Chapter Text
TWO MONTHS AFTER THE DEATH OF SACHIRO YAGAMI
Valued Chief of Police,
Loving Husband to Sachiko Yagami,
Proud Father to Sayu Yagami and
Light Yagami.
In the same way it was hell, it was heaven.
Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week for what we had both assumed was the rest of our lives; no matter how short that promised time was. If he or I were anywhere close to normal, it would sound like hell in entirety. But of course, we weren't, and we aren't. We're two geniuses at the very least. Two geniuses who locked themselves in a dark basement together.
I wake up to the sound of clinking chains, I fall asleep to the sound of clinking chains. I breathe, I eat, I spend every moment with the sound of clinking chains. I don't remember when it started, I won't remember when it ends. I'm not even sure how I know that much. I know for certain, through my own observations, five things:
1. I am hand-cuffed to L.
2. We are alone in a dark concrete basement with a single lightbulb in the center of the main room, all other light comes from the singular television connected to nothing. And I mean nothing.
3. I have my Death Note. He does not care when I write in it. He watches. He encourages me to do whatever I please.
4. He knows I am Kira. (And he had deduced it even before I had written anything in his presence.)
5. There exists, under the lightbulb, a singular metal chair. And underneath that, is a loaded gun.
In the same way it's hell, it's heaven. I'll never leave his side. I'll never leave this place. I'll never see my family or friends ever again. Yet, he'll never leave my side. He'll never leave this place. And he will never see anyone else again. He cannot tell anyone I am Kira. There is no possible way to. He makes no effort to stop me from punishing criminals. I swear, he's studying me. Sometimes I'm afraid he's daydreaming of dissecting me, just to see what makes me tick. To peak inside the mind of a killer. Then I laugh at how silly that sounds.
At times he sits in the metal chair, in that odd way he does. At times, I sit in it. Neither of us shoots the other. We'd just have to drag around each other's body if we did, it accomplishes nothing.
...This isn't normal is it?
That last thing I had remembered before I was here was knowing that my father was going to die, and knowing and choosing to be here. I feel no grief. I didn't kill him to be clear, and I tried my hardest to feel upset about it, to cry, to yell, to do anything, but nothing came. I know logically that no part of this is normal but I cannot bring myself to act in anyway that could be considered a response to that fact. The strangest part of it is that there is no way we could have entered or exited. Its all concrete. I don't remember coming here. Everything before it seems like a distant memory. I can be sure there is nothing to record us, barring possible a hidden camera in one of the few things in this basement, because not only did I check, but they would surely have no battery by now. In fact, I can be very certain L is the only living thing I can talk to here. I don't see Ryuk, or even Rem, anymore either. They just aren't there. The just aren't anywhere.
"Tell me, Kira, or Light, if that's more familiar to you," L interrupts my reminiscing, "Do you feel any remorse when you kill those people?" I snap back to reality. My pen rests on the Death Note, I am watching the news with him. I do everything with him. I glance up at him. He's eating a slice of cake he did not have before I lost myself in thought. "...No, why would I? They're vile people, they deserve death."
"But they are still people." His monotonous tendencies do not waver, and he seems particularly apathetic about the subject all together, which is both expected and not. He shoves a red strawberry into his already full mouth, "Mh.. Doesfin' ih weigh dow' on you jus' a bih?" "Could you repeat that without the food in your mouth?" My irritation is very clear, but he remains unfazed. He swallows, "I said, doesn't it weigh down on you just a bit? To know those people had families and friends who cared about them, and you just kill and use them like chess pieces?" I pretend to think on it, though the answer is already clear to me, "No. Their families are better off without them plaguing their lives anyways. In a way, I'm doing them a favor." I swear a slight smile creeps onto his face. "I figured you'd say something like that." He sets down an empty plate. When did he finish that slice of cake? "You really are fascinating, Light, Kira or not. You contradict yourself constantly. To know how you think is valuable information, even if it's only for selfish reasons. I am just as interested in Light Yagami as I am in Kira." He gives me this odd look. It almost looks like admiration, but I'd align it moreso with infatuation. He looks like he thinks he's won a prize he wasn't originally after. In a way, it pisses me off, "What are you...?"
