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It wasn’t long after meeting him, that Leonard learned the difference between James T Kirk, Jim, and Jimmy. Of course, there was the random instance of a young teenage living near the campus calling him JT, but that instance had been brushed off like it hadn’t even happened, and it had never happened again.
Leonard wasn’t an idiot, he was a doctor and a physiologist, he read humans like it was nothing.
He was still trying to figure out what language he needed to know to fully understand his roommate, James T Kirk. It was almost impossible to be as many different people as Jim was, but he seemed to manage it pretty well.
When they’d first met, it was on the shuttle ride from bumfuck Iowa, Bones, finally coming off the binge marathon he’s been on since this divorce went through and he was left without custody, and Jim, looking like he’d had the shit beat out of him.
Leonard resisted the urge to pull the flask out of his jacket pocket and down as much of it as he could, looking at the pretty blonde kid out of the corner of his eyes, and he was a kid, he looked pale skinned and wrinkle free under the bruises. He had big, expressive blue eyes, and they looked just a little bit hurt, maybe scared, as they followed the Captain -the same one that had recruited Leonard the day before- after the man placed one hand on the boy’s shoulder in passing before he kept going back to the cockpit.
“What happened to you?”
Because, something was clearly wrong, he looked like a kicked dog. He gave him a little shrug, shoulders loose, and glanced over at the other side of the shuttle once, and started fidgeting with a rubber band on his wrist, snapping it a few times against the relatively unmarred skin there. There was a light bruise, and Leonard wished he knew enough about the boy’s triggers to still his hands, knowing fully well that it was a coping method.
Why would you need to use pain as a grounding tool when you’re already in as much as you are?
“Just… wasn’t a very good night. You?”
He stopped playing with the rubber band on his wrist, and pointedly looked away from the other side of the shuttle. Leonard had the feeling that whoever had caused those bruises -and the painful looking bump and cuts on his face- was on this shuttle with them, and frowned at the thought. “I don’t like flying. I may throw up on you.”
The boy shrugged, “Eh, that’s not too bad. I promise, people have done worse. Ever seen a bone sticking out of the skin after a bad landing?”
He seemed distracted, like he was trying to lead the conversation away from anything bad he didn’t want to answer, but too distracted to lead without being obvious. “Actually, yes. I’m a trauma surgeon.”
His voice was quiet when the boy finally replied. “Don’t smell like a trauma surgeon. Maybe one after a long shift…”
A few of the others in the shuttle looked at them in shock, as if expecting Leonard to get offended and kick the kid’s ass, but Leonard was honestly too amused to give them the satisfaction. Even if that had pissed him off, the low, almost delicate voice coming from him, wouldn’t have let him even raise his voice to the boy. He let out an amused laugh. “No, I don’t suppose I do. I’m Leonard.”
The boy looked up at him with impossibly wide eyes, like he wasn’t expecting the laugh. He had the oddest feeling that this kid got snapped at for the slightest remarks if amusement surprised him here. “Jimmy.”
Jimmy was quiet, and unassuming. He flinched if you raised your voice with any sort of mal intent behind it, and he would sometimes snap at the band around his wrist, like it could physically pull him away from any bad place that his mind might take him.
Jimmy was the one who sat in Leonard’s dorm room with him till the late hours of the morning -usually falling asleep on his couch, curled up like a little pill bug and stealing Bones’ pillows- and made him watch old holos of cartoons and children’s movies. He had a fascination with all things colourful, and Leonard knew, from the more than few times he’d visited Jimmy at the house he lived in with his parents off campus -which he was entirely alone in right now, because they were both off world for the next three months- that he still had a colourful crocheted blanket on his bed, and a soft teddy bear next to his pillow.
Jimmy was the one who seemed excited at any and every chance to do something fun , and the one who begged Leonard to come with him to various museums and parks around the city, talking about how amazing it all was with that small voice that pulled at Leonard’s chest. That young, too young voice. The one that didn’t say, ‘I’m young and excited,’ it said, ‘I’m young enough to cry if you yell at me,’ and that made Leonard so angry. Not angry at him, never at him, at whoever made him feel like that.
