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"Don't try to find me." Andrew's voice echoed in Ivan's head, it kept repeating and repeating, Enough for his head to hurt, and his heart to ache
Apologies surely won't work. Especially after what happened last time.
"I forgive you!"
It hurt. It hurts to remember, he's trying to forget, he's trying to heal, but everything just reminds him of his friend Andrew.
The couch, the spot next to the TV where Andrew used to sleep.
It all just hurt so much, Ivan needed a break.
He entered his room and kept the door open, not like anyone will enter anyway
Ivan's gaze focused on the axe mounted on the wall. He thought of Andrew's words.
"I hate you like an axe hanging over my head."
Ivan covered his ears. As if Andrew was actually here repeating his words to Ivan. His voice were still clear and Ivan could still perfectly remember, he doesn't know if it was a blessing or a curse, perfectly remembering the voice of someone that's so dear to him.
As soon as Andrew's voice faded, Ivan's hands slowly dropped to his sides. Even he wasn't safe in his own room.
So this was what Andrew felt when he spent sleepless nights hiding from Ivan in the bathroom?
Ivan feels tears streaming down his eyes. He's crying.
But he's not supposed to cry, real men don't cry!
Ivan sat down on the cold floor, knees hugged to his check and his face messy with tears all over his cheeks, his visor tilted unevenly to one side and his hair sticking up in all places,
he wiped his tears with the back of his hand, wetting his fingers.
What would his father think of him?
he was supposed to make a name for himself, not crying like a lost child.
"Im sorry.." Ivan lets out an almost pitiful apology, unsure If It's for himself, Andrew or for his father.
He waited for the tumor to speak up, Or for his father to tell him to stop crying and make a name for himself.
But there was only the sound of his quiet sobs in the room,
It was suffocating, yet deafening. He didn't wanna be alone
He wanted someone to respond, he was hoping the tumor would at least left out a sickening laugh at how pathetic he was, no matter how much he wants it to go away, he needed someone to respond.
But the tumor wasn't here, nor his dad
He expected something, something harsh, just to break the silence, but there was nothing, and that's even worse.
"please.." Ivan pleased, trembling.
but still no one responded.
were they doing this on purpose? did they just want Ivan to suffer? they were always there, but they're gone right when Ivan wanted them.
Ivan lets out a tired sigh, closing his eyes, leaning his head against the wall.
Ivan opens his eyes, feeling someone's arms around him, he turns his head towards the person's face.
Andrew.
he had a gap in his forehead with dried up blood around it. Ivan looks over to his side.
A fire axe.
"Andrew.." Ivan called out, getting his attention, he knew this wasn't real but he wanted—no, needed to stay here and feel the comfort of his so-called "friend"
Soon enough, Ivan leaned his head on the other man's chest, he was probably leaning against the wall, but that didn't matter.
None of that mattered. What mattered now, is Andrew.
"I love you." Andrew spoke up, getting Ivan's attention.
Now, Ivan's not alone.
"Really?" Ivan replied, thinking it was stupid to respond to a voice in his head,
Or to this "Andrew" he was talking to. Andrew's voice was empty and showed no emotion, but that was enough for Ivan, Someone to be there to show he's not actually alone.
"I love you." Andrew repeated.
Sure you could keep dreaming, Ivan but you can't keep living in your delusions forever, make a name for yourself.
Andrew left, just accept it, he's never coming back
Ivan wanted to stay like this forever but he knows he can't. Nothing lasts forever.
Dreams always end.
Ivan wakes up in the cold floor, holding a pillow tightly in his arms, the fabric soaked with tears.
Andrew is gone.
Wake up, Ivan.