Work Text:
Jon!!! <3 (The boss):
You: Hey Jon! Just wanted to let you know I put your tea in your office!! <3
—
The Full-Timers (Without Jon because he's scary):
You: GUYS GUYS GUYS I MESSED UP
Mocha Goddess: What? What did u do?
The Hot Barista: MARTIN DID U KILL SONEPNE I NEIED TOKNWOE NOW IVE GOT A BT
Mocha Goddess: YOURE NOT SUPPOSD TO TELL HIM
You: WHAT?! No, I haven't killed anyone!
You: I sent Jon a '<3'
The Hot Barista: oh
The Hot Barista: ok
You: ?!?
Mocha Goddess: Jus give him a sec
The Hot Barista: WAIT
The Hot Barista: MASRETIN
The Hot Barista: U SENT JON A HEART/!?!?!?!?
Mocha Goddess: Told u
You: YES. IT WAS AN ACCIDENT
You: HAVE YOU EVER LIKE FORGOTTEN WHO YOU WERE MESSAGING HALFWAY THROUGH BECAUSE I DID THAT AND JUST SENT IT
Mocha Goddess: U do send everyone but him hearts
The Hot Barista: guys fovcus
The Hot Barista: martins gonna dich work n go on te ron
The Hot Barista: wht if we kiyll jon
Mocha Goddess: Literally what has he done to u
You: We are NOT killing Jon
The Hot Barista: it solbes a wghole host odf promblems
The Hot Barista: sigh
The Hot Barista: u guys neva sup[ort my ideras
Mocha Goddess: Because they suck
Mocha Goddess: Martin have u sent any other messages
You: No
You: What am I supposed to say?!
You: 'Sorry, I have a heart next to your name and I was looking at it when I messaged you'?!
Mocha Goddess: I thought u forgot who u were messaging
You: …
Mocha Goddess: U have a heart next to his name? damn u are down bad
You: That's not the point!!
You: What do I do?!
The Hot Barista: guys ure all ovethinkin it
The Hot Barista: thi s is jon were talkin abouyt
The Hot Barista: its most liekly that he doesnt kno whsrt it is
The Hot Barista: i had to explein what lol meawnt to him oce
You: That is true…
You: Btw Tim why did you turn auto correct off
The Hot Barista: it was stifiling my wimsy
You: Right…
—
boss jon (lives on coffee i think):
boss jon: Sasha, what does '<3' mean?
You: Who sent u that?
You: Its a heart
boss jon: I see.
boss jon: Martin sent me it.
You: Yeah hes so sweet
boss jon: Do I ignore it?
boss jon: Should I send one in return?
You: Yes absolutely u should do that
You: Its a friendly thing to do
You: Hes scared of u so it was prolly scary for him
boss jon: …I see.
boss jon: Thank you, Sasha.
—
The Full-Timers (Without Jon because he's scary):
Mocha Goddess: Tim was right
The Hot Barista: im awlways right
You: How do you know?
You: I don't mean you, Tim, stop typing
The Hot Barista: :(
Mocha Goddess: Check it!
Mocha Goddess: [image attached: a text conversation between presumably Sasha and Jon (labelled 'boss jon (lives on coffee i think)'), with Jon asking Sasha what '<3' means, and Sasha telling him that it's a heart]
You: Sasha you threw me under the bus!!
The Hot Barista: omg sasha ur evil
The Hot Barista: this is y were marreid
Mocha Goddess: Silence workplace wife
Mocha Goddess: Jonll probably ignore the heart its fine
—
Jon!!! <3 (The boss):
Jon!!! <3: Thank you, Martin.
Jon!!! <3: <3
—
The Full-Timers (Without Jon because he's scary):
You: HE SENT ONE BACK?!?!?
You: SASHA WHAT DID YOU SAY TO HIM
[You changed Mocha Goddess' nickname to 'EVIL Mocha Goddess']
EVIL Mocha Goddess: Idk what youre on about
EVIL Mocha Goddess: HEY WAIT CMON
You: You've been evil.
EVIL Mocha Goddess: I JUST SAID THAT IT WAS A FRIENDLY THING
The Hot Barista: haha sashas evil now
The Hot Barista: if itsjus a firendly thing then
The Hot Barista: hold on gotra test soemthing
—
BOSS MAAN!!!1!1! (10/10):
You: boss i fixed the evil kettle <3
You: r u proud of me
BOSS MAAN!!!1!1!: Thank you, Tim.
