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1.
A week before their first daughter should be born, their house is an absolute disaster.
Shane, usually so particular about organizing and keeping everything in strict order, was now seated in the middle of the living room of their Ottawa apartment, surrounded by a dozen of bags and packages, two big boxes leaning against the wall.
He was wearing Ilya’s sweatpants and his biggest t-shirt, because Ilya’s giant baby was growing like crazy inside of him and Shane’s own clothes stopped fitting him about five months ago.
His belly was huge, preventing him from efficiently sorting all the baby stuff they got, but didn’t really have time to unpack yet.
Now Shane was almost frantic, having realized that his due date is coming up soon, and they didn’t even finished the nursery.
But he was absolutely helpless now, sitting on the floor, his very pregnant belly getting in the way, Vera kicking him right in the bladder every once in a while, making the organizing process almost impossible.
Besides, Ilya had told him to wait just a few hours before he comes back from the grocery store, so they can do everything together.
But that was almost two hours ago, and Shane was getting restless at that point. But he couldn’t really do anything other than wait for his husband, surrounded by chaos he created and be impossibly irritated.
When the front door closes behind Ilya, he immediately senses that something is wrong. There are weird noises coming from the living room, so he hurries there.
After dropping his shopping bags in the kitchen, Ilya finds his husband on the living room floor, trying to unpack the big box with their daughter’s crib inside.
The horror on Ilya’s face was so poorly concealed, that Shane even pitied him for a moment. But then he remembered who was to blame for his predicament in the first place, and got irritated again.
“Lyubimyy, I beg you, stop doing whatever you’re doing now please.”
Shane is already bracing himself on the couch, getting up. His ass hurts from sitting on the floor for so long, he is exhausted and he needs to use the bathroom for the fourth time in an hour.
“Your giant child is kicking me everywhere, I want ice cream and I need to pee again and it is completely your fault”
Despite his irritated demeanor, he walk up to Ilya as quickly as he possibly can being so heavily pregnant, and puts his hands on his husband’s waist, biting his shoulder instead of a greeting kiss.
“I’m sorry our baby is giving you trouble, solnyshko. And I’m sorry i give you trouble too.”
Ilya doesn’t sound too sincere when he adds that last apology, putting both hands on Shane’s belly, petting it lovingly with a soft smile on his face.
“It’s fine, someone is excited you’re here.”
Shane puts his own hand atop of Ilya’s, pressing it a bit harder, so Ilya would feel their daughter’s small feet kicking the living shit out of her father’s ribs.
The smile on Ilya’s face is so big and his eyes are so bright, that Shane can’t really be mean to him any longer.
“Okay, now build that crib and dresser, and I’m gonna get ice cream and watch that cooking show you hate.”
Shane is already leaning away from Ilya’s grip on him, but gets pulled back immediately, Ilya giving him loud smooches all over his face, and smacking one on Shane’s belly as well.
“Yessir, anything for my perfect husband and my perfect baby whom I love very much”
“You’re such a suck-up. I love you too”
After three hours the furniture is built and brought into the nursery.
Ilya was currently putting all the tiny clothes in the drawers, while Shane arranged the array of different toys into baskets and shelf, when he heard small sounds coming from his husband.
When Shane came closer to the pale pink dresser, he saw Ilya holding a single tiny sock in his big hand. With his other hand the man, who cried maybe four times around Shane before, was now wiping the tears, that were falling in a constant stream from his face.
Shane’s hands are immediately on Ilya’s face, brushing away the wetness from his cheeks, trying to catch his husband’s eyes.
“Baby, tell me what’s wrong”
Ilya just shakes his head, raising the hand with a tiny sock to Shane’s eye level, like it would explain anything.
“Is there something wrong with it? Do you think it’s ugly?”
Shane could not believe that his husband would cry about their baby’s ugly socks. It just didn’t seem like him at all.
His pregnancy induced anxiety immediately made him think of all the awful scenarios of Ilya hating all the baby clothes they bought; or maybe he is not happy that it’s all girly, because he wanted a son.
A loud sob took him by surprise, Ilya shaking his head so fast that Shane thought he might get dizzy.
“No, I love it”
It was more of a wail than a coherent sentence, and Shane’s anxiety went the other way, now thinking that something was wrong with his husband.
