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Living the idol life hasn't always been easy. It requires innumerable sacrifices and contains hours of work, strict dieting, and maintaining a perfect image which results in living under constant pressure.
One wrong move, and all eyes are on them.
Dating and interacting with other idols will get them flamed as well. What more when you date your fellow member inside the group? It was 50/50. It’s either the unsupportive and angered fans showing heavy disapproval or the other side, wherein people feel represented and seen, making them gain their acceptance.
None of those seemed to bother Jinsol.
For her, she has adapted to that kind of lifestyle. She only teaches herself a certain phrase—Keep it lowkey. A certain girl reminds her—she can display affection to her members however she wants, nobody is stopping her. But she strictly warns:
Never ever kiss Yoona on camera, even if her lips look kissable all the time.
Jinsol didn’t want to obey, they were a government ship anyway.
She was aware of the internet craze when it comes to their group's concerts, fansigns, and events. Their fandom loves and lives for every crumb they could get, especially with girl to girl ships or, also known as pairs. Pictures and videos taken by their designated fansites circulate around their online community, wherein not only are they visible to fans, their idols can see them too.
The comments, the captions, and even articles. All of them can be considered as good, except for some.
Words cut deeper than wounds, Jinsol relates. It’s not like she’s having a dramatic and emotional teenager moment right now, but it’s because she accidentally stumbles upon something she shouldn't have.
It was a big mistake.
For now, she wishes she can turn back time and undo her actions.
She blames herself for being so curious—she only wanted to go egosurfing to observe the international fans’ reactions to her performance lately, given the tiresome days they spent on dancing and singing. From travelling from country to country; Bloco da Pabllo in Brazil to the festival in Viña del Mar in less than two weeks and additional filmings and interviews in between their schedules, Jinsol and the other girls felt restless. Thankfully, all that stress died down as they came back to Korea, and they were given a little bit of time for themselves before another marathon of practices occurred. Those, being for their world tour.
Another reason is to check what she needs to improve, and to find out if a specific ship is sailing. They were all out of curiosity, nothing could’ve possibly harmed her in that case.
Unfortunately for Jinsol, a video shows up in her feed. The audio being inaudible and bass boosted yet that was not her main problem. Worse, it’s not even in the best quality, but enough for her to see what she does not need to see.
One that involves Yoona.
Okay well, she takes it back. She is indeed feeling like a heartbroken high school student that got broken up with during exams.
Jinsol—the bubbly and teasing Jinsol, is slightly jealous over a simple eye contact.
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Originally, she had four choices ready for her special free time. All organized and planned thoughtfully.
The first included no effort of getting up, no need to pay for the fare, and no wasting clothes—just staying at home, watching television. Using the phone, doom scrolling. Relieve cravings, cooking. And maybe even record some self content, editing. Also not forgetting binge watching her favorite series. All of them sounded luxurious.
The second was productive—choose a place to go to, look around and find a mall, arcade, karaoke or anything that could make her happy. Have a date with herself and spoil herself which she considered well deserved, and go on a quick tour around the city. She didn't mind, but she wasn't exactly in the mood.
The third had a nostalgic feeling on it—spending time with her friends, reuniting with them, and eating outside. Bonding with them sounded precious to her. Yet again, she reminds herself that needs to think carefully, so she disregards.
Lastly, similar to the last—ask one of the members to hang out with her. This option was the first Jinsol scratched, for Haewon and Lily who were too busy and had the day for themselves, same goes for Kyujin and Jiwoo that already went on a little trip. Yoona, on the other hand… Well, she had something to do too.
She had no choice but to go for the easiest and convenient option—the first. Pure calmness and had its own fun.
Here she was, in their shared room, where she tosses and turns on the soft mattress of their cocoon until she stops at Yoona's side, settling down. She takes a look at the girl's endless Minecraft plushies and takes one, hugging the little enderman close to her chest. She caught whiffs of her perfume and was suddenly reminded of her. She glances at their picture frame on top of the nightstand beside her—she was missing her like a wife waiting for her husband to return from the military.
When they were given the time to take a rest, Yoona took the chance to take a visit to her hometown to spend time with her family that she hasn’t seen for a while. Because their concerts are coming up soon, she decides to leave the apartment shortly and is currently away from her partner. She assures her before going, saying that she’s only going for a day, and the couple see each other every single day—so there's nothing to worry about.
