Chapter Text
Ever since Kim Donghyun was a child, he often felt intrigued by the saying “To forgive is to forget”, he could never understand how one could simply ‘forget’ or dismiss something hurtful done to them. Sure, some of the more stoic kids around him were more down-to-earth and less stubborn about grudges, but Donghyun was always more sensitive and prone to being petty. Not to mention, his life hasn’t been all that forgiving so he isn’t quite sure he could easily ignore every hurdle life throws in his way.
If you were to ask Donghyun to explain, he would probably start by emphasizing that the rising action of his life cycle as of his current age of twenty-two, would be his parents divorcing after a dramatic discovery of his father’s affair with a younger colleague. Safe to say, his house became a warzone immediately after, his mum hurling their dinner plates against the walls, wailing and berating him about his lack of loyalty and shame. It was hard to believe that just mere minutes ago, they were still sitting together on the dining table as a family, enjoying mum’s home-cooked meal as usual until his father got a notification that aroused his wife’s underlying suspicions.
So that’s that.
Long story cut short, the divorce settlement finalized within a month, and his mum obviously got full custody of both him and his older sister. With their mum having to take on more shifts at her clinic, they’ve been living off of frozen food and instant noodles, the dining table filled with a looming silence that ironically contrasted with the usual lively chatter present during meals.
Truthfully, Donghyun doesn’t believe that the divorce really ever affected him much. Besides during vulnerable moments or when his stress peaked, then yeah maybe it did make him grimace a little when he thought of the awful memory of that fateful night. Dongmin never believed him, always accusing him of downplaying his feelings to avoid being a burden and whatnot.
Oh and Dongmin. Of course, how could he not talk about Dongmin when talking about his life.
Arguably the source and reason for the climax of his life (mind you, at the age of twenty-two), Dongmin found him at the age of seven when the pair met each other at the neighbourhood park and accidentally took each other’s verdant puffer jackets back home (the only difference was that Donghyun’s one has fish stickers). Shocked, their mums hurriedly brought them back to the vast park and coincidentally arrived simultaneously, which instigated an elongated conversation to begin between the pair. As the two mums chattered off, the two boys left behind started their own mindless chatter. To this day Donghyun still remembers Dongmin’s first words to him.
“So…you like fishes?” he asked tentatively.
Donghyun brightened up instantly, guys at his school always gave him weird looks whenever he mentioned he liked fishes.
“Yes! I really really do.” he replied, eyes crinkling so hard he’s losing sight of the boy in front of him.
“Reall- Wait! I didn’t get your name. My mum told me I should ask for a stranger’s name first before anything else, says it's good manners or something.”
“Oh, I’m Kim Donghyun. Are you from around here? It’s a small neighbourhood and I don’t think I’ve seen you before.”
“Nah, my family moved here recently cause my dad switched jobs, but it's been fun here so far. I mean, I’ve only met you but I’m sure you're loads of fun.”
“Mhm mhm ... .so can I talk about my fishes now?” Donghyun asked, eyes pleading and lips pouting slightly as if he’s physically holding back the encyclopedia of fish facts from spilling out like an exploding shell.
“Um sure”
And the rest was history.
By the time their mums finally took notice of the passage of time with the sun retreating and the atmosphere dimming significantly, the pair was already engrossed in random conversation, hunched on the ground with their heads tilted towards each other and giggling uncontrollably. As their mums tried to pry them off from each other, they cried, begged, and screamed (the big three of humiliating things to do as a child, according to Dongmin) but to no avail.
Disappointed, they separated, big doe eyes lingering at each other as they walked away from each other in their rightful puffer jackets. Right before Dongmin and his mum made a turn into a different street, he yelled out.
“My name’s Han Dongmin by the way, you forgot to ask you ill-mannered dummy!”
Bewildered, a burst of laughter shot out. It was then that Donghyun took notice of Dongmin’s appearance, having been too lost in sharing his interests to actually focus on him. Dongmin had dark shabby hair that seemed overgrown, his smile slightly jagged with his front tooth missing (“It's only temporary though” he argued) and his eyes reflecting a happiness that was so overwhelming that Donghyun never thought it would ever go missing.
