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Huang Renjun didn’t hesitate to take a radical approach the moment he stepped into Mark and Donghyuck’s shared apartment and saw Donghyuck sprawled like a dying starfish on his surprisingly still tidy and neat living room. There was a faint hard breathing sound that suspiciously sounded like repressed sobs and the first thing that he did was checking around, looking for the tissue box and walking straight to the dining table to get it without saying anything to his friend.
“Why didn’t you check on me first, you asshole!” Donghyuck berated Renjun from where he was sprawling on the thick fur carpet.
Renjun rolled his eyes. “Shut up. I didn’t get paid to take care of a tantrum child.”
The apartment was empty. Mark had gone earlier to eat with Jeno and Chenle. They were going to do the grocery shopping afterwards. Jaemin and Jisung would come here shortly after they were done with their gym routine. The Dream members were going to have dinner together and unfortunately Renjun was the only one available during this hour and Jaemin had threatened him with the most blinding, harmless smile and voice as soft as cotton candy but sounded terrifyingly vicious to come here first and take care of Donghyuck.
It was actually the Dream members’ mission not to let Donghyuck alone when Mark was not around. But because Donghyuck was stupidly genius, he saw through his friends effortlessly and made it his personal mission to make their mission impossible.
“Here,” Renjun put the tissue box on the table and dropped a bag of Donghyuck’s favorite snacks. “Now say thank you and be grateful.”
Donghyuck let out a cry but didn’t move from his spot.
“I don’t want to say thank you. You’re mean! A witch!”
Renjun snorted. “And you’re being difficult. If you don’t cooperate, this witch will feed you tons of sweet candies until you lose all of your teeth.”
Donghyuck tilted his head up to glare at Renjun who’s now sitting crossed legs across him. Renjun scowled back at him, completely unbothered.
Donghyuck let out a choked wail, his lips turning downwards into a pout.
“You don’t love me! You’re not supposed to be mean to me! I am wounded!”
Renjun let out an exaggerated sigh.
“Lee Donghyuck, stop giving me attitude. You’re so spoiled.”
“Shut up. I can do whatever I want because my boyfriend is moving 10,600 kilometers away from me!”
“Exactly. Once he’s gone there is no one to spoilㅡoh my god! Stop wailing!”
Donghyuck started to wail like a baby and it sounded more like a screeching sound and it made Renjun’s ears ring painfully. Renjun looked down at his friend from where he was sitting and when he made sure that there were no actual tears, he just let him do whatever he wanted to his heart’s content.
Renjun secretly let out a sigh of relief.
The truth was, one of the hardest parts had already passed.
This overdramatic Donghyuck was actually the easiest version to take care of. He was just trying to gain people’s attention and get under their skin for fun. Though Renjun knew better this time, it was just one of his coping mechanisms and he and the rest of the Dream members were not going to reprimand him for it.
This was normal and easy. This was something they’ve been dealing with for as long as they knew each other.
The quiet, purposely muted, and terrifyingly withdrawn Donghyuck was the most difficult one to deal with.
It happened before Mark announced to the group that he was not going to renew his contract and leave the company as well. Undoubtedly Mark had talked to Donghyuck first before the rest of the group and Renjun would never forget the atmosphere that day. The seven of them were together in this living room. The air was clean, the skies were empty of patterned clouds, the sun was warm, and the curtains were drawn to allow some sunlight inside. It was the perfect weather to go out and enjoy some nice walks but the whole room felt cold. The air surrounding them felt suffocating. The tension was palpable and sharp and no one moved a muscle, frozen in place.
The moment Mark laid out his decision, there was no objection. It wasn’t like they never talked about this before. There was always a possibility that the group might not be completed once the contact renewal happened. Even so it didn’t mean that it was easy to process that their leader, their pillar, the one of the parental figures in the group, decided to leave them first. But they were no longer teenagers so they proceeded with a proper, intense, throughout discussion first. The rest of the group had been vocal about their support and the more they listened to Mark, the more they felt at ease knowing that their leader had solid reasons to take a big leap of faith in his life. Moreover, it was his life and he should be able to decide what he wanted to do with it and had full control over it.
Something that not everyone could do or willing to do.
It was actually very brave and inspiring. To take control over your own life, to choose yourself above anything or anyone else, to put yourself first, to take a step back to re-evaluate before going forward to do the things you love. To be patient with every single step you take, to not rush, to trust yourself, and to still believe that it is never too late to start over, and to never stop dreaming.
People might say that Mark no longer loved music but he did this exactly because he loved it more than anything else. It used to be the only thing he ever dreamt of doing and he still wanted to do it but just not in the way he used to do. The career, the job, the passion, or however people called it, Mark’s chest and entire being still burned for it but he just needed to find a way to do it without losing himself.
Then there was the first sniffle that broke the tension in the roomㅡit was Jisung but Jaemin covered him by intentionally rubbing his nose in an excessive manner. But his eyes were also red and wet and misty.
And then Renjun openly sobbed and the rest of the group broke into a chorus of a crying mess.
“Huang Renjun!”
Jaemin practically jumped over him to smother him and Renjun tried to push him away while sobbing and snorting.
“Go away, Na Jaemin!”
“Noooo! I need a shoulder to cry on! Let’s cry together!”
Renjun wrinkled his nose, bawling. “Your boyfriend is right there!”
