Archive of Our Own

Rui held his umbrella higher above his head. The pitter-patter sound of the rain created white noise, blocking the rest of the world out. The chattering of people blocked out, all because of a simple thing such as rain.

His shoes were soaked already, probably a bad day to wear sneakers in the first place. He should’ve checked the weather forecast… Nevertheless, it was too late anyways.

His only mission was to get home. To finally be somewhere safe, where he doesn’t have to deal with noisy classmates who gossip about him as he walks by, students who look at him in disgust or horror as if he’s a monster, teachers who either pity him or look at him like an abomination.

He only goes to school for his parents, and Mizuki. His parents are busy working, but he doesn’t blame them. They still find time to spend with him. Despite how lonely he sometimes feels, he knows that eventually, they’ll be back. He won’t be alone forever. His parents even offered to change their work hours— To spend more time with him.

Obviously, he declined.

He knows how much love and passion they have for their jobs. He wouldn’t ever dare take that away from them. Despite how selfish he is, how badly he regrets declining, he knows it’s for the best. The guilt would just eat him alive instead. Guilt, that haunts his every waking moment.

His existence alone was a mistake.

Mizuki made his days a bit less… boring? Entertaining? Well, that doesn’t sound quite right— but she helped! He’s thankful to have her, even if she skips school more often than not. At least they could talk on nightcord when she’s not there.

She was gloomy, but beneath the surface, there was this… joy. Like a flower waiting to bloom. Sometimes, when he asked her about her sister's business, or fashion in general, she would lighten up. It’s like flicking a switch. From a moody outcast, just like him, to a cheerful beautiful flower that the world doesn’t deserve.

Society has failed them, truly. She was an outcast because she was true to herself. Just what has the world come to? Being shamed for being yourself? Does everyone need to hide behind a mask these days to be seen as normal? It’s cruel. Mizuki being an outcast made no sense to him. At least he wasn’t like everyone else. He put people in danger with his stupid show ideas, and brought harm to people.

The only thing he was interested in were shows. His dream was to be a director, but nowadays, he isn’t even sure he’ll survive til then. If people don’t like what he has to offer, then what is he supposed to do? Change himself til the real him is gone?

He’d rather die than put on a mask like everyone else.

The grey clouds acted as some form of comfort. It was cold, his socks were wet and the umbrella wasn’t that great either, but at least he could pretend that everyone else was gone for a bit.

No more pressure, no more worries, no more people to treat him horribly all because he was born different. It was just him, his umbrella, his soaked shoes and socks and the rain that doesn’t show any signs of stopping anytime soon.

Maybe he should hurry home, as much as he likes the atmosphere he doesn’t like the cold that mu—

His train of thought was interrupted by a body crashing into him. Rui could barely process his hand, losing its grip on the umbrella, and tumbling down with the stranger.

“Ack—” The stranger's eyes widened. “SORRY!” They stood up, and bowed. “I’M SO SORRY!!!”

Great, so now his clothes were wet too. What went from a comfortable atmosphere changed to something more… annoying. God, he needs to get home soon and change his clothes. The stranger held their hand out. “Do you— …You need a hand?” They tentatively asked.

Rui glared at them, and stood up himself. Brushing the dirt from his clothes, as if that’ll change the status they’re in now.

The passerby blushed— Seemingly out of embarrassment— and bent down to pick up his umbrella. “I’m,” They paused. “I’m incredibly sorry… I have to catch a train, and wasn’t paying attention to where I was going…” As they held his umbrella out, for him to take, the stranger studied his uniform. “Wait, are you from—”

Rui snatched his umbrella back. “Where I’m from doesn’t concern you.” He snapped.

“Ah, sorry… My name is Tsukasa Tenma!” The boy smiled. “It’s a pleasure to meet you! I apologize for any damage I might have caused to your clothes. In fact,” He rummaged around in his pocket, and pulled out a stack of cash. “Here! This should be enough to take your clothes to a professional dry cleaner.”

Rui stared at the cash, dumbfounded. Just what was this guy's deal? Giving his full name to a stranger… then giving him cash? Is this just some sick prank being pulled by the people who dislike him?

The guy— Tenma, apparently— opened his phone, then his jaw dropped. “AH! It seems the train will be there sooner than I expected— I’M SO SORRY! I’LL TRY TO STOP BUMPING INTO STRANGERS AND UH, I’M SORRY AGAIN!” Tenma yelled, before running off.

What the fuck just happened?

That did not feel real, at all. It felt like some scripted event from God himself. What was this supposed to represent? Good things will come your way like— Forty five thousand yen?!

Cleaners weren’t cheap, that’s obvious, but this much?! Did that kid accidentally hand him his life savings? If he did, then he feels really bad now.

Jeez, what the hell just happened?

He should probably try to find Tenma-san again, and give him his money back. He feels like an ass taking this much from him. The poor guy was in a rush, probably didn’t notice himself giving him all of that. Then again, who carries around this much? Just where was he heading? The casino? Or to meet his dealer?

Rui began walking towards home again. He held the umbrella in one of his hands, closed and useless since it was too late for him anyways. His hair was wet, and so were his clothes. He probably looks like a wet dog who fell in a pool.

He opened up nightcord, and went to him and Mizuki’s Dms. She’ll love hearing about this.

You know… he could use the money on himself— No, god damn it. You will not use Tenma-san's savings on yourself. What if he really needs the money?! Do not… Well, it wouldn’t be that bad if he took ten thousand yen for himself! He has so much he probably won’t notice…

His phone buzzed from a new dm from “Amia”. He opened up their messages, and saw his texts recounting the events of what just happened, and Mizuki's response.

Amia: You are SERIOUSLY just going to take away some guy’s money? He handed you all of that as an ACCIDENT. You want to take away ten thousand yen?!
Are you crazy?!

Showtimeruler: Well, accidents happen!
Sorry Tenma-san, it seems the dry cleaner needed some more cash and I had to take ten thousand from your life savings…

Amia: Oh, piss off
that’s EVIL

Showtimeruler: It’ll be fine!
At least I’m going to hand a part of his money back

Amia: The bare minimum…

Showtimeruler: Yoyoyo… So mean to me! Do you despise your longest friend?