BOSS MAAN!!!1!1!: Well done. :)
—
The Full-Timers (Without Jon because he's scary):
The Hot Barista: [image attached: a text conversation presumably between Tim and Jon (labelled 'BOSS MAAN!!!1!1! (10/10)' that involves Tim sending Jon a heart, and Jon sending back a smiley face.]
The Hot Barista: he doesnt love me like u martin
The Hot Barista: favuritism
You: ?!?!?
You: Stop getting my hopes up!!! It's probably just the context!
EVIL Mocha Goddess: Uh huhhh
EVIL Mocha Goddess: Take the win
EVIL Mocha Goddess: Then u can move from tea to the big thing
EVIL Mocha Goddess: Ask him out on a date
The Hot Barista: ask him oujt on a date
You: He's my boss!
You: I can't just ask him out
The Hot Barista: i mean theres not much power difereence btween u and him
The Hot Barista: ure legit the only baker
The Hot Barista: w/o u were bereft of pastries
EVIL Mocha Goddess: Also literally nobody else cares about this but us
EVIL Mocha Goddess: Hes not gonna fire u if he says no
The Hot Barista: plus plus no hr to call
You: What
The Hot Barista: no fals rite ups
EVIL Mocha Goddess: Is that the only thing on ur mind
EVIL Mocha Goddess: Hey wait is the rating how attractive u think our boss is
EVIL Mocha Goddess: Bc he is NOT 10/10
You: Don't be mean!!!
The Hot Barista: no shes right
The Hot Barista: its not looks
The Hot Barista: its how ezily i thinjk i cld pick him up like a poatato sack
EVIL Mocha Goddess: Ohhhh
EVIL Mocha Goddess: Then ur right
You: Why do you have it next to his name??
The Hot Barista: ive got 1 for every1
EVIL Mocha Goddess: Were getting distracted
EVIL Mocha Goddess: Martin ask him out
The Hot Barista: ye tripple dog dare u
You: I'm not a child, Tim
You: I'm not going to do something based on a dare
EVIL Mocha Goddess: What about love?
The Hot Barista: Legally Blonde the Musical reference.
EVIL Mocha Goddess: Tim shhhh
The Hot Barista: ok
You: He hates me, let's be realistic here
You: He always scowls when I'm around, he's snappy and cold to me, and he's called me an idiot on multiple occasions
EVIL Mocha Goddess: And ur madly in love with him
EVIL Mocha Goddess: Wild
You: That's not the point of this conversation
The Hot Barista: i thijk hes been nicer sinceu made him th cofee n wanlnut cake
The Hot Barista: uve got game throu bakin
The Hot Barista: aslo the way u delt with that 1 customer when sasha was off
EVIL Mocha Goddess: Wait what did i miss
EVIL Mocha Goddess: Jmart moment n i wasnt there?!?!??!
You: I swear if that's a ship name
The Hot Barista: yea u totlly missed it
The Hot Barista: some customr was yellin at jon bc id 'gotten their order wrogn' when i hadnt bc they basically wrote it down 4 me n it was ez
The Hot Barista: n jon looked so done w it all but he wasnt alowed to snap bc elias had gotten sooo many complaints abt that
The Hot Barista: then martin came out all like 'do u want a hug bc ure gettin real angry over ts n its jus coffee so mayb ur jus takin out ur anrge ovr sometin esle on us'
EVIL Mocha Goddess: Omg no way
You: It was just an observation!
The Hot Barista: n then this customr BREKS TF DOWN liek 'ur right ive had a shit week im srry' n jus LEAVES
EVIL Mocha Goddess: BUT THEY NEVER LEAVE?!?!?
The Hot Barista: IK!!! so jons lookin @ matrin liek hes a godsend and martin goes back into teh kitcehn liek nothin hapened
EVIL Mocha Goddess: That moment where u learn ur employee is super competent n a hero
You: You're overexaggerating
You: Jon just looked exhausted and I happened to be placing the pastries in the display cases
You: Anyone would have done it
The Hot Barista: i didnt
The Hot Barista: not paid enough
EVIL Mocha Goddess: I also wouldnt but thats bc ive been gettin too many complaints abt me too
You: Wait why??
