Work Text:
By all objective standards, it was supposed to be a normal Wednesday—but 'normal' was a concept that had been evicted from the Shibuya-Ikejiri Share House long ago.
The clock hanging on the wall in the living room read 2:00 PM as all the Wonderlands x Showtime members were in their rooms, doing work for their respective majors. Tsukasa stood in front of his vanity mirror with the ring light on, recording a self-tape for a local but major theater company, on the 47th take. "I AM THE STAR THAT SHINES UPON—No, wait, the camera wasn't even recording. One more time!"
Rui was working on his stagecraft thesis, trying to sync a small drone to follow a performer's movements via infrared sensors. The room smelled faintly of ozone and solder as every time the drone took off, it created a draft that blew his blueprints all over the floor. He had to stand on his bed to retrieve a sensor that was stuck to the ceiling.
Nene was singing songs from her musical theater repertoire, recording herself for a class assignment. She was standing in front of a microphone while her phone camera pointed at herself, but it was hard to nail a song in one take when you have the smell of burnt circuit boards permeating in your room, explosions thumping against the walls, and a sound of a loud, wannabe superstar shouting out his monologue. Did I forget to mention that she was wearing noise-cancelling headphones, and she was still able to hear all of this?
And that's not even mentioning what Emu was doing in her own room. She was sitting at her desk with her laptop open on a Google spreadsheet. She was taking advantage of the highlight feature on the digital sheet by using six different colors, trying to organize which theatre companies in Japan best catered to her roommates' interests, and planned accordingly to whether or not to recommend that company.
"But narrator, that sounds like she's doing some actual work!"
Patience, reader. You have to remember that this is Emu we're talking about. Emu was "working", but she was also listening to a cast recording of Wicked on full volume. And everyone could hear it. Word. For. Word.
Tsukasa was about to do his tape for the 49th time when the sound of a phone call shattered the moment. His ringtone, the thunderous pipe organ overture from Phantom of the Opera, blasted throughout the house.
Honestly, was every item he owned just as loud as he was?
Tsukasa scrambled for his phone, nearly knocking over his ring light, before putting the device against his ear.
"Hello, this is Tsukasa Tenma! To whom do I have the pleasure—"
"Hello Tenma-san, this is the House Manager for the Shibuya-Ikejiri Share House. I am making this call to inform you that we're doing a routine 'Environment Check' on all of our properties. I'll be at your door in twenty minutes. See you soon!"
"Wait, twenty minutes—?"
Beep. Beep. Beep.
The silence was deafening as Tsukasa stared at his phone screen wide-eyed, slowly coming to the realization that:
Rui has illegal wiring in the ceiling.
Nene left several empty soda cans and gaming controllers in the living room.
And Emu spilled rainbow glitter all over the communal rug. A rug that was beyond repair of being completely clean.
"Holy sh—" Tsukasa stopped himself from cursing. "This is bad, really bad!" He dropped his phone on the floor and ran into the living room. "EVERYONE! IN THE LIVING ROOM! IT'S AN EMERGENCY!" He shouted, cupping his hands around his mouth.
Nene's bedroom door creaked open, followed by her head peeking out. “If this is about the centipede you saw in the bathroom this morning, Rui already took it outside. You can stop screaming now.”
“THIS IS NOT ABOUT THAT MULTI-LEGGED DEMON, NENE! THIS IS ABOUT THE HOUSE MANAGER! HE’S COMING FOR AN ENVIRONMENT CHECK IN TWENTY MINUTES!”
Nene’s face dropped. In the silence that followed, the Wicked soundtrack finally drifted to a stop. Then, the synchronized 'click' of two more doors opening echoed through the hall. There was a brief moment of quiet between them. Emu was the one to break it.
“Don't worry, Tsukasa-kun! We will get this place clean with a Wonderhoy plan!” Emu chirped as she skipped towards the laundry room. She grabbed the mop, went into the kitchen to grab a bucket from a bottom cabinet, filled it up with a mixture of hot water and specialized cleaning chemicals, then tossed the mop and bucket to Tsukasa without any warning. “Tsukasa-kun! Catch!”
Tsukasa’s soul nearly left his body as he somehow managed to catch the mop and the bucket, though some of the contents obviously spilled on the floor. He looked at the floor. Then at the mop. Then at the door. Nineteen minutes left.
“Are you kidding?! Now we have to clean the floor just so we can stand and clean it!” Tsukasa shrieked. “Nene, throw away all your trash in the living room! Rui, spray air fresheners throughout the house! And your room, especially your room! Get rid of the wiring in the ceilings while you're at it! And Emu, throw away your glitter rug already!”