He stands up from the floor suddenly, pulling my hand away from the notebook, "Let's do something else." I'm forced to follow as he shoves his hands in his pockets and begins to walk away, "H-Hey! Don't just walk off like that! Where are we even going, it's not like we have anything more important to do." He doesn't stop or turn to talk to me, "Too much TV really is bad for your eyes, but in all honesty I'm guilty of it too. Why don't we got somewhere with more light, Light?" He doesn't laugh at his dumb joke but I hear it in the way he says it regardless. I have to follow him. I have to follow him everywhere. I would follow him to the ends of the earth. I have to.
He brings me to the lightbulb, he brings me to the metal chair, he brings me to...
He thinks for a second and then sits in the chair, in that way that he does, and he looks up at me. He looks at me... He looks at me. In this moment I feel like there is no resentment he holds towards me, and for that moment I'm inclined to believe the silly lie that there never was. It feels so genuine. It has to be a façade, it...
He reaches towards my sleeve. The chain between us clinks together.
He gently grabs my hand.
I freeze. "Light," Why can I hear my heartbeat so loud? Can he hear it too? Is this a trap? Is he still trying to execute me? No, no, why would he when we're still handcuffed? I don't understand why he's looking at me like that, I don't understand why he's holding my hand, I don't understand what's wrong with my heart. Is this what a heart attack feels like? Did he write my name in the Death Note? Is this how I'm supposed to feel when I hold his hand? Is this how I'm supposed to feel when I'm holding a girl's hand? What am I saying, why am I acting like this, I'm better than this, why am acting like I'm some kid having his first crush? Am I? What, no, no, what am I talking about? I need to calm down I'm overreacting, is he talking to me? Did he say something? I'm too far in my own head, is my face hot? Am I dying? Is this what death feels like? "I am quite disappointed that there's only one chair. It was rude of me to take, wasn't it? I could stand up if you'd like...?" I can't move, I can't speak, what is he doing to me? Damn you, L, damn you to hell and back! I hope you die in such a painful and humiliating way they refuse to even bury you! No, that's stupid, what am I saying? I hope he dies quietly after I get these handcuffs off and no one ever finds him. I don't even have to hope if I plan accordingly, I can ensure it myself. Or would I prefer he reveals his identity first? No, that only gives me less leverage, considering I could pretend to be him in the event that he dies, and then I could—
"I guess that's a no then, hm? I'll stay here then. ..Are you feeling alright? Something seems wrong..." Don't act like you're innocent, L, you know what you're doing! I wish I knew your name, I wish I could kill you right now, I.......!
I could kill you right now.
It'd be so easy. It'd be so satisfying.
I almost want to see what would happen if...
I reach under the chair and grab the gun so quick L doesn't have time to even blink. I aim it for his head. He flinches so slightly it's almost impossible to see. "What on Earth are you doing?" He says it as if to scold me. What am I doing? "What am I doing? What are you doing?! You keep trying to get in my head, what do you even want out of me? You know my darkest secret and you still won't let up! It's always mind games with you, at least I've been dumb let my guard down, you can't stop lying!" No, what am I doing? I'm being stupid, I'm being rash. What's wrong with me? "I told you already, it's just selfish research. I want to know because I'm curious, I've never met someone like you." "What, a serial killer? I find it hard to believe you haven't met someone like that before." He tilts his head such a small amount its as if he'd been trying not to. "No, I mean someone who could get close to my level. Someone who continuously matched my every move. Now, I'll admit you got sloppy here and there, and in the end I was right yet again, but you've only got progressively better at countering everything I do. You are a formidable enemy, and you were a dear friend."
I readjust the aim of the gun back at his head.
"I hate you. I really do hate you, I've hated you for months. I've hated you from the second you sent that very first broadcast. Don't get me wrong, i have a lot of respect for you, but under all that respect I've hated you all this time. That's not too surprising I imagine. Why wouldn't I hate you, I have everything reason to from my point of view."
"Do you value the truth, Light Yagami?"
What's he trying to get at? "I am telling the truth."
"I know you are. You wouldn't point a gun at me if you weren't, among other obvious things."
He pisses me off, "Then what are you trying to tell me?" So much.
"You want the truth, you want to know what I really think?" He says,
"I love you."