Lee Jeno, the said boyfriend, got arms full of overgrown Park Jisung who sobbed into his chest like a newborn baby and any other time, they would tease him for it. But right now it only made Renjun sob harder and Jaemin was there to hold him tight, catching him when he was about to fall. Jeno didn’t cry but it was only because the latter knew that if he cried, Jisung would not stop crying at all. But he was also the captain of the group and the rest of the members suspected that he might already know about it too. Chenle didn’t cry as loud as the rest of them but he was practically on Mark’s lap, hiding his face in the crook of his neck, his shoulders shaking lightly.
Amidst the chaos, the members still noticed that Donghyuck’s expression was rather blank, almost expressionless and it was as if he was physically there but his soul had wandered somewhere far away. He hadn’t said anything, not even a single word, and all he did was gently deposited Chenle into his arms, holding him like a baby against his chest. Mark wrapped them both with his arms as if he’s holding his whole world.
The members knew that it was what Donghyuck did when he wanted to withdraw from reality. And when he did, it was very hard to reach out for him and get him to open up. It wasn’t something that they could do by force so they let Mark handle Donghyuck because he was the only one who could do it. It took nearly a month before Donghyuck finally broke down and was able to talk through it with Mark.
After that everything went back to normal. Now it’s getting closer to Mark’s departure to Canada and Donghyuck has made it his mission to be a little shit.
“I’m serious, Lee Donghyuck,” Renjun said in his most threatening voice he knew would scare his best friend. “If you don’t stop wailing, I am not going to cook that damn malatang hot pot.”
It made Donghyuck bolted upright, pouting at Renjun like a petulant child.
“You’re brutal. Savage!”
“I am,” Renjun easily retorted. His eyes narrowed at Donghyuck. “Now can you please get up from there and help me prepare for dinner?”
Donghyuck didn’t want to get up but Renjun wouldn’t hesitate to kick his flat ass if he didn’t. So he reluctantly got up and followed Renjun to the kitchen like a dejected puppy.
“Can I please get strawberry smoothies?”
Renjun let out a deep sigh.
“Yes, you can,” he relented. “Sit there and wait.”
Donghyuck’s face broke into a brilliant smile and he clapped like the happiest child in the world and Renjun’s heart broke because for a moment he could see the young boy he met when he was fifteen had grown into a resolute, unyielding, and proper adult. All he ever wanted was for one of the most important people in his life to be able to get through the hardship and stay together until the very end.
He wished the lively spark in Donghyuck’s eyes would never dim. Ever.
Because if he had to wish for someone’s else happiness, he would do it for him because he deserved it.
“Up.”
Park Jisung let out a huge sigh.
Donghyuck blinked at him, holding out his arms and stubbornly refused to put them down unless Jisung picked him up.
“I’m not carrying you around in public.”
“Yes, you will.” Donghyuck resolutely said.
Jisung let out another sigh, pinching his nose exasperatedly. They were just done doing exercises. Though it was more like Jisung did his routine and Donghyuck cheered for him without picking up any gym equipment. Jaemin had texted them earlier and asked them to get back to his apartment because dinner was almost ready.
“Up. Up. Up.”
“Okay, okay,” Jisung said. “Get on my back.”
Donghyuck let out a triumphant laughter before climbing on to Jisung’s broad back. The short, timid, and scrawny little boy he used to know had grown into a tall big boy with a broad, sturdy shoulder.
Jisung would never admit it out loud but he liked to indulge Donghyuck and went along with his shenanigans simply because he liked to see him happy. He liked to see his loved ones happy. Given the current situation, he was more than ready to provide what he could give. It was always better to see Donghyuck being a little shit than seeing him cry or being hopeless.
Jisung walked straight to the hallway, pointedly ignoring the way some people turned their heads to look at them. Donghyuck didn’t seem to mind, of course he didn’t, and continued to talk Jisung’s ears off. Jisung jostled Donghyuck’s body gently, adjusting his position, before going inside the elevator and hit the number twenty on the elevator button that would take them to Jaemin’s unit.
Quiet.
Jisung could feel Donghyuck’s sharp chin digging on his shoulders. It hurt a little but he didn’t mention it.
“Mark hyung is gonna be okay.” he started gently.
Donghyuck snorted. “Of course he is, Jisungie. He’s a grown man. He knows how to take care of himself. He just needs to be reminded to eat decent food.”
“He’s going to miss you for sure.”
Donghyuck let out a laugh, small and nice and genuine. It instantly eased Jisung’s heart. At least he knew that his hyung was strong enough for this.
Donghyuck tightened his arms around Jisung’s neck, pressing their cheeks together and Jisung didn’t even have the heart to pull away.
“Jisungie, no need to worry about us. We’ll get through this like we always do.”
Jisung silently nodded. He believed that Mark and Donghyuck would always get through any hardship together. They’ve done it multiple times before, over and over again, and sometimes Jisung thought that there must be a limit they couldn’t reach and briefly wondered if this could be it.
But their bond was one of the strongest connections Jisung had ever witnessed. There would always be a bump on the road and it was not always rainbows. He used to witness some of their fights but as they grew older, they managed their emotions better and knew how not to worry their members by keeping some things private which later on turned out to be beneficial and improve their relationship.
“He is so brave isn’t he, Jisungie? My boyfriend is so, so brave,” Donghyuck whispered, choking on his own emotion, and Jisung’s heart rattled.
“He is,” he replied, voice thick with pure respect. He swallowed, trying to get a grip of himself. No matter how things were now, he knew that they still needed to adjust to the current situation.
It wasn’t easy but Jisung knew that they would manage.
Eventually.
“No one’s doing it like him.”