Rui tilted his head slightly, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “Get rid of the wiring? But it's connected to the main power grid. If I get rid of it now, the whole house will be pitch black!”
“YOU CAN FIND A WAY TO FIX IT, I KNOW YOU CAN!” Tsukasa shouted.
Tsukasa pushed Rui towards his room as Nene started to pick up all the empty soda cans in the living room with no objections. Emu, however, was very disappointed that she had to clean up her latest masterpiece that Tsukasa called a mess, trudging towards the rug in question.
“Wait, Tsukasa-kun! I can save my masterpiece, I can!” Emu protested with a whine, picking up the rug carelessly and running towards the laundry room.
Tsukasa's eyes widened at her words, shoving Rui into his bedroom before shouting: “WAIT! DON'T PUT IT IN THE WASHING MACHINE! YOU'RE JUST GONNA GET GLITTER ALL OVER—” he lunged towards her, but he slipped on the very spill that Emu had caused, falling onto his back.
“Tsukasa-kun!” Emu called out his name worriedly, dropping the glitter rug onto the floor and ran towards him… making even more of a mess. “Are you okay?”
Tsukasa groaned, staring up at the ceiling where one of Rui’s stray wires was sparking ominously. “I’m—I’m fine…Just—throw away that rug. Good God, I see so many stars…”
“Those are my LED sensors, Tsukasa-kun,” Rui corrected, his voice drifting from his bedroom. He poked his head out, holding a soldering iron like a magic wand. "Though if you stay there, you might actually see some. The water from the bucket is currently migrating toward the power strip for the television."
Nene, who had just finished throwing all of the soda cans away, turned her attention away from the stray controllers in response to hearing this. “If that power shorts out, my save data for PUBG will be lost!”
"THEN DON'T JUST STAND THERE!" Tsukasa bolted upright, his dignity forgotten as he scrambled to his feet, sliding slightly like a cartoon character on ice. “THIS IS YOUR LAST WARNING, EMU!” he continued to shout while Nene hurriedly cleaned up the water spill in the background. “THROW. AWAY. THE. GLITTER. RUG!”
“Fine!” Emu conceded with a pout. She grabbed the corner of the rug, dragging it towards the front door like a defeated soldier retreating. Though she was leaving a glitter trail behind her.
Tsukasa watched the glitter trail continue to grow longer as Emu walked further, a grimace on his face. “Nene,” he called out her name uncharacteristically solemnly. “Make sure to clean up the glitter on the floor.” He ordered before storming towards Rui’s bedroom.
Nene was staring at Tsukasa in shock for a brief moment as he kicked the door open, only to be met with a wall of purple smoke. She looked at the sponge in her hand, then at the thick trail of rainbow sparkles leading to the front door, and let out a heavy sigh.
"Unbelievable," she muttered, dropping to her knees to start scrubbing.
“Rui! If that wiring isn't gone in five minutes, you’ll be eating meals with only vegetables for the rest of the month! I will make sure Emu and Nene get the memo!”
Rui didn't even look up from the ceiling panel. He was currently hanging upside down from a makeshift harness. "The wiring is technically 'gone' from the ceiling, Tsukasa-kun. I've successfully rerouted the entire house's electrical load through the next door neighbors.”
Almost immediately after he said that, all of them could hear the said neighbors freaking out about their lights turning on and off on their own (due to the power overload).
“Rui…” Tsukasa’s face turned pale. “Oh my—” he let out a sound that was half-sob, half-sigh, rubbing his temple before undoing the harness, making sure he got down safely. “You're actually going to get arrested. All of us are gonna get arrested because we're your accomplices!”
-
Emu was finally throwing away the glitter rug at the local communal collection point when she saw a familiar car pull up to the Share House.
“Oh no!” Emu exclaimed. “Manager-san is already here!” She started to run, ready to greet him to give everyone else more time. Emu skidded to a halt right in front of the Manager’s car door just as he was stepping out.
"MANAGER-SAN! WONDERHOY!" she shrieked, throwing her arms up.
The Manager, a middle-aged man holding a very professional-looking clipboard, nearly dropped his pen. "Ah, Otori-san. Good afternoon. I'm here for the—"
“The Environment Check?!” Emu interrupted, physically stepping into his personal bubble to block his view of the front door—where a trail of rainbow glitter was still clearly visible on the porch. “Yes, we’ve been expecting you! But might I interest you with some complimentary snacks?!" She pulled two packages of Pocky from her pocket. "My partners are dusting the house right now, to heed your allergies!"
