Chapter Text
MARS was finally starting to get their first gigs as an independent group. Catalyst had been one of the many magazines in the entertainment industry that had reached out and asked them to grace their cover for their triumphant return to the public eye.
The reason they'd accepted to give Catalyst such an exclusive opportunity had little to do with expected engagement or money and more with the fact that they had been the first big magazine to take a chance on them when they were a bunch of nobodies underperforming in the charts and getting no exposure from Oner.
They had also invited Thame to promote his solo work and they had later supported MARS during the promotions of Who Says and throughout their public legal dispute with Oner Entertainment.
The MARS members couldn't help but feel a bit of nostalgia coming back to same studio where they took the pictures for their first ever magazine cover, this time though as accomplished and independent artists.
Thame looked to his right and locked eyes with his boyfriend. Po had come along with MARS in order to get some BTS footage to upload to social media. He gave the older man a discreet smile and Po gave him one right back, his fingers playing with his camera bag.
His phi was so adorable.
Pepper cleared his throat, bursting their small bubble to alert them of the arrival of two women. Thame quickly recognized the older one—Khun Nanthita, Catalyst's editor-in-chief—the same woman that had welcomed them with open arms all those years ago.
"Oh, my boys! It's so lovely to have you back in here!", Khun Nanthita's jubilant energy was contagious.
"Khun Nanthita! We didn't know you were coming," said Jun as he greeted the older woman with a wai along with the others. "If I had known, I would've made sure to dress up nicer!"
The woman was about to responder to Jun's flirtations when Po caught her eye. Thame was about to introduce him as their social media manager when she called out his name:
"Nong Po? What are you doing here?", somehow the woman's glee grew even bigger as she approached the director, pulling him into her arms. "I can't believe you all are working together!"
The five idols looked at the pair with confused smiles.
"Khun Nanthita knows P'Po?" asked Jun, who looked incredibly amused by the situation. Po had tried to reciprocate the hug, but he had turned a bit bashful under all the attention, his posture stiffening and the tip of his ears quickly reddening.
(Thame wanted to bite them, feel their warmth between his lips.)
"Do I know Po? I met him long before you guys even debuted!", exclaimed the woman fondly affectionately. Suddenly, her eyes widened as if she had just figured something out.
"Wait, so you're friends with MARS! No wonder you asked me to give them a chance back then! I can't believe you never told me!", she jokingly scolded Po, causing his flush to extend to the rest of his face and down his chest as the five boys directed their inquisitive gazes towards him.
"No! It wasn't like that," he tried to explain. "I did it as a favor for another friend, that's all."
This did nothing but feed Thame's curiosity. He was well aware that Po had helped Baifern with her duties as MARS' fanbase manager since the beginning, but the knowledge that his boyfriend had looked out for them in such a way before they even met inevitably caused Thame to feel giddy inside.
It made him love Po even more, it made him even more certain that there had always been a red string tying them together, directing them to each other.
"Did P'Po really ask Khun Nanthita to get us on the cover? Why didn't you tell us you knew her? How did you meet?", Nano started bombarding the director with questions.
Po scratched the back of his neck (a nervous habit that Thame found terribly endearing) before he started explaining.
"You guys know that my best friend has always been a die-hard Sphere. Back when you debuted she was really worried about the lack of promotion you were receiving so she started contacting a bunch of magazines and news outlets to ask them to give you a chance. She asked me if I knew anyone who could help so I reached out to Khun Nanthita."
"Out of all of my son's ex lovers, I must admit that Nong Po has always been my favorite one," she gently caressed Po's hands, "He was such a lovely son in law! How could I refuse him?"
Pause.
What?
Thame didn't realize he was starting to disassociate until Dylan dug his elbow into his stomach. He suddenly became aware of Po's stare on him, so he tried to give him a reassuring smile, but judging by the deepening of Po's furrow, Thame failed miserably at it.
Somehow the conversation had moved on and Khun Nanthita's assistant was now directing them to the room where the stylists and makeup team were waiting for them.
Thame moved absentmindedly as he let the team work on him, his thoughts already picking apart the information that had just been revealed.
