Jisung recommended I start documenting my thoughts and feelings that feel ‘inspiration-worthy’ and try to make lyrics as a songwriting exercise. We shall see if he’s right.
Jisung doesn’t tend to be right on a lot of things (his scores definitely imply that at the very least)
Work Text:
“Yeobo.”
Minho startles at the sweet nickname. He could practically feel heat creeping up his neck and he knew damn well that his ears would be bright red in mere seconds.
He still wasn’t used to it despite being legally bonded for over 24 hours now.
But in his defense, Seungmin has a very nice voice. The type of voice that just oozed sweet honey and sincerity that Minho would never get tired of hearing, especially when he sings.
They should head to a coin norebang one of these days, he thinks. They’d been so busy with wedding planning (well, that and their wedding night that had them both passed out for the better part of their first day of marriage), that it had been a while since they’d properly done anything fun together.
“What are you thinking about?”
It’s Seungmin’s voice again that brings him back to their reality. He’s looking down at him with that disgustingly fond look from where he’s standing at the foot of their bed, hands behind his back.
“You sound like shit,” Minho tells him despite his previous train of thought.
“Worth it,” Seungmin grins at him and the raspiness of his voice makes Minho feel faint.
His mind briefly goes back to the way Seungmin had him deep inside his throat the night before, making heavenly noises as he-
Nope. Minho quickly reels his thoughts back to the present.
“Why are you up and about? I thought we weren’t gonna do anything ‘till dinner?” Minho frowns at him, beckoning the younger to join him on the bed again.
Seungmin indulges him, approaching the side of the bed as he explains, “I want to give you something. I was just grabbing it from my study.”
“Give me something?” Minho echoes.
Seungmin hums, “Another wedding gift.”
“Yah, Kim Seungmin, are you trying to one-up me?” Minho narrows his eyes.
Seungmin (that gremlin) has the audacity to laugh at his accusation, shaking his head, “No, consider it an extra gift. I’ve had it with me for a while, and I thought, no better time to give it to you than now.”
With that, Seungmin pulls his hand from behind his back and reveals a small light blue notebook.
Minho recognises it. Seungmin always spent a lot of time writing in it every few days.
“Your diary?” Minho furrows his brows.
“Not quite, it’s more of a lyric book, I guess. It’s the same brand and type as my diary though,” Seungmin shrugs.
“Why are you giving it to me and not Jisung?” Minho asks.
“Because these lyrics are about you. About us,” Seungmin tells him.
Minho blinks. Once. Twice. Then his brain halts to a stop.
“What?” If his ears weren’t red before, they definitely were now.
“Don’t look at me like that, hyung,” Seungmin whines as if he wasn’t the one who just confessed to literally writing songs about him by hand. Seriously, how much more romantic could he get?
“I’ll look at you however I want to… pabo,” Minho huffs.
The two stare at each other in silence for the next few moments. Minho’s eyes then flicker down to the book in the other’s hand, fingers curled almost protectively over it.
“Are you sure you want to give it to me?” He asks.
Seungmin’s tongue darts out for a moment, wetting his lips as it tends to do when he’s flustered. It gives Minho at least a little bit of solace that he’s not the only one embarrassed by the situation.
Still, Seungmin replies earnestly, “Yes, yeah. I want you to know how I feel.”
Then he flips it around a few times in his hands and turns his head away as he adds, “Just- maybe not with me here. If you want to read it I’m going to be cooking dinner.”
“Don’t burn down the kitchen,” Minho points an accusing finger at him.
“I’ve made one mistake since we’ve moved in together! It’s nothing like my days with Yongbok,” Seungmin pouts, previous embarrassment seemingly forgotten.
“You sure it isn’t because you’ve been spoiled by my cooking?” Minho raises a brow at him, “I think I can count the amount of times you’ve cooked by yourself on one hand, Mongie-ya.”
“Yah, have a little faith in me,” Seungmin scowls.
“Sure, just holler when something catches fire,” Minho giggles.
Seungmin rolls his eyes, but chuckles nonetheless, “Maybe I’ll just let you burn with me.”
“You promise? And I thought romance was dead,” Minho snickers.