“Tell me what it is, baby, I’m really confused.”
Ilya takes a moment, trying to stop his sobs from coming out, and Shane just holds him through it, caressing his cheeks and covering his face in small kisses, lips barely touching Ilya’s hot skin.
When Ilya is a little bit more calm, but can’t breathe through his nose still from all the crying, he finally looks at Shane; his eyes are red rimmed but filled with so much emotions, that Shane has trouble deciphering it.
“Her feet are so tiny.”
That’s all Ilya says, holding the pink sock in his open palm, staring at it.
Shane is really confused for a moment, because Vera’s feet definitely didn’t feel very tiny when she was literally trying to break his ribs and smush his guts with them.
If anything, Shane is sure their daughter would take after her Russian giant of a father, and would be taller than Shane by the age of fifteen.
So Shane didn’t connect all the dots right away.
“You were crying because our baby’s feet are small?”
Ilya nods at that, putting his palms on Shane’s belly again.
Shane figured that it calms his husband down early on in the pregnancy; even when he wasn’t showing yet, whenever Ilya was feeling sick or tired, or any other kind of wrong, he would cuddle Shane to his chest, hands on his stomach and just lay there for hours at a time.
“She is very tiny and she will be born soon and wear this tiny sock on her tiny feet”. Ilya sniffs again, and puts the sock back into the drawer.
The gears in Shane’s head had finally clicked into place, and now Shane himself feels like crying a little bit.
“Yeah, baby, she will be born soon, and she will be really tiny, and you will get to put those socks on her.”
Shane kisses Ilya’s cheek, closing the drawer with at least a hundred tiny socks lying there, and leads Ilya out of the room.
Cuddling Ilya close to himself in bed and kissing his curls softly, Shane hopes, that their daughter looks exactly like her papa.
2.
Little Vera — that’s what they’ve decided to name their first born daughter, — was a carbon copy of Shane, which, of course, had made Ilya cry as soon as he saw her for the first time.
But, to Shane’s absolute delight, their baby was born with a mop of dark curls, sticking in different directions.
When they bring Vera home, they spend their first few days as new parents being absolutely terrified.
While Shane was still exhausted from the hospital stay and literally giving birth to their daughter, his husband was filled with weird neurotic energy; newer letting Vera off his hands, constantly being aware of her every sneeze, every breath intake.
The first night they spend apart — Shane knocked out in bed, asleep at nine pm, and Ilya near their daughter’s crib, sitting in an armchair they put there, never falling asleep, always ready to get up and tend to their baby.
The first time he had to change her, he got so confused at how to put a new nappy on her, that he had to watch an in-depth YouTube tutorial, where a nice lady was putting a diaper on a plastic baby, narrating her every action.
In the morning, Ilya puts Vera in a fresh onesie, choosing it carefully, so proud to present her outfit to Shane. He even put a little purple bow in her curls, brushing he hair carefully with a small comb beforehand.
After Ilya hands Vera over to his husband so he could feed her and properly appreciate her little outfit, Shane finds Ilya asleep, sitting on a bar stool, his cap of coffee still full and warm.
After that they work out some type of system, where they take turns staying up with Vera at night, one taking care of her, while the other gets some sleep.
When Vera turns one month old, Shane starts to feel like himself again. He comes back to some light exercise, taking it easy for now, but starting to get back on track. He was planing on coming back to playing hockey next season, while Ilya stays at home with their baby.
He starts to feel better physically, and Ilya is still neurotic and frightened, but he can control it better now. They were slowly starting to get used to being parents, and their daughter was their pride and joy.
They started doing tummy time with her — Shane was very strict about yearly child development, and Ilya was happy to just sit with them in the playpen, listening to all the soft coos and gurgles Vera makes.
She is a very healthy baby, her chubby cheeks are pink and it’s evident that she is really well fed. Clothes for one month old children did not fit her from the start, and Ilya was delighted to see that his baby daughter is gonna be “a very strong Russian child”, but he was also extremely impressed and proud of Shane, because he managed to carry her with such grace for nine whole months.
But one thing kept bothering Shane; their night system was still in place, and Ilya and him hadn’t slept in the same bed for a month.
At first he was too exhausted to even think about it, passing out as soon as his head touches the pillow.