P'Po must have dated whoever this guy was when he was still in uni, and it must've been a pretty serious relationship for him to not only have met his family but to also have bonded so deeply with his mother.
The warm feeling he'd gotten from knowing that Po had been looking out for them before they met was still there, but now there also was a small petty part of him that hated the fact that Po's ex-boyfriend had somehow been involved in it.
Up until now, for Thame, Po's past had a singular face and name: Earn.
Earn and Po's relationship had really bothered Thame when they first started dating. He'd experienced a whirlpool of jealousy, insecurity, and anger all at once and he hadn't known how to process it.
Now, Thame no longer felt jealous of Earn. He didn't think there was anything to be jealous of, really, for every positive memory that Po had with him, Thame had given him a thousand more.
The only thing Thame felt when he thought of Earn was disgust—he was nothing but a pathetic man who had sacrificed Po's heart for money and fame.
Thame, however, knew nothing about this man.
Had he treated Po right? Had they dated for long? Had Po loved him? Why had they broken up? Why hadn't Po said anything?
'It doesn't matter!' his own brain screamed at him. 'P'Po is allowed to have a past and you don't need to know everything about him. But I want to, he thought.
Thame sighed loudly, catching the attention of his members. They all exchanged knowing glances, and Pepper reached out to pat Thame's shoulder.
"You guys can talk about this once we're done, for now just focus on the photoshoot, yeah?"
"Yeah, man, you better wipe that kicked puppy look off your face. We're supposed to show everyone we're happy to be back, not make them think we're about to disband again!"
"Jun! Be nice to Thame!"
He just sighed again.
Thame was okay.
Really!
He didn't understand why his members had insisted on going to a new coffee shop together after they were done with Catalyst. Originally, Thame had planned on going home with Po and, if Po was open to it, subtly ask some questions about this mysterious man.
It was just some healthy curiosity, okay?
Nonetheless, right after the photoshoot ended, the older man had received an urgent call from Uncle Joei asking for help at the suit shop, so that plan had quickly gone out the window.
It looked like his friends had made it their collective goal to try and keep Thame's mind off the whole thing (which was completely unnecessary, really. He was fine.)
"I found his Insta", Jun announced loudly, interrupting the small chat Thame was having with Pepper about the shop's selection of pastries.
Well, everyone but Jun, apparently.
"I though we were supposed to be distracting him?" asked Nano, looking at Pepper for guidance, who just sighed and pinched his nose bridge.
"Expecting Jun not to worsen a situation is like expecting Thame to act normal about P'Po," retorted Dylan.
Jun just rolled his eyes and shoved his phone in front of Thame's face, "Look, this is him."
"I really don't care," replied Thame, as he carefully took a mental note of the man's Insta user. "I can be normal about P'Po, thank you very much."
"Any information that Thame needs, he can get it directly from P'Po," declared Pepper. Thame could tell that Pepper's words were not only directed at Jun, but also at him.
Thame's phone buzzed and lit up with a notification from Po.
I'm done helping Uncle Joei, meet you at home?
Even though they'd been living together for months, reading Po refer to the apartment as their home still made Thame's heart skip a beat.
Okayy, Phi. See you there, I love you.
"I'm really sorry I didn't tell you about about my history with Khun Nanthita. I didn't think she'd be there, so I didn't want to bring up unrelated personal stuff for no reason when you guys were so excited about getting your first magazine cover without Oner."
Thame took a moment to look at Po, who had abruptly stopped plating up the sandwiches he'd bought on his way home to talk to him. Guilt marred his expression and he almost looked like he was bracing for impact.
Thame wanted nothing more than to reach out and smooth out his furrowed eyebrows with his hands.
"Phi, I know you didn't hide anything on purpose. It's okay."
"Thame. You're always the one reminding me that I shouldn't say that things are fine if they actually upset me," Po's gaze turned pleading. "Can you please tell me how you really feel?"
The younger man nodded slowly, and he walked closer to Po.
"Finding out that you knew Khun Nanthita and that you once dated her son doesn't really bother me," Thame started, taking Po's hands between his own. "Yes, I kind of wish I had heard it from you first rather than her, but it's not because I feel betrayed or anything like that, but because that way you could have talked about it in a way that made you feel comfortable instead of having to share something from your past with other people around."