EVIL Mocha Goddess: Ive been givin random customer service numbers to anyone who asks for my number
The Hot Barista: wit tharts gebius
You: Do you just have a list of them or something?
EVIL Mocha Goddess: Yeah pretty much
[You changed EVIL Mocha Goddess' nickname to 'Mocha Goddess']
Mocha Goddess: My evilness has been removed
Mocha Goddess: Im a saint again
You: I can't insult a genius like that
The Hot Barista: eniua worplace husbvend aside i thjnk jon is maldy inlove w u
Mocha Goddess: I dont think we should brush my ingenuity aside so quickly
Mocha Goddess: But also i agree with Tim
Mocha Goddess: Just give it a shot
Mocha Goddess: Worst he can do is say no
You: I will still have to work with him after he's rejected me!
The Hot Barista: IFFFFF he rejexs u
You: There's no 'if' about it - he would laugh at me for even asking
The Hot Barista: nuh uh
Mocha Goddess: I concur
Mocha Goddess: Nuh uh
You: It's not happening!
~*~*~*~*~
Beholding Tea and Coffee Work Chat:
Sasha: @Jon Boss permission to publicly shame tim?
Tim: WHGAHT
Tim: WGAT DUD I DO???
Sasha: Cant say until i get permission
Jon: I'm only entertaining this because I'm rather curious.
Sasha: Is that a yes?
Jon: Yes.
Sasha: @everyone TIM FORGOT TO TURN OFF THE LIGHTS BEFORE HE LEFT LAST NIGHT
Sasha: SHAME!!!
You: Oh, Tim!!!
You: For shame
Agnes: Boo!!
Jane: ugh come on Tim
Jane: what a waste of electricity
Oliver: Not cool, Tim
Gerry: We should kill Tim
Tim: NONONOOONONNONONO
Tim: GUSY PLASE
Tim: ITHUOGHT JON WS STIL WORKING
Jon: We had a conversation before I left.
Jon: You explicitly pointed out that it was strange for me to be leaving at a 'normal time'.
Tim: um
Jane: HAHAHAHAA
Agnes: Oh my god…
Sasha: Wooowww cant even remember u jon
You: I think that deserves double the shame, personally
Oliver: Gerry was right we should kill Tim
Tim: WNO PLEASE NO NONONO
Jon: I fear this is particular incident does require shaming.
Tim: NO
Sasha: OMG its happening
Gerry: This is wonderful
Jon: Shame on you, Timothy Stoker.
Jon: Shame on you.
Tim: NNNNNOOOOOOOOO NOY THJE FULL NSME
Gerry: This is actually worse than death
Agnes: [Image attached: A photo of Tim sitting at the designated break table in the back, his head clutched in his hands while his phone rests on the surface below.]
Sasha: LMAOOO thats a man thats just been full named
Jon: Truly an accurate portrayal of anguish.
Oliver: I still think we should kill him
Tim: GYS PLEAK
Tim: IM SOORY
Tim: IT WOINT HAPPPEN AGIN
Jon: I should think not.
You: Wait
You: Jon left on time???
Sasha: Omg wait ur right
Sasha: Boss whats THAT abt
Oliver: Maybe HE's dying.
Jane: right!!
Jane: jon whens the funeral
Gerry: Boss can I have your book collection when you die
Sasha: I litro already dibsed that
Oliver: Fight to the death with the book collection as a prize
Jane: we need to talk about ur obsession with death
Oliver: I haven't the foggiest what you're on about
Agnes: Wait wait but if they fight to the death, wouldn't the one who dies technically have had the book collection first?
Agnes: Because then the other person would kind of inherit it from the dead person either way
Tim: thjat implies tht sash wld gib gerry anythng in death
Sasha: Yeah, MY book collection is going to Martin
You: Awh, thanks Sasha!
Gerry: Firstly, rude
Gerry: Secondly, Tim just implied that YOU would be the one dying in a fight to the death
Jane: divorce his ass
Sasha: WHAT THE FUCK TIM
Tim: um
Tim: weve gt oftrsck
Sasha: I have some rubbish to throw away.
You: No you don't?
You: Ohhhh
Agnes: I really want to know why Jon was absent
Agnes: Jon tell us now while Tweedledum and Tweedledee are fighting out back
Jon: The time I leave does not warrant this much reaction.
Jon: I had an emergency.
Jon: Also, can someone please stop Sasha and Tim fighting?