But now, when they were both starting to find their footing again, it seemed weird to fall asleep without Ilya next to him, or to stay up all night, while his husband is all alone in their bed.
He knew that if it was hard for him, it was even harder for Ilya, who absolutely hated to sleep alone ever since they started dating.
Ilya has told him once, that when he was sleeping without Shane, he sometimes felt like they were back to where they started, two kids too scared to stay even a minute longer than it takes to fuck.
That night is Ilya’s turn to stay up with Vera. He was sitting on the couch with her late at night, holding her close to his chest. There was some game rerun going on TV, but the sound was muted, and neither of the two Rozanovs were paying attention to it.
Ilya was half asleep, failing to keep his eyes open, when he hears soft footsteps coming from their bedroom.
Shane is quietly approaching them, turning the tv off on his way to the couch.
“Hey, she was watching Scot Hunter loose”. Ilya whispers, his eyes already closed.
“Hush baby, go to sleep”. Shane says it as he gets on the couch, his back to the armrest, tugging Ilya to lay back on his chest.
That night Shane had decided, that he’s had enough of sleeping alone.
He had trouble sleeping, his mind was constantly coming back to his perfect, loving, gentle husband, who had cried about their daughter being so tiny, now sitting all alone in their dark living room, watching over their child.
Shane couldn’t take it anymore, so now he was hugging Ilya close to his chest, putting one hand on Ilya’s waist, and gently holding Vera with the other.
Ilya’s fingers are immediately on Shane’s hand, intertwining their fingers together, placing a soft kiss to Shane’s knuckles one by one.
That night Ilya lays awake just a little bit longer, soaking up that moment with his small family, his husband and his daughter in his arms and thinks, that he has everything he could ever want, everything he could never dream about before.
3.
Vera has turned one and a half two days ago, and her parents had finally deemed her old enough to visit her first hockey practice.
Shane has come back to playing hockey a year after their daughter was born, having fully recovered and intending to win at least one more Stanley cup before he fully retires.
So now Ilya was getting Vera ready to go to the rink for the first time. He put her in a princess dress, made her hair into two pigtails and added two pink bows to each of them. He also put her pink shoes on, although he was sure that she would take them off immediately after she gets into her car seat.
She’s been exited too, not really understanding what’s going on but just happy to see her dada doing something cool, and to have a car ride with her papa, where he would sing along to all the songs and make her laugh.
When they get to the rink, they are immediately greeted with Harris, who seemed to be waiting for them.
They haven’t really introduced their daughter to their team properly yet.
Shane was to anxious about Vera getting sick, so only Wyatt and Troy where allowed to come over when Vera turned one, aside from Shane’s parents of course, but even then everyone was instructed to make sure they were absolutely healthy, not even an accidental sneeze allowed near their baby.
So it was needless to say that the Ottawa Centaurs were really exited to finally meet Vera Hollander-Rozanov, having only seen her photos before.
”Oh hi, princess”
Harris immediately crouches in front of Vera, after Ilya gets her out of the car; they’ve been trying to make her walk around more, and it was truly more of an exercise for Ilya’s will than anything else — if Shane would let him, he would carry Vera around without ever putting her down.
“Hi to you too!” Ilya doesn’t miss the opportunity to tease Harris a little.
But he didn’t get an answer. Instead, he got to witness Harris being rejected by the little girl, who just shook her head and gestured for Ilya to pick her up.
“Up, papa!”
That’s all they got out of her; aside from his face, Vera also took Shane’s personality. She was often quiet, preferred to play by her self in the living room, where she still could be reassured by Ilya’s presence, but mind her own business at the same time.
“I can’t believe she looks exactly like Shane”.
Harris accompanies them to the rink, where they wait for the team to come out of the dressing room.
“She took the best from him”. Ilya says proudly, cuddling Vera closer to his chest.
Ilya wasn’t proud of a lot of things he had done in his life, but there was for sure a few things he took pride in. One of them being the fact that he had managed to take part of making a new human being that looked exactly like the most perfect man there was.
Anytime anyone mentioned Vera looking exactly like Shane, Ilya’s heart swelled with pride.
Wyatt is the first to come out of the dressing room, full goalie gear on.
“Oh my god, hi Vera”. His voice gets an octave higher when he coos with the little girl, touching her little finger with his own.