Jinsol takes her phone out and delivers a short text to Yoona, “how are you doing? i miss you so much :((”
And then another, “hope you're having fun there! i love you so muchhh”
She sighs, but tries to cheer herself up. Refusing to feel any kind of sadness right now, she didn't opt to waste her time sulking! So she logs in on her secret X account and immediately searches her name and puts “Brazil” at the end.
“Bae… Bae Jinsol… Woah!” She speaks to herself, encountering numerous pictures of her from different angles taken by their fans.
“I look so pretty here! Awesome… I gotta show Yoona,” She excitedly says, smiling like a bunny. She saved at least 12 of them from various users, but before she could send them to her Yoona, she searched her name too.
“Sullyoon… Brazil…” She mutters as she types, but takes it back, and types again, “Sullyoon… Bloco da Pabllo…”
There, she was met with a heck ton of posts—photos and clips with questionable captions… they were indeed a little freaky! She clicks on one video, titled “SULLYOON FOCUS” and concentrates on watching.
She breathes, more like an exhale, and it comes with a twinging feeling in her chest. Jinsol couldn't believe how pretty her coworker looked and she's forbidden from loving her publicly. She disliked having to be a secret. Dating Yoona—a member from her group and a close friend since high school, was complicated in many ways but they made it work out.
And always, always, they succeed and stay.
Jinsol scrolls a little further and chuckles at what she saw—a clip perfectly catching their moment. Where she could be seen putting an arm around Yoona’s shoulder while the latter leans back on her. It had Jinsol craving for more to the point she would be lying if she said she didn't want to risk it all in front of everyone by that time.
“Oh… my Yoona…” She whispers to herself before exiting the post at last.
She scrolls a little more, the pictures becoming less posted in English and Korean until she finally reaches the Brazilian fans who attended. Reading their tweets and translating every single one of them was a routine Jinsol never gets tired of, if it means seeing how much they loved them. She lets out a glad smile as she keeps seeing good comments about Yoona.
Jinsol spots another video featuring a closer view of them—particularly Lily, Haewon, and Yoona at the trio elétrico. The caption was unfortunately in Portuguese, and sometimes the translate feature doesn't work accurately all the time, so she hopes for something nice since Yoona was mentioned in the headline.
As she presses translate, her heart drops.
“Looks like this drummer caught Yoona's eye lol”
Jinsol blinks.
Then she reads it again. She replayed the clip and observed the girl.
It was just about three seconds of eye contact, maybe even two—so why was Jinsol feeling like that? Last time she knew, Yoona was the jealous type in their relationship. She was always the one doing the assurance, giving comfort, and affection; feeling this way felt foreign to her.
Too foreign and… weird. Oddly weird.
She plays it again, for the third time now. She might as well keep it on loop for how many times she repeated the video. She looks again, now monitoring her gaze.
Jinsol knew she was friendly and at that moment, they were genuinely enjoying the way the live band played and made music with their instruments—they were the life of the party. Yet, seeing Yoona gaze at him and flash him a lingering smile that looked too interested made her heart ache.
Now, she wasn't scrolling through the posts and at the comments instead.
“first time I've ever seen her like that”
“She's representing us who likes drummers hahaha”
“can't stand her trading looks with pabllo's drummer, she's really flirty.”
“they look cute!!”
“He gave her a good time on that stage alright”
Jinsol's eyes twitched at every remark they left regarding their little interaction. She forces herself to look away and closes her phone for a while. She took a deep breath before hugging the stuffed toy tighter, refusing to let go.
She nibbles her lower lip, plays with her fingers, and stares at the wall. Jinsol didn't know how to bring this up to Yoona, especially since she always notices her behavior when something happens. Though she knows how to give space when needed, she's persistent when it comes to consoling her.
Jinsol thinks of two decisions—she either hides what she's feeling with her bright, positive, and outgoing energy as always or she’ll just confess what she found out and open up even when the reason seems utterly stupid.
It is though, at least to Jinsol.