It’s no wonder that when Donghyun went back to school and found that Dongmin had transferred there too, his mum heard all about it. Everyday he would rush home and go “Dongmin did this” or “Dongmin gave me this today” with a bright smile on his glowing face.
—-------
Safe to say, Donghyun is absolutely dreading his second year at university. Not only is he doing economics which he hates, he also has to attend a compulsory advanced mathematics course because his mum swears it’s fundamental and absolutely crucial if he wants to earn more in the future. While money is obviously an important factor in life, Donghyun’s still slightly petty and upset about not being able to pursue his dream degree, marine biology. So he’s still pretty bummed about that.
What makes it worse is that he has to juggle the impending doom of the semester starting along with moving to a new dormitory with a new roommate after he had been crashing at his sister’s place down five blocks. Bless her soul, she tolerated his gloomy demeanor for a whole year while still managing to balance job searching and acting as Donghyun’s sole support pillar.
He had quickly skimmed through the basic details of his new roommate from the university’s dormitory website and the kid seemed decent enough (and incredibly impressive, he’s two years younger than Donghyun yet they are both in their second years).
Name : Kim Woonhak
Age : 20 years old
Contact Information ; 011-xxx-xxxx
Degree : Music Production
The moment he reaches the dorm, room 530, he knocks tentatively as his nerves begin to grow. What if he’s not a good match with this Woonhak guy? What if they don’t get along and Donghyun has to just deal with it for the next two years?
Abruptly, the door opens up swiftly, revealing a tall guy with a wide, gummy smile and brownish hair that’s kinda shaped like an acorn. His eyes glimmer with pure excitement, causing Donghyun’s labyrinth of thoughts to disperse at once.
“Hi! You must be Kim Leehan, I’m your new roommate Woonhak. I hope we get along well, I heard we’re both from Busan and we’re basically same surname twins, this must be fate!” he all but roars out in one go, his overpowering voice leaving Donghyun stunned.
For a moment he barely even registers the name Woonhak used. Leehan. He had decided on it right before entering university, figuring it was time to start separating the social version of him at school and the more reserved version of him at home. Wherever that is now.
Remembering to answer, he stammers out an awkward response.
“Ah..yes that would be me. I hope we get along well too. And by the way, has anyone told you that you looked like a giant fluffy teddy bear.” he teased, a glint of his past playfulness resurfacing.
“Aw man not you too hyung! I swear I’ve been hearing that from all the other hyungs from my program, especially from Jaehyun hyung, he babies me too much when he’s not much older.” Woonhak argued, gearing up fiercely whilst Donghyun froze.
Jaehyun?
Does he go here too? And if he does, what are the chances that Dongmin is here too? Stumped, Donghyun forces his spiralling thoughts down and lets out a soft chuckle.
“But you are cute though, so are you gonna let me in?”
—-------
Hours pass as the two silently unpack their rooms, time going by way faster than Donghyun would like. Frankly, he thought that he made quite the progress with his spacious room. He had finished setting up his study desk with some decorative lamps shining a kaleidoscope of colors, and took out some posters of jazz artists he used to put up in his childhood bedroom.
Fumbling through his suitcase, he took notice of a framed picture he didn’t remember stuffing in.
As he picked it up and turned it to properly view the portrait, his heart sank instantly. He felt his head throb at the sight. A frown growing unconsciously despite the constant reminder in his head that he shouldn’t be reacting so violently to a mere picture.
But it wasn’t just any picture. It was a framed picture of Dongmin and Donghyun during their summer break as high school seniors. Dongmin had his arm strung around Donghyun’s shoulder, smiling giddily even though the wind had messed up his hair. His head was tilted towards Donghyun’s, his eyes facing towards him endearingly. Meanwhile Donghyun was busy shielding himself from the sunlight, his hand over his eyes but his smile still visible albeit slightly more bashful. They were happy, nonetheless.