He squeezes Ilya’s shoulder, and sends them both a kiss. Vera is delighted to see a familiar face, and Wyatt even gets a smile out of her.
“Hi baby”. It’s Shane who comes out next, smiling to his husband and their daughter.
Ilya smiles back, making a kissy face, while Vera is kicking her feet, reaching her hands to Shane, so he would give her a kiss too.
“Daddy give me kiss too!”
Shane kisses them both on their pink cheeks, and then, when Vera is distracted with greeting Bood, he kisses Ilya properly, leaning back when his husband gets a bit carried away.
It’s a blur of people in black jerseys after that, everyone being very excited to greet Vera, but trying to act calm, so not to spook her.
Luca even gets as far as to get Vera to laugh, when he makes a particularly funny face.
Troy gets not only a smile, but also a few words from Vera, when she tells him what she had for breakfast. He didn’t understand a lot, because the short story was partly told in Russian, but he still made a very concentrated face and nodded to her every word.
Harris stayed with them the longest, cooing over Vera, trying to win her over.
“She is so cute and polite, I imagine she also took that from Shane”.
“You continue being mean and I would tell her not to like you”.
When everyone get on the ice, Ilya and Vera settle on the stands to watch them run the drills.
When it’s Shane’s turn to skate, Ilya picks Vera up and whistles loudly, making Vera laugh in delight.
“Davay, daddy!” Vera is all smiles, clapping for Shane and wiggling her little feet.
When Shane looks up to see them, he is taken aback for a moment. He hears Ilya and Vera cheer for him, sees how happy their daughter is, and Ilya’s own big smile — and he is just running drills, what would it feel like when the would cheer for him on one of the games.
He sees his perfect little family, standing there, clapping for him, supporting him while he plays a game that gave him a chance to have this family in the first place.
Shane feels tears prickling his eyes, and he makes a great effort to contain his emotions — there is no way he would cry on the ice in front of his teammates.
But Bood still notices Shane’s reaction, and squeezes his shoulder, skating past him.
Shane gets himself together shortly after that, waves back to Ilya and Vera, and continues his practice.
A few months later, Ilya and Vera would cheer for Shane from the stands again, but this time on the actual game. And every time he would look up, he would see Ilya, wearing a Hollander-Rozanov jersey, who was holding Vera on his shoulders, also wearing a sweater, with Hollander-Rozanov written in big letters on her back.
4.
Two years could fly by very fast, especially when you have a toddler to take care of, and a hockey player as your husband.
After they celebrate Vera’s second birthday, Shane’s pregnancy test comes out positive once again, and a week after that discovery, he wins his fourth Stanley cup and announces his retirement.
He tells Ilya that they would become parents for a second time when the season is over, and they move to the cottage permanently.
It was a small announcement, only for the three of them; a small box with two tiny socks and an ultrasound picture.
Ilya had cried so much that night that he gave himself a headache, kissing Shane’s face, his hands and his head, thanking him over and over again.
Vera didn’t say much, but she took the tiny sock and put them on one of her baby dolls.
Being pregnant at 36 was no easy task, especially when you are carrying a big baby, but Shane is surprisingly comfortable in his own body, his mind calm, knowing, that he is safe and secure, his husband tending to his every whim.
When Nadezhda is born, she weighs five kilograms and has big blue eyes.
“See, she is even bigger than Vera was”. Shane says it, still lying in the hospital bed, Ilya right next to him, holding their daughter in his arms.
“My Shane, she is perfect”. Ilya had been teary eyed for two days now, ever since Shane had gone into labor. His cheeks are wet now, looking at Nadya with so much love, that Shane could not stop looking at him.
“I am so proud of you, moya dusha. Thank you”. Ilya kisses Shane’s forehead and doesn’t let go of his hand.
***
When they bring Nadya home, Vera turns out to be a perfect big sister.
She is immediately in awe of her new sister, giving her careful kisses and supervising every time Shane feeds her.
She tries to play with Nadya, showing her all the toys she has, but there is not a lot you could do with a three months old baby.
They go on the long walks to the forest together, Shane pushing the stroller while Ilya and Vera would pick flowers or berries for him.
When they sit outside on the patio, having dinner, Ilya would still get spooked by loons, which makes Vera laugh so hard her face gets red. Shane would use his skills to shoo the loons away by imitating the sounds they make, and Vera is very determined to learn how to do that too since the first time she discovered it is a skill she could acquire.