Amia: You SHUT UP.

Showtimeruler: Yoyoyo…

Rui chuckled to himself, and closed his phone as he fumbled with the keys in his pocket. He put them in, and unlocked his front door. He swung it open and walked inside.

Home sweet home, I guess.

Well, he shouldn’t waste anymore time. His current priority was to change out of this soaked outfit, and try finding Tenma-san online. Thank god he gave him his whole name, or else it’d be difficult for him to find him. Just one google search and he should be fine.

After Rui changed out of his— Now soaked— Uniform, he opened up his phone. A towel remained wrapped around his shoulders, protecting his clothes from his still wet hair. He was sure he’d probably find some profile online sharing the same name and appearance of this guy, Tsukasa Tenma.

As his thumbs hovered above his keyboard, he paused. It was getting late anyways. If somehow Tenma-san didn’t have any social media profile, especially one with any information in regards to his whereabouts, he’d likely have to pull an all-nighter finding more useful information. He wasn’t a stranger to all-nighters, but wasting one on some guy? Yeah, finding him and returning his money can wait for another day.

In fact, he had a robot waiting to be built. Spending an all-nighter on that instead sounds… tempting. Very tempting. In fact, it’s not like he’ll die from a bit of sleep deprivation. He’s fine. This isn’t his first time anyways!

Rui sighed to himself.

God, if his parents were there to see what their son gets up to… He wishes he could be of actual value to them. They love him so much, meanwhile he’s just some leech.

He doesn’t have friends, everyone finds him too weird for that. He can’t take care of himself, the last time he washed his hair was a week ago? Or two weeks ago? Either way, he couldn’t do even the most basic of things. He can’t socialize, he can’t attend class, he can’t even take care of himself! Hell, he even skips out on meals despite them being already prepared for him.

Their son is nothing but a useless failure.

He ponders why his parents still love him. There is nothing about him to love. He’s… wrong. Different, in a bad way. Sure, parents should love their kid unconditionally, but that shouldn’t apply to him. He’s weird. He just simply isn’t lovable. Why do they still care enough about him to buy him gifts? To take days off work to spend time with him? To clean his room and not complain despite how bad of a state it’s in?

He’s a teenager. Why the hell do they still treat him with kindness? He’s grown enough he should be able to do this himself. And yet, he can’t. He needs his parents to clean his room, wash his clothes, brush his hair and the list goes on. If Nene knew just how bad of a state he’s in now… God, he’d never leave his home again.

He already distanced himself from her, to no longer burden her. Someone like her, someone that’s lovable, shouldn’t be seen with him. He’s a weirdo and creep. He puts others in danger.

Nene doesn’t deserve a fate as cruel as him. If he was still part of her life— Ugh… He’d just ruin her friendships, her joy, her mood. He has no business with her anymore. He can’t risk ruining her life too with his presence. She already had a hard enough time… If he showed up, it’d all get even worse.

He should just stop being an inconvenience for others.

…Screw the all-nighter. He can’t handle being awake for a second longer. His thoughts are like poison, hurting him from the inside. It’s times like these he wonders why people envy his mind.

“You’re a genius!” They’d say, as if it helps him in any way. Sure, he’s smart academically, but is that worth all these thoughts? These thoughts that serve as reminders of how useless he is? He doesn’t like sleeping that much, since time flies by too fast, but sometimes when he does manage to fall asleep, it’s better for him. No more thoughts, no more emotions, no more issues… Just darkness, and that’s it. Time doesn’t matter anymore.

Nothing matters.

God, am I a mistake? If so, why couldn’t I be erased? Am I just here to act as some cruel punishment for others?

Rui closed his eyes. God wasn’t real, at least not to him. He knew he’d never get an answer. If only he could believe in something… Something to keep him going… That’d be good. Sadly, there’s nothing. His dreams about becoming a director seem impossible these days. He wishes he had someone to believe in, to make life just a bit less dull and give him a reason to keep going.

But that was impossible, right? After all, someone like him doesn’t deserve salvation.

He opened his eyes again, and put his phone on whatever flat surface he found. He shouldn’t have gotten lost in thought for so long. With these thoughts plaguing his mind, his only option was to go to bed, or else he might do something that’ll just worry those he loves.

As his back hit his bed's mattress, he could still hear the rain outside. The pitter-patter sound that haunts him. The sound that comforts him when times are tough. The gray skies… They acted like some blanket for the world, shielding them from the bright sun that could burn you if you aren’t careful.

Rui closed his eyes. He struggles falling asleep fast, due to thoughts constantly racing through his head, but he’ll try. It’s better than the alternative, anyways. Maybe if he’s lucky, he’ll be out fast.

His eyes began feeling heavy, after what felt like an eternity. Tossing and turning around became a chore after he had to flip around for the third time. At least now, he can drift off to sleepland.

Hopefully tomorrow will be far kinder to him.

As the boy drifted off to the realm of those who dream, the pitter-patter sound never stopped. In fact, the rain outside seemed to be even worse. The winds were strong, and anyone who dared to stand outside for longer than a minute was soaked head to toe.

Somewhere else, a blond boy anxiously held a bouquet of flowers, as he waited for the nurse to return. Normally, visiting hours would be over, but not for him. He’s here so often even the staff started recognizing him. The young boy, Tsukasa Tenma, and his sickly sister. The girl whose state doesn’t seem to be getting any better. Poor Saki… Despite the various treatments she's been through, nothing has helped her condition. She has good days, but only really a few. Recently, her condition is worse than ever.

All he could do as her older brother is be there for her, and wait for the day he can finally watch her run off to hang out with her friends, the day she can actually live. A part of him wishes he could lift this burden from Saki's shoulders, to be able to take all her pain away for once. She’s been through so much…

When he stopped to quickly buy her flowers, he took notice of the fact that he only had ten thousand yen left— Which isn’t that bad! But he’s more than certain he had more… Maybe he gave it away to that purple haired guy? But he thought he only gave him— Ack! Curse his memory… Can’t even remember what happened during a recent interaction?!

