Chapter Text
Senpai was currently feeling conflicted, at least he is pretty sure that´s how he can call whatever he was currently feeling right now, at first when he joined the North he was extremely happy about it, after all he did beg to be part of it and he isn´t normally the type to beg, yet now that he is part of the North he doesn´t feel like he belongs there, but then again he was sure he didn´t belong with anyone in this island.
He has never been good with people or interacting with anyone, other than Ishan and Chapati he hasn´t really cared for anyone or cared about talking with anyone, he has always been the type of guy that is better at killing than talking, which is why he was even more conflicted than ever, the people on the North are probably the nicest people he has ever met and he has come to genuinely like them all and he is not sure why.
To him it didn´t make any sense, he wanted their approval, he wanted them to like him, but he is pretty sure they all secretly hated him or something, he has been trying to tell himself that their opinion didn´t matter, he was probably the strongest in this island, he was a prince, the son of Vegetta, yet the more he thinks about it the more he understands that he can´t deny the fact that he wants to fit in, he feels like everyone already knows each other so well and he wouldn´t normally call himself a jealous type of guy, but even he could admit to himself that he felt a tiny bit jealousy on how everyone got along so well, how everyone seemingly already knew each other or fitted perfectly in, he has been trying to keep those thoughts away, but the more he thinks about it the more he yearns to be a part of, to be able to joke around with them, pass time with them without feeling like a waste of space, without feeling like they all secretly wanted him out.
At first he thought he could impress them with his fighting abilities or even with the fact that he was the son of Vegetta, normally showing people his strength worked so well in the past, he had thought that if he showed that he is a valuable asset that they would all immediately like him, after all he considered himself of good use, he is even sure the Regime thought so aswell, he could be such a good soldier for them, a good weapon, yet they didn´t see that or seem to care at all, at most Aldo probably saw some use in him, but Senpai doesn´t think Aldo is caring as much as he should be.
This didn´t make any sense to him at all, shouldn´t the North be the one begging him to join? Even the Regime did so aswell, why did he have to be the one doing the begging? Can´t they see how valuable of a asset he is? Do they really not care about that? He is pretty sure they don´t even know that he would sacrifice his life for all of them, he isn´t sure how to make them see that, how to make them like him, Ishan has always told him he was bad with people, but Senpai never thought that would ever matter at least until now.
He didn´t know how to call whatever he was feeling right now, was he spiraling? He is pretty sure that he isn´t, atleast he thinks someone like himself shouldn´t be getting so anxious over what is basically nothing, he has fought wars, he has gone through so much worst yet for some reason he is feeling this badly over something like, has he always been so- before he could even continue his train of thoughts he heard a familiar voice call out to him
“…-Senpai!”
Senpai quickly realized that voice belonged to Ishan, he had probably been calling out his name multiple times, yet Senpai was so lost in his own thoughts and didn´t hear him, he was looking around his surroundings remembering he was currently sitting on one of the sofas in the S.I.A headquarters building.
“Hi Ishan, didn´t notice notice you were there” Senpai managed to say, he tried to act nonchalant but he ended up sounding really akward instead.
“Dude, I been calling out your name for like a minute!” Ishan snarled at him, his voice sounded really exasperated right now.
“Oh- Sorry” Senpai replied awkwardly
He could see Ishan sigh, he looked annoyed, but Senpai could tell the guy was probably worried, or atleast that´s what he thinks Ishan is feeling “Are you okay, man? I feel you haven´t exited the building since like the whole trial thing, I am not sure if it´s really healthy for you to be sleeping in this building”
Senpai was astounded by the audacity of the guy infront of him “Wow, Okay!” He said forcing himself to sound offended “That´s quite the words coming out from you out of all people-“
“Okay! Okay!” Ishan interrupted “I mean yeah I should probably work on not sleeping here myself, but that´s not my point, my point is that you have clearly been avoiding everyone for days”
“What? I am not doing that” He tried to deny, but Ishan was clearly giving him a look that was telling him that today he wasn´t dealing with his bullshit
“Oh, you totally are!” Ishan shouted, but he then took a moment to calm himself and keep his composure, he sees as Ishan´s angry expression shifted to one of worry “Look, man I am just a bit worried, okay?”
Gods if there was something Senpai hated more than anything it was when Ishan looked and talked to him that way, it always makes him feel so guilty and sometimes he wishes he could just choke Ishan to death for making him feel like this “I know, I´m sorry”
Ishan shook his head at Senpai´s response “No, no, don´t apologize, I just wanted to check up on you, it´s just- I got worried, you were doing so well socializing with everyone and when it suddenly stopped and I guess I kinda panicked internally or something I don´t know, my point is that you haven´t talked with anyone from the North, not even to Juan or Foolish and they are like our employees, you know?”
“Oh if you were upset about me not doing my job you should have told me-“ He joked, but quickly stopped himself when he looked at Ishan´s expression “Sorry, yeah not your point”
“Look, Senpai if you feel scared of going to the North-“
“I am not scared!” He interrupted
“Shut up! Let me speak!” Ishan shouted before calming down again “Look, if you are scared to go to the North after the whole Alondrissa thing, then I will try talking with her, okay? I don´t like this either, but I will try to discuss the whole apology thing, I just don´t want to isolate yourself like this again, okay?”
Senpai was stunned, he was trying to process the fact that Ishan was offering to swallow his pride for him, Senpai felt a bit embarrassed, maybe even flustered, but he tried to brush that feeling off “…What? Not going to ask me to come with you to apologize?” He asked with a teasing tone
Ishan quickly cut him off “No offense Senpai, but I don´t trust you with this, you are really bad with people”
“What?!” Senpai shouted “That´s not true! I´m great with people, dude!”
Ishan gave him a look that clearly told him he didn´t believe him “No offense, dude, but like you really aren´t good with people, I am just saying that time when were trying to recruit Tina to the S.I.A you sort of mention the fact you wanted to imprison and kill people, and not to mention that time you-“
“Okay! Okay! I get it, I got your point, okay?” Senpai chuckled before letting out a sigh, his expression shifted to a more serious one, his voice sounding more quiet than he wished “I will go to the north, okay? I really didn´t mean to worry you…thanks for worrying tho” he said that final part more quietly, but Ishan clearly heard him, since for a moment he looked shock before letting out a smirk, Senpai just wanted to punch him for that, Ishan walked towards him and patted his shoulder
“It´s okay, man, just don´t ever pull something like this again, okay?” He said before walking away
Gods… Senpai didn´t really want to go to the North, but he can´t disappoint Ishan, not after already making him worry like this.