Gerry: On it
Jon: You aren't on shift today.
Gerry: I like our coffee
Oliver: It is very nice coffee.
Agnes: GUYS. FOCUS. They're back.
Tim: noone died
Tim: anyway JONBHAN
Tim: u litro nevr leav b4 like…….6
Sasha: Yeah what dragged u away
You: Guys, he's not obligated to tell us!
You: But if you did want to tell us, Jon…
Jon: It was merely an issue relating to my cat, nothing worth further conversation.
Tim: U HAEVE A CAT?!?!?!??!
Oliver: This is the most important thing ever.
Jane: entirely in character but also what the fuck??
Agnes: Never was a fan of cats
Agnes: But that's because I'm allergic
Gerry: Yeah so am I but it's worth it for cats
Oliver: What kind of cat is it?
Jane: and also is it a black cat
Oliver: Oh, good shout, it definitely has to be a black cat
Sasha: BOSS WE DEMAND PICS NOW
Jon: I have work to do, and so do all of you.
Sasha: Aw boo
Tim: booooo
Tim: BOOOOOO
Gerry: Not all of us
Gerry: Why are we being punished when they're the ones slacking
Oliver: I concur
Jane: if we do their jobs for them can we see the kitty
Tim: anges is ral loking in 4 us
Jane: making a woman do all the work??
Jane: typical male behaviour
Tim: SAHSS DIOGN IT TO
Sasha: Bc of the societal need to fit in in a male dominated owrkspace
Gerry: Allegedly
Jon: I think Tim is the only cis man in the workplace.
Jon: Oh, and Oliver.
Jon: Apologies, Oliver.
Oliver: It is a constant failing of mine to be cis
Oliver: No matter how hard I try, it just never changes
Tim: am i teh pormnbelm
Sasha: What does that even mean
Jane: yes
Jane: can we please have cat pictures now
Jon: I will send you photos of the Field Marshal when I'm home.
Tim: YAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYY
Agnes: That feeling when a cat has a higher up position in life than you
Sasha: Basically my everyday
Jon: Aren't you two up front?
Jon: Get off your phones, please.
—
The Full-Timers (Without Jon because he's scary):
Mocha Goddess: Hey martin u disappeared
Mocha Goddess: R u okay??
The Hot Barista: hes curemtly tryin to ficys on bking
The Hot Barista: while finkin abt jon w a cst
The Hot Barista: wiat
The Hot Barista: [Video attached: rustling and shifting as the camera shows a bit of the kitchen, obviously adjusting to try and film without being spotted. After a moment, it moves once more, this time showing Martin kneading some batter while muttering to himself about how it's 'not important that Jon has a cat, oh my fucking god, no matter how cute he probably looks when he cuddles it, focus on the bread']
Mocha Goddess: Yeah okay he seems fine
The Hot Barista: gwt of ur pioene
Mocha Goddess: Get off break slacker
You: Hey wait were you guys talking about me??
You: Delete that, Tim.
The Hot Barista: yesirree
Mocha Goddess: Hey martin how do u feel abt cats?
The Hot Barista: hw do u ferl abt bosdsmam w a cat
You: I'm going to kill you both
The Hot Barista: ws gomna xelertbreate but wld not win teh bey if im ded
Mocha Goddess: Speak for urself
Mocha Goddess: Im collecting that cash dead or alive
You: I'm just going to ignore that
Mocha Goddess: How goes the askin jon out
The Hot Barista: whejns teh wedfing
The Hot Barista: whos msid of jonhour am i
Mocha Goddess: I mean u litro spelled out jon
Mocha Goddess: Subliminal messaging
Mocha Goddess: Martin am i ur best man
You: No!
You: There is literally no way that Jon would want to be asked out by me.
—
Jon!!! <3 (The boss):
Jon!!! <3: Thank you for the tea again today, Martin. <3
You: Oh, it's really no problem! <3
You: I'm just glad you like it lol
Jon!!! <3: You make it much better than I do, certainly.
You: You know, that might be because you refuse to put any sugar in it
Jon!!! <3: Well.
Jon!!! <3: One must keep up appearances.
You: Oh yeah, grimacing at your tea whenever you take a sip really keeps that professional demeanour
Jon!!! <3: I'm merely mimicking Elias' preferred expression.
You: LMFAO
You: Bloody hell he actually does look like that now that I think about it
You: Or he's got like a smug grin on his face
Jon!!! <3: So it's not just me who noticed.