Donghyuck let out a chuckle and he was so open with his emotions that Jisung couldn’t help but admire him.
“Of course. He is Mark Lee. People don’t call Mr. Capable Lee for no reason.”
Jisung hummed in agreement.
That was true.
He knew that what he’d planned out for his life was different from Mark and he might never go in that direction but he was also aware that it at least took a strong heart and unshakable faith to do what Mark did.
“We can always visit him, Jisungie. I might surprise him in front of his class. Oh my god, that would be epic!”
“Please do not embarrass yourself. You’ve done enough, hyung.”
“Hey! I will let you know that my boyfriend thinks that I am the most adorable person in the whole universe.”
Luckily, Jisung didn’t need to answer that because the moment the elevator door opened, Mark was already waiting for them. He was clad in a plain black t-shirt and worn out sweatpants, his glasses hanging loosely on the bridge of his nose. He looked like the ordinary neighbour next door but the moment Donghyuck saw him, he let out a perfectly pitched wail as if he just saw Clark Kent.
“Papaaaaa!”
Donghyuck didn’t get off of Jisung’s back. Instead he waited with his arms wide open and went willingly when Mark pulled him into his embrace, carrying him like a baby koala.
He smooched Mark’s cheeks loudly. “Carry me inside, my prince!”
Jisung let out a gagging sound, completely disgusted with their shameless behaviour.
Mark, on the other hand, laughed as if what Donghyuck did was one of the loveliest things ever and his eyes twinkled. It was so easy to make him laugh and smile as long as Donghyuck was there with him or the topic of the conversation.
“Let’s go, my xingan.”
Donghyuck’s eyes widened and his cheeks turned crimson under the bright yellow light of the hallway and that was Jisung’s cue to go inside first.
At least he knew that no matter what happened, Mark and Donghyuck would be able to handle it.
When Mark discussed about his plans with Donghyuck for the first time, Donghyuck didn’t hesitate to put their relationship status aside and listened to him as his best friend, someone who had been with him for the longest time compared to others, as a teammate, and as a little brother who used to follow him around just to get under his skin when in reality, he just didn’t know how to verbally show his respect and admiration.
Donghyuck listened to Mark’s concerns solemnly, holding his hands as the latter poured everything out. And truth to be told, he wasn’t really surprised when Mark finally told him about his final decision. Deep down, he’s considered that possibility a few times before as he witnessed his boyfriend almost drown and slowly lost himself. It hurt him to see his loved one no longer felt alive when doing something he’d been dreaming about and fighting for. The sparks in his eyes gradually dimmed and he couldn’t feel as happy and fulfilled as he used to be.
“I don’t know what went wrong,” Mark had said, his shoulders dropped and Donghyuck could feel the way his heart squeezed painfully inside his chest to see him practically wilted. “But I know it shouldn’t take this much away from my life.”
Mark was right.
Donghyuck didn’t argue.
Mark didn’t think he could pinpoint what and when exactly it went wrong because it was the accumulation of the last ten years of his life and even way longer before he came to Seoul to chase his dreams. He just knew that some things felt wrong and he couldn’t pretend that everything was alright.
Donghyuck was there to hold him and to tell him that he would always be there for him. He would always support him and that it didn’t change anything between them because it wasn’t about him or their relationship. It was about Mark. His wellbeing, his dreams, his life, and above all that; himself. Mark should come first. Not him, their relationship, or anything else.
“I am sorry–”
Donghyuck had shook his head fiercely to stop Mark.
“Papa, between us, there is no need for sorry and thank you.”
The corner of Mark’s lips twitched slightly into a small smile.
It slowly eased the tension between them.
“You quoted that somewhere.”
Donghyuck let out an exasperated sigh, rolling his eyes playfully.
“Does it matter, my love? As long as you understand what I am trying to say.”
“I do,” Mark pulled Donghyuck into his arms, holding him so tight it hurt his lungs and making it hard to breathe. He held him close against his heart as if he’s trying to keep its content from spilling out all over the place. He held him as if he was the only one keeping him grounded. “I am sorry and thank you, pup.”
Donghyuck pinched Mark’s stomach, letting out a huff.
“I told you none of that!”
Mark just laughed and dropped a gentle kiss on top of his head.
“My xingan.”
Donghyuck let out a content sigh, curling into Mark’s arms and hugging him back just as tight, completely defeated.
That had been a few months ago. It was before Mark went to the company and had a discussion with them. It was before a lot of people from the company were involved and suddenly there were legal teams, lawyers, tons of official papers, complicated arrangements, and many other things. It was before Mark had to meet with other members and tell them about his decision.
It was before the official news had been released to the public and Mark started to prepare his departure abroad.
Donghyuck didn’t remember much of what happened during those times because it felt as if he was floating. He didn’t really feel anything. There was numbness that followed by the empty, hollow feelings inside him. For a while it gripped him so fiercely and mercilessly and nearly made him lose the sight of his surroundings. He could feel it slowly pulling him deep and he would’ve given in if it weren’t for a familiar warmth and strong hold around him.
Donghyuck could confidently say that he was one of the people who would always support Mark no matter what happened. It would never change. But it took him quite a while to finally process what was happening.
Mark was leaving.
Mark would no longer be in the group.
Mark would go soon.
Mark would be somewhere far away from him.
So far, far away.
It wasn’t a dream.
It was real.
The realisation caught Donghyuck out of the blue on a random Thursday night when he was about to take a shower. Instead of taking off his clothes, he ended up sitting on the closed closet and bawling his eyes out.
