Work Text:
Remnan isn't sure when he became incapable of imagining a life without Raqio in it.
It was a subtle change, he thinks. Slowly getting to know the person who promised to keep him safe. Somehow, he trusted them. Their exterior, rough as it is, holds a hidden sincerity. No fake fawning or malicious affection. Instead, wry jokes, playful banter, and a bluntness Remnan craved. Everything Raqio keeps hidden is warm.
They just barely met on the D.Q.O, on the heels of the Gnosia invasion of Liu-An. They insisted on skipping any military visit. It was out of kindness, though they wouldn't admit it. And now, here's Remnan, living in Raqio's apartment, truly free for the first time in years.
It feels easy here, even if Gliese is cold and uncaring. Only Kanaan 579 could ever be home, even though he could never return, but with Raqio around it becomes something close. Something new, maybe. He could get used to it.
It's slow. He gets to know Raqio. They're playful, almost silly at times. He can sense a dissatisfaction within them, something clawing its way through. It's dangerous, he thinks. But not towards him. It's the coldness of their home they are growing discontented with.
It's this, plus the little things. They don't let SQ stay in the apartment. She and Gina get a hotel. No fault of hers, he knows, but it's better. Easier. The rest clear out quickly enough. Otome and Kukrushka, already dropped off at Nada before they even arrived at Gliese. Jonas and Stella, away on their ship. Comet and Chipie, hungering for whatever adventure they'd find next. Yuri, disappearing in the night, chasing after whatever they lost. The rest, gone too. It's quiet, in a sense.
Only Raqio and Remnan remain. Raqio, who allowed Remnan to set up the guest room to his taste. They explain that the self-expression of one's personal space was paramount to comfort. At times, Remnan wonders how someone so logical could be so obsessed with aesthetics, but maybe that's just who Raqio is. Soon enough, they become comforting in their contradictions. Remnan's room is decorated in soft colors. Pinks and light blues. It's soft. It's different from the rest of the apartment, but it's his.
Then, it's all at once. Not from a conversation, but just laying in bed, rubbing the soft comforter between his fingers. It's then, in a room all his own, in an apartment he could leave at any time but doesn't have to, that he realizes.
He wants to spend his life here. Not necessarily the apartment. He wouldn't even have to be on Gliese. But he wants to stay with Raqio. Anywhere that they go.
An intense longing hits him then. He's almost sick with it. He's never felt this way. It's nearly perverse to him, this feeling. Like he's staking a claim.
It's then, out of guilt that he avoids Raqio. It's not easy when the two live together. At this point their lives are so intertwined that it feels obvious. But he can't help it. He doesn't want to burden Raqio more than he already has.
But eventually, something has to give. And it's when Remnan is grabbing a late night dinner. This is easy enough to do alone. Raqio eats their meal supplements, so shared meals aren't really something they do. He still plans to sneak off the sandwich to his room, but he hears the thumping of slippers on the ground, and he has no choice but to turn.
Raqio wears a plain grey t-shirt, one Remnan is certain they pilfered from the D.Q.O. Their face is bare, but their headphones are on. Remnan knows what this means. They're expecting a conversation.
“Remnan,” Raqio says. They're frowning a little.
“R-Raqio…!” Remnan says, surprised. Raqio tends to keep a pretty consistent schedule. This is off course. Intentional.
“I feel as though I haven't seen much of you these past few days,” Raqio says, and despite it all Remnan can find solace in their refusal to beat around the bush. It doesn't erase his tension, but some of it melts away.
Still, he's not quite sure how to respond. Raqio is waiting, tapping a foot softly on the floor. Kind of impatient, but nothing in Raqio's expression makes Remnan feel rushed, so he takes his time.
He doesn't know how to tell the truth outright, but lying would be too easy; Raqio simply can't tell when someone says something untrue. Being dishonest to them feels wrong. It'd make Remnan feel even worse, he thinks. Like he's staying under false pretenses.
But what can he say? “I want to never let go? Sometimes, I want to feel you beneath my skin?” Remnan is creepy enough as is, he knows. He can't help it. It's baked into him, impermeable.
Something in Raqio softens, just a bit. It'd be imperceptible, but Remnan notices. He always notices.
“I suppose if you'd truly prefer not to share, there's little I can do about it,” they say. They don't sound happy about it, but they don't seem angry either.
They're giving him an out. He could leave it there, allow himself to exist in this uncomfortable secrecy. But it wouldn't feel right. He would continue hiding away out of fear that any second spent with Raqio would reveal to them just how perverse he is.
So, it's with a deep sigh that he speaks.
“I… I want to stay with you,” he whispers, staring towards the ground. He refuses to even glance at Raqio's face, fearing the way they'd surely sneer at him.
“You are,” they say slowly, “you live in my apartment. I have no intention of making you leave. I believe I made that clear when we went through the trouble of painting your walls.”
Remnan's hands tighten around his pants. “No… That's not… I want to stay with you. Anywhere. As long as it's you.”
It isn't exactly a weight that leaves him then, but he feels like he can breathe easier regardless. Whatever it is, it allows him, though with no small hesitance, to glance at Raqio's expression.
Their face is flushed pink, just a bit. It's made all the clearer than it would be because of their lack of makeup.
“Are you… is this a confession?” Raqio asks. It's maybe a little blunt of a question, but Remnan can understand why they're asking it. He isn't really sure himself.
“S-something like that,” he says.
Raqio's face is redder than it's ever been, but they're not upset. They're quick to embarrassment, he knows. Things like praise, even when it's warranted, are only covered by posturing, feigning anger to cover anything else up.
“I'm not exactly the romantic sort, you know,” they say after a few seconds of silence.
“Neither am I,” Remnan says, and in truth, he isn't. Things like that always had the promise of pain. But he trusts Raqio, and maybe it isn't romantic, not entirely. Maybe it's something else, deep and unreachable. “I… just want to be with you. It doesn't have to be any different than what it is.”
For a few seconds, Raqio is silent. It isn't a choking silence. Remnan feels himself calm down in it. Somehow, he isn't afraid of what will happen when it is broken.
“I believe I'd be… amenable to that,” if Raqio could get any pinker, they do. “That is to say… Yes. You are one of the very, very few people in this world I find myself attached to. Whatever comes next, I want to experience it with you.”
And despite it all, despite the lingering anxiety, Remnan can't help it. He breaks into a smile.