Useless.

If only Saki knew what a useless brother she has… Can’t keep track of his own money, a recent interaction, his stuff and the list goes on! He’s just… Stupid? Or maybe— GOOD FOR NOTHING! YES!

He sighed to himself. She’d probably get mad at him for even daring to have such negative thoughts about himself. “But Onii-chan, you’re so wonderful!” Is what she’d say, and he’d believe her. He’d believe her until he’s back home, and is forced to face who he truly is.

A part of him wishes that he could just spend the rest of his days at the hospital instead, to be there for her. It’s not like their parents are ever home, at least, not for him. It’s been ages since he spent one-on-one time with them. They’re either at work, or at the hospital or even on a business trip! They’re anywhere but home.

Still, he’s grateful they make time for Saki. She deserves all the love and affection. His sweet little sister, his light in this world that became darker and darker in his eyes each passing day.

Tsukasa opened his phone. The cracked screen made it look like it belonged in a trashcan. The nurse went to check on Saki ten minutes ago… Why hasn’t she come back? I mean, he’d wait an eternity for his sister, but it’s odd how long this is taking. Maybe— Oh

Oh, no

No no no no no no no no

Nononononono

What if something happened to Saki?! What if that’s why it was taking so long? Maybe she’s in an even worse state? What if— Dang it, Tsukasa Tenma snap out of it! You’re a World Future Star! You shouldn’t be panicking this hard over what could be nothing.

But he’s no star, is he? Despite that being what he says to Saki, his dreams feel so… one dimensional? He does want to be an actor, truly! But he only developed this dream because of his sister. The urge to make her smile. He’d love to be admired by others too, don’t get him wrong, but it just wouldn’t be the same. Still, the idea of making others like his sister happy is what keeps him going. He isn’t sure if this is the right choice, but he’ll keep walking forward, for a chance to discover what he truly wants.

Tsukasa stared aimlessly at the floor, both anxious and bored. The nurse walked back in with an unreadable expression. “Tenma-san, despite the fact you shouldn’t be here at such an hour… Your sister's condition is fine, and visitors are allowed.”

He stood up, and bowed. “Ah, thank you!” He stood up straight. “I must go see my sister now! Apologies for causing such a ruckus!” He said, before running off into the direction he knew his sister's room was. You could hear the nurse shouting after him, telling him that running in the hallways was forbidden, and that he should refrain from doing that. And yet, the boy paid no mind.

It was quite impressive how he managed to gently, and quickly, slide the hospital door open to his sister’s room. Despite him being in a rush, he wouldn’t want to disturb his sister with too much noise, what if she was too tired for that!

If only he wasn’t late to catch the train… Maybe then he could’ve been here at more reasonable hours for both her, and rest of the hospital staff.

Saki's hair was down. A beautiful cascade of both pink and blonde. Her head was turned away from the doorway, making it hard for him to tell how she was doing.

“Hey, Saki! I have finally arrived!” Tsukasa loudly declared, as he walked in and shut the door behind him. The sound of the door sliding into place resonated through the room.

Saki snapped her head in his direction. Eyes wide, with her lips turning into a smile. “ONII-CHAN! YOU’RE HERE!” She excitedly shouted.

It’s moments like these that make the trip here worth it.

He put the flowers he bought in a vase on her nightstand. After he did that, he rushed to sit down next to her. He took her hand in his. “I’ve finally arrived, my dearest sister! I apologize for the delay, it seems I missed the last train here so I had to catch another one…”

She giggled. “Onii-chan,” She grabbed one of his cheeks in her hand, and pinched hard. “You’re so silly sometimes… Don’t apologize! It’s not like you could control the train—”

“—Well—”

“—SHUSH! I don’t want to hear any more apologies from you! I’m just glad to see you.” She let go off his cheek. “Isn’t it late? You should’ve gone home when you missed the train instead! I need my brother to be WELL RESTED. Even if he says he’s fine, and that he can go through anything for his dearest sister. I don’t want to hear any of that!”

He bashfully looked away from her. “Well, I just missed you, so I thought—”

“—Onii-chan! You can keep sacrificing sleep for me! Don’t you have school tomorrow? You’ll be too tired to even talk to your friends, it makes me sad.” She frowned. “Still, you sacrificed so much to be here with me, despite you having no reason to be here. I’m thankful, Onii-chan!” Her previous expression morphed into one of pure glee.

His grip on her hand tightened. “I didn’t come here for no reason. I came here because I love you, and happened to miss my sister.”

“That’s what makes you so wonderful…” She paused. “I’m glad to have you as my brother.”

“...I’m glad to have you as my sister too.”

Her smile was so wide, he felt like the brightness she radiated could rival the sun itself. “But no more sappy stuff!” She shook her head. “What did you do today?! Did anything interesting happen?” She asked.

Tsukasa thought for a bit, before being reminded of that encounter with that purple haired student. “Well… I accidentally ran into some guy on my way to the train station. I feel bad since not only did he get soaked because of me, but I couldn’t even deliver him a proper apology! I could only give him some money for a dry cleaner, a lousy apology and that’s it!”

Saki looked at him with an expression that screamed of course you did… “Well, was he interesting? Was he from your class actually?! Or just some random old guy?” Her expression changed into a panicked one. “Onii-chan, don’t you dare tell me you gave money to an old man that’s probably rich enough he could buy you a car—”

“—WHAT?! NO!” He yelled. “I WOULDN’T— He was around my age! Not a classmate, his uniform was different, kinda looks like it belongs to that school on the other side of town. He had purple hair… Shoulder length, I think?” Saki nodded along, enthusiastically. “OH, AND HE HAD THESE TEAL HAIR STREAKS! He kind of looked like he just rolled out of bed.”

His sister choked back a laugh. “ROLLED OUT OF BED?! Onii-chan, you say some of the meanest things sometimes…”

“Mean?”

