed off or anything, but they gotta humble him sometimes.
Gris makes Enjin happy; they can tell just by the way they look at each other, and that's what matters most to them. Even if it is disgusting to see them kiss or do anything romantic like that. Enjin seems less tense now that he doesn't have to hide such a big part of himself from them. Sometimes they do wish he had kept it a secret because now they have to hear his phone calls with Gris, even if they don't mean to.
Some nights, Gris comes over to have dinner/hang out with Enjin and the kids. Gris is pretty shy about showing any affection towards Enjin because he doesn't wanna make the kids feel uncomfortable in their own house. So, Enjin sets the pace and starts with small stuff like holding hands; it does not go unnoticed by Riyo, but she keeps it to herself, for now. Until she needs blackmail on him and uses the opportunity to tease him about it.
After coming back from summer break, going into his fall semester, Zanka's ready to get back into his (now intermediate) production classes. This time around, he's able to put more input on what they make and how they make it, which finally lets him enter film festivals again. So he pushes himself to get better; he has to beat that Jabber guy who pissed him off. He can't fail against another genius. He has to prove Enjin was right to believe in him. That he didn't waste his time teaching him and taking him in.
Entering as many film contests and award festivals as he can, with some help from Enjin, who is in charge of keeping track of his applications so Zanka doesn't get addicted to checking his email 20 times a day. Winter break begins shortly after all the submissions close, and they wait, hoping he has won something. He needed to win something- it had been forever. Ever since Enjin found him in that ditch, he either hasn't felt mentally well enough to make anything or hasn't had anything to submit. But now that’s different, now it’s time to see if his effort was worthwhile.
One morning, Enjin checks Zanka's email like he has been for the past week, drinking his morning coffee, no, he's not old- he just likes his morning caffeine, ok? His eyes widen when he locks onto an email from one of the competitions he had submitted to, and says that Zanka's short had been chosen as one of the finalists!
Zanka was currently out for his morning run, and Enjin was tempted to call him to tell him the good news, but ultimately decided against it. His morning runs started as a way to get him out of the house, but also turned out to be a great stress relief activity for him. So very rarely did he bother him on his runs, even if he did have his phone for safety reasons, he's a concerned dad, what can he say?
When he hears the front door creak open, he pushes himself up off the couch and walks over to the door to greet his oldest. Zanka looks suspicious, squinting his eyes at him, seeing Enjin off the couch just to greet him is odd. Usually, he’s just lounging around on the couch until he has to get ready for the day.
“What’s wrong?” Zanka asks with a hint of anxiety in his voice while he shuts the door.
“Oh, nothing…”
Now taking off his running shoes, he looks up at him, raising an eyebrow.
“Just that my oldest is a finalist for one of the film festivals he submitted for”, Enjin grins proudly.
“W-Wait, really?” Zanka says, mouth now slightly agape.
“Yup. We gotta go to the awards thing next week, you up for that?”
“Yeah! ‘Course I am!” he shouted excitedly, then immediately curled his shoulders inwards when he realized how loud he was.
“Good. Now c'mere kid,” opening his arms, gesturing at him to come closer.
It’s taken a while for Zanka to get used to hugs; it’s not something that the Nijiku family did frequently, if at all. But that day when he found that scared, tired teenager and gave him a hug for the first time, it changed something, or so Enjin thinks. He really did not expect to pick up another kid that day, but he’s so happy he did. After seeing the years of struggles he’s had after taking him in, he couldn’t imagine sending him back to the Nijikus or anywhere else but his home. This time, Zanka reciprocates the embrace quickly, his head resting on Enjin’s shoulder, a smile on both of their faces.
The rest of the week feels like it goes by so, so slowly; it might as well have been three weeks instead of one. Zanka was excited for this opportunity, really, but he was also very anxious. He didn’t want a repeat of what happened last time he was among the top few. This time would be different, he reasoned. Enjin wouldn’t kick him out if he lost, right? Riyo and Rudo wouldn’t want him gone either, he hopes.
It's been hard, but he’s grown a lot since he left Hell Guard Academy. He handled going to that other award show with everyone, so he could handle this one, too.
It’s the night of the awards, and everyone gets dressed up in their formal wear, this time with more excitement, knowing that Zanka is one of the ones being celebrated. When they arrive, Enjin perks up when he sees Gris and waves him over.
“Of course, he invited him.” The three kids think, unsurprised by the development.
Gris walks alongside them as they make their way to their seats, occasionally stopping when someone recognizes Enjin. Embarrassing Zanka the whole time, telling every person why he’s there.
“Yeah, my kid Zanka here is one of the finalists! I’m so proud of him”, Enjin states, hand on Zanka’s shoulder, smiling. Zanka, overwhelmed by the praise, looks away, tightening his grip on Lovely, fighting a huge grin.
Taking their assigned seats, with Gris taking one of the guest seats next to them, Zanka’s anxiety starts creeping in again. Riyo bumps into his shoulder and gives him a look that says, “you ok?” he nods and gives her a small smile.
They all settle in for the screening of all of the finalists’ films before the actual awards begin. But Zanka’s so lost in thought that he doesn't really pay attention to the films being shown or who they're by. His main goal right now is to stay calm. Picking something besides the screen to focus on as the films play. Enjin and Riyo are sitting on either side of him, watching him closely, occasionally brushing a shoulder against his to keep him grounded. This keeps him calm enough that he doesn't freak out, but he’s honestly hoping to zone out until he has to go backstage. Before he knows it, the screenings are over, and he blinks the world back into focus.
