Work Text:
“Do you still want to go, Zhenzhen?” Yin Yu asked, inevitably worried that the date they had planned would be too much for Quan Yizhen. “We can stay at home instead, I promise I don’t mind.”
They had excitedly planned going to the festival a while ago —festival food was always a nice treat, and the fireworks were so beautiful too— but the past week had been a bit brutal at Quan Yizhen’s job, and therefore he was clearly more tired than usual.
“I want to go,” Quan Yizhen replied, writing on his phone instead of talking out loud. “No talking, though. Walking slow.”
“Alright,” Yin Yu said, getting closer to him, opening his arms for an embrace. “But if you need to come back home, just ask, okay?”
Quan Yizhen gave him a thumbs up, before returning the hug and staying there for a while.
It was always nice to remember that Yin Yu truly had no surprise expectations about their relationship or about the things they were doing together. Everything was always simpler with him. They never played any weird mind games, there was no need to guess.
So Quan Yizhen really wanted to enjoy that evening with him, even if he was tired.
To have an actual date.
They walked around the festival —Quan Yizhen wore his noise–cancelling earbuds to help with the overwhelming atmosphere— while holding hands and occasionally exchanging some comments about a food they wanted to try, or a game they wanted to play at a particular stand. They even took some photos together!
And a while before the fireworks started, they walked to a different location, a bit more secluded and with a good view, from where they would be able to watch without being surrounded by the crowds.
“I’m glad we still came to the festival,” Quan Yizhen whispered, while they waited for the fireworks to start. It took quite a bit of energy to speak, but he managed.
“It was fun, but if you had decided to stay home, that would have been nice too,” Yin Yu replied, leaning on the railing of the viewpoint they had gone to. “The important part was to have a special time together, wasn’t it?”
“Yeah,” Quan Yizhen said, with a sigh. As always, he was having trouble with conveying what he meant to say.
“We should go home after the fireworks so you can rest,” Yin Yu declared, squeezing his hand.
Ah, Yu-ge knew him too well, didn’t he? Of course Yin Yu already knew that he was reaching his limit, even when he didn’t want to admit it.
As he looked at the bright lights exploding in the sky, Quan Yizhen couldn’t help but feel a bit sad. Whenever he was tired, he tended to get in a weird headspace where his brain repeated some bad things in a loop. Like how, sometimes, other people did not understand him. How both of them were misunderstood. Well, sometimes was an understatement.
It had already been hard to get people to understand his needs as an autistic man.
Dating each other while being ace? That had been a whole different level.
Not that they had shared that side of their relationship with that many people. It was mostly a few friends that knew them since forever and therefore didn’t expect them to get together like that. Because not even the people that knew them the best seemed to get it, at least at first.
“I thought you both were ace,” He Xuan had asked, back when they announced the were dating each other. “Why would you start dating?”
It happened while they were having a simple get together at Hua Cheng and Xie Lian’s apartment, and Yin Yu had decided to share the news while they were washing the dishes, all of them cramped inside the kitchen.
“Because we love each other and want to spend more time together?” Quan Yizhen answered, tilting his head like a puppy, as Yin Yu handed him a clean plate for him to dry.
“And it would also be convenient,” added Yin Yu, nonchalantly. “To be honest, I feel like the weird part is that we weren’t dating already. After all, we were already planning to move in together.”
“So you are going to date for the… practical benefits?” Hua Cheng asked with a smirk.
“Why is it so weird that we want to date each other?!” Quan Yizhen asked, frustrated. Why did they have to justify that decision instead of it just being celebrated by their friends?
“Careful,” Yin Yu said, reminding him of the plate he was still holding, but also giving him a knowing look, as if saying, I know, I know, I get it, we’re in this together.
“It’s not weird at all!” Xie Lian intervened, as diplomatically as he could. “They’re just teasing you, A-Zhen.”
“You know these two guys think mostly with their dicks,” Shi Qingxuan added, smiling to him in solidarity. “They simply can’t fathom a relationship without sex.”
“Is that really all you want to do with your partners?” Quan Yizhen asked, curiously.
“Pffft, of course not,” He Xuan said, sounding a bit too emphatic, and making Shi Qingxuan blush and then laugh nervously until she ended up furiously coughing.
Hua Cheng didn’t answer, smiling deviously, and Xie Lian covered his face with a hand while shaking his head.
“You’re incorrigible, Xuan-er,” Yin Yu replied, splashing some water on his friend with a hand, before returning his focus to the remaining dishes. But then, he quickly added a, “and you too, A-Cheng.” He knew them too well already.
“I was going to congratulate you,” Hua Cheng replied, hands in the air, innocently.
“When are you going to move in together, Yuyu?” Shi Qingxuan changed topics, after she finally recovered her breath.
“We’re still looking for a place,” Quan Yizhen answered this time. “There’s one we already visited that we really liked, but…”
The conversation continued on that vein, and they all congratulated them in the end, after their initial surprise had passed.
But it was still a bit disappointing to get those reactions, even if, above all, it was something they had both expected. There seemed to be some sort of notion that, for a romantic relationship to work, sex was the superior, valid form of intimacy. As if theirs was “only an extra deep friendship” instead of an actual romantic relationship. Like their feelings were not real. Like something was missing because they didn’t fuck.
But they knew that nothing was missing, and they moved in together just as they had planned, enjoying having even more ways to stay close, sharing their routines with each other and waking up next to each other whenever they wanted to.
It felt natural, like something had clicked in place for them.