The Manager blinked, staring at the Pocky dumbfounded. “Allergies? I don't recall putting that in my file…I actually don't struggle with allergies. And I'm quite sure the check was scheduled now…”
“Oh! No allergies? That's wonderful to hear! I’ll be sure to remember that the next time you come here!” Emu replied with a smile so wide it looked physically painful, stepping sideways to mirror the Manager’s every attempt to peek at the door.
Inside the house, the sound of a crash—likely Tsukasa tripping again—thumps through the walls.
“What was that?” the Manager asks, looking concerned.
Emu doesn't miss a beat. “THAT? That was just the music that we play during cleaning time! It's very upbeat!”
-
Back inside the house, Nene finished cleaning up the glitter trail that Emu left behind (except the one on the porch), Tsukasa was nursing himself with a pack of ice on his head in the living room, and Rui was trying to do damage control with the neighbors by rerouting the electricity to the public utility poles. As if that was a better option. He was currently leaning out his bedroom window with a pair of binoculars.
“Rui,” Tsukasa whispered, his voice trembling with the weight of a potential eviction and jail time. "Tell me the neighbors have stopped screaming."
"Technically, yes," Rui hummed, watching a spark jump from the utility pole. "Though that might be because their circuit breakers have finally surrendered."
SLAM.
“Manager-san is getting impatient!” Emu whisper-yelled, her head peeking out the front door. “Act normal!”
Tsukasa immediately shoved the ice pack underneath the couch and sat down rigidly, turning on the TV to a news channel. Nene frantically grabbed her Nintendo Switch that was conveniently on the dining table and held it upside down with intense, unblinking focus.
Rui didn't move. He just lowered his binoculars and gave a serene, terrifyingly calm smile. "Ready when you are, Tsukasa-kun."
As for the glitter that was still on the porch, Emu took the fall and had to explain to the Manager that she ‘accidentally spilled glitter that was from party supplies’. She made up the story of her and everyone else throwing a party when they got all the internships they wanted while she escorted him inside. It was an unrealistic story, really. A group of college students can't get the exact thing that they want at the same time!
The Manager stepped over the threshold, his shoes crunching on a few stray sparkles Emu hadn't managed to kick away. He looked up from his clipboard, expecting to see three other successful, celebrating interns.
Instead, he was met with silence.
“Ah, yes!” Emu announced, her voice echoing off the walls. “I forgot to mention an important detail: we had that party a while ago! Glitter can be very difficult to get rid of completely!”
The Manager adjusted his glasses, his eyes drifting from Emu’s frantic smile to the living room.
"I see," he murmured, his pen hovering over the Cleanliness section of his clipboard. "And... are your roommates also recovering from this... internship celebration?"
He looked at Tsukasa, who was sitting as stiff as a department store mannequin, solemnly watching a weather report about a cold front in Hokkaido. Next to him, Nene was aggressively tapping the back of her upside-down Switch, her eyes wide and unblinking as if she were fighting for her life in a game that wasn't even turned on.
“Yep, we’re just taking it easy for now.” Rui chimed in, now perched at the living room window with his binoculars.
“And the binoculars, Kamishiro-san?” the Manager’s eyes narrowed. “Is that your way of relaxing?”
"Birdwatching," Rui answered instantly, his smile widening by a fraction of a millimeter. "Shibuya has a fascinating variety of... urban sparks. I mean, sparrows."
“Indeed! Tsukasa interjected, not moving a single muscle. “Now, Manager-san, which rooms are you inspecting specifically?”
The Manager’s pen finally touched the paper, making a scratch sound. “We need to check the ‘Core Utilities’—meaning the kitchen, the bathrooms, and the electrical panels.”
At the word electrical, a synchronized shiver ran through the troupe.
“The kitchen!” Tsukasa stood up abruptly. “A good place to start! Very sanitary! Emu, show him the fridge!” he ordered as Rui snuck away to his bedroom, making one last attempt to fix the wiring problem.
The Manager stepped into the kitchen, his pen poised over the Sanitation box. Emu threw the fridge door open with the flair of a game show host, revealing… an assortment of water bottles, energy drinks, yogurt cups, cheese sticks, fruits, and deli meats.
"As you can see! Balanced nutrition!" Emu chirped, physically blocking the view of the freezer—where Rui had stashed a bag of "Experimental Cooling Gel" that was currently glowing a faint, neon purple.
The Manager leaned in, squinting at a stray purple light leaking from the edge of the freezer door. "Otori-san, is your freezer... glowing?"
“It's a…new energy-saving interior light!” Emu squeaked, slamming the fridge shut with a force that made the magnets rattle. "Very trendy in Shibuya right now!”
"I see," the Manager said, his voice dripping with skepticism as he scribbled a note on his clipboard. “And the electrical panel? It should be right behind that door in the hallway."
THUD. HISS.