Having a newborn in the house again wasn’t easy, but they were confident parents now, Ilya not so scared and Shane calm and relaxed, slowly recovering after giving birth.
They fall into familiar patterns, taking care of Nadya while simultaneously making sure Vera gets all the attention she needs.
They take her to ballet lessons, Shane always being the one to braid her curls into complicated hairstyles, while Ilya would watch his hands carefully in confusion, while holding sleeping Nadya close to his chest.
“I still have no idea how you do that”.
Ilya always says it with a little pout on his lips, that Shane couldn’t resist kissing of off him every time, which resulted in Vera booing them loudly.
“It’s not so different from taking care of your curls, I’ve got some skills. Except you would never let me braid you”.
That was true, Ilya guessed, because when they first started living together Shane was shook to his core by discovering that Ilya uses a shity drugstore shampoo for his beautiful curls, never even bothering with any conditioner.
After that, Shane had taught himself how to do the extensive curly hare care routine, and made it his mission to take proper care of Ilya’s hair.
“They are my curls, I want to keep them healthy and shiny, so don’t argue”.
Now, aside from making Ilya keep the conditioner in his hair for at least five minutes, he also subjects their daughter to the same routine.
Shane was absolutely delighted to have to curly heads to take care of now.
So, naturally, he was in charge of all the ballet hairstyles for Vera, while Ilya would do her everyday hairstyles, which consisted of pigtails with glittery elastics and at least two bows.
They also have been taking her to day care three days a week, not more than a few hours each time. Not because Vera didn’t like it there, but because Ilya couldn’t take the separation.
On her first day of going there, Ilya had sat in his car at the parking lot and tried to keep his shit together really hard.
He FaceTimed Shane, who stayed at home with Nadya, because it was her nap time, with tears in his eyes, and they talked for an hour, Shane talking Ilya out of going and picking Vera up from the daycare right that second.
“I get it, baby, but she needs to socialize with other kids, it’s very important for her development, you know that”.
“I know, but what if she thinks we abandoned her, and we don’t love her anymore and that we hate her?”
Ilya is fully crying again, wiping hard at his eyes.
“Be gentle with those eyes, baby, I want them in place. And she doesn’t think we hate her, she doesn’t even know what “hate” is yet”.
But after seeing his husband so upset, Shane relents.
“Okay, you can go pick her up, but only this one time, Ilyusha, next time she stays there for at least two hours”.
***
One night, when they were once again sitting on the couch at night, that time all four of them; Vera tucked secure under Shane’s arms, fast asleep, and Nadya in Ilya’s arm, feeding her the bottle.
Shane leans on Ilya’s shoulder, kissing it gently, and touches Nadya’s cheek with his finger.
“Your eyes are identical now, I think it would stay that color”.
Shane says it, while still looking at their daughter, her gaze never living his face.
“You really think my eyes are so beautiful? They look that pretty?”
Ilya has tears in his eyes again, looking at Shane like he hang all the stars in the sky.
Shane is yet again taken aback by just how full of love he’s husband is, by the amount of adoration he has for their daughters and for Shane himself.
“Of course I think so, baby. I had dreamed about having kids that would have your eyes for so long”.
Shane is kissing Ilya’s eyelids one by one, wiping away the tears that covered his cheeks yet again.
In the past two years Ilya had cried more happy tears than he had in his entire life.
They fall asleep on the couch again, just like they had almost three years ago, holding both of their daughters close, Shane’s head on Ilya’s shoulder, with his husband’s lips kissing his hair.
5.
Shane was absolutely sure that it was the last time he is carrying a child.
It was a miracle on its own, that he even managed to get pregnant at the age of 38, and he was so done with being pregnant.
Lyubov is their last daughter, and she is born four days before Christmas, with Ilya’s face, hair and eyes — his absolute copy, like Shane wasn’t even there when she was being made.
That, of course, didn’t upset Shane at all. He spent hours just staring at Lyuba, stroking her chubby cheeks, smiling so hard at her that his own cheeks hurt.
When they bring her home, everything is ready for Christmas; the tree stands near the couch, all kinds of ornament and lights hang haphazardly off of it, extensive amount of gifts lying underneath it.