She sighs and scolds herself, “I shouldn't be feeling like this. Yoona wouldn't like it if she saw me on the verge of tears just because of a few comments and over a foolish eye contact at that!”
“She was just… having fun,” Her eyes squinted.
She adds, “Right? All of us did.”
“I don't want to bother her when she's with her family… Pull yourself together, Bae Jinsol. You're better than this!”
Jinsol boldly messages, “can we call rn my love?”
Just right after declaring she didn't want to disturb her.
Really, Bae Jinsol?
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Yoona, however, was busy chatting with her mother for the time being. She arrived at Daejeon a little while ago and charged her phone in her room once she went home, forgetting to check her messages.
Yoona is thankful her loved ones prepared her favorite dishes for their lunch, feeling so appreciated in many ways. She returns to eating, savoring the food her parents cooked for the whole family, who was complete tonight. Surprisingly, her younger brother showed up at the table and voluntarily sat beside her. Knowing how unaffectionate he was, Yoona loved the moment that was unfolding in front of her eyes but also cringed at him.
Just eldest sister things.
On the other hand, her younger sister, who is also her best friend, keeps telling her the most random stories that happened when she was gone. Yoona’s stomach hurt from laughing.
Bomi, her precious dog, curled up and snuggled comfortably in her feet under the table warmed her heart.
Everything made her realize how much she missed this. Any person could’ve teared up from the sight—how happy her family was.
She giggles at them, and her mother taps a finger on her shoulder. Yoona glances and hums, “What is it, mom?”
“Where's Jinsol? Is she not coming over? Did you not invite her?” She asks curiously.
“Oh, she's actually staying at home right now… Sol is just taking a rest, mom” Replied Yoona, smiling at the way her mother considered Jinsol as a daughter.
Future daughter-in-law, to be frank.
Once they finished dining, Yoona dashes to her bedroom and opens her phone to three new messages from Jinsol.
The first two that showed up are messages sent one hour ago and the other five minutes ago.
She knew that tone of hers when she read the latter, so she immediately dials her number.
What could have possibly happened?
Her phone rings, and Jinsol picks up the call for what seems like eternity. She greets, trying everything to keep her voice from crumbling.
Yet, Yoona notices.
“Hey, baby… What's wrong? Did something happen?”
Jinsol didn't answer for a bit, but when she did, she sounded so shy.
“Y—yeah… You see, I discovered something on the… internet while you were gone,”
Yoona stays silent, letting her elaborate.
“That, being, a video… of… us. The g—girls. Though you were the main… star in the video.”
“So, let me ask you this…”
Yoona takes a breath, confused but ready to answer any question Jinsol gives her, even if they sound pointless sometimes but… a girlfriend's got to be a girlfriend.
“Are you into drummers?”
Jinsol internally beats herself up, “WAIT I SHOULD'VE ASKED HER SOMETHING ELSE! THAT TOTALLY BLEW MY COVER UP—”
“Jinsol… what?”
She clears her throat and sighs, “You know I'm only into you, and you're not a drummer, so does that answer your question?”
“No, baby, I don't.”
Jinsol bites back a smile, she only called for clarification anyway. Purposely making her tone sound like a wet puppy kicked out of its house to catch Yoona's attention.
But she had one last problem, she has yet to tell her about what she truly found.
Jinsol might seem giddy over Yoona's words right now, but deep inside, she's still a jealous girl.
“Okay, good… that's a relief!”
“I don't get the correlation between drummers and you though… Why'd you ask about drummers?”
“And what’s that video about me anyway?”
Jinsol ignores the last question and tries to come up with a reply, “Uh… research purposes? I'm just curious, baby, nothing more, nothing less!”
“A—anyway, how's your family over there? Have you finished eating? You should probably go back there now, you know… have fun with them?” She immediately changes the topic.
“I'm fine, baby. No need to worry. They're all doing their own thing now and I'll come back to them after we talk. I miss you,”
Jinsol smiles like a high school girl talking to her crush, “I miss you too, Yoona. What time will you be coming home?”
“I’ll be leaving in the afternoon but I'll probably be there in the evening,”
“Okay, I love you. I'll take a nap for now. Bye, baby!”
“Mhm, I love you too, Sol. Bye!” Yoona ends the call, and her instincts tell her that there's still something up with Jinsol. She just can't decipher what.