Which is why he’d been truly surprised, when he first met Jim, who was nothing like Jimmy at all. In fact, Leonard would say he was entirely different.
“Goddamn, does he have to act like such a dick all the time?”
Leonard was about to keep walking ahead of the two other men taking up most of the walkway, and going far too slow in the process, not really caring too much about campus gossip, before he heard the next one talk. Now, he’d like to point out, that it’s not the possibility of gossip that’s stopping him from leaving these two in the dust, but the pure shock that he felt at the next statement.
“Jim Kirk. I swear, he’s out to ruin my grade in ethics class.”
“What was he arguing about this time?”
Arguing? Jimmy? His Jimmy who couldn’t even raise his voice enough to be heard in a club, and nearly had a panic attack at all the other people being there with him, to the point where Bones had had to lead him out of the place and let him catch his breath before they had walked home? That Jimmy? Bones wasn’t sure his kid knew how to argue if he was required to.
“The ability to go to a planet in need, with an unofficial invite, to investigate if their occupants are being mistreated or not by a malevolent ruler. He’s a spoiled brat, and his parents coddle him too much if he thinks you can just bypass a world’s right to privacy just to see if they’re doing okay.”
Well… actually, that sounded like something that Jimmy would argue in favor of, but Leonard wasn’t sure he’d argue it in front of a crowd.
As it turns out, Jimmy’s got a whole side to him that Leonard hasn’t seen before, and it was amazing to watch.
It was amazing, Bones hadn’t even been aware that Jimmy could talk to anyone without stuttering when there were this many of them in a group, and here he was, fitting in perfectly with the excitable group of first year cadets.
A group of cadets who solely called him Jim, not Jimmy. Leonard was honestly wondering if there was a difference between the two, because this man, while not a bad person, was not the soft spoken Jimmy that Leonard had come to know. He didn’t show the same caution with where he placed himself, and what he said, that Leonard had come to expect from him.
And, while different, Leonard found that he could honestly say, that this was not a bad change from the norm. He could say, that it was a relief, that Jim could, and does, handle himself without the nervous stutter that Leonard had come to expect in their regular interaction. It’s not a bad thing, but one does worry about a person with that much social anxiety, entering a federation based around the idea of making friends in the universe, on a cosmic scale.
He found that this person, whether it be a second personality, or a second identity, he didn’t know, but he found himself grateful for him, because for once, he wasn’t worried about Jim’s ability to survive in this federation.
Jimmy and Jim were both good people, but Leonard found that Jimmy had a tendency to shy away from anyone who showed authority but none of that gruff, teddy bear edge that Jimmy insisted that Leonard had. He said that Leonard was the definition of ‘soft and huggable’ and Leonard had looked at those big eyes staring up at him so sincerely while he played on some handheld gaming device, and hadn’t been able to correct him. If Jimmy wanted a teddy bear, he’d get one. Jim was a good guy, with overall good intentions, but the ability to piss off a fly. So far, the only people that didn’t seem to take offence, was Leonard, and a few of the professors who also seemed to refer to him as Jimmy on occasion, making Leonard think that they must have known him from back when he was still young enough to actually be a kid.
But, no matter what, Leonard didn’t think that either of them would take to authority very well. Jim openly scoffed at the idea of taking orders, and Jimmy’s lower lip would wobble if he even thought he was upsetting someone - and would be a total pushover to anyone he ever had to deal with.
But, that’s, apparently, where personality number three comes in. Meet James, the delegate.
James only came out when dealing with the admiralty in question. Hell, James didn’t even come out when he was dealing with Captain Pike, or Admiral Archer, they both referred to him as Jimmy, which raised more questions than it answered, but it was the admirals, the annoying ones, the ones that yelled. That’s when he came out.
And he knew how to stand his ground, but he also knew when to back off, and how to not offend. It was amazing to see in action.