Jon!!! <3: It's like he knows something we don't.
You: God it literally is
Jon!!! <3: He showed up after closing for the sole purpose of talking about budgeting.
You: No…the cruelty…
Jon!!! <3: Quite.
Jon!!! <3: It's your lunch break now, yes?
You: You ask as though you weren't the one who organises shifts
Jon!!! <3: Well, yes, but it would be strange to put it as a statement.
You: I mean very fair
You: Why yes, Jon, it is my lunch break!
You: Why do you ask?
Jon!!! <3: Well, I made too much food for lunch and was wondering if you, perhaps, would be willing to share it with me?
Jon!!! <3: Only if you do not already have your lunch packed.
Jon!!! <3: And if it is not a bother to you.
You: Oh! I would love that, if you're sure you don't mind.
Jon!!! <3: I offered. I'm heading to the break room now.
You: Okay!!
—
The Full-Timers (Without Jon because he's scary):
Mocha Goddess: Im gonna make martin pay a quid every time he says something like this
The Hot Barista: oh fcuk yea
The Hot Barista: wht do wr do wih tge moneu
Mocha Goddess: Um
Mocha Goddess: Didnt think that far ahead
Mocha Goddess: Buy fake plants or something
The Hot Barista: yeg
You: OKAY WHO WANTS THE SANDWICH I BROUGHT FOR LUNCH
Mocha Goddess: What??
The Hot Barista: me
Mocha Goddess: NO WAIT SHIT I WANT IT
The Hot Barista: i siad firt
You: You can both have it
Mocha Goddess: Wait what are u gonna have
You: I'm sharing with JON
The Hot Barista: ROMARCE!!!!!!
The Hot Barista: HOW?!?!?
Mocha Goddess: Thats literally SO FUCKING CUTE WHAT??
You: He said he made too much or something
You: And he wants to share with ME!!!
The Hot Barista: JMARTMAJRTJMARTJMRAT
Mocha Goddess: Wild that he made too much doesnt seem like jon
—
Georgie:
You: Are you certain he won't suspect anything?
Georgie: Cmon, Jon
Georgie: I think he'll be too busy being wowed by your cooking to think too much about it
You: I should hope he enjoys it.
Georgie: After all the panic it put you through…
You: Three times, Georgie. I had to go to the shops three times.
You: Marshal looked genuinely concerned for me by the last trip.
You: Bloody hell, what if he doesn't enjoy it?
Georgie: He will!
Georgie: And if he doesn't, I'm eating it
You: I fear he'd eat it even if he didn't like it.
Georgie: And I fear you're thinking about this all too much
You: As if I do anything else.
Georgie: Listen, as your friend and cat sitter, I'm telling you to go eat your fucking lunch
You: Can I have a fortifying photo of the boys?
Georgie: Well, I could never deny such a thing
Georgie: [Image attached: a large grey cat glaring at the camera while being groomed by a much bigger, fluffier black cat]
You: The Admiral looks so very pleased to be receiving Marshal's affections.
Georgie: They've been like this for an hour
You: Of course.
Georgie: Now GO
You: Yes, yes, going now.
~*~*~*~*~
Jon!!! <3 (The boss):
You: Jon, how would you feel about getting coffee together sometime?
You: Like obviously you don't have to and it would be totally fine if you said no
You: In fact you can just pretend I didn't ask at all
—
The Full-Timers (Without Jon because he's scary):
You: How do I delete messages off other people's phone?
You: Time sensitive
Mocha Goddess: Elaborate heist
The Hot Barista: break thier phoen
The Hot Barista: wait
The Hot Barista: y u askin
Mocha Goddess: Yeah actually
Mocha Goddess: Whats up
You: I did something stupid
The Hot Barista: thgats our thng
Mocha Goddess: Yeah that departments full up
You: No but I actually did something SO STUPID
Mocha Goddess: Did u kill someone
The Hot Barista: PLASE PLAESE PLEASE I HABVE SO MUH RIDING ON TGIS
You: What?! No!
You: Why do you keep assuming that?!
Mocha Goddess: No reason
The Hot Barista: no bets hre….