On the other hand, Jinsol lets her phone automatically turn off and drops it on the pillow. She drapes an arm over her eyes and mutters, “Seriously… why is it like this? I can't unsee and forget that video. This is crazy,”
She didn't believe how down she was feeling, and the fact that she couldn't even be honest to Yoona during their phone call dismayed her.
“Later… I'll tell her, for real.”
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The clock ticks and just by a blink of an eye, seconds pass, minutes slip away, and hours turn into dusk.
Jinsol wakes up to a heavy figure wrapped around her chest and the sounds of youtube shorts playing on her phone. She immediately figures out that her girlfriend is home, “Yoona…?”
Yoona looks up and a grin slowly forms on her mouth, “You're finally awake, love.”
Jinsol tightens her embrace and pouts against her chest, the typical expression she uses when she's about to cry during their concerts. Something Yoona is already used to.
“Why? What happened? Is it a bad dream again?” Yoona's voice echoed concerns.
Jinsol takes this as a go signal to tell her the truth. Just right after she wakes up. Great timing, really!
“No… it's… it's something more real this time.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“It's… Uhm…” The other girl struggles to find the right words to describe her situation directly, so she uses their previous conversation on the phone.
“Remember the thing I asked you earlier? The one about drummers?”
“What about it, baby?” Yoona asks, eyebrows furrowed, and hands caressing her cheeks.
“It's just that… I found lots of comments about our performance in Brazil and… I accidentally saw one about you a—and it hurts my feelings because…”
“...Because?”
“I don't like the way you looked at the band's drummer. I—I know it sounds funny but hear me out!”
“They said things about that moment. That… you were flirting with him or something. That hurts me even more b—because you…” She exhales, cringing at herself.
“The way you… smiled at him…”
Jinsol groans, giving up on explaining.
She says, “I'm jealous, okay?” with her voice breaking and eyes looking at anywhere but Yoona.
“And I hate it,” she continues.
“So much,”
Yoona's eyebrows slowly raised in realization. She stares at Jinsol a little longer until the girl looks back at her. She knows Jinsol hasn't explained everything yet and is holding back what she wants to say, so she commands, “Tell me more about it, baby.”
Jinsol melts from how comforting Yoona's soft voice is and how her hands moved on her face. She starts again, “I know we were all having fun during that time. All of us were vibing to Pabllo's music and even the band… we were enjoying everything.”
“I think it's really selfish that I'm acting like this when the concert happened two weeks ago, I'm like… I don't know? It's like, I'm showing you that I don't trust you just by that eye contact.”
Jinsol places a soft kiss on her palm and asks with glistening eyes, “Do I make you feel like that, baby?”
Yoona gives her a small smile and a forehead kiss, “First of all—baby, you don't have to invalidate your feelings just because you think the reason is ‘too small’. Remember what I told you before? Whatever you have in mind, I'll listen. I'll respond. And most importantly, I'll be there for you.”
“To answer your question, it's a no, my love. I'll never feel like you don't trust me because your love overpowers any worries I have. You're jealous, and it's normal, and it's not selfish either. I get where you're coming from and I'll probably feel like that way too if I was in your shoes,” She teases for a little bit, making Jinsol giggle.
“Don't let their words define what I feel for you, baby. No eye contact or interaction will make me unlove you, Jinsol. You don't have to worry about… him or anything else. I don't even know his name,” Yoona laughs.
“It's you and you forever, Sol-ah. I love you, and only you,” She repeats.
“No one comes close to you, never. Okay?”
Jinsol fights back the tears from forming and looks at her with doe eyes, “Promise?”
“I promise,” and Yoona blesses her lips with a soothing kiss. From that moment, Yoona swears she'll never let go of this girl, and she'll never get tired of assuring her just like how Jinsol is with her.
Jinsol suddenly sits up and beams, “I'm happy now! Let's go ask the girls out for a midnight triple date,”
Yoona's heart swells from how cute her girlfriend is, she pinches her arm and says, “So soon? Why don't we enjoy the time we have right now? They probably are too,” she pecks Jinsol and winks.
A warm blush spreads across Jinsol's face, understanding what Yoona implied.
Uh oh.