His sister had taken the photo and promised that she'd get it framed nicely, but the pair lost contact before the picture could get a physical copy. Donghyun had never even thought to keep it since It was probably still in his phone’s gallery somewhere in a locked folder he can’t bring himself to delete. Sometimes during late nights, he would scroll through the folder full of him and Dongmin’s pictures and his heart would clench whenever he saw how happy they used to be together. There were pictures from their childhood all the way to their graduation, they grew as the pictures became more recent. They became much taller, their facial features matured and they became more stylish in terms of fashion. But they were still together, always a constant.
Until they weren’t.
Because Donghyun is an idiot and a coward who shouldn’t still be wallowing in his despair for an ex who he hadn’t talked to in a year. Still holding the picture, he hesitated before gently placing it on his desk. He probably shouldn’t be putting up an affectionate picture of him with his ex, considering their fallout. That would definitely stop him from being able to move on and everything, but Donghyun decides that he’ll blame it on the sentiments of the nocturnal hours.
Just as he was about to call it a day and hit the sack (even though it was only eight at night), Woonhak knocked on his door, his head sticking in from the jagged door that Donghyun couldn’t be bothered to close properly.
“Hyung, my friends from my program wants to come over and check out the dorm, says they need to make sure I’m not living with a whacko and that I can’t be trusted to handle organising shit on my own. But I wanna make sure it's fine with you first! Oh you can join us too if you want, I swear they’re pretty cool once you get to know them”
He really does have a knack for rambling. Donghyun thought.
“Sure thing, I need to start socialising more anyways”
“Ok that’s great cause they’re actually here already…I just stalled them outside cause I forgot to ask you” he said, chuckling awkwardly.
Then he yelled at the door and called for his friends to come in. And boy was he shocked to see who came in.
Dressed in an oversized hoodie and still having those big, non-prescripted glasses on his face was Myung fucking Jaehyun. He still had the same fluffy brown hair he always had and his prepared smile wavered slightly at the sight of Donghyun. His eyes widened in recognition and Donghyun wished he had said no to joining them.
Behind him walked in another guy with long dark hair and a neat look. He came in and bowed at Donghyun, who bowed back but was still reeling from the initial shock of seeing Jaehyun again.
Thankfully, Woonhak seemed perpetually clueless and brightened up.
“This is my roommate Leehan hyung.” he said before turning to Donghyun.
“Hyung the guy with glasses is Myung Jaehyun and the other one is Park Sungho. Sungho’s in stage production and Jaehyun’s in music production with me along with another guy named Taesan, but he’s busy today and can’t make it. Says that he had a project due soon, poor guy.” he rambled, again.
“Wait- Leehan? Did you change your name?” Jaehyun said with an accusing tone, fingers pointing right at Donghyun.
“No, I didn’t.”
“Then why did he just call you Leehan?”
Right as Donghyun was trying to conjure up a reply, Sungho finally said something.
“Wait, you two know each other?” he said with a confused expression akin to a cat’s.
“Something like that.” Jaehyun muttered.
Woonhak stood at the centre, still bewildered by the interactions.
Positive as he is he somehow smiled brighter “Well that’s great, saves me from having to do introductions.” “Technically you already did though” Sungho whispered.
The four of them gathered at the cramped dining table, Sungho and Woonhak not noticing the awkward tension between Donghyun and Jaehyun. For an hour straight, they talked about their programs and their worries about the new projects and deadlines while also making small talk with Donghyun about random things. The whole time, Jaehyun stuck close with Sungho, occasionally throwing unreadable glances at Donghyun which put him on guard the whole time.
“So Leehan, how old are you?” Sungho asked innocently.
“I’m twenty-two, born in 2004”
“Oh what a coincidence! Taesan hyung is also twenty-two this year. We should set you two up soon when his schedule frees up.” Woonhak cut in.
From his line of sight, he saw Jaehyun visibly flinch at the mention of Taesan which was odd?
Okay speaking of Jaehyun, it’s important to note that he doesn’t actually hate him or anything. Donghyun met him because he was close with Dongmin in high school as they were both members of the school council. They had become friends and often met up as a trio. Honestly, Jaehyun had never done anything wrong to him. In fact, Donghyun believes that they could’ve been considered good friends if it weren’t for him and Dongmin’s radio silence.