Mocha Goddess: None at all
Mocha Goddess: Now what did u do
You: I asked Jon out
Mocha Goddess: WHAT WHAT WHAT WAHT HWATH WATHWAHT WHAT
The Hot Barista: AEOIGHOGJGHAEIOFSGEFGHUEFAGHAFOSGHAEFAEFOAEFGHWIGHE
Mocha Goddess: EWIOAWHTIETDETAILS DETAILS TELL US MORE????
The Hot Barista: RHSIORGEFHGREGAOIDHAERODHGETAFHDGAEHTHDAEGAEOFHEOHWIOFCNAGAWHEOTEHF
—
Jon!!! <3 (The boss):
Jon!!! <3: ?
Jon!!! <3: The coffee beans are ordered in.
—
The Full-Timers (Without Jon because he's scary):
The Hot Barista: MARGIORHANTINCAOETMEBACK
Mocha Goddess: MARTIN WEE NEED TO KNOW
The Hot Barista: MARTING MARINTERN MARITN
The Hot Barista: MARIETRINTRNATNANRTN ANMANRTN
Mocha Goddess: MARTIIIIIINNNN COME BACK!!!!!!!!!
You: God he's so oblivious <3
You: Crisis averted
The Hot Barista: WAHT DOES THANT MENAN???
The Hot Barista: MARITN WAHTA DEOIES THATHIEOAEMAN
—
boss jon (lives on coffee i think):
boss jon: Sasha, are you available to give some advice?
You: Yeah whats up?
boss jon: I received a strange message from Martin.
boss jon: [image attached: a text conversation between presumably Jon and Martin (labelled 'Martin Blackwood (Baker)'), with Martin asking Jon out for coffee and Jon replying with the method of stocking coffee beans for Beholding Tea and Coffee]
boss jon: Why was he acting so strangely about asking?
You: omg
You: jon….
boss jon: What?
You: jon hes asking you out
boss jon: Pardon.
You: on a date
You: yknow like
You: grabbing coffee together
You: with romantic intent
boss jon: Ah.
You: yeah
boss jon: Good lord.
You: Most certainly
—
Jon!!! <3 (The boss):
Jon!!! <3: I understand now, and apologise for the previous response - it was a misunderstanding. I would enjoy grabbing a coffee with you.
Jon!!! <3: Romantically.
Jon!!! <3: If you are still amenable to the idea.
You: WHAT
You: WHAT
You: WHAT
You: WAIT.
You: REALLY?!
Jon!!! <3: Yes?
You: Oh mygod okay okay that's cool that's great actually
You: Hold on let me find some places I was looking at
Jon!!! <3: You had some in mind?
You: I mean
You: Yes?
You: I didn't want you to think it was a spontaneous thing
Jon!!! <3: I would never.
You: Sure.
Jon!! <3: I wouldn't!
You: Reeeaaaallllyyy?
Jon!!! <3: Well, perhaps a slight bit.
You: I KNEW IT!
You: Well, jokes on you, I've got a LIST
Jon!!! <3: No…a list?
You: Yep!
You: Feast your sceptical eyes upon THIS!
You: [link attached]
Jon!!! <3: I stand corrected, you do come prepared.
—
The Full-Timers (Without Jon because he's scary):
The Hot Barista: evry1 is gone im scared
The Hot Barista: whats goieng pn
The Hot Barista: guys
The Hot Barista: gusy come bakc
The Hot Barista: i miss u
The Hot Barista: :(
Mocha Goddess: Fear not work wife
Mocha Goddess: I have returned
The Hot Barista: SAAAASSSHAHHHHAAHAAAAAAA
The Hot Barista: WHEIROE DEIED U GOE
Mocha Goddess: I was doin something
Mocha Goddess: Something very important
Mocha Goddess: Now i just have to wait
The Hot Barista: 4 wht
The Hot Barista: what did u do
You: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGAHGHAGHAGOIEAHGIOSHSIGASGJASGHASIOGAHSGAJSKGHAGASHIFOH
Mocha Goddess: Oh yknow
You: AGHORIGHAOIGHAOEIGHAIGOAHGHAGIRHGHOUHOAIGHAGHAGHH
You: HOLY SHIT
The Hot Barista: MABRINT SAID A SWEAR
The Hot Barista: WGHAT HAEPGNED?!?!?!?!???!?!?!
You: JON SAID EYS WE'RE GOING AON A DATE
Mocha Goddess: WOOOOOO!!!!!!
