Work Text:
“You’re better than this.” They all say.
Except what if I’m not?
What if this is the best I can be?
The best I’ll ever be?
So as I sit there, crying in class,
Crying alone in my room,
Crying myself to sleep,
They all say:
“You’re better than this.”
“You have a dream, don’t you?”
I don’t.
They don’t know that.
“I know you want to get to college.”
I did.
Not anymore.
I’m not quite sure when that changed.
It’s just another lecture I’ve heard a million times before.
About how I’m better than this.
So as I lay there, crying into my pillow,
—Another missing assignment, they shouldn’t be surprised—
Clutching my favorite stuffed animal,
—He’s the only one that understands—
I wonder,
“Where did it all go wrong?”
Because now there’s another F.
Another failure.
Another fuck-up.
And they all have these expectations of me that I’ll never meet;
They all expect me to do better,
Except I can’t.
They think that because I was at the top before, I’m just being lazy,
I’m just rebelling,
I’m just not applying myself.
I wish that was the case.
But alas, I feel I’ve dug myself into a hole that’s too deep to climb out of;
I’ve flown too close to the sun and now I’m plummeting into the waters below.
I’m drowning.
Suffocating.
And I don’t think I’ll ever breach the surface.