But now staring at Jaehyun who definitely still remembers him, he can’t help but feel an urge to vomit. He came here to start anew, not to become entangled with his past again. Fortunately for him, Woonhak finally decided he had enough of them and that it was too late, pushing them to head back to their dorms.
Sungho and Jaehyun argued lightheartedly before heading back to their dorm. (after nagging Woonhak about his cleanliness and the state of his room) Right after they left, Woonhak turned to Donghyun with a concerned expression.
“Are you ok? You seemed clammy so I got rid of them first”
Donghyun was rightfully shocked. Here was this kid he had just met today and he was going out of his way to care for him.
“Yeah I’m fine, I was just shocked to see a familiar face today, is all”
“Ohhh Jaehyun hyung right? Were you two high school friends who lost contact? Was that why the atmosphere was kinda awkward”
“I guess you could say that.”
“Well isn’t this quite a fateful reunion then! Maybe you two could get close again, and I’ll introduce you to Taesan soon, the two of them are super close and always working on songs together. I think you would prefer Taesan though, he’s more calm and mature and cool. Jaehyun hyung argues otherwise”
“Sure, I’ll take you up on that, but for now I’m heading to bed. Good night Woonhak-ah.”
He escaped into his room after hearing Woonhak’s warm response. And as he sits in the dark alone, replaying Jaehyun’s reaction to him, he can’t help but be reminded of the past for the second time that day. Oh god he’s starting to sound like a broken record in his head. All roads lead to Dongmin. Always Dongmin.
—-------
“You know, I used to always tease you when we were little because you’d get sulky and pout cutely.” Dongmin noted randomly, his eyes barely glancing up from his phone but still showing a mischievous glint. The two of them were sitting in silence on Donghyun’s bed, Donghyun’s head lazily propped on Dongmin’s shoulders as they both lay against the headboard.
He grumbled in response “How's that cute? Isn’t that just me being annoying and cranky?”
“No you don’t get it! Whenever you sulk it looks like you have rabbit ears drooping down and your tone shifts. You get whiny Donghyun-ah” he chuckled, his breath against Donghyun’s sensitive ears.
“I don’t whine! I express irritation.”
“Yeah no you’re a whiner when you get mad, but I love you either way.
Donghyun tilted his head towards Dongmin’s only to find his ears red “You mean it?” he asks even though he knows the answer. Of course he does. Nothing Dongmin does for him isn’t genuine and Donghyun can’t help but feel guilty every time he reflects and realizes that he has never done anything special for his boyfriend.
They’ve been together for a few months now and the trouble with college applications was taking a toll on him, especially since his mum has been silently hinting at him to pursue something stable. And stable meant that Donghyun would have to push aside his passion. Meanwhile Dongmin is dead set on pursuing music production, his ultimate dream since they’ve met. Obviously Donghyun’s happy for him, he’s ecstatic even. He has no doubt that he’ll do well as long as he puts his mind into it.
But lately Donghyun’s been feeling left behind in terms of just about everything. Everyone around him seems so sure and optimistic about life in college, and then university, but here he is still stressing about the upcoming exams with no ‘stable’ courses piquing his interest. Even with Dongmin next to him in such a domestic manner, he can’t help but feel an intangible distance, as if he’d be burdening him with his problems. Donghyun’s sure he has his own worries and is just better at compartmentalising. He’s always been better than Donghyun. Too good for Donghyun.
Lost in his labyrinth of thoughts, he almost misses Dongmin’s reply
“Of course I do silly, I’ll keep saying it if that’s what it takes for you to believe.”
“I do. Believe you, I mean.”
“Mhm you better.” he says before leaning toward Donghyun and swiftly leaving a light peck on his lips. The kiss itself was brief but the sensation lingered, leaving Donghyun’s face adorned in a bright red hue.
“I can’t believe you just did that to me. On my childhood bed.” he said flatly, dramatically glaring at Dongmin.
The man in question simply shrugged and ruffled his hair before turning back to his phone.
Till this day Donghyun wonders why he never said the three words back to him. And why Dongmin never asked either.