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Damian scans the hallway listlessly. His room is at the end of the very hall. As a result, he is forced to walk past the closed doors of the rooms belonging to the rest of the family each time he wishes to leave or return to his bed. He doesn’t mind, though, as his room is directly across from Father’s. It gives him a small sense of accomplishment and belonging that he cannot explain. He knows it’s unreasonable and childish, yet he feels so anyway.
A window resides at the end of the blue walls, sunlight illuminating the hall that rests besides it. The scenery outside is an extraordinary one. A garden tended by none other than Pennyworth himself. Seeing such scenery is as if taking a sniff of the roses himself. The flowers are cared for. The flowers are able to feel the comfort of Pennyworth’s tender hands running through their petals and witness the gentle smile the butler awards them with when they grow to be luscious and beautiful. Damian often finds himself staring out of that window when he departs his room at the bright crack of dawn.
Right next to the window is Father’s closed door. Father does not spend much time in his room. Most of his activities are operated down in the Batcave or in his office; viewing his bedroom as something merely reserved for sleep (and it’s not like Father ever sleeps anyway, so it is a rare sight to see the door shift open). Along with his brooding personality, his bedroom door results to be quite plain. However, Damian sometimes finds this a bit surprising. Richard was quite a silly character as a child, finding much joy at vandalizing Batman’s property. Damian supposes the entire wall filled with doodles in Father’s office is the exchange for the mercy of his bedroom.
He imagines if Richard were still in his youth, the door would long be covered in awful drawings of each of the Robins and other superheroes around the world. Damian knows he is a much better artist, but he would never dare to take that step, even if he desires so. Though he supposes that was really never what it is about. He is not as courageous as Richard is when facing Father.
Besides Father’s door is Richard’s room. Richard’s closed door is decorated with random stickers and polaroids of himself with the Titans. Him and the Titans in outer space; him and the Titans at the amusement park, him and the Titans at a sleepover… The list continues.
Additionally, there are pictures of Richard and each of the family members individually. The one he has with Father dates back to the years when he only just started out as Robin. Father wears a scowl that is much softer than the one he wears today. The picture with Todd is one of Todd sleeping with a drawn mustache and a grinning Richard holding up a peace sign next to him. Him and Drake is one of them at Drake’s photography gallery together; him wearing Gordon’s glasses and her glaring at him; Pennyworth smiling softly while Richard sticks out his tongue; Cain snapping a picture of the two of them when she made a joke and he ended up rolling on the ground in laughter; him and Brown drawing ice cream-made whiskers on each other…
Damian sees himself. It is much simpler compared to the rest. Richard had taken it many years ago, when Father was lost to the timestream and the family had been scattered across the world. When it had just been the two of them. The Damian in the picture is still one that is young and naive, filled with child-like wonders (whatever type of child-like wonders Damian is capable of having). Richard has a smile - one that is carried with the pain and responsibility that comes with being Batman - while Damian scowls. A scowl alike to his Father, secretly wishing his time with Richard would last.
Across from Richard’s room is a vacant one. A vacant room is nothing fancy in this hall. After all, no matter how large the Wayne family is, the family wing manages to be larger (they do live in a manor). However, Richard has told Damian about the tales of that room when he first came to the Manor and was getting a tour around the place.
“This was Jason’s room,” Richard explained with a tone combined of both fondness and sorrow.
Damian glanced behind him at the very end of the hall that reaches towards the rest of the Manor, where the other man had just pointed out Todd’s room to him. Richard saw this small movement, and gave him a light huff of humor.
“I know what you’re thinking, Dames. Jason does not have two rooms, as greedy as he is. No, this was his room before he, well, died. It was kept the same as it was throughout our time without him. When he finally forgave us enough to climb up to the family wing though, he disliked seeing his old room as a constant reminder of everything that has happened. He demanded the things in the room to be removed, then picked a new bedroom at the very end of the opposite direction so he could be as far away from B as possible during his stays here,” Richard mused out loud. Damian watched him as his eyes seemed to dance with amusement and melancholy at the memory.
He found that many things associated with Todd tend to be a mixture of affection and grief altogether. The boy did his best to bite back a remark at Todd’s idiotic feud with Father. He had already gotten in enough trouble that day.