“Anything for you, yeobo.” Seungmin sasses before shoving the book towards him, “Just read it, okay?”
Minho feels his face heat up again and nods, not trusting his own words as he takes the small book into his hands.
Seungmin lingers for a few more moments, lips pressed together before pivoting and making his way to the kitchen.
Minho watches his broad shoulders disappear behind their bedroom door with a fond smile. Kim Seungmin really is cute when he’s shy.
Though, it made him extremely curious on the contents of the book in his hands.
“Buying the same kind as your diary, of course I wouldn’t notice you writing this for me,” Minho grumbles, tracing the cover of the book with his fingers.
The book’s spine looks worn, showing just how often Seungmin probably wrote in it.
Minho wonders just how many times the younger had written in it without him knowing. His blue notebook never was a rare sight on quiet nights, after all. When they would wind down after a long day and simply enjoy each other’s presence.
Okay, now Minho definitely has to read it. For the principle of knowing just how much Kim Seungmin had been sneaking around behind his back.
Taking in a deep breath, he sits up and leans against the headboard properly.
Hesitantly, he pries open and Seungmin’s familiar scrawl greets him.
11/09/2019
Minho snorts at that. Jisung definitely suffered a lot maintaining his academic standing in his first year.
... but I have to admit that his songwriting skills are beyond comprehension.
I wonder if this will lead me anywhere.
Minho turns the page to the next entry and finds himself pleasantly surprised to find a ripped out page from what seems to be Seungmin’s diary stapled on top of the next entry.
15/09/2019
It’s Jisung’s birthday today. He invited the whole film crew to celebrate after filming today, even Hyunjin. (They’re doing much better, I think. They’ve cut down their squabbles between cuts down to 2/day)
Ah, Minho remembers that. Back when Jisung first met Seungmin through a filming project. He complained about their lead actor Hwang Hyunjin all the time.
Young Jisung would definitely be surprised to know that they were madly in love now.
It’s Felix’s birthday tomorrow, too. We gave him a cake so he could eat it tomorrow and the whole hang out was nice.
Jisung also formally introduced me to Lee Minho, his soulmate. He seemed excited to have his “boy crush” (me) and his “soulmate” (Minho-ssi) meet.
Honestly, Minho-ssi seems more like the type to be a boy-crush. He has a pretty face. His personality is definitely something else though.
Minho could feel the heat rising up his cheeks again. He hadn’t known Seungmin considered him pretty from the moment they met.
10/12/2019
I think I’ve finally found something that fits into what Jisung considers ‘inspiration-worthy’. It certainly has been a while since I’ve touched this notebook though.
I attended the end-of-year dance recital from the performing arts department. Jisung invited me to support Minho-ssi and Hyunjin, I figured it wouldn’t hurt to attend and maybe get some inspiration.
They looked incredible on stage. They didn’t do anything flashy like the other teams did with projectors and fancy props, they only used simple silk cloths but it was breath-taking anyway.
The way the silk flowed was like ocean waves, liquid and beautiful. Even on such a plain stage and under the white stage light, the colors seemed like they were drawing a beautiful painting.
I picture you in this pure white piece of paper
And it's dyed with your color
Minho remembers that performance, it had been one he had been nervous for. It had been the first time he did a duet and they hadn’t realised that the other teams were being so ambitious with their stage effects.
Though, even now, Seungmin still associated him with red because of the color of silk cloth he had used that day. Minho still remembered the bright red bouquet Seungmin had arranged for him for their first anniversary.
25/10/2019
Minho invited me to his birthday party.
Ah, Minho thinks, this was when Seungmin stopped acting all polite around him.
Well, to be precise, Jisung invited me to Minho’s birthday party. He was anxious to meet the whole dance crew, but ended up spending most of the night with Felix.
It was a bit overwhelming, to be honest. Dancing had never been my scene and it led me outside to get some peace and quiet on hyung’s balcony where I met his cats for the first time. I didn’t know he had 2 of them.
It was nice spending time with Soonie and Doongie and a part of me wonders what it would be like to have pets of my own, though I’ve always been more of a dog person.
As if he were personally offended by younger Seungmin’s thought of preferring a dog over his older siblings, Dori appears at the doorway and jumps up to join Minho on the bed.