She patted his head with her free hand. “Don’t worry too much about it.” He looked at her like a kicked cat. “Still, what an odd man… Purple hair? And teal streaks? I wish I could’ve seen him. I feel bad for him though, you ran into him AND got his clothes wet! I’d be really angry at you if I was that guy, you know?” She raised up her hand in a fist gesture, trying to intimidate him. Of course, it did not have the desired effect, and Tsukasa ended up chuckling at her instead. She smiled back at him.

“I gave him money to get his clothes cleaned! I’m sure he’s fine… Especially since I think I accidentally gave him most of my money instead.” Saki's smile faded, instantly.

“Onii-chan, how much?”

“...”

“Onii-chan.”

“I think I gave him around… Forty thousand yen? Around that…”

Tsukasa could feel the dread settle in as he watched his sister's lips turn into a frown. She was clearly disappointed in him, and also—

“FORTY THOUSAND YEN?! ARE YOU CRAZY?! How will you get the money back? The dry cleaner doesn’t cost that much, right? There’s no way! Onii-chan, you need to get your money back!!! What if that guy uses it on the wrong thing? What if he’s secretly a drug addict and uses your money to fuel his addiction? Oh no… nononono! Onii-chan, you need to get your money back! Even if you have more than enough, you can’t just let a stranger run off with so much of your money. Being generous is one thing, and giving a stranger forty thousand yen is another!”

“So… You want me to find this guy and force him to give me back my money?” He asked.

“Well— Not like that! But you get the idea!!! You leave him with five? Or ten— You leave him with ten thousand yen, okay? And you take the rest of it back for yourself, you hear me?!”

The older brother saluted. “Loud and clear, my dearest sister!”

Today, the sun was out. A stark contrast to yesterday. Where there was once rain there’s now sunlight.

It wasn’t exceptionally warm, but it wasn’t cold either. It was the perfect weather. You wouldn’t overheat and risk getting a heat stroke, but you wouldn’t freeze either if you forgot your jacket. It was… nice.

But the people weren’t.

It was loud… Way too loud for Rui. Too many people, too many vehicles, too many students and just— It was too much. There was no rain to shield him from all of this. It was him, being subjected to the outside world once more. You’d think he would’ve gotten used to it, but that’s false.

The world was never built for people like him.

In a world where most people's brain works the same, he stands out. He isn’t like everyone else and he’d be lying if he said it didn’t hurt. He wishes he could’ve been born different, but that’s just not possible.

Rui tried to stare at the sky, at the buildings, at the birds he walked by and at everything but the people. It felt so— So crushing. It hurts seeing others hanging out with their friends. It reminded him that in this world, it will forever just be him, and him alone. Even with Mizuki hanging out with him, he still feels like he’s alone. She has potential, she can shine, but him? He doesn’t deserve that.

It was really only a matter of time til he’ll put an end to this all. He doesn’t want to hurt his parents, or Mizuki, so he came up with the genius plan of waiting til he’s at least eighteen. Sometimes he ponders if Nene would care too… She shouldn’t, if she does. He’s the one who pushed her away. It’s for the better if she does hate him.

Mizuki wasn’t in school today either, it was a shame.

He should probably check up on her actually. While it isn’t anything new— Her skipping— It’s been around two weeks since she showed up. It’s been too long. He’s starting to get worried… Actually, she did answer him yesterday, so she’s probably fine. If something was really up, she’d ignore his messages.

Rui began tapping his fingers against his jeans in a secret rhythm, with no real beat. It helped ground him a bit. It was still a little too much, but he’s trying to focus on the tapping.

You know, his parents aren’t home and won’t be home anytime soon… He could go to the park for a change…? He doesn’t really like going out, especially other places after school, but the sun was nice enough that maybe a change of pace was what he needed. Plus, maybe he could find inspiration for a new robot there.

Other people were probably hanging out in malls, arcades, shops— Anywhere but the park. People his age would rather be in flashy places than in nature. He can’t really blame them… He wouldn’t be going there in the first place if it weren’t for the weather urging him to.

He continued tapping his thigh as he walked. A rhythm to distract him from other people, as he made his way to somewhere that was more secluded.

Rui walked through the park gate, which was wide open, urging people to step in. Despite that, there weren’t many people around. Some people walking their dogs, a few children and their parents, an elderly couple… Luckily, no people his age were here. Other teens would stare at him on the streets with a judging look. Not to say that other people didn’t do that too, but it was mostly people around his age.

He looked… filthy, to them.

As he was walking around, enjoying the flowers, the grass, the trees, the comfortable environment, he saw a little bridge. It was hidden away by some trees covering the path to it. He wouldn’t have noticed it if he wasn’t so focused on studying the nature around him.

Hm, it’s not like he’s in a rush… Rui adjusted his bag, and walked on the path. Once he reached the bridge he took notice of how beautiful it really was.

A small wooden bridge, over a pond. There were lilypads growing at the top of the water. The flowers growing on them were this beautiful shade of pink and white. There were small little frogs hopping around the edge of the pond, and some were even swimming! But there weren’t just frogs, no, there were also koi fish! The trees surrounded this whole area, making Rui feel like he escaped the real world for a second.

There was no one, but him, and the nature. The sunlight hit the water, making everything look otherworldly. How has he never noticed this place before? It’s so… beautiful? And yet, not once did he take his time to take in his surroundings. He never noticed just how beautiful things can be when you take your time to actually enjoy everything.

Hm… He could maybe make a replica of the frogs? Or maybe the koi fish instead? Or a fancy lilypad that could open up and shoot out glitter? Ah, so many options!

Rui took out a sketchbook from his schoolbag. He sat down on the bridge, and began drawing everything he saw. He wasn’t the most talented artist, but he was good enough at it to create sketches of things he saw. He was giggling to himself the whole time.

He nearly jumped after a voice cut through the air. “Ah, hello—” Him and the intruder looked at one another. The intruder had blond hair with peach colored tips, his eyes were— “Ah, WE MEET AGAIN!”