The Hot Barista: WHGAHT?!?!?! YAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Hot Barista: WE FUCKEING SOTODLS YOU
Mocha Goddess: #jmart4eva
The Hot Barista: maid of honr rigt here
The Hot Barista: sahsa u can be best man
Mocha Goddess: Sick
You: GUYS WE'RE GOING ON A FUCKING DATE
You: OH GOD WHAT DO I DO
The Hot Barista: hol on
Mocha Goddess: ???
You: NO TIM COME BACK YOU GO ON DATES ALL THE TIME
Mocha Goddess: Offended by the insinuation i dont
You: You don't have a folder dedicated to how to act on dates
Mocha Goddess: Yeah no i dont have that
Mocha Goddess: TIM COME BACK
The Hot Barista: back
The Hot Barista: n i hab gift
The Hot Barista: [image attached: a photo sneakily taken from behind a doorframe, portraying Jon sat at his desk with his face buried in his hands and phone beside one of his elbows. His ears are noticeably red.]
You: AAAAAAHHHHHHH
You: God he's so cute
You: I'm so stealing that
You: I'm going on a DATE with him oh my god
Mocha Goddess: So hyped for u
The Hot Barista: ive been litro praygin 4 ts
The Hot Barista: i haev an insurctuion manul 4 u
~*~*~*~*~
BOSS MAAN!!!1!1! (10/10):
You: if u n martin r dagtin now
You: dos tat mean
You: pdas not banned
BOSS MAAN!!!1!1!: Tim, you don't even have a partner in the workplace, except for Sasha sometimes.
BOSS MAAN!!!1!1!: Public displays of affection in the workplace are extremely unprofessional and will remain banned.
You: hmmmmm
You: ok
You: thgen id like 2 report an indcident
BOSS MAAN!!!1!1!: Very well. What are the details?
You: [image attached: a sneakily taken photo of Jon at his desk, kissing Martin as the other man passes over a cup of tea with one hand, the other lovingly cupping Jon's cheek.]
You: unproseffional pda
You: ur move
BOSS MAAN!!!1!1!: When did you take that?
BOSS MAAN!!!1!1!: Delete that, please.
BOSS MAAN!!!1!1!: …I suppose that public displays of affection are allowed as long as they aren't in front of the customers.
You: HAHA YES
—
Martin <3:
You: [Image attached: a sneakily taken photo of Jon at his desk, kissing Martin as the other man passes over a cup of tea with one hand, the other lovingly cupping Jon's cheek.]
You: This is why I close the door.
Martin <3: LOL
Martin <3: Tim?
You: Tim.
You: He used it to blackmail me into removing the ban on public displays of affection in the workplace.
Martin <3: I swear, that man is everywhere when it benefits him
Martin <3: Obviously you didn't fall for it
You: Well.
Martin <3: JON?!
Martin <3: YOU LET HIM BLACKMAIL YOU?!
You: I didn't wish to stifle your ability to offer your preferred displays of affection in any environment.
Martin <3: Is that 'I went to Oxford' for 'I like when you kiss me randomly'?
You: No comment.
—
The Full-Timers (Without Jon because he's scary):
You: I have the cutest boyfriend ever omg
Mocha Goddess: U broke up w jon?!?!?
The Hot Barista: NOOOOOOOOIIIIOOIOIOO
You: Ha ha
You: Very funny.
Mocha Goddess: Thx we know
You: You don't get it!!
You: He's so cute :(
The Hot Barista: im wrried
The Hot Barista: dyu tink he hist his head
Mocha Goddess: I hope not
Mocha Goddess: We need his baking skills
Mocha Goddess: Martin go to A&E
You: You're being mean :(
[You changed Mocha Goddess' nickname to 'Mean Mocha Goddess']
[You changed The Hot Barista's nickname to 'The CRUEL Barista']
The CRUEL Barista: NO STOPP AHOSITOP WERE JOEKING
Mean Mocha Goddess: MARTIN MARTIN WE DIDNT MEAN IT
Mean Mocha Goddess: JONS A CUTIE PATOOTIE
The CRUEL Barista: THE CUTEST
Mean Mocha Goddess: PLEASE HAVE MERCY PLEASE
The CRUEL Barista: REALESEASE US FRBEOM THSE SHACKELES
You: Is this why Jon goes out of his way to point out things about dress code
You: I totally get it
Mean Mocha Goddess: Weve litro created a monster