And that was how Mark found him.
Sobbing, snorting, half-wailing, trying to stop only to end up crying harder until his entire face turned red.
Mark didn’t say anything. He didn’t touch Donghyuck. Instead he let him have his space as he sat crossed legs on the floor, facing him. He waited patiently, knowing that Donghyuck needed this. His little boyfriend needed to slowly come to terms with the fact that he’s going to leave.
That from now on, they would walk on a different path. But it wasn’t because he liked spring and the latter preferred winter. It also didn’t mean that they would never collide.
What he did changed some things but that didn’t mean it changed everything.
“I am sad,” Donghyuck had said in between sobs and he sounded so heartbroken that Mark almost crumbled. But he toughened up and nodded, acknowledging his feelings.
“I am sure you are, pup. I am sad too.”
Donghyuck continued to cry, tears streaming down his cheeks. His eyes were blurry and swollen now, his nose as red as Rudolph, and he couldn’t stop hiccupping.
“T-that doesn’t mean that I-I am not h-happy,” he cried harder, bawling. “I-I am so happy for you, papa.”
Mark hummed and nodded, blinking back the tears. “I know.”
And it was the truth.
Donghyuck was genuinely happy for him. He’d told Mark that he was one of the most fearless people he’d ever known in his entire life for doing this. And that’s not just because he was brave enough to take another path in his life. He was so brave for doing it without knowing how it would end. It could end as he expected or it might turn out to be not how he wanted it but he still tried.
And for that, Donghyuck would forever admire and respect him.
“You’re going to leave me. Us.”
“Mnh,” Mark hummed again. “I’ll live in a different country from you and the kids.”
Donghyuck wept harder.
“I am not going to hear your snoring first thing in the morning.”
Mark chuckled. “I thought you hate it when I am snoring.”
“That’s because you’re not supposed to know that I love you unconditionally!”
Mark chuckled. “Alright. If that’s the case, when we’re having a phone call, I will not end the call so when you wake up you will still be able to hear me snoring.”
Donghyuck furiously wiped his nose and it only made it turn redder.
“T-the time difference will be a pain in the ass.”
“Luckily we’ve done this before,” Mark gently reassured. “When I begin my study, I will have a lot of breaks. It means I can go back home every few months.”
Donghyuck squeezed his eyes shut, crying some more. Louder this time.
Everything hurt but at the same time he was also excited for Mark.
For him to embark on a new journey. To try to do a lot of things he’d been wanting to do and to taste and experience life once more.
Donghyuck would not be there to witness it but he knew that Mark would always share that life with him too.
“Have you asked your brother how to register for classes?”
“I have, pup. He will be there with me for the first few weeks before I start my first semester, remember?”
Donghyuck nodded, wiping his snot with the back of his hand before taking the tissues that Mark silently handed to him.
“Share your academic calendar with me!”
“You already have my email and my password in your phone, sweetheart.”
Donghyuck sniffled.
“So Renjun was right,” Donghyuck muttered. “I am indeed spoiled.”
Mark smiled, completely indulgent and besotted.
“And it is your fault, papa!”
“Of course,” Mark easily agreed. “Can I hold you now, pup?”
Donghyuck didn’t say anything but he climbed down into Mark’s lap, his legs wrapping around Mark’s back, caging him.
Mark held him, squeezing him a little bit harder.
Donghyuck tightened his hold around Mark’s neck, not letting him go.
“We will get through this.” Mark promised.
“We will,” Donghyuck said, his voice hoarse but it didn’t waver. “It’s you and I. Of course we will.”
Mark swallowed hard. His eyes turned red and wet and he didn’t try to stop the first tear that rolled down his cheek.
“Please visit me there. Spring will be good because I know summer will be too hot for your liking.”
Donghyuck let out an indignant huff. “You better book my schedule in advance and talk to manager hyung so he can let me have a longer vacation.”
“Mnh,” Mark stroked Donghyuck’s hair gently, tenderly. “I will come to your concert. I will come to your comeback. I can still be your dance partner too.”
Sniffling.
Broken sobs.
Sorrows faded and a new light slowly came in.
A spark of hope and new beginning gently spread around, enveloping them.
“This doesn’t have to change everything.” Mark vowed.
“This doesn’t have to change everything.” Donghyuck followed.
For now, it was more than enough.
Chenle usually didn’t hold back when it comes to snarky remarks but this time he had to hold his tongue and tried so hard not to roll his eyes as he watched the way Donghyuck sprawled on Mark’s lap with his head tucked safely on Mark’s neck, snoring softly. Any other time he wouldn’t mind and wouldn’t even bat an eye on it but now they were at a dining table and he was trying to eat.
“Does this have to be this way?”
Mark looked up from his laptop, smiling widely. “You mean the usual way?”
This time, Chenle couldn’t help but groan. “Why not put him back on the bed? He’s not going to fully awake for another two hours anyways.”
Mark looked down and his eyes softened as he took in the sight of drooling Donghyuck in his arms.
Chenle let out a snicker.
“Okay, fine. Do whatever you guys want.”
Mark lifted one of his naturally perfect trimmed eyebrows. “Don’t we always?”
Chenle just grumbled and shoved another spoonful of fried rice kimchi Jaemin cooked before doing his morning exercises.
Donghyuck let out a small whine in his sleep and Mark was quick to drop everything to rub Donghyuck’s back, humming softly to put him back to sleep.
Chenle let out a sigh.
“Da ge, he is already spoiled, you know.”