The outside of the house is also covered in lights, giant Santa standing in their backyard, also wrapped in multicolored lights.
Vera and Nadya were getting their Christmas no matter what, Ilya made sure of that.
The girls were excited about their baby sister, wanting to be around her constantly, holding her tiny hands and stroking her bald head.
“Papa, was I bald too?” Vera was very concerned with her sister not having hair, but fascinated with the little blonde fuzz she had instead of curls.
“No, you were very hairy”. Ilya ruffled her black hair, kissing her head. “Lyuba will grow out her curls too soon”.
“You’re so sure she would have your hair too? Your entire face is not enough?” Shane is on the couch, feeding Lyuba her bottle, amusement clear in his eyes. “Greedy”.
“You like my face so much you made a copy of it. Who’s greedy now?”
“I like your face too, papa!” It’s Vera, who’s right next to Shane on the couch “It looks nice on Lyuba too”.
“We have the same eyes!” Nadya was still fascinated with the fact that she and Ilya were both blue eyed, and now she added Lyubov to the list too.
***
Three days later, when they all wake up on the Christmas morning, there is chaos everywhere.
The girls were too excited for the present to wait for their fathers to wake up, so they take everything in their own hands.
Matching Christmas pajamas on, they bounce on their father’s bed, laughing, when Shane scolds them sleepily.
They know he doesn’t mean it, because despite his stern voice, he is smiling wide.
Ilya insists he and Shane also put the matching pajamas on, and hurries to the nursery, to put Lyuba into her matching onesie as well.
“Girls, no candy for breakfast!” It’s Shane, who’s even without being in the same room with them, just senses the misbehaving.
They all sit around the tree, Lyuba is fast asleep in Shane’s arms, swaddled in a hot pink cheetah print blanket that Ilya got for her as a Christmas gift, not bothered by all the noise around her.
You learn to sleep even in the loudest room when you’re the youngest in the family of five.
The girls have covered the floor with torn up wrapping paper, glitter and ribbons everywhere, showing each other what they got. Shane was just content to sit there, watching their kids excitement, but one thing was missing by his side.
Ilya sat on the couch, sniffling every once in a while, watching his kids and his husband on the floor.
Shane notices tears in Ilya’s eyes, and hurries to get up, still holding Lyuba in his arms.
“Baby, what’s wrong?” Shane is worried constantly, not sure what caused his husband’s distress this time.
Ilya shakes his head, wiping at his eyes quickly.
Shane replaces his hand with his own, gently swinging the wetness away.
“I can’t believe it. I did something right”
Shane is beyond confused. Of course Ilya did perfect with getting their house ready for the holidays while Shane was preoccupied with being heavily pregnant at first, and then going into labor.
But Ilya must already know that he handled everything perfectly, Shane had told him that time and time again. Surely this was not the reason for Ilya’s tears now.
“What do you mean? Of course you did everything right.”
“No, I don’t mean Christmas.” Ilya’s eyes are locked on Lyuba’s little face, his hands come up to grasp at Shane’s fingers.
“I mean you four. My family. I think I did something right.”
Shane’s own eyes fill with tears. He gets up and puts Lyuba in the playpen, to continue her nap in her cocoon.
He gets back to Ilya on the couch, kissing him reverently.
Shane brushes Ilya’s curls out of his face, holding him close, Ilya’s head on Shane’s chest.
“Of course you did it right, baby. You did everything just right.” Shane kisses Ilya’s curls, looking at their daughters, big smiles on their happy faces. “Thank you so much, moy lyubimyy. You did a perfect job”.
+1
It is always a blast for the kids when their aunt Sveta visits them.
Ever since Vera was born, Svetlana had made it her goal to spoil the living shit out of the Hollander-Rozanov children.
But Shane had had to intervene when she gifted Vera a Gucci bag bedazzled with rhinestones for her first birthday.
Ever since Svetlana had to stop herself from getting a lot of things, that Shane wouldn’t like for sure. But every time she passed a boutique air any store that had cute clothes for little girls, she would stop by and get something, to gift it to her nieces later.
This time she comes around the cottage with two giant bags full of things she brought from Russia.
She had gone there to tend to family business that she wouldn’t talk much about, but got sidetracked again and ended up spending a small fortune on the things she thought he were Canadian nieces need to have.