Yet on bad days, Quan Yizhen’s brain kept making him feel weird for being himself, and kept making him feel as if he was incomplete, or making him fear that Yin Yu would leave him. Which made no sense, and he knew it… but still.
⋆˖⁺‧₊☽☀︎☾₊‧⁺˖⋆
He barely registered anything on their way back from the festival, as Yin Yu didn’t press him to talk about his worries, and just guided him through the crowds into the emptying streets for their walk back, holding his hand firmly and caressing it with a thumb.
He hadn’t really been cognizant of his surroundings, following on automatic mode, until he found himself under a blanket, surrounded by Yin Yu’s arms, as they both were laying down on Yin Yu’s bed, already in comfy pajamas.
Quan Yizhen was even wearing his silk bonnet! How did that happen?!
“Big feelings?” Yin Yu mumbled against Quan Yizhen’s forehead, as he embraced him tightly, knowing that feeling that crushing pressure helped his boyfriend feel better.
It wasn’t the first time something like this had happened, anyway, but whenever one of them was having a day like this, the other made sure to be there and do something to offer comfort.
“Mn.” Quan Yizhen just burrowed further into Yin Yu’s chest.
“That’s okay,” Yin Yu assured him, running his hand over Quan Yizhen’s back.
They simply stayed there, snuggling under the blanket, limbs entangled, enjoying the silence and the warmth of each other’s company.
“Yu-ge?” Quan Yizhen asked, after a long, long time, so long that he thought that maybe Yin Yu had fallen asleep.
“Yeah?” Yin Yu mumbled, voice indeed a bit sleepy.
“…Thank you.”
“Hm. Anytime.”
There was much more that Quan Yizhen wanted to say, but it would not be anything that Yin Yu didn’t know already. They had talked about it before. Of the frustration, of how sometimes it was hard to not feel like they were lacking something, even if that something wasn’t a thing they wanted at all. But there was pressure to conform, and it hurt.
Yin Yu started humming softly, while scratching Quan Yizhen’s scalp through the bonnet that protected his curls (and also helped with said curls tendency to end up all over Yin Yu’s face).
“It’s good to know we have each other,” Yin Yu said, after a while. “That you got my back and I got yours. That we’re safe.” It was Yin Yu’s way to help Quan Yizhen start untangling his overwhelming feelings. “We can be ourselves here.”
“Mhm,” Quan Yizhen agreed, squeezing Yin Yu’s body against his a bit harder than before. He still had not found the words he needed. But he knew it would be okay, even if he never did.
“I love how we can just spend a whole day without saying a word and no one gets offended,” Yin Yu continued. “I enjoy having our quiet time together.”
“Yu-ge always understands,” Quan Yizhen mumbled. He liked their quiet time together too, as much as he liked to tell Yin Yu about all the things in his day, or about whatever thing he was obsessing over at the time. Yin Yu always listened to him, and paid attention to the things Quan Yizhen shared.
“Well, you understand me too, you silly dummy,” Yin Yu replied, moving a bit to place an exaggeratedly loud kiss over Quan Yizhen’s forehead. “If you didn’t, we wouldn’t be together, would we?” Yin Yu was not that prone to talking extensively, but he was a good listener, and loved to listen to Quan Yizhen’s ramblings.
Quan Yizhen giggled a bit at that noisy kiss, so Yin Yu kissed him again and again, just to hear him to laughing a bit more.
“I guess that’s true,” Quan Yizhen conceded, after the kisses stopped. “We know each other really well.”
“And we’re happy together, aren’t we?”
“Of course we are,” Quan Yizhen replied immediately, moving to look at Yin Yu’s face, just to make sure. “You’re still happy with me, right, Yu-ge?”
“Yes, I am,” Yin Yu smiled, making all of Quan Yizhen’s worries dissipate like smoke. “You always make things simpler for me. My brain is much quieter, now that I have you.”
“Even when I’m like this?” Quan Yizhen already knew the answer, but it was never unwelcome to get a bit of reassurance.
“Especially when you’re like this. It’s my turn to spoil you, you know?” As if Yin Yu needed an excuse to do that at all.
“Yu-ge always spoils me,” Quan Yizhen said, with a small pout that made Yin Yu feel the urge to bite him.
“What a coincidence, I could say the same about you.” That was true too, Quan Yizhen was just as doting as Yin Yu was. They had their own ways to show affection and care, and did it constantly.
“Is this a competition?” Quan Yizhen asked, suddenly fired up.
“Do you want it to be?” Yin Yu retorted with a chuckle. Oh, it was so good to see his Zhenzhen acting more like his usual self.
“What should be the rules?” Yes, he was already in competitive mode.
“Pfffft,” Yin Yu started laughing, and then brought Quan Yizhen back towards his chest, squeezing him as hard as he could. “What would I do without you, Zhenzhen?”
“Is this your way of forfeiting already?!” Quan Yizhen mumbled against his chest, half joking, half serious.
“Oh, don’t get me wrong, I’m going to kick your ass on this,” Yin Yu said, when he managed to stop laughing. “Well, figuratively.”
“We shall see about that,” Quan Yizhen said, trying to keep a serious countenance (and failing).
“Let’s have a good night of sleep before that, Zhenzhen. I’m exhausted too.” Yin Yu let go of Quan Yizhen, with the intention of finally getting properly under the covers, gesturing for Quan Yizhen to join him for the night instead of going to his room.
There was no need for more words.
And especially, there was no need to listen to the rest of the world. They had all they needed, Quan Yizhen was sure.