The stranger struck a pose and Rui mentally facepalmed. Fate was a strange thing… Who knew he’d meet Tenma-san here?

“What are you doing here?” Rui asked. He nervously began fidgeting with the pen in his hands, unsure if he should bolt out.

Tenma-san laughed. “I decided today was a wonderful day for a walk through the park, but then I found out some guy I met yesterday took my regular spot!”

“Who?”

“...You—” Rui scrambled to his feet, preparing to leave, but Tenma-san grabbed his wrist. ”—WAIT! I never said you had to leave!!! I was just, surprised that someone was here, that’s all.” He tried to assure him.

Rui still didn’t look too convinced, but he sat back down on the bridge. “So… You hang around here often?”

“AHA, yes! This is a beautiful spot I have discovered on my walk home one day, and since then, I haven’t been able to let go.” He sat down next to Rui, and stared at the koi fish down below. “Nature can be beautiful…” Rui nodded. “Oh, and I forgot to ask— Did you take your uniform to the dry cleaner yet?”

Ah, right… “No, sorry, it slipped my mind.”

Tenma-san gasped. “But— Your uniform— I don’t mean to be mean but it’s dirty! You should take it there as soon as possible!!!”

“I will, just… not today. I have other things to do.” Rui drew another stroke in his notebook, polishing his sketch. “Oh, and before I forget—” He rummaged through his back pocket, and pulled something out. “Here you go. You should take your money back—”

“I REFUSE!”

Rui blinked. “P-Pardon?”

“I REFUSE! I gave you that money to go get your clothes cleaned. Not only did I dirty your uniform, but I also bumped into you… You must keep the money, as compensation!” Tenma-san shoved the money further into his hands.

The taller shook his head. “Are you hearing yourself, Tenma-san? This is forty five thousand yen! I feel like a thief hanging onto this.”

“Take it! I don’t need the money anyways, I have more at home.”

“Are your parents billionaires? If so, then why haven’t I heard of you?” Rui asked.

Tenma-san looked at him like he was crazy, and laughed. “Billonaires?! You really like jumping to conclusions, mystery student—”

“—Kamishiro Rui.”

“Huh?”

“My name is Kamishiro Rui.”

Tenma-san seemed to… brighten up at that? Weird. Why would he be happy to learn some dirty weirdo's name? Not only did this weirdo look strange, but he also took his money. Why would he be happy?

“You really like jumping to conclusions, Rui— Oh, and if I get to call you Rui can you please call me Tsukasa instead?” Tenma-san put on a fake pout, and looked at him with puppy eyes.

For some reason… Rui’s heart fluttered at that? Weird. This guy is stranger than him, actually. Going around giving his full name to stranges… Giving them his life savings— Or, well, pocket money from the seems of it. This guy was strange, and yet, a part of him felt… Happy? Excited even.

“Tenma-san.”

“No. I said Tsu-ka-sa! Repeat after me, Tsu-ka-sa!”

“Ten-ma-kun.”

“No! Tsu-ka-sa!”

“...” Rui sighed. “Tsukasa-san.”

Tsukasa shook his head. “No! Tsu-ka-sa.”

“Tsukasa-kun.”

Tsukasa's face changed. For some reason, his cheeks had this rosy tint to them— Well, he actually has rosier cheeks even before this— But that doesn’t matter! For some reason, he looked red. Maybe even a bit ill…

Rui poked him. “Are you okay, Tsukasa-kun? You look sick.”

The boy snapped out of his daze, and smiled. “Nothing! NOTHING! I’M ALRIGHT!!!” Rui raised an eyebrow, and looked at him skeptically. The blond boy had such a stupid grin on… For some reason, he felt warm looking at him.

Rui just shook his head, and returned his gaze to the sketches he was refining. Just a few more strokes and he should be done with the base design for a frog robot. Nothing too large, but slightly bigger than an actual frog. It’ll have a slightly brown tint to recreate the frogs—

“What are you drawing?” Tsukasa-kun asked, peering over his shoulder. He was… So close. He could feel his breath fanning against his neck.

“Uhm… Some, sketches…”

“I can see that! Is that— Oh, is that a frog?! And is that a koi fish? THEY LOOK SO WELL DRAWN— Why are there mechanical parts drawn on the side?” Tsukasa enthusiastically asked.

“I-I’m going to make them into robots later…” Rui anxiously answered. For some reason, Tsukasa-kun next to him let out an excited sound? How does he even do that???

The other boy put a hand on his notebook. “YOU MAKE ROBOTS?!”

“Yeah… I mostly make them for shows—”

“—DID YOU SAY SHOWS?!”

The sparkle in Tsukasa-kun's eyes was blinding. He was smiling so hard, he was practically squinting at him. He looked so… excited. So happy. The way the sun hit him made him look ethereal, somehow.

Rui reluctantly nodded. “Yeah, I like shows a lot…”

Tsukasa’s smile somehow got wider. “YOU DO?!” The boy began giggling. “What a splendid coincidence! I love shows too! It’s my dream to become a world-future star— I mean, a well known actor…” He scratched the back of his neck, a bit sheepishly.

He felt like someone kicked the air out of his lungs. “You do?”

“Yes! There’s something about the stage that has always seemed so beautiful? I love the feeling of looking down, just to see the audience clapping and smiling. I already took part in a few plays at my school, but I haven’t really had much luck elsewhere…”

Rui surveyed him, trying to find any sign of him being dishonest… But there was nothing. This boy genuinely looked happy. He sounded like he loved shows, just like—

Maybe he was like him?

“...I want to become a director.” Rui quietly admitted.

Tsukasa's mouth dropped. He immediately closed it again. Now, his lips were upturned. Just how much can this guy smile?!

“Then it must have been fate, Rui!” Tsukasa-kun grabbed one of his hands, and laced their fingers together. Rui felt both like pulling his hand back, but also like squeezing his hand back. He felt so… torn.

“What do you mean by fate?”