“They need to know their roots, Hollander! I can’t believe they had never had pickled tomatoes before, and Vera is seven already!”
Vera wasn’t a big fan of the array of pickled vegetables Sveta had brought with her. But the girls sure loved all the different homemade jams, that Svetlana’s mother had made specifically for “Ilyusha”.
“She tried to send me back with borsch in a giant jar, I had to literally fight her for two days straight.
I don’t think the Canadian customs would be thrilled with me bringing something like that in their country.”
Svetlana spends three days with them before she has to catch a flight back to Boston.
She spends her time at the cottage happily babysitting all three of the girls, letting them braid her hair and do her makeup in all the different ways.
She also brought a lot of books in Russian, almost appropriate for their age. They spend their time outside, Sveta and the kids sitting in the hammock, taking turns reading those books, Vera having no trouble reading curillic letters, while Shane and Ilya swim in the lake or sunbath on the docks.
Before Svetlana leaves for the airport, she takes Shane outside, trying to be sneaky.
She hands him an envelope, and for a terrifying second Shane thinks that she’s trying to give him money.
“Don’t ask me where I got it, it was a whole adventure, not a pleasant one.” Sveta smiles softly at him. “But I want you to have it and keep it safe for me”.
She leaves soon after that, leaving Shane confused and intrigued.
He comes back to the house, where Ilya just finished ticking the girls in for their nap. Soon Vera would refuse to sleep during the day, but it was a problem for another day.
Shane opens the envelope in the kitchen, where Ilya sits on the bar stool.
“Did Sveta give you money or something?” Ilya is as confused as Shane is now.
But he doesn’t get an answer, because Shane is looking at the photograph Sveta left him with tears in his eyes.
“What is it?” Ilya gets up, and realizes what Shane is looking at with horror on his face.
“You were so fat and bald” Shane is full on sobbing now, not bothering to wipe his tears. “You were just a fat little baby”
Shane is holding a photo of baby Ilya, not older than a year old. It old and frayed at the edges. Ilya had absolutely no idea how and where Svetlana managed to get it.
Ilya is really confused at Shane’s reaction. To be clear, he is not thrilled about Shane seeing this photo at all; he was a chubby child, with no hair on his head. He was red cheeked there, with snoot underneath his nose, because he had clearly just stopped crying about something. Ilya didn’t see anything cute about that photo at all.
After recovering from his shock, Ilya tries to take the photo from Shane’s hands. But he doesn’t let him; Shane holds it close to his chest, shaking his head no.
“I’ve never seen your baby pictures.” Shane decides, that the only way that photo would be taken from him, is when he is dead and can’t hold on to it anymore.
Baby Ilya was a spitting image of all three of their girls when they were born, but especially Lyubov. She was as bold and chubby as his husband was, and thinking about that only made Shane cry harder.
“Yes, well, I haven’t seen them either”. Ilya says, concerned. Maybe Shane thought that he was an ugly baby too.
“You were so cute, Ilya. Our daughters look just like you.” Shane has trouble breathing, from how hard he is crying now. He couldn’t believe that he is only now seeing this.
“And you were so chunky, just like they are.”
Ilya didn’t know what to do with himself.
Of course, he had also shed a few tears when Yuna showed him Shane’s baby pictures, and she had a million of them.
But he was an actually cute child, all shy smiles and awkward poses.
Ilya didn’t see anything cute in his snouty, red face.
But Shane seemed to think otherwise.
He launched himself on Ilya, hugging him tight, the old picture pressed between them. Shane was whispering something, but Ilya couldn’t hear it.
He hugged his husband in return, putting his head on Shane’s shoulder.
From that day onward Shane had cherished that photo like it was the most precious thing in the world.
He made a copy of it, and now there is one more photo in his wallet, right next to the one they had taken on Lyuba’s first birthday, with Vera sitting on Ilya’s shoulders, Nadya hanging from his left arm, while he hugged Shane with his right one, kissing his cheek, Lyuba snuggled close to Shane’s chest.
While the original picture was now framed and put on Shane’s nightstand, so he could look at it before sleep every night, before kissing the grown up version of the chubby baby next to him goodnight.
A few days later, Shane had found his own baby picture framed on Ilya’s nightstand.