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Escaping from Cochlea was the hardest thing Kaneki had ever done. His friends were scattered to the winds, new enemies were around every corner (ugh, it was like they were respawning or something), and he kept seeing clown masks in the shadows. He spent hours avoiding suspiciously clear paths and all areas areas with dramatic lighting (he knew enough members of Pierrot to see a set stage for what it was).
All in all, it was a pain in the ass.
The worst part about it? Everyone knew his face. Zero Squad were trying their best to cover for him, but when everyone was shouting,
“Kaneki!”
“King!”
“Sasaki!”
“Eyepatch!”
“Centipede!”
“Ken!”
They couldn’t catch a break. Weren’t ghouls raised to be stealthy or something? Why was the art of subtlety lost on each and every one of them???????
After gathering the entire Anteiku crew (and side-eying Ayato for all he was worth) and eliminating another squadron that recognized him from behind (someone had actually said the words ‘that’s Sasaki’s ass’), Kaneki let out a scream of frustration. He whirled on Touka, pointing a shaking finger at her silvery hair, and shouted,
“C’mon, hand it over!”
Zero Squad shifted for their weapons behind him and Kaneki flapped a hand at them impatiently. Everyone was looking at him in confusion and he did not have time for this.
“That hair has to be a wig. It doesn’t reflect light quite like it should. Hand it over.”
He said, gesturing again at Touka’s hair. Hinami snorted softly, mumbling something about Kaneki’s true calling as a hairdresser, but he ignored her (and Ayato’s little lovesick smile - God, he was going to shovel-talk that boy SO HARD).
“Why do you want my wig…?”
Touka asked despite the dawning understanding Kaneki could see on her face. He was about to answer when a Zero Squad member slapped a makeup compact into his chest with a squeal of excitement.
“Sir,”
She began as Hirako turned an odd shade of red behind her,
“We’ve heard of your legendary beauty before! We look forward to assisting in your transformation!”
Hirako squeezed the bridge of his nose and mouthed ‘later’ at Kaneki’s querying look. Suddenly, he was swarmed by excited teenagers who apparently all carried cosmetics into battle (he refused to address why one of them had breast forms in his pockets. It was almost like they had plann-).
“Maintain a perimeter.”
Kaneki told them all as he began sorting his materials,
“I’ve got a disguise to make.”
“Oh no.”
Banjou mumbled, burying his face in his hands,
“He’s hot.”
Touka, unable to form words, nodded in agreement.
Slipping through the tunnels below the ghoul-crusher, a whisper in the dark gained Kaneki’s attention,
“How did you…”
Kaneki smirked and, under the cover of darkness, readjusted the tape running up his spine,
“Have you ever heard of tucking?”
On a boat headed for Rushima, a bright-eyed Zero Squad member asked,
“The curves…?”
“All natural.”
Kaneki responded, smiling to himself as he listened to Ayato choke on air.
“So, Hirako…it’s later.”
Kaneki murmured as they watched the ongoing battles on the island from the trees. Hirako sighed and reached into his pocket for a photograph. He showed it to Kaneki and mumbled,
“Arima liked to brag about your disguise skills. He was trying to learn them himself.”
The photo was of Arima in a fitted dress and heels. He had on the exact same wig Kaneki had last used for Sasako. His makeup was tacky, but it was a solid first attempt (Kaneki tried to ignore the pang in his chest).
“All the kids are really into drag. They’ll want you to show them the ropes once we get out of here.”
Hirako finished, patting Kaneki once on the shoulder.
Kaneki was going to the best damn drag mom any of these kids could’ve asked for. They just had to not die first.
Amon Koutarou was the most pleasant surprise Kaneki had ever had in his life. The fact that he was,
1) Alive
2) Keeping Akira safe
and
3) Was stumbling over his words in front of a ‘beautiful lady’
Officially made him Kaneki’s new favourite person.
Kaneki eyed his motley crew of very recognizable ghouls and former CCG agents and pondered how they were going to get off the island. He had a couple of options, however the sparkling eyes of Zero Squad convinced him to go with the most ridiculous one.
“A giant woman…”
One of the Zero Kids was staring up at Amon’s impressive frame. He seemed awed, though Kaneki was subject to the strangest sense of deja vu.
Amon looked an awful lot like Investigator Gori…
Akira was a frighteningly attractive man. The Owl (’Takizawa’) made a sound like a dying animal whenever she tried to speak to him. Kaneki took a bit of vengeful pleasure in his discomfort.
It was almost embarrassing how easily they escaped Rushima. No one ever should’ve believed that they were a bunch of attractive tourists, especially seeing as Takizawa refused to change clothes.
Kaneki followed Amon’s sharp (jealous…nice) gaze and glared at the wad on phone numbers stuffed into the pocket of Kaneki’s dress (a repurposed cloak).
He was so going to call each and every one of them to say he was a ghoul.
(Touka’s sharp grin told him she was going to do the same thing. Akira simply looked contemplative while the others were disappointed by their lack of digits)
(Kaneki was going to fix that problem for them soon)
(After all, they’d need disguises for awhile yet, and Kaneki couldn’t have any of kids looking anything but gorgeous)