Mark didn’t even deny it and just shrugged casually. Between them, he was actually the most shameless one. People just didn’t know it and always assumed the opposite.
“And there’s nothing wrong with that,” Mark claimed. “He’s doing such an excellent job taking care of me too.”
“That reminds me of something,” Chenle put his spoon down. “You have to prepare yourself, da ge. Xiao gege is going to send you tons of frozen homemade food every few weeks once you go abroad.”
Mark let out an amused laugh.
“I know,” he said. “He’s been asking my mom about my family recipes. He also has been spending most of his free time experimenting with Jaeminie in the kitchen. He is adorable, isn’t he, didi?”
Mark dropped small kisses on top of Donghyuck’s head and the way he looked at Donghyuck with pure fondness and affection was so heartwarming that Chenle felt his heart melt a little at the sight.
Not that he would admit it out loud.
Never.
“Didi,” Mark looked at Chenle and his eyes suddenly turned serious. “Promise me you will not let your xiao gege buy overpriced plane tickets in the spur of the moment and convince him to let me pay for everything.”
Chenle didn’t even try to stop himself from snorting.
“Fine,” he agreed, his shoulders slumping in defeat. “But I will not stop him from sneaking out.”
“That’s fine. Jeno will handle that one.”
Chenle threw Mark a scandalized look.
“Renjun ge is still right. You’re not supposed to spoil him rotten!”
Mark laughed and Chenle tried not to think that even though he didn’t always see him when they were still in the group due to their clashing schedules, in a few weeks he would see him even less, probably only once or twice a year.
Mark would not be around but Chenle knew that he would still have him as his da ge and that’s all that mattered.
“Maybe this is the right time to drag xiao gege into watching NBA games with us.”
“I think he would still prefer to stroll around than watch the games,” Mark dropped another kiss on top of Donghyuck’s head. “I am fine with it as long as my xingan is happy.”
Chenle wrinkled his nose at the nickname and Mark just laughed again. His gaze then turned to Donghyuck who looked completely blissful with his mouth slightly parted. He couldn’t help the warmth that slowly spread through him. He was the one who encouraged Donghyuck’s shenanigans the most to the point that it drove others crazy. The past few weeks have been unpleasant. He didn’t like to see the way Donghyuck had withdrawn himself but he knew that the latter needed some space to process everything. As much as he worried about him, he knew that it wasn’t his place to intervene and offered his support instead.
People might think he didn’t care just because he didn’t blatantly show it but he would do anything for his loved ones, especially those he held dear in his life, and that include his Dream members.
“Didi,” Mark softly called Chenle, pulling him out of his reverie. Chenle blinked and when he looked up, Mark was looking at him with a tender, affectionate smile. “I know you’re worried about him but trust me. He’s not alone in this.”
“I know,” Chenle replied, his voice thick with unreserved emotions he didn’t normally display. When he looked at Mark again, there was a fierce determination in his eyes. “You know we will always be with him, right? You don’t have to worry either. You can just focus on your study. We will take care of him.”
Mark smiled, genuine and sincere.
“I know you guys will take care of him,” he said. “Just don’t let the others drag him to the gym too often.”
Chenle huffed. “See, this is why Haechan gege does whatever he wants because you’re always enabling him. He needs to exercise more!”
“Yes, he does. But he has his own ways so just let him go to the gym only if he wants to.”
“Okay, fine. But I am not going in between Jaemin hyung and Haechan gege. They are gonna crush me.”
Mark chuckled. “Fair enough.”
At that moment, Donghyuck stirred in his sleep and he stretched his arms out like a lazy black cat. Mark, completely smitten, showered him with small kisses and looked utterly satisfied when Donghyuck let out happy giggles.
“Good morning, pup.”
Donghyuck smiled, wide and blinding. He tilted his head up and gently kissed the skin under Mark’s freshly shaved jaw.
“Good morning, papa.”
“Hello? I’m right here?”
Chenle scrunched his nose up, glaring at Mark and Donghyuck. Mark just gave him his signature lopsided smile meanwhile Donghyuck purposely wrapped his arms around Mark’s neck and nuzzled his cheek.
“Why, didi. Aren’t you happy to see us like this? 10 years and still going strong!”
Mark kissed Donghyuck’s cheek. “My xingan.”
Donghyuck laughed, delightful and so full of life.
In the end, Chenle was the one who relented and just accepted his fate to be subjected to their public display of affection. It wasn’t like he wasn’t used to it anyways.
“Whatever,” he grumbled and pushed a bowl of smoothie to Donghyuck’s side and didn’t even make an effort to comment on the way Mark silently fed him. “Coffee?”
Donghyuck’s eyes twinkled. “Yes, please. You’re my number one didi, you know that, right?”
“Yes and that’s because I am older than Jisungie so he comes second.”
“The smartest too!”
“Lee Donghyuck, if you don’t get the hell out of there, I will zip you in and ship you out to Saemageum.”
Lee Jeno didn’t even bat an eye when Donghyuck let out another high pitched scream.
“Cruel! You are so cruel! Heartless! You don’t deserve Jaeminie!”
Jeno rolled his eyes. “And you don’t deserve my kindness. Now get the hell out of there.”
Donghyuck crossed his arms over his chest, glaring at Jeno. “No! I don’t want to!”
Jeno pinched the bridge of his nose as he let out a deep, exasperated sigh. He came here to help Mark check the new luggage he’d helped purchase last week. It just arrived and Jeno wanted to make sure the quality was good. He laid it open on the bed and when he wanted to try to put some stuff inside, Donghyuck who had been quietly watching, suddenly jumped inside and sat in the middle of it.