Minho chuckles fondly, wasting no time to give the maknae affection.
Minho joined me on the balcony while looking to check on his cats.
The moment he opened the door the light poured onto the dark balcony and it almost made him look ethereal in a way. Though, I know his personality is far from ethereal.
I got to know him better tonight.
He spent quite some time with me despite the party going on inside being for him. At first I thought it was for his cats, but I think he enjoyed my presence on the balcony too.
I’m not sure how long we spent there, crouched on his small dark balcony without our jackets in the chilly fall. But we talked about anything and everything that came to mind, mostly silly and trivial things.
He invited me to see a small Sanrio store in a small alley nearby one day, I wonder if we will follow through. I should ask Jisung for his number.
When there's nothing by my side
Through the dim lights
You came and sat down next to me
And at that moment
In the blackout, a door opened
20/03/2020
It was Hyunjin’s birthday today. A lot less people ended up joining celebrations than expected due to the warnings of lockdown.
On one hand, I was relieved that the crowd was more manageable for me. But, at the same time, it really made the COVID situation sink in.
We joked a lot lately about how nice it would be to not have to get to campus for our 9 AMs, but the reality of being stuck inside seems almost scary. To be somewhere no one else can reach you, to be somewhere you’ll miss the touch of another human.
My family told me not to visit home during the upcoming term break. There was someone in the neighborhood that got infected. I feel like it’s closing in on me, getting closer and closer. I really can’t help but worry about those around me. I’m not sure if my parents would survive if they got it, they aren’t exactly in their prime anymore.
Minho presses his lips together.
He remembers lockdown, how paranoid Seungmin had been during that time and the way his vlogs seemed to have an almost lonely feeling to them compared to before social distancing. Reading the younger’s thoughts at the time, a part of him wishes he could have helped him more.
I think Minho-hyung could sense my restlessness because after we all went our separate ways, he invited me to go on a walk.
I tried to ask why, but he simply told me that dogs needed to be walked or they’ll be pent up. He’s not exactly wrong. It ended up becoming an impromptu short vlog walking around the park and rating the best brands for convenience store biscuits.
We ended up finishing the biscuits while we talked, even after we ended the vlog. I ended up staying out much later than I’m usually comfortable with, but I really lost track of time talking to hyung.
To be honest, I can’t even remember anything specific from what we talked about, but it was nice. It was nice to just be in the moment even for a few hours. To forget about all my worries
Hyung held my hand on our way back so we wouldn’t get lost when we took a shortcut, but held on even after we exited the alley. It’s weird, holding hands with someone who rarely holds hands with others.
Wherever I walk holding your hand
It feels like I have everything I could ever need
It's like everything has stopped
Except for you and me
My time that passes in the background
Thoughts go fast
But evеrything moves slowly before my еyes
Minho remembers suggesting that video idea on a whim since it seemed like Seungmin just needed something silly to lift his mood up. He still watches it to this day (along with most of Seungmin’s other vlogs but we don’t talk about that outside of the privacy of his own room when Seungmin is at work).
11/08/2020
It was Changbin-hyung’s birthday today. But we couldn’t celebrate in-person because of the recent spike in cases.
So we held a small virtual party for him. It was pretty bad. Everyone’s wifi kept cutting out and glitching while they talk. Also, Minho–hyung used very distracting filters.
I hope Changbin-hyung is happy, at least. He seemed like it and I’m sure Chan-hyung took care of him well at their apartment. I wish I lived with one of the guys.
It’s been harder to keep in touch these days and I think I’m slowly becoming more and more isolated. It’s not that I don’t try, I just really dislike talking online, it doesn’t feel authentic at all. Even Discord doesn’t feel the same as being with people in person.
Minho-hyung suggested I try getting out of the house once a week to shoot my vlogs in areas that aren’t too crowded, to get shots of nature and get fresh air in me. But it’s not the same without him walking with me. I didn’t realize how much I cherished his presence when filming my vlogs until I tried doing it alone. I feel like my channel is almost equally his as it is mine.
I miss hyung.
