Work Text:
Dispatching was that special type of monotonous yet stressful work that made Robert sometimes want to bash his skull into a concrete. While as Mechaman the adrenaline that rushed through his veins could make him forget about the panic, and while as Robert waiting in the overly long pharmacy line was a form of torture by mind-numbing boredom. Dispatching somehow managed to combine the panic of saving lives with the Ennui of sitting on your ass for hours. But while he hated to admit it, the banter between the Z team made it bearable. Sure, a lot of it was just shit-talking him and most of it was stuff he was told to report to a non existant HR, but it was funny. Sometimes, Robert thought of just cutting some of the members from the team and forcing them to start a podcast, they would not only be naturals but it might get them on the right track faster than the Phoenix program could even dream of.
That was all to say, Robert had been paying a little closer attention to Flambae and Prism's conversation than he probably should have.
"Oh, I know his little ass face did not say that!" Prism spat, "Poising the youth my ass, that white boy looks like he thinks Tom MacDonald is high art."
"Yeah bitch, he only likes megachurch gospel music if the pastor has allegations."
"Bars"
Robert knew who they were talking about, partially because after the loss of his leg. had been the target of a certain brand of Twitter blue users who said the cane was woke, and partially because he fell asleep watching a YouTube video about Star Wars and now his fyp was infested with the man. It was Charlie Kirk, some right-wing debater, who got famous by arguing with college kids. It turns out that he had been going after Prism for the last couple of weeks. Someone had been livestreaming his newest "debate be" event, and the two, and Robert by proxy, had been watching like a hawk.
"SuperHeros should not be woke, in fact SDN is trying to take the America out of Superhero work. They are letting underqualified gay radical Islamists and Marxist DEI rappers into the whit- I mean righteous position of Hero. Former villains can not be changed, and the left wants to kill you by letting them walk free." The debater said over the livestream, which made the heroes let out an audible groan.
Robert sighed before checking what else he had to be doing. Before he could see what Invisigal was doing, something she shouldn't have been doing, he bet, Prism spoke up.
"So like... shouldn't we be over there or some shit, it's our job, and it's a slow day."
"Wait you're so right, it's a college full of Mormons, Robert. They call us all the time, shouldn't we be there?"
The dispatcher made sigh loud enough for Chase to hear it from the next room over. "Charlie Kirk and his team called us beforehand, they said under no circumstances did they want us at the event because his guards had guns to protect him themselves."
"Do you know how many people have died due to disasters in California?"
"Well, that's stupid."
"Counting or not counting Hero violence?"
"Prism, you just want to go over there and argue with him."
"Ok yeah but-"
BAM
"HOLY SHIT!" Flambae, the only one watching the stream, yelped. Prism and Robert looked back at him (though Robert was just looking at his profile picture) as he whale-eyed Prism. The screams of the audience were the only thing breaking up the silence. It took a minute for any of them to do anything. Robert knew SDN was not supposed to do anything but he still felt like he was supposed to do something, ANYTHING.
"Ok, Prism Flambae, I need you to get him to a-"
"Bitch Charlie Kirk is DEAD. The fuck is a hospital gonna do?"
Silently and without resistance, Prism took her phone back from Flambae and watched it herself. "Boy, that was a direct neck shot. like a fountain of blood went out, his body spasmed man, he's GONE gone. Maybe you could send waterboy to clean up, but that's it."
Robert looked back at SDN's posters.
"Ok if this is an active shooting, I think we are allowed to ignore-"
"BobBob, this isn't an active shooting," Flambae interrupted," nobody but Kirk got shot. Robert they snipped Kirk that was a direct neck shot, this isn't some sad white boy with daddy's gun if he wanted to take anyone else out he would have done it already."
Prism looked back at Flambae. "Do you think people are going to say Kirked instead of neck?"
"Holy shit probably, shit Prism, if I put that on my Grinder bio do you think that would get me laid?"
"What about all the DL republicans? Girl they wouldn't want to do drugs with you anymore!"
"True."
Robert looked back at the ranking board, a serious twang now present in his voice.
"A direct shot, you say."
"Yeah, through the neck from like a while back. Honestly, it was pretty impressive."
"Would you say this could be some sort of trained assassin? Maybe Co-"
"Robert" Prism whispered yelled, "This happened in UTAH, that's basically a Mormon ethnostate. Name 1 black person in Utah, man you can't they don't exist. She would stick out like a sore thumb."
"Yeah BobBob, Nobody but DL white men and women with bleached blonde hair for miles. I don't even think they let Hyrbids in if they don't have a blonde wig and horse teeth."
Robert put his face in his hands. While this technically had nothing to do with him, he couldn't help but have a sneaking suspicion that this was going to come back around and kick him in the ass.
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@SonarTheBat
Guys, the radical left has shot Kirk. We must come together and
..... No, that wasn't right
Guys, the radical left has martyred our free speech hero Charlie Kirk. We can not let this slide
No, that wasn't good either
Patriots, the radical transgender left has martyred our American icon of free speech, Charlie Kirk. We need to show our support for a grieving widow by funding Kirk-Coin
"Sonar, I have grieved for press on nails longer than his wife did for him, you can not put grieving."
Prism and Flambae stood over a sitting Sonar as they typed up their ingenious plan. Sonar's big ears slapped flambae in the face, but he didn't seem to mind all that much. "It's not ridiculous, It's not ridiculous to say that," Flambae added, "I was more sad when they killed Flappy Bird."
Patriots, the radical transgender left has martyred our American icon of free speech, Charlie Kirk. SDN show our support for the widow by funding Kirk-Coin
"Much better."