“Get out.”
Donghyuck didn’t even budge and had the audacity to roll his eyes at Jeno.
“You want to see if it can fit a lot of stuff. Well, look at me. I fit inside.”
“Mark hyung is not going to bring you with him.” Jeno deadpanned.
Donghyuck let out a dramatic gasp and clutched his chest as if Jeno had physically stabbed him. His lips turned downward and his eyes widened in betrayal.
“Cruel! Horrible! Barbarian!” Donghyuck cried out. “Get out of my room.”
“Lee Donghyuck.”
Donghyuck pretended to cower under Jeno’s blank yet sharp gaze.
“Just because you’re the captain of the team, that doesn’t mean you can boss me around!”
Jeno clicked his tongue.
“I can’t do this all day, you little demon.”
“I can!” Donghyuck tee-heed. “If my boyfriend can’t bring me with him, I can always ship myself out.”
Jeno narrowed his eyes at Donghyuck. “I would like to see you try.”
Donghyuck let out a shriek.
“You’re scary!”
Jeno was seriously considering to hurl Donghyuck out of the luggage but Mark walked into the room just in time and was completely unfazed as he saw the current state of his boyfriend. After many years being together, nothing hardly fazed Mark. As long as Donghyuck was safe and sound, Mark would always indulge him. Which was endearing, yes, but not when all Jeno wanted to do was to get his job done quickly and efficiently.
Donghyuck’s entire face lit up when he saw Mark. He then pointed his finger at Jeno accusingly.
“Papa, he’s going to ship me out! Scold him!”
“Jeno, how dare you? Leave my xingan alone.” Mark reprimanded Jeno playfully, getting along with Donghyuck’s antics.
Jeno didn’t even bother to conceal his expression, the corner of his lips twisted and he glared at the couple. He wanted to get out of the room but one look from Mark and he knew that the latter wanted him to stay.
Mark stopped before Donghyuck who’s sitting in an open luggage with both legs pressed against his chest. He looked up at Mark and there was a glint in his eyes that made Jeno look away. He knew that his best friend had been putting on an act for the sake of everyone. Donghyuck was genuinely happy but it didn’t mean he wasn’t sad the closer Mark had to leave.
Jeno would never forget the night Mark had asked him to meet him and privately told him about his decision. He’d froze, muscles hard and tensed, and suddenly everything felt numb. Mark was so honest, genuine, and open with his thoughts and decisions. He shared his perspectives with Jeno and it helped him understand where he was coming from.
Jeno had always admired and respected Mark. As a friend and younger brother, he would worry about his health and well-being but he’d never once doubted him. If Mark wanted to do something, he knew that the latter would be able to pull it off and do well.
“I will have to leave the kids with you,” Mark had said carefully that night. “But you know you can always talk to me even if I am no longer here. I’m leaving the group. I am not leaving all of you.”
That was what struck Jeno the most. He knew that no matter what happened, the relationship between them would never change just because they took a different path in life.
Mark was going to leave in two weeks and Jeno had been tasked to keep his eyes on Donghyuck just in case he bought a plane ticket and followed Mark without supervision.
“Papa, I’m going with you.”
Mark let out a noncommittal hum. “Yeah? Did Jeno approve of it?”
Donghyuck turned to Jeno and gave him a stink eye.
“Why would I need his approval?”
Jeno let out a snort. “Do not bring me into the conversion.”
Mark turned around to look at Jeno, his lips turning into a nice lopsided smile and his eyes dancing with mirth.
“Say, Jeno. Would you approve it if my pup wants to come with me?”
“No,” Jeno didn’t miss a beat to reply. He turned to Donghyuck and leveled him with a warning stare. “We’re having a comeback in three months.”
Donghyuck let out a cry of betrayal.
“You two are so cruel! I hate you two!”
Donghyuck jumped out of the luggage and stormed out of the room while berating Mark and Jeno in a rapid, flawless flow of Chinese he’d successfully learned. Once Donghyuck was out of sight, Mark and Jeno let out a sigh of relief.
“He’s sad.”
For the first time since the public announcement of his departure, Mark’s exterior crumbled and there was pure misery and sorrow in his eyes.
“I know,” he said, his voice breaking a little. “I am sad too. It’s also hard for me. I feel like someone is tearing me apart.”
Jeno nodded in understanding. He might never fully understand the kind of internal battles Mark and Donghyuck were going through because he never experienced it but he shared the sentiment.
“You know I can’t always be gentle, right?”
“I don’t expect you to be one.”
“That means some days I can go easy on him and some other days I will not show him mercy.”
“Please do.”
“But you also know that I will turn a blind eye on him and help cover him, right?”
Mark let out a laugh. When he looked at Jeno, his eyes softened with the same warmth and affection he always had for him.
“I trust your judgement, captain.”
Jeno laughed with him, his shoulders visibly deflated.
“I’ll make sure one of us are the ones who drive him to the airport just to make sure that he’s safe before going to you.”
Mark nodded in satisfaction.
“How much do you want to bet he’s going to surprise me in front of my class for real?”
Jeno snorted. “With my whole fortune.”
A deep, amused guffaw bubbled from Mark’s chest.
Jeno smiled, small and content.
This too shall pass and he believed that they were going to be okay.
Later that night, after Mark had gone back to home from driving Jeno, he let out a startled gasp when he found Donghyuck sitting on the floor in front of their walk-in closet with piles of neatly folded clothes around him.