He takes a deep breath and waits for one of the ushers to escort him to the stage. Eventually, after a few minutes, someone comes to take him backstage. After waving a quick goodbye to everyone, he debates for a moment whether he should take Lovely with him or not. He doesn’t want to look weak in front of everyone. But he could be standing in one spot for a while and really doesn't wanna deal with the knee pain later. So it's worth whatever blow to his pride it might inflict. They shouldn’t care about that kind of thing if his work is good, right?
But as always, there's another obstacle he has to face. To get backstage, there's a set of stairs to walk up. Of course, he’s able to climb stairs, but that doesn’t mean he likes it, especially going down them; it hurts his knees (not that he’d tell anyone that). There aren’t many of them, so it’s fine. Especially not with the usher giving him that look he hates. The “do you need help” look. He doesn’t want their pity. He shakes his head and waves them off. Thankfully, they back off, and he catches up to them at the top of the small staircase.
Walking into the backstage area of the venue, Zanka can’t believe what he’s seeing- although he should’ve guessed he would be here too. Jabber. His biggest rival that he hasn’t actually talked to, ever. They shared one look, and that was it. He just hated what the guy stood for.
The genius that can do whatever the hell he wants and still gets praised for it. Unlike him, he actually had to work to get where he is. So, there Zanka is, glaring at Jabber, who’s talking to someone, probably another finalist- who cares. The usher next to him says something about the show starting soon, but he’s too focused on his main competition that he tunes them out.
Jabber catches Zanka’s eyes, boring holes into him, and wraps up his current conversation. Zanka doesn't really process Jabber coming towards him until he’s right in front of him.
“Can I help you?” Jabber chuckles, tilting his head to the side in an attempt to make eye contact.
“I- Um, I think I recognize ya from the last show. Jabber, right?” Zanka looks up at him, startled. He hadn’t really expected this conversation. At least not this soon.
“Das’ me.” Jabber smiles smugly and leans back a little, relaxing his posture.
“Now that I think about it, I think I do remember you in the audience… looked all flustered n’ shit when I so much as smiled at ya.” He grins, one finger on his chin as if he’s deep in thought.
“S-Shut up!” Zanka stutters, embarrassed and frustrated at the same time.
“Welcome everyone to our 43rd annual film awards!…” The host announces, making the two pause their banter.
Jabber sighs, disappointed at his fun being interrupted. “Well, I guess we should get ready, yeah?”
Jabber starts to pass behind him, and he whispers, “Hopefully, you’re one of the ones that impressed me.”
His was. He’d prove to everyone that Enjin was right about him. He swallows down his anxiety and heads towards the stage.
Peaking out around the curtain, he can see how many people are here- at least a few hundred.
“A few hundred to see you fail.”
“A few hundred to see how painfully average you are.”
His anxiety-filled thoughts are broken by the host calling the finalists out. Jabber struts in front of him, beating him to the stage.
“Entitled prick.”
He begrudgingly follows, being blinded by the spotlights. Squinting, he looks out to the audience, and a small smile appears when he spots his family. They’re cheering way too loudly for the vibe of this event. Not much he can do about that though. The host announces that they'll be going through their top five choices, starting with fifth place.
Gripping Lovely tight, rubbing his thumb methodically against the wood’s grain as his anxiety builds. The tension in the room could be cut with a knife, while the man next to him seemed as calm as ever. It’s like he liked seeing everyone squirming, awaiting the results.
“And in second place we have…”
“Ah shit, here we go.” Jabber smiles, looking over at the now visually anxious Zanka, who is not looking at him whatsoever.
“Zanka Nijiku’s film…”
Jabber, hearing the title of the other’s film, remembers that one standing out to him in particular. It was very different from what he himself typically made; it was very “Classic Hollywood” style, but the way it was done was so… clean. It’s the first time he actually saw potential in that style of film, and in such a short time frame too. Zanka did more for that genre of filmmaking than countless features did for him. It was one of the first times he wasn’t sure if he was gonna win something or not; he was getting kinda bored with his competition. But this “Zanka” was interesting.
“I wonder what else he’s capable of…” Jabber thought as he looked over at the blonde. Zanka looked at the host, devastated, not daring to meet Jabber’s eyes.
“And that leaves Jabber Wonger as our first-place winner! Congratulations!”
Accepting the award, he goes through the typical motions of smiling at the audience and having cameras flash in his face. As soon as the cameras stopped, he went back to his more neutral expression and looked back at Zanka again. It’s obvious he was trying to put on a brave face, but he looked like he was gonna lose it as soon as no one was watching him.
As the awards wrapped up, the crowd started dispersing. Zanka attempted to get away as quickly as possible, but someone stopped him.
“Hey!” Jabber called after him.
“The hell do you want?” Zanka snapped back at him, irritated.
“Poor thing gettin’ all snappy with me now that he lost?”
“Shut up. Just leave me alone.”
“Alright, alright! Geez. I was just gonna say that this was fun.” He puts his hands up in a mock surrender.
“First time I've felt challenged in a while. Hope I see ya next time, Mr. Bad Attitude!” He waved, smirk on his face, then he rushed out of the venue in the opposite direction before Zanka could even respond.