In the еnd, I'm left alone at this night
Our memoriеs become stars
Pouring over my head now
They keep spilling endlessly
The beautiful times we had together
The moments sparkle
Come into me, it shines in my heart
Even today I can't forget us
The way that we were
‘Stars and Raindrops’, Minho recalls. The name of the song with those lyrics that Seungmin had released on his channel towards the end of the pandemic. He had no idea the song had been about him. It’s a beautiful song, one where you can clearly hear all the emotions in Seungmin’s voice.
Minho notices that the next entry is much later, after Seungmin seemed happier with himself. It makes him wonder how much reflection Seungmin did in his own personal diary.
27/12/2021
Minho-hyung and I have been spending a lot of time together. He’s helping me with my final project for the spring showcase despite being busy with his troupe, so I’m really grateful that I get to spend every Saturday with him.
It’s sort of become a routine. We meet in the morning, I give him coffee, we start brainstorming ideas, shoot clips, and end the day going out somewhere. Sometimes the others join us, sometimes it’s just the two of us.
I feel like I’ve gotten to know hyung really well and I’m starting to notice a lot of things about how I act around him, too. It’s a bit embarrassing how much I look forward to seeing him every week.
We finished the last shots today.
I thought that meant it’d be the end of our little ritual, but hyung asked me where I wanted to go next week so he could accompany me while I edit the project. I didn’t realize until he offered how much I really didn’t want to stop seeing him every week like this.
I think I like you
Even I can tell when I look at myself
It is to the point that it is too obvious
I must want you so much
No matter whatever I do, I can't escape it
I must like you a lot
They had started dating not long after that, much to their friends’ relief. Minho remembers 2022 being one of the happiest and boldest years of his life after he stopped holding back with Seungmin.
29/03/2022
The spring showcase went well. I’m happy that the professors could see all the love and passion hyung and I put into the project.
It feels like everything I do with hyung shines brightly. I think I’m in love.
If we ever draw the same orbit
We can definitely shine brighter than anyone
The reason is simple
It's just because of you and me
14/05/2022
Minho-hyung asked me to move in with him after I graduated and we’ve been living together for about a month now.
It’s great, honestly. I love the little routines we’ve built around each other. I love these sacred rituals that never fail to put a smile on my face. I love being able to come home to the man I love.
This small world that belongs to you and I
That feels just out of our reach
I'll run through these moments passing us by
Between each moment
19/06/2022
Minho-hyung and I shot another vlog on a cat cafe date today. It really wasn’t anything special, to be honest. Another vlog, another cafe, another day with hyung.
But I don’t know why we just both seemed really happy today for some reason I can’t explain. Even just watching hyung play with the cats seemed like something that would become one of my happiest memories.
I hope we can stay happy like this forever.
Like that, on the day
Let's look at each other with the brightest smile
04/08/2022
Hyung and I fought seriously for the first time last week.
To be honest, I can’t even remember what started it. It was probably something silly. But I think we’ve just been under a lot of stress towards the end of July with our work projects piling up.
We made up yesterday and I remember feeling so relieved that we did. Hyung made me my favorite meal and we had a proper talk about setting boundaries for busy seasons like this.
Jisung said we’re like an old married couple. Hyung, especially trying to feed me as an apology like a stereotypical asian mom.
I hope we can continue to love each other through thick and thin in the future, it’d be nice if we really could become an old married couple.
Even if it snows and the wind blows
So strongly that our bodiеs tremble
Let's put down our roots, sprеad our branches
And wait for one more, one more day
As long as we stay, in our own way
I dream of the freshest, brightest day to come
25/10/2022
I started this journal as a songwriting exercise, but when did all the songs I write start to become about you?
Going past our shared time and space
And passing through the crack
Between day and night
Close the small distance between us
So you can feel my warmth
My universe is filled with you, more and more
As Minho continues to read, he really does notice that all the song lyrics Seungmin writes are about him. He’s never really thought of himself as a muse or anything, but seeing him in Seungmin’s eyes really made him seem like one.
Over the next entries documenting the years of their relationship, Minho reads more and more meaningful lyrics inspired by the little moments in their intertwined lives. Some, he recognises from songs Seungmin has recorded and released, while others are new to him, lyrics that were never shared to the world. It made the journal feel private, intimate even.