The boy winked. “Well, I’m an aspiring actor, and you’re a director! We’re like the perfect match!” Tsukasa said, being oblivious to the implications of what he just said.

Perfect match?! Him and Tsukasa-kun who he just met? Weren’t they moving too fast? Plus, he’s no real director. His ideas are too dangerous. He already hurt so many people… What if he hurts him too?

“I’m no real director.”

“But you can become one!”

Rui pinched his temple with his free hand. “Tsukasa-kun, not only have we just met— So there is no perfect match— But I’m no director. I just… I’m not good enough to become one.”

The boy looked… hurt? He squeezed Rui’s hand. “Nonsense! No dream is impossible to fulfil, so stop having that negative attitude. Have hope, Rui!”

Have hope, huh?

In a world that wasn’t meant for him, he should have hope? Hope that somehow there's a place for someone like him? Hope that things will change?

Hope that he won’t hurt anyone again?

…He’d like to have hope. He’d like for this to become true, for him to have a place to belong. The idea of his dreams becoming true… Being a director and directing the most beautiful shows, that could make even the saddest of people smile… He likes the sound of that.

“Hm, maybe I will.”

Tsukasa smiled, again. “That’s the spirit! I’m so— Oh, would you look at the time?! The sun is setting? Sorry, Rui, but I must take my leave.” Tsukasa let go of his hand, and stood up. He turned around, preparing to leave.

“Wai— TSUKASA-KUN, WAIT!” Rui rushed over to him.

“Huh? What’s up?”

Rui took out his phone. “Can I get your phone number? Or nightcord account?”

He could see the cogwheels turning in his head. The boy's mouth turned into an o shape. “Oh— OF COURSE!” Tsukasa took his phone and began typing in it… Probably his phone number. The boy then handed it back to him.

“Well, I guess this is farewell for today, Rui!” Tsukasa waved. “Let's meet again!” And with that… The boy walked off.

…

What was wrong with him? Why was he smiling so hard right now? He meets a weird teenager, and suddenly he starts having hope in this world? Eh, it’ll probably fade soon…

Rui made sure his sketchbook was in his bag, alongside his pen and eraser, and began making his way home. The sun setting looked beautiful. It looked familiar. It reminded him of the hair of a kind, yet weird, boy who decided to talk to him for some reason.

He walked with a skip in his step. Rui felt… happy? For once, he felt less drained, but more excited. Like he’s looking forward to seeing him again.

This is so weird…

It’s been two months since him and Tsukasa first met. Two months since he began feeling excited. Two months since he left school, just to head to the park once more.

Their meetings became casual. Being together felt like second nature. Them existing in the same space felt… right.

He initially thought that Tsukasa would probably be weirded out by him after a few days. That he’d probably offer him an awkward— Yet beautiful— Smile and tell him that he has to go elsewhere. Then he’d block his number and nightcord account. But that wasn’t the case.

Tsukasa-kun began texting him frequently. He started asking him for advice. He started asking if he sounded too emotional, too empty, too excited, too— Too much. He started acting like he was preparing for a show, and Rui was his director. For some reason, that sparked a flame within Rui.

Somehow, after this short period of time, he grew on him.

For some reason, the idea of not getting to talk to him anymore made him… sad? He was just fine before. He was fine with his parents, and Mizuki. But now? He doesn’t remember how bland everything felt without Tsukasa.

This was all probably bad.

He shouldn’t be getting attached. What if Tsukasa-kun realizes just how disgusting he is? The boy mentioned having other friends. He should be wasting his time with them, rather than with Rui.

He doesn’t know that deep inside, Rui has this disgusting feeling of envy anytime Tsukasa mentions anyone else. It’s, strange… It’s disgusting. Tsukasa-kun should probably tell him to back off before it’s too late. If he’ll ever discover just how disgusting he truly is… He doesn’t think he could handle seeing Tsukasa also look at him with disgust.

Rui looked at his phone. It was nearly time for Tsukasa to show up. They agreed to meet up at the mall today, and spend time together. All of this felt so new to him.

He’s supposed to be the weirdo, the loner, the freak, the monster, the— The nobody.

And yet, here he is. He’s here waiting for someone who might actually show up. This feels too normal. He went out to the mall a few times with Mizuki, but very rarely. Not because Mizuki didn’t want him around, but because he refused. He felt like he had no right to be doing things like these… Things that normal teenagers do.

He’s anything but normal.

Maybe, just maybe, Tsukasa-kun won’t show up. He’ll realize just how much of a horrible person Rui is, and refuse to show up. Then, Rui won’t have to worry about this feeling of attachment he developed. He won’t have to worry about these feelings anymore—

“RUI!!!!” Tsukasa shouted from further away. Some people turned to stare at the teenager. He was running his way, waving his arms in the air.

Rui chuckled, and waved back. “Tsukasa-kun~ I was starting to think you wouldn’t show up…” He put on a fake pout. “Yo yo yo…”

The blond just elbowed him once he got close enough. “How dare you assume such a thing?!” He put on an offended expression. “A world-future star would never leave his friends hanging!”

He turned to look around. “Friends? Tsukasa-kun, do we need to take you to a psychiatrist?!”

“What? No—” Tsukasa paused. “…You’re just messing with me, aren’t you?”

“Fufu~”

The boy grabbed his ear, and pinched his cheek with his other hand. Rui yelped as he tried to get the boy's hands off of him. Other people looked at them, with either judging eyes or just the typical look they have reserved for teenagers. Weirdly enough… They probably looked normal to other people.

Just two teenage boys, hanging out together. Teasing each other, bickering, arguing… The list goes on. He felt, normal. Like for once he actually wasn’t the black sheep in a crowd of people.

He actually spent time today getting ready. With Mizuki's advice on call, she helped him pick an outfit that wasn’t half bad looking. For some reason, she keeps acting like his fashion sense is a literal sin. It’s not his fault the geometric patterns look nice to him!