Leonard was sitting in the room with the other third year students, and didn’t miss the way that both Admiral’s Kirk were staring right at their son sitting at his side as the auditorium went quiet, ready for the meeting to start.
“This session has been called, as per regulation with the code of conduct upon student guidelines, to settle a troubling matter with an audience of his peers. James T Kirk, please step forward.”
Leonard looked just as shocked as everyone else around them, and he suddenly realized why the Kirk’s looked so worried.
Jim slowly got up from the chair, an impassive look on his face, and on his short walk up to the podium, he didn't once reach for the rubber band sitting under his uniform to snap at it.
Leonard just hoped that Jim was in a good enough mood today, not to snap at any of them.
“Mr. Kirk, evidence has been submitted to the council to suggest that you have written a paper showing a possible favoritism for eugenics. Is there anything you care to say before we begin, sir?”
James’ eyes flickered past his parents, and over to Admiral Archer, who looked just as worried for the man as they had. He flickered back to the admiral in charge and sighed a little. “I believe I have the right to face my accuser in person.”
The room was quiet for a few seconds, before an instructor stood up, straightening his shirt before walking down the few short steps to the ground floor, and approaching the second podium. He was vulcan.
James turned back to the front of the room when he was there, and raised an eyebrow. “Forgive my ignorance, but the only known trial of peers in the code of conduct handbook, is for cheating. Why is this being done with the entirety of the third years in one room?”
The admiral looked uncomfortable. “This is a relatively new regulation involving issues with eugenics, only implemented within the last ten years. The trial of peers is meant to… deter any lies, so to speak.”
Which, Leonard knew, was implemented after the effects of the Tarsus IV massacre. Though, Leonard really doubted that Jimmy had anything favorable towards the idea himself. As far as he knew, Jimmy had some pretty strong opinions on how much he hated eugenics.
“If I know correctly, the paper that I turned in that you’re referring to, Professor, that was a plant related essay talking about the advances of genetically modified crops-”
“Which shows a propensity towards genetic mutations. As such, no matter the intended meaning, it is required of me to report the findings. I believe this meeting has only been called because of your use of Tarsus IV itself as an example-”
“I know what I used as an example, Professor Spock, I did write that paper all on my own… are you all, seriously telling me, that this is all a formality, and none of you actually think I’ve done anything wrong?”
The admiral in charge looked uncomfortable. “I would have prefered to have this be a meeting between you and I in my office, but there are others-”
“Who would love to watch me flail in front of an audience. I believe those are the real people you want to be talking to, about a propensity towards eugenics , and you know it.”
Spock looked like he honestly expected James to get scolded for that, but James kept his tone quiet, and respectful, though his words were cutting, and Leonard could see his avoidance of the admiral’s eyes showing his edge that he was slowly losing. He was very uncomfortable with this line of questioning.
James closed his eyes, looking like he was counting to ten in his head, before opening them back up again. “I request a closed room from this point forward, to conceal knowledge that may possibly get me killed if a group of people this large finds out about it.”
“Cadet Kirk, we cannot-”
“Accept the request, or accept my resignation. I am willing to serve in this federation, but I’m not ready to give my life for it just to amuse you.”
Now, Bones was really lost. He had so many questions.
The admirals all seemed to turn to the Kirks, and closed in on a private discussion between them, before the admiral in charge turned back to the room.
“Clear the room, and as always, with a meeting of your peers, if anyone is talking about this outside of this room, expect to be the next one on trial here.”
Leonard shuffled out of the room with the rest of the confused students. He had so many questions. He only hoped he didn’t get too curious and ask, because he had the feeling that Jimmy wasn’t going to answer.
When the room was cleared out, Jim leaned one elbow down on the podium, scrubbing at his eyes roughly for a few seconds before turning to look at the vulcan still there. “Do you think I’m a danger to this federation?”