Donghyuck looked up at Mark, smiling tenderly.
“I will help you pack your things, papa.”
Mark’s heart squeezed painfully inside his chest and he took big steps to cross the room and carefully tackled Donghyuck, holding the back of his head so it didn’t hit the floor. He held him close to where his heart was beating, his throat constricted with so many emotions it threatened to burst out of his chest.
“Xingan.”
Donghyuck rubbed Mark’s back gently, holding him just as tight and close.
“You will always have me, xianggong.”
Mark let out a growl deep in his throat and Donghyuck threw his head back, laughing in pure delight. But it turned into a yelp when Mark bit his cheek rather harshly.
“Is this how you appreciate your niangzi for doing everything for you, xianggong?”
Mark let out another small growl of warning, gripping Donghyuck’s waist tightly.
“Do not tease.”
Donghyuck’s lips turned upward into the most perfectly sinful siren smile, his thin slender fingers playing with the back of Mark’s curls. Heat pooled at the pit of his stomach as Mark looked at him with his intense, burning eyes.
His love, his want, and his obsession were always so open that it was always easy to accommodate him.
“What will this husband of mine do? Will he punish me?”
Without a word, Mark carried Donghyuck to their bed and showered him with so much love and tenderness that Donghyuck ended up weeping. When Donghyuck finally fell asleep, Mark spent a long time just watching him sleeping.
“I promise a better future for us,” he whispered. “Everything will be okay, pup. We will be okay.”
Mark spent some more time kissing Donghyuck’s entire face before falling into a deep slumber.
That night, he dreamt of a big house with a backyard, small feet running around on the ground, deep laughter mixed with high-pitched ones, there was fresh and warm sunflower smell around the air, and happiness could be find all around.
“Cry.”
“No cry.”
“Cry!”
“No cry!”
“Na Jaemin!”
“Lee Donghyuck!”
Donghyuck and Jaemin glared at each other, having a stupidly competitive contest to see which one could stare at the other longer without blinking. And which one could win the argument. There was no alcohol in sight but they were talking in an incomprehensible manner as if they were drunk.
Unfortunately, Donghyuck lost but he gracefully looked away and let out a huff.
“Stupid game.”
Jaemin nudged his foot under the table. “You stupid.”
Donghyuck turned to Jaemin to glare at him.
“You! You! You!”
Jaemin let out a hiss but instead of attacking him back, he put freshly grilled meat on top of Donghyuck’s rice.
“Shut up and eat.”
Donghyuck’s eyes watered and his lower lips wobbled.
Jaemin took a deep breath.
“Cry.”
Donghyuck didn’t even hold back. He opened his mouth and let out the loudest cries Jaemin ever heard. Donghyuck sat there and just cried and cried and cried.
Jaemin patiently listened, only occasionally offering him tissues when his cries turned into ugly snorting and overflowing tears running down his puffy cheeks.
Mark was leaving the day after tomorrow but Donghyuck had been stubborn. He was clearly sad and devastated and he needed to release that repressed emotions from his system but he’s more concerned of others and afraid that it would make the others feel sadder. So obviously the task was handed to Jaemin without advance discussion because he was the only one who could do it. Jisung was already out of the question. He would cry the moment he saw Donghyuck cry, possibly even before that. Chenle might be able to do it but he didn’t like seeing Donghyuck cry. Renjun was the second best candidate but he was also struggling to process this so they might end up crying together which wasn’t the goal. Jeno had to do the only thing other people won’t do at the moment; dealing with Mark.
So here Jaemin was.
“Cry some more,”
Donghyuck hiccuped. “So, that’s your kink?”
Jaemin didn’t shy away from spitting a series of curse words with venom at Donghyuck.
Donghyuck sobbed harder.
Jaemin nodded in pure satisfaction.
“Yes, like that. More.”
“You kinky little shit! I hate you!”
Jasmin handed Donghyuck another clean tissue.
“Don’t worry, honey. Back at you and twice as much.”
Donghyuck let out a series of pitiful whimpers.
“Other people my age are getting married and I am going to live miles away from the love of my life.”
“Not true,” Jaemin refilled Donghyuck’s empty cup with iced water and encouraged him to drink. “Other people our age are either questioning their life decisions or buying overpriced matcha as self reward. Or making more terrible decisions, so much worse than the last ones they’ve committed. So many things other people our age could be doing now.”
Donghyuck sniffled, staring at water tickling down his empty diet coke’s can.
“This is not the end of the world,”
Jaemin let out a hum, soft and encouraging. “That’s right, love. This is not the end of the world. In fact this is a new beginning.”
A few more tears dropped down Donghyuck’s cheeks to his jaw.
“I love my life. I have a good life. I have a wonderful boyfriend and supportive friends even though they can be a pain in the ass sometimes.”
“Should’ve stopped at friends but okay. Go on, love.”
“I am so happy for my boyfriend. I am so excited for him. I cannot wait to listen to his new adventures.”
“Hmm. I bet you do.”
Donghyuck blinked his now swollen and wet eyes at Jaemin.
“All of us have done great so far, right?”
Jaemin nodded solemnly. “Yes. We’re going to grow even more than this.”
“Don’t borrow tomorrow’s trouble for today, right?”
Jaemin flashes him a toothy smile.
“You are right, pup.”
Donghyuck wrinkled his nose.
“Please do not call me pup.”
“Pup.”
“It’s reserved for my husband only.”