He ended up settling on a simple outfit. Long sleeved striped shirt, with a simple black t-shirt above. Some baggy pants Mizuki helped him pick out a while ago, and some proper accessories. Mizuki kept insisting he has to look good, and that he can’t be caught slacking… Whatever that means. He also brushed his hair for once, and put it in a ponytail.

Tsukasa-kun looked… Amazing as usual. A simple light blue sweater vest, with a white button up, and dark blue pants. Somehow, Tsukasa-kun always managed to look amazing effortlessly. He could just wear a plain white t-shirt, and somehow look like a model…

Rui, what are you thinking?!

Snap out of it. You just— You happen to find him a bit pretty! That’s it. Nothing else. It’s totally platonic admiration on your part.

Tsukasa let go of his ear. “Now… Where should we go first?”

“Aren’t you the one who proposed this?”

“...” He looked at the floor. “Would you— …Would you believe me if I told you I haven’t done this before? Like, at all? I have never been to the mall with a friend?”

Rui just stared at Tsukasa for a minute. He couldn’t believe his own ears. Tsukasa-kun? Having never been to the mall with anyone? Not even his other friends?! Out of all people, he never got to experience this before?

…

Oh, what a disgusting feeling of pride.

Pride that he’s the first person he has done this with. Every time Tsukasa-kun will think about going to the mall with someone, he will think back on this. He will think back on how he was the first person he did this with. He will think back on Rui.

“Hm, I’ve done this before, so I think this time it’ll be better if I take the lead?” Rui asked.

The other boy gave him a thumbs up. “Sounds good to me!” Tsukasa looked around the mall, studying the different shops. “So, where to first?”

“Well, we could go check out a few clothing stores? Unless you want to go elsewhere…?” He tentatively asked.

“YOU’RE THE ONE WHO HAS DONE THIS BEFORE!” The blond pointed a finger at him. “Anyways, why of course! I also need to find some new clothes desparately… Most of my old ones have become quite small for me. After that, can we check out the record store? I heard they have new merch of someone I’m interested in.”

“Oh? Now who could our dearest world-future star be interested in?”

Tsukasa playfully shoved him. “I’ll tell you when we get there.”

And so, the two boys fell into a rhythm. One step at a time, together. They walked side by side and talked about everything, and nothing. Tsukasa was loud, that Rui swears he heard more than five people complain about him, but he couldn’t care less.

After checking out multiple shops, Rui noticed Tsukasa was frozen in place looking at a display case. He turned his head to look at what Tsukasa seemed so fascinated by. His jaw nearly dropped after noticing that it wasn’t just a regular outfit, but a beautiful dress.

Rui turned to face Tsukasa again. “You wanna get it?”

“Pffff, ME?!” Tsukasa pointed at himself. “I could never wear something like this!”

“And why is that?”

“Well— You see— T-The thing is—” Tsukasa stumbled over his words. “I’m… I just can’t. My parents wouldn’t approve of this. I don’t want to risk having them find out!” He gripped his hair, tugging at the strands.

Rui rushed over to his side, and gently pried his hands away. “Hey, your parents won’t know. It’s okay, you’re fine.” He reassured him. Luckily, the blond seemed to have calmed down a bit. “You can just say it’s a surprise gift for your sister, that’s all.”

Tsukasa inhaled a shaky breath. “Y-Yeah, I guess you’re right— Sorry, I know it’s weird that I’m into this stuff.”

“Nonsense. Being able to express yourself isn’t weird. To me, clothes don’t have any real gender. You should be able to express yourself however you want.”

The boy looked him in the eyes, and gave him a small smile. “Thank you, Rui.”

“You’re my friend. I want you to be happy.”

After he bought the dress together with Tsukasa, ignoring the judging look of the cashier, they headed to the record store. He— He doesn’t really go here. Most of the time, he doesn’t see any real reason behind also having a record of a song too. Despite how much he enjoys a song, he doesn’t really need one.

Still, Tsukasa-kun wanted to go here, and he wasn’t going to complain. Even if he has to spend an hour browsing around the store together with him, he won’t complain. Tsukasa-kun’s company is nice. He’d willingly get stranded with him, because despite how crazy the circumstances might be, having Tsukasa-kun around is just so— He feels happy.

After a short while, Tsukasa ran over to a smaller shelf, and there was— “Tsukasa-kun, you like vocaloid?”

“M-Maybe? I promise it’s good. Please, just give it a cha—”

Rui laughed. “—Tsukasa-kun, obviously I’m also into this stuff. How could I judge you for this?”

“...You are?”

“Maybe not a diehard fan, but I do enjoy listening to the songs from time to time. It’s fascinating how different producers tune them differently. In general, I am incredibly fascinated by the process behind composing songs like this.”

Tsukasa absentmindedly shook his head. “Uhuh…” He turned back to the shelf, and took— Oh, a KAITO plushie? “Oh? I didn’t know they sold this type of stuff here.”

“Well, now you do.”

“KAITO, hm? Somehow, I feel like this is quite fitting…”

The older put his hand over his mouth. “Just— Shut up.” He pulled his hand back. “Let’s go to the checkout so I can pay for this. After this, should we go to that diner?”

“Are you sure you want to eat together with me?”

Tsukasa gave him a tired expression. “Who else should I eat with?”

“...Nothing, nothing. Let’s go— Oh, also, you wouldn’t mind covering the tab for that, would you? After all, you have more than enough money!”

“WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN— …Rui, did you spend all your money on parts for your robots? AGAIN?!”

“Fufu… Maybe~”

“RUI!!!”

Tsukasa was holding the aquarium tickets with such force, that they might just end up ripping soon. Despite that, he still held onto them like a lifeline. Rui was supposed to be here soon.

He feels… anxious. It’s been four months since they’ve met, and they only keep getting closer and closer. Before, Tsukasa never really did much after school. Other than visiting Saki, he sometimes played the piano. If lucky, he’d get to see Toya… God, he misses Toya. He knows his father is strict so he can’t just barge in and drag him out, but— He can’t help it. He misses his little brother.