Even until this day, there are still marks on the closed door from the stickers that had stayed on there for far too long. The room stays vacant, despite being the closest unoccupied room to both Father and Richard. It is an unspoken rule. No one dares to touch the memories of what once was.
Drake’s closed door resides two doors over from Richard. He picked the room initially due to not yet feeling quite a part of the family at the time. He wanted to give the two space after losing their precious loved one, yet not far enough for the Waynes to suspect he might dislike them. The most eye-catching item on Drake’s door is certainly the bright, red “Do Not Enter” sign that hangs idly in the center of the door. Damian finds this to be quite childish, though he supposes the sign is likely from Drake’s teenage years that he never bothered to take down. Then again, Damian is now also a teenager, and he would never think of doing something as obnoxious as putting a red sign on his door. Though if it keeps Richard out of his business when he visits, he wouldn’t be against trying it out.
Below the sign are some old photographs from back when Young Justice was still active. In the center is a picture of him, Kent, Allen, and Sandsmark. The four of them huddle together, each beaming brighter than the other. Sometimes, Damian catches himself staring at photographs as such, wondering if he would ever have a team like that. It is a silly dream, he knows.
Diagonally across from Drake’s room is Cain. Favoring Drake and not wanting Todd and Brown to feel excluded, she chose a room that resides between the three of them. Cain never spends much time in the Manor, even after getting formally adopted. Most of her time, she spends either in Hong Kong, or in the Clocktower with Gordon. Due to this, the only thing noticeable on her closed door is a small doodle of a bat with a smiley face on it and black hearts surrounding it. Damian finds it to be quite adorable. Cain is an endearing person.
A few doors away lies Todd’s bedroom, only a number away from the end of the corridor. His closed door is mostly plain except for the large red mark that reads Father’s name with a huge cross covering it. Todd had declined all requests of Richard begging him to decorate his room, insisting the Wayne Manor is a mere temporary spot for him. That is, until Todd, in a rage, decided to write “Bruce” hastily with a red marker and cross it over during one of his fights with the man. Richard and Drake had spent a long time laughing at Father over this, and perhaps even Damian had chuckled along somewhat. Todd is an immature and inconsiderate person, yet still manages to capture the hearts of others easily.
In between him and Cain is Brown’s room. Despite Brown not really being a part of the family - which she insists so herself - she has a room unlike Gordon. She refused, initially, but Pennyworth was determined, which softened Brown eventually. It is Pennyworth after all. Gordon is a different case. Though Pennyworth had tried to get her to pick a room as well, she would not budge. Gordon is a strong-willed person. Damian admires the way she is able to reject Pennyworth.
Evidently, Brown does not spend much nights at Wayne Manor at all. Whenever she visits, she much prefers to leave by nightfall, retreating back to her own abode. Despite this, her closed door is painted solid purple by her. It is a rather plain decoration, but stands out drastically compared to the rest of the white doors in the hallway. Brown has a way of attracting attention to herself like such.
Pennyworth still lives in the servant wing, despite being the only servant and a part of the family a long time ago. Father has offered him a room in the family wing numerous times, yet was turned down with each attempt. He insists he is fine with his room, as he has been living in it for so many decades it would feel too strange to suddenly switch. And when Pennyworth tells someone “no”, then it is a no. Once, Damian had asked the butler if it ever becomes lonely to be the only one in such a large wing. Pennyworth shook his head as gently as ever, and said, “It is impossible to feel lonely when surrounded by such warming spirits of everyone in the family.”
Damian would like to disagree.
Damian walks down the hall, glancing at each decorated door as he does. At times, they bring joy, almost as if his siblings were still here with him. Most times, these empty rooms and closed doors simply serve as a reminder of how utterly alone he is in this mansion. He takes in the sight of these doors that tell the glorious tales of those that came before the boy; these doors that hold the presence that his dear siblings left behind, alongside everything else they forsaken. They haunt Damian with every step he takes inside the silent halls. These doors that remain closed each time Damian shifts his gaze towards them.
