Chapter Text
One year.
How had it already been a year?
One year since Darlene and Jane had started to give each other space. One year since Jane had roamed hands over Darlene's abdomen and smiled up at her with that grin but Darlene didn't smile back. One year since Darlene teared up post-sex, staring at the cracks in the ceiling as Jane tentatively reached over and pressed a kiss to her cheek with chapped yet swollen lips.
One year since the ginger's arms were around her. And she still felt so alone when it happened.
The start of their relationship was so much easier. Even with the walls that Jane consciously kept around her, it was a simpler time. Darlene thought that she could change her mind and break those very walls that kept her out. And she did for a bit, managing to get through to Jane properly. Now, looking back, was it just a waste of time? Picking Jane out from the crowd? Surely it wasn't. They'd have nice times.
Sometimes.
Like when Jane, Bosco and Irene were sitting at the kitchen table, each with a glass of Coke in front of them and their hoard of cards while Darlene sat at the more empty portion of the room with a glass of iced tea in her hand, the liquid jittering with every bounce of her knee and creeping closer to the lip of the glass until it tumbled over the glass and onto everywhere. The chair, her lap, even on some of the table where the tea clambered onto the wood and drew closer and closer towards the cards as it left a slightly sticky sweet trail behind it.
Time seemed to slow, and Darlene in that moment wanted to curl up and implode as her ears started to ring. And the way Irene looked at her too, as the tea inched closer and closer, like a tidal wave. And then Jane looked at her, with that sort of disappointment that hit Darlene right in the heart and made her breath almost stutter as she exhaled. Her eyes blurred and the sudden urge to cough arose in her throat as she watched Bosco's fuzzy figure immediately shuffle the barely damp cards towards the kitchen to pat them dry with kitchen roll, Irene following afterwards with a sharp inhale as she passed Darlene's seat.
And Jane just kept staring.
And Darlene's throat felt like it was closing over as her breath came out in short spurts, before Jane finally stood up and approached her. Cautiously coaxing the blonde girl to put her glass down, the sound of ice clinking against glass ringing out as she got up on tired legs like a fawn. Jane was still staring at her, but she had softened. Not an ounce of disappointment in her gaze as her eyes bored into the crown of her girlfriend's head.
"Accidents happen, Lee," Jane assured. "Don't get yourself worked up about it."
But how could she not get herself worked up about it? With the way Irene had basically snarled at her plus the fact that those cards mean a lot to each of the Dubois sisters was already too much in itself. To ruin said cards was a whole other level. And not just the next level, at least 3-4 levels above that. The thought of her girlfriend's sisters practically loathing her made Darlene sick to the stomach, Bosco's girlfriend was already a tad bit iffy with her from the rare few times she had seen her in passing. The thought also made her heart pound. And it also made her eyes started to burn as tears clung to her waterline.
But then suddenly, everything was quiet. Almost silent. And Jane was beside her, guiding her to lie down against polycotton sheets as the ginger reached over to one of her bedside tables to retrieve a remote for the TV. She turned on the TV, but didn't change the channel. After all, it was only for background noise to take Darlene's mind off of everything else as Jane slowly tugged the blonde's hair tie from the thick strands before threading her red nails into the gaps between the locks near Darlene's scalp. Beginning to run her fingers through her girlfriend's hair, she pressed a teeny tiny kiss to Darlene's crown like she always did when they got into bed.
"I'm sorry about Irene," Jane whispered, pressing another kiss to Darlene's head, this time on her temple. "Aja's back in New York, so she's just been a bit pissed at the fact Bosco still has Daya and I still have you."
Darlene didn't reply. She just closed her eyes and let out an exasperated breath that she had been holding in ever since she spilled her tea in the dining room.
And that was that.
As Darlene recalled the situation time and time again after Jane and herself had agreed on some 'temporary' space, it didn't seem as nice of a time as she remembered it being in the moment. But it was nice in the moment, and that was all that mattered. Even when she missed Jane and curled up in her own bed in the exact same manner as if Jane was pressed against her back, combing her fingers through Darlene's hair once again. She always repeated that sort of mantra to herself.
It was nice in the moment, and that was all that mattered. It was nice in the moment, and that was all that mattered. Jane was nice in the moment, and that was-
Darlene then awoke with her heart racing in her ears and a hot sweat covering both her skin and partially the bed sheets. Her breath was stuttering, just like after every dream about Jane, whether it was good or bad. Vibrating against her bedside table, her nine AM alarm rang throughout the apartment like a horn in traffic to Darlene, but it probably only sounded like a quiet buzzing to Nini, who was most likely already wide awake and preparing to head to work at the tailoring shop across town. And guessing by the pure din coming from the kitchen and the slow steps approaching Darlene's door, Nini was definitely awake.
As her bedroom door opened, Darlene was practically attacked by the sharp light of the hallway as Nini hovered in the doorway, already fully dressed in her power suit with her hair up.
"Dar, do you need anything before I go?" questioned the shorter blonde, gently tapping her heel on the floor.
"No, just-" Darlene paused as she sat upright, "I had another dream about Jane,”
Nini’s face contorted into a sort of bleak concern, "Do you feel like you still need space between you two?”
Darlene just stopped entirely. Did others still think they were just having a break in their relationship? The blonde shook her head, as if to get the thought out of her head before she spoke.
"I don’t think I actually miss Jane, just her touch." Darlene echoed her mind, "I think I want to fully cut ties with her."