A sound like a pressurized steam vent echoed from Rui’s room, followed by the faint smell of toasted marshmallows and ozone. Nene took her eyes away from her turned off Switch, looking at Tsukasa anxiously.
Tsukasa, still standing in a stiff salute near the couch, didn't even turn his head. “Manager-san! How about we save the best for last and go to the bathrooms instead? Here, I’ll be the one to escort you now!” He walked over to the Manager and hastily led him to the first bathroom. Emu and Nene watched them go.
Tsukasa swung the bathroom door open with a flourish that nearly hit the Manager in the face. "BEHOLD! THE PINNACLE OF HYGIENE!"
The bathroom looked normal at first glance, and if you didn't come in to take a closer look.
The Manager stepped in, sniffing the air. "Is that... lavender?"
"YES! Lavender! The scent of calm and—" Tsukasa’s voice died in his throat.
Sitting in the middle of the bathtub was Nenerobo, currently wearing a loofah on her head and holding a waterproof scrub brush. Her LED eyes flickered to life, sensing a "performer" in the room.
"SCRUBBING PROTOCOL ENGAGED," the robot chirped in a tinny version of Nene’s voice. "TARGET ACQUIRED: MIDDLE-AGED MALE. PREPARE FOR EXFOLIATION."
The Manager froze as the robot began to spin its brush at high velocity.
"IT'S A SMART-BOT!" Tsukasa shrieked, lunging into the tub to tackle the robot before it could launch a sudsy assault. "A TSM SHIBUYA PROTOTYPE! PLEASE, IGNORE THE THREATENING MESSAGE!"
From the hallway, Nene put her face in her hands. "I told Rui to turn the 'Aggressive Hygiene' mode off..."
“Rui-kun loves making inventions for theatre performances, but he experiments with them outside of classes!” Emu chimed in, walking over to stand at the doorway. “Nenerobo was one of them! The Hygiene mode was to test out whether or not it can do cleaning tasks!”
“Interesting…” The Manager remarked, still trying to process what just happened. “Does Kamishiro-san also have his inventions in the other bathroom?”
“I’ll go check right now!” Tsukasa offered as he abandoned the shut-down Nenerobo in the tub and ran to the second bathroom.
Tsukasa threw open the door with a shaky, theatrical hand. “AND HERE! A perfectly ordinary, non-sentient, non-exfoliating RESTROOM!"
To prove his point, he lunged for the toilet lid, flipping it open with the confidence of a man who had finally won.
DA-DA-DA-DAAA-DAAAAA!
A crisp, high-fidelity trumpet fanfare echoed off the tiled walls. Tsukasa froze, his hand still gripping the porcelain lid, a wide, panicked smile plastered on his face as the last trumpet note faded into the hum of the bathroom fan.
The Manager stared into the toilet bowl for a long, agonizingly silent five seconds.
“Is this…also a TSM Shibuya prototype?” He asked, his voice strangely calm.
Rui came out of the hallway, after presumably fixing the ceiling wire problem. “That was a personal project, actually! I call it the 'Royal Commode.' I felt the house lacked a certain… noble grandeur during the morning rush." His voice drifted in the bathroom, sounding genuinely proud.
"It's for morale!" Tsukasa squeaked, finally closing the lid (which triggered a shorter, descending 'wa-wa-waaa' trombone slide). "A star must always feel like they are entering the stage, even in the—"
"Tenma-san," the Manager interrupted, massaging the bridge of his nose with his pen. "I am going to skip the 'Acoustics' section of this report. Let's just... move to the electrical panel. Please. I have three more houses to check before five o'clock."
-
When the manager went to the electrical panel in the hallway, it looked…remarkably standard. No sparks. No purple glow. No trumpets. For the first time since entering the house, he felt his blood pressure drop.
"Everything seems... adequate," he muttered, scribbling a final note. "I’ll mark the Environment Check as a 'Pass—with Recommendations for Psychiatric Consultation.'"
"WONDERHOY!" Emu cheered.
The Manager didn't even look back. He practically bolted for the front door, stepping over the last of the glitter and scurrying to his car as if he were escaping a haunted house.
As the car pulled away, the house fell silent. Tsukasa finally let out the breath he’d been holding for twenty minutes, sinking onto the couch where the hidden ice pack was already starting to soak through the fabric.
"We did it," Tsukasa gasped, looking at his troupe. "We live to perform another day!”
Nene finally turned her Switch the right way up. "I'm moving out," she lied. "Rui, if that robot ever tries to exfoliate a guest again, I’m calling the police myself."
Rui just smiled, looking back at the ceiling. "Don't be silly, Nene. Next time, I’ll make sure it offers a complimentary facial as well.