The vulcan was quiet for a few seconds, before inclining his head. “As a starfleet officer and professor, it is my duty to report all evidence of eugenics, in this case genetic modification of plant life, and mentions of classified missions within essays or classwork. What the admiralty chooses to do with the information given to them, is not up to me.”
Jim frowned a little, “Didn’t exactly answer my question.”
Spock was silent for another second, before replying without hesitation to the statement. “No. I do not believe you to be a danger to this federation. The number of reported essays and classwork, is much higher than the one that is now being pursued.”
Jim snorted, and turned back to the admirals. “See, probably the smartest guy in the room, and he doesn’t think I did anything wrong, can I go.”
He was starting to feel a little dizzy at the moment, and had to physically ball his fists together to keep himself from snapping at the rubber band on his wrist.
“Cadet Kirk, you still need to answer… we didn’t only call you here because of what you talked about, but because you have information of Tarsus IV that was never released to the public.”
“And you think I hacked into your systems to get it?”
“There could be no other explanation-”
“There can be, think hard about it, I’m sure you know I have a sealed file in my records, about twelve or so years ago, about the right time for it. You really can’t put two and two together?”
The room was silent for a minute. Neither George or Winona spoke, though they had their hands clasped together under the table, watching their son, who looked so so, done right now. Archer was looking at him sympathetically, but he’d never been as close to Jimmy as Chris had been.
“You were one of the nine survivors of Tarsus IV that can identify Governor Kudos if he’s ever captured.”
It was Spock, of course he was, honestly it’s like he’s the only one in the room with a brain right now. Jim leaned against his palm, head turned to Spock. “I can neither confirm, nor deny that.”
Spock nodded once, tersely, knowing that humans used that as a phrase when they couldn’t say yes, but it was a yes.
“Your plight has been noted, and if I could make a note to the council, that James T Kirk has done nothing wrong, other than revealing information that is not revealed to the public at the current moment.”
Three of the admirals looked sick, two of them being Jim’s parents, and the man in the middle of the table had lowered his head into his hands, looking distinctly unsettled. “You are dismissed Cadet Kirk, though you can expect a follow up meeting with me sometime this week.”
Jim nodded, heading out of the hall with blind eyes, and could only stop outside the doors to take in a heavy breath of air, as if he’d had none while in the meeting, and leaned against the wall, scrabbling at his left wrist so he could pull and snap the rubber band there, till he felt grounded enough to try and navigate to somewhere else that was safer than here.
Jim was still snapping at the band on his wrist while he tried to figure out where to go after this, when a soft voice called out his name. “Jimmy?”
Jimmy let out a little whimper, feeling raw, ripped open, unable to control the memories in his head trying to get out. Yeah, he’d used Tarsus IV as an example in his paper, but he’d been able to clinically rationalize the paper at that point in time while writing it, and all he could think of right now, is standing in the middle of a cobblestone square while a man read out their execution paper to them.
He’d been down there for over a year before they’d finally found them. Before they knew anything was wrong.
Jimmy whimpered again, though he didn’t cry. He’d gotten good at not crying. Leonard’s eyes went soft at the sight of it, and the man was against him before he could blink, big arms wrapped around his shoulders, pulling him tight against his chest. They were of a size, but like this, Jimmy could pretend for a moment, that he was small, and cared for.
That he was back in those times before he learned what true hatred felt like, back before everything was bad, and hurt, and then he learned hunger.
“Come on, darlin, let’s go back to my dorm room, and we can get some dinner and watch holos till you fall asleep, alright?”
Jimmy let out a little whine this time, nodding against Leonard’s neck. “Kay.”
It’s why he liked it so much when Leonard was in charge. He was so attentive to his physical and mental needs, that sometimes Jimmy really did feel like a little kid around him, back when he wasn’t supposed to take care of himself. It could be like that with his parents sometimes too, but they never babied him like this, making him feel so secure and small when they took care of him. He loved his parents, he really did, but he prefers this.
It’s why Leonard and Jimmy were together, because everything was so smooth and natural with them, and they’d never felt wrong about it. This is their normal.