“You don’t have a husband.”
“I call him xianggong. In my mind he is already my xianggong. He is my xianggong so please shut up.”
Jaemin let out an amused snort. He could see the way Donghyuck’s eyes slowly sparked into life and the shadow that had been clouding him slowly disappeared.
He let out a sigh of relief.
Finally.
“Lee Donghyuck,”
“What, Na Jaemin?”
Donghyuck had picked up his spoon again and continued to eat. His cheeks puffed out as he stuffed a spoonful of kimchijjigae into his mouth, chewing it slowly, still half dazed and half tired from all the crying.
“Would you be surprised if I tell you that you can cry whenever you want? No one is going to judge you. If they do, Jeno could actually kill.”
Donghyuck let out a giggle.
“I will cry as much as I want,” he decided. “Let’s not risk Jeno’s safety though. Wouldn’t want you to have a husband with a criminal record.”
Jasmin clapped his hands and feigned a touched expression.
“Oh, wow. Lee Donghyuck, I didn’t know you care! You’ve grown, sweetheart,”
“Shut up and eat your food, Mama.”
EPILOGUE
91 days apart
“Pup? Is that you?”
“Yes, yes, it is pup!”
“You’re surprising me in front of my class.”
“Yes, of course. Because I am a good boyfriend and now the kids will have to pay you up. I’m helping you become rich.”
“Xingan.”
“Ah, finally I can hear you calling me that again.”
Sniffles.
“Now please catch me and twirl me in the air. Chenle is going to record it. He’s standing behind you.”
Exasperated sighs.
“Xingan.”
197 days apart
“YOU GOT A PERFECT GPA?”
“Yes, pup.”
“ALL STRAIGHT A?”
“Yes?”
Screeches.
“Xingan, are you alright?”
“WE ARE SUPPOSED TO HAVE A SEX CELEBRATION. MY BOYFRIEND IS HOT AND SMART. WAIT. I AM CALLING JENO.”
A loud, delightful laughter.
“I don’t think he will allow you to sneak out again. That would be the third time in the last three months.”
A sinister laughter.
“He will if he still wants to have a best man on his wedding day!”
A series of happy, joyful laughter.
“Can I at least book you the ticket?”
“Yeah sure, husband of mine.”
A deep groan.
“Xingan.”
A siren laughter.
“Soon, xianggong. Soon.”
374 days apart
“Pup.”
“Ha. How come she just assumed that you’re single when you’re pretty much taken? How?”
“Love.”
“That doesn’t make any sense! You put my picture behind your student ID card! My face’s stickers are in all of your textbooks! Even on your laptop! It has my stage and government name in both Korean characters and English alphabets. Who put someone’s government name on their thing unless that someone is VERY important, right? Your student portal's password is MY birthday! You are very much in love with me. Can she not put two and two together? HA! Mindblowing!”
“That’s right, sunshine. I am very much in love with you and she can’t put two and two together.”
A muffled scream.
“Tell her that your future niangzi is an idol! Not just that. A successful soloist and he does musicals too! It is a flex!”
“I already did, sweetheart.”
“HA!”
“Are you okay now, pup?”
“Hmp!”
“Can you please open the door now, xingan?”
A startled, choked gasp.
“What?”
“I’m home, niangzi. Can you please open the door for your xianggong?”
A thud.
A scream.
A shared heartfelt hug with tears and laughter.
And love bloomed along with the first hint of spring.
654 days apart
“PAPA! PAPA! MY ALBUM IS ON THE TOP CHART. NUMBER ONE! OH MY GOD. I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS!”
“Congratulations, pup. I told you it will do well. I have been listening to it while doing my research.”
“I am shaking. I am so happy I don’t even know what to do. I want to swim in Sohea. Do you think Jaemin or Jeno would say yes if I ask them to come with me?”
“This is all your hard work, pup. I know you’re going to make it. The album is brilliant. It shows your growth and it reflects on your life. It is heartfelt, raw, and comes from a place where everyone can easily relate to it. And no, Jeno and Jaemin would not say yes.”
“Yes it is my hard work but it is also thanks to you, papa. You don’t want me to put your name on it but one day they will know one of the best song writers of all time had contributed to my album!”
“Because I didn’t do much and you did all the writing. But yes. One day we can collaborate.”
A deep, happy sigh.
“Ah, I wish you were here.”
“Let’s switch to a video call, pup.”
“Ah, right, papa! I will accompany you to study for your upcoming exam! Wait. Let me go to my studio!”
1729 days apart
“You’re going to graduate?”
“Yes, pup. Next month.”
Instant sniffles.
“Oh my god. And a what? Vele what?”
“Veledictorian.”
“Yes, that. I googled it. It means you are number one and you will give a speech like Dr. Seuss.”
A chuckle.
“More or less like that.”
“If you publish a book, I believe you’ll be able to win a Nobel prize like Han Kang.”
“One thing at a time, right?”
“One thing at a time.”
A sacred silence.
“Papa.”
“Yes, pup?”
“Papa.”
“Pup.”
“Xianggong.”
“Xingan.”
A choked sob.
“Congratulations. You did it.”
A watery laughter.
“I did it. I really did it.”
“You did. And you will do more. Much, much more than this.”
“We will do more. Much, much more than this.”
A shared tears.
Hearts expanding.
Love ran deeper, limitless, and knew no boundaries.
Loyalty and trust undeniable.
The ground beneath them firm and unshakable. The sky above them full of hopes and dreams.
Until the end of time.
END