Po started to relax as he processed Thame's words, but he still looked at him a bit dubiously. "So, you're not jealous or anything?"
Thame's ears were the ones burning this time.
Whenever he remembered how he had reacted to Earn, he felt incredibly embarrassed. He knew that Po had found it endearing (if not a bit hot, even) but Pepper had given him a pretty long lecture on retroactive jealousy and communication once Thame told him about what had happened.
"I'm really not jealous, Phi. I promise. As long as he treated you well, I don't feel any way in particular about him."
"P'Win wasn't anything like Earn, if that's what you're worried about. I'd say we broke up on good terms, even."
"Can I ask why you broke up?"
For a moment, Thame was scared that he was coming off as intrusive, but Po actually looked more comfortable than before, he looked like he felt safe enough to discuss his past experiences without worrying about upsetting Thame.
"Nothing dramatic happened, we just fell out of love."
Thame couldn't comprehend how falling out of love wasn't something monumental, but he kept that to himself.
"Oh."
"Mhm. We weren't in love anymore but we still loved each other, you know?"
Quite honestly, Thame didn't know.
Po was his first relationship (and last, if he had any say on the matter), and it was impossible for him to imagine his love for Po ever turning into a platonic or muted thing.
"We didn't really keep in touch after the break up, but that was mostly due to him going to study abroad. I did keep in touch with his mother, though. I often had lunch with her during the first months after P'Win left for England, I could tell the loneliness was really taking a toll on her, so I tried my best to cheer her up."
"No wonder you're her favorite ex-son-in-law," Thame teased. "I'm not complaining though, thanks to my phi's charm, we got our first ever magazine cover."
Thame pulled Po closer to him, his hands finding their home on Po's waist. "How should I thank you for that, phi?"
Po's voice shook as Thame started to kiss his neck softly, "I think I have an idea or two."
Thame felt like he couldn't breathe.
«I don't think I'm in love with you anymore, Thame.»
Po's voice was quivering with guilt, but the decisiveness his eyes showed that he'd made up his mind.
Po was leaving him.
«I'm really sorry, I don't know what changed.»
No. This wasn't real.
Wake up!
It was 4:00 am and Thame couldn't go back to sleep.
His nightmare had been stupid but it had left him shaken.
He eventually managed to calm himself down by listening to Po's soft exhales, but sleep still evaded him.
In order not to wake his boyfriend up from his well deserved rest, Thame grabbed his phone and put on his earbuds. He listened to some relaxing music for a while, trying to get himself to sleep before he eventually gave up and opened Instagram. He scrolled through his feed for a while, until he suddenly found himself typing a certain username into the search bar.
thawin.ccn
50.4k followers
Followed by pawat.1anan and baii__fernn
Thame scrolled through the guy's profile for a while, but he wasn't sure what he was trying to achieve by doing that.
He wasn't trying to compare himself to Thawin in any way.
Thawin was a handsome man for sure, but Thame knew he was a good-looking guy too. He didn't feel envious seeing all his pictures at exotic destinations or prestigious events either, Thame was more than satisfied with his current lifestyle.
He was about to exit Thawin's profile when he came across the video.
Po's younger face greeted him and Thame felt like he'd gotten the wind knocked out of him. His boyfriend looked beautiful—his cheeks were a bit fuller and his hair shorter, his frame completely engulfed by a huge puffer jacket.
"Woah, isn't the view stunning?"
In the video, Po was standing in a snowy landscape, looking around with wide eyes. The camera zoomed in on Po's face and stayed focused there.
"Mhm, my view is certainly stunning", answered a warm voice from behind the camera, the fondness almost palpable.
"Phi! You're so embarrassing—", the video cut off as Po reached out to cover the camera with his hands, the final frame showing his flustered but enamored expression.
thawin.ccn: Happy birthday to my person. You'll always be my favorite view.
Thame quickly locked his phone and put it on the nightstand again.
All of a sudden, the music that he had been listening to before he opened Instagram started playing again, and if Thame tried to convince himself that his rapid heartbeat was due to that, it was nobody's business.