But, out of everything. One particular entry stands out.
22/09/2024
Hyung took me out camping like he promised he would one day for my birthday. We went out to the countryside and he taught me a lot of new things like how to choose a good camping spot, how to set up a tent, and how to get the fire running.
He cooked a really lovely birthday meal for me and we video-called our friends to blow out candles on my cake. But my favorite part was right before we went to bed.
Hyung had chosen a really nice spot by the edge of the camping site. It had a clear view of the sky and I got to see the clearest vision of the stars in my life. We probably spent hours just talking and stargazing together.
The stars were shining so brightly and beautifully that hyung couldn’t take his eyes off of them. But I found myself struggling to take my eyes off of him instead.
Every moment is a new best scene, and the stars
Are all glittering looking down on us
Like they don't want to miss a single moment
And when you smile
The aurora blooms and surrounds you
Making me feel like the whole world is mine
I'd follow you to the ends of the universe
I realized tonight that I really want to spend the rest of my life with Minho. I really want to marry him.
I should propose soon.
The entry makes Minho feel warm inside. He hadn’t realized how much the camping trip meant to Seungmin. Definitely didn’t think it would be enough to inspire the song Seungmin sang to him on their wedding day, at least.
It had been a beautiful duet with Jeongin, one Minho is still trying to weasel the recording of from Chan since he has the only copy that doesn’t show Minho quote-on-quote “tearing up” as their friends tell him. Those brats seemed to take joy in recording his reaction over the literal piece of art that was Seungmin’s live-singing, Minho should teach them a lesson on appreciating art.
There aren’t that many entries after that, probably because they had been so wrapped up in their engagement, Minho supposes. So it doesn’t take him long to get to the end of the small journal.
The writing looks a bit different, almost like it was written in a hurry.
21/3/2025
Minho and I are getting married today.
Yeobo, if you’re reading this, I’d love to share one last song with you before I give this book to you. I wrote it with your voice in mind.
Here the light shines again
Ending credits going up
You and my name
Together on it with the final curtain call
And now, night after night
When you cannot find your way
I'll be waiting
Welcome to our cinema
When did Seungmin even have the time to write this on their wedding day? Minho swears they were together almost the whole day except for the preparations in the morning-
Oh, that little shit.
“Hyung, dinner is ready,” Seungmin calls out.
“Yah, Kim Seungmin, come here,” Minho says back.
“What’s up, hyung?” Seungmin peeks into the room, wide-eyed like a puppy.
“You’re so-” Minho can feel his cheeks heat up as he struggles to find words to say.
“Oh, did you read it?” Seungmin asks, slowly entering the room.
“I did,” Minho nods, suddenly feeling unable to meet the other’s eyes, so he looks down at Dori who had fallen asleep next to him instead.
“What, um, so… What do you think?” Seungmin prompts.
“You’re so cheesy and sentimental,” Minho tells him.
“In a good way… right?” Seungmin sits down beside him.
“Yes, pabo,” Minho answers quickly, he feels embarrassed to admit it, but he also wants Seungmin to know that he enjoyed reading it before he gets stuck in his head overthinking his reaction.
“I didn’t think I would be your muse this whole time,” He admits.
“I didn’t think you’d be either,” Seungmin laughs, “I swear when I started that journal I thought I’d have at least one song written based on my experience with the others but it’s all just about you, pretty much.”
“Will you sing it?” Minho finally looks up at the younger.
“Sing what?” Seungmin tilts his head curiously.
“That last song you wrote,” Minho shows him the last entry.
Seungmin pauses, eyes trailing over the entry once more. He seems deep in thought, or like he’s trying to build up the courage for something.
Tentatively, Seungmin reaches to hold his free hand rather than respond to his question.
“Minho, would you sing this with me?” He asks back instead.
Minho’s breath catches.
“To be honest, I wrote this song thinking of your voice and I really can’t imagine singing it without you,” Seungmin admits but quickly backtracks with a tight hand squeeze, “No pressure or anything, of course. I don’t even have to post it if you don’t want me to. I just want to record something that’s ours.”
“I would love to,” Minho tells him.
And, well, the smile Seungmin gives him probably shines much brighter than any star in the sky Minho has ever seen.