The Manor adores to murmur and echo like such. No matter how far away the Waynes are, their previous existences at the manor will never be truly lost. Every inch of these halls are but a reminder of how his siblings had once lived here similar to the way he is currently. The library has shelves reserved for classic literature for Todd, murder mysteries for Drake, and fantasy stories for Cain. A dark room built especially for Drake is right now the corner, while the ceiling in the dining room has a dent next to the chandelier due to Richard climbing onto the previous one and knocking it down.
Damian is sixteen now. He has grown into a reserved and stoic young man. He sees the world much clearer than he did when he was ten - blindly attacking Drake simply in hopes of Father’s love. It is not as if he no longer desires such warmth; he simply knows better than to expect it now. The rest of the Waynes have since long moved out of the manor, chasing a life of their own. Richard spends most days in Bludhaven, visiting during the holidays or when necessary. Todd and Drake drop by every few months, since they still reside nearby in Gotham. Cain only visits every now and then, due to the many travels she makes as both Black Bat and a ballerina. Brown makes hating Father a hobby, only visiting when Drake and Cain do so. Gordon’s stays are rare; her own life being a much more important matter compared to visiting a middle-aged father. Damian never sees much of them outside of vigilante work nowadays. Even then, he sticks with Father most of the time. Batman and Robin, they are. The dynamic duo.
Damian is not an idiot. He knows he will never be able to satisfy his Father’s love as he is.
Father loves Richard. He loves Richard’s cheerful manner and his acrobatic tricks and how he can always lighten up the mood. Father loves Todd. He loves Todd’s free nature and his teasing and his rough physical contact as a way of displaying affection. Father loves Drake. He loves Drake’s clumsy attempts at humor and his intelligence and how he manages to be awkward and easy-going at the same time. Father loves Cain. He loves Cain’s effortless wits and her silent support and her ways of always knowing when one is upset.
Damian is not Richard, nor Todd, nor Drake, nor even Cain. Damian knows his Father loves him as well, but he also knows his Father misses his children more than he could ever love Damian. His existence alone will not be able to fill up the empty void Father has in his heart. He longs for the companionship his other children give him. Something Damian is unable to offer. But his other children are no longer here to comfort him like he desires. It is only Damian.
So as Damian walks down the stairs and towards the dining room, he cannot help but glance at the long table that is only set up for two currently. He knows his father enjoys dining at the banquet table. It reminds him of the memories of when all his children would be over visiting, and the manor doesn’t seem as cold for once. Yet, for Damian, it is only a further indicator at how lacking he is compared to the rest of the Waynes.
Father is already sitting at the end of the table, waiting patiently for Damian to arrive. He does. He sits down next to the older man, giving him a slight wave. Father gives him an acknowledging nod in return, now starting to feast on the delicious dinner Pennyworth has provided for them once again. Pennyworth could eat food at the table with them if he wanted to, and Damian honestly wishes he does. Three seems better than two and fills up the emptiness a bit more. Of course, Pennyworth insists on eating in his room. Damian does not say no to Pennyworth.
Most days, Damian spends his time sitting idly in his room. Primarily focusing on his art. He does not speak much. Father is a gloomy man by nature. Damian is too stubborn to start conversations himself, and when he does, the two of them are incapable of keeping it. He exchanges a few greetings with Pennyworth at times - no more than a nod or a mumble of acknowledgement - and does not bother interacting with the idiots that surround him at school. He wonders if he is beginning to forget how to make conversation or speak his mind. He wonders if his siblings ever miss him similar to the way Father misses them; he wonders why it is they have abandoned him at this empty manor without so much as a second glance. Yet, at the awkwardness of the dinner table, he does not wonder, only wish.
If only his siblings were here whenever he is forced to interact with Father. They would know how to respond to his blank words, Damian thinks. They would be able to fill up this endlessly suffocating silence. Richard would make another one of his moronic jokes about bats. Todd would poke fun at Father’s boring, black outfit. Drake would talk business with him and smile shyly at the compliments received. Cain would shake her head in disapproval at Father’s exhaustion, scolding him. They would make his Father happy. He spares a glance at the man sitting besides him.
Damian does not make his Father happy.
Damian is a lonely man.