He misses Saki just as much too. Despite getting to visit her, he misses the time he could just wake up at home, and go downstairs to be greeted by her little cheeky smile.

There’s a lot of stuff he misses, actually.

Still, Rui was able to help in this regard. After all this time, he has something else to look forward to. It’s weird, but it’s exciting.

Rui was… weird, to say the least. Their first meeting was quite unusual first of all, but even the stuff after that was just as odd. Still, he wouldn’t trade their friendship for the world. Despite Rui having some odd quirks here and there, he was there for him. He had a heart of gold if you got to know him. Despite what he says, he has the potential to become an amazing director.

One day, he’ll ask him to direct a show with him as the main actor.

But back to the present day, he doesn’t know where he got the courage to ask Rui to come to the aquarium with him. It feels so… huge? It should be a simple hang out between friends, so why is his heart beating this fast? Why does this feel like such a huge deal to him?

He nearly screamed when someone poked his shoulder. “Tsukasa-kun, sorry for keeping you waiting. I had to do a few chores before leaving home, so— Yeah, you get it. Sorry once again.”

“Why, it’s fine! YOU’RE JUST IN TIME ACTUALLY!” Tsukasa reassured him, by patting his shoulder. Rui was fighting back a wince because as nice as the gesture was, Tsukasa-kun was… quite aggressive with it.

“So, you got the tickets, correct?” Tsukasa nodded back. “Ah, then we can just go in, right?” He nodded once again. “...Come on.” Rui took his wrist, and dragged him in. They quickly scanned their tickets, and entered.

There were so many signs, it felt a bit overwhelming. Just where should they go to first? Oh, and are those pufferfish? Oh, but those other fish look so pretty too—

Rui chuckled. “Tsukasa-kun, we just stepped in and you’re already so fascinated by every single fish you see? I never took you as the type of person to like fish this much.”

“Well, I don—” Tsukasa closed his mouth. In the tank in front of him, there was a fish. Its scales were beautiful, and its fins were long, flowy.

You know, never before has he really taken the time to look at fish this much. To him, they were just another thing that was there. Another thing that was so beautiful, hidden in plain sight. He never took the time to take it all in.

The fish looked back at him, its beautiful fins fluttering through the water. It looked… gorgeous.

“Hm?” Rui stepped a bit closer to Tsukasa, also staring back at the fish. “Oh, how fascinating. It seems this fish has taken a liking to you, Tsukasa-kun!”

“Yeah…”

“Should we go check out the rest of the fish? We can return here later. The fish won’t disappear because we walked around for a bit.”

Tsukasa nodded, finally taking his eyes off of the fish. For some reason, Rui had a smile that could only be described as fond. He hasn’t seen this expression on him, not before at least. Something about it warmed his heart.

They both walked through the countless hallways, staring at the different sea creatures.

Rui, at some point, began listing off fun facts about these creatures. While he’s more than sure he won’t be able to remember even half of the facts he just listed, it was nice. Having Rui get to talk for once was a nice change of pace.

The aquarium wasn’t exactly very lit up. The hallways were mostly dark, actually, but there was light coming from all of the extremely large tanks and exhibits.

For some reason, he and Rui spent quite a while looking at an octopus. It wasn’t really doing anything special. For some reason though, Rui seemed to be very fascinated by it. The amount of fun facts he listed within the span of ten? Maybe fifteen minutes? Was a bit concerning, but also incredibly endearing.

Somehow, this felt… nice.

He remembers just how lonely it felt in the past before he met Rui. Just one accidental encounter changed his life. He never thought he’d get to do anything like this with anyone.

There’s some stuff he still hasn’t told Rui, which he probably should. He feels guilty. He should probably come clean, but it’s been so long— How is he supposed to tell him the truth?

Rui remained oblivious to the inner turmoil going on in Tsukasa's head, and kept dragging him around. After a long while, they headed back to the first exhibit they saw. The one with that fish Tsukasa-kun seemed ever so fascinated by. The one that seemed also just as equally fascinated by him.

They both stared at the fish, slowly swimming around. A reminder that regardless of what, time will keep moving.

Tsukasa stared intently at one of the fish. “Hey, Rui, what do you think about liars?”

“Well, it depends. Why are they liars? What are they trying to cover up?”

He swallowed the clump in his throat. “What if they lied so they could seem cooler? More important? More like they actually have a place in this world, like they actually matter.”

…

He could feel an arm gently wrapping itself around his shoulder. “...Tsukasa-kun, what do you mean by that?”

His breathing became unsteady. “I-I’m sorry, I lied. I don’t really have friends in school. I don’t really have anyone at all, minus my sister, and my brother figure.” He admitted. The arm wrapped around his shoulder never left, though, so he kept going. “I never really had friends of my own. I had this friend at one point, Shizuku was her name? She was my little sister's friend's sister. We hung out sometimes, but after my sister got sick… We stopped talking. I don’t blame her, we never really were proper friends. Still, I wish I actually could say I have someone to hang out with. I lied to you when I told you I have friends, because I didn’t want you to view me as weird. I didn’t want you to assume that I’m a horrible person, and that’s why—”

Rui used his free hand to hold a finger up to his lips, shushing him. “Tsukasa-kun, is this what you were afraid of telling me?”

“...Maybe.”

“Tsukasa-kun… I don’t have friends either. I have my parents, and Mizuki. That’s it. I don’t talk to my childhood friend anymore either. I’m in the same boat as you.” He confessed.

The blond looked… shocked? “But how? You’re so talented and amazing. I don’t understand how people wouldn’t want to hang out with you.”

“Don’t you see the way I look, Tsukasa-kun? I’m messy. I can barely take care of myself in the first place. Not only am I disgusting to many people, but I’m also a weirdo to them. All I care about in their eyes is making shows. Not just that, but my ideas?” Rui gave him a sad smile. “I’ve hurt people before with my ideas, Tsukasa-kun.”

“But I’m sure it was an accident—”

“—Doesn’t matter if it was. I hurt people before, and that’s final. I don’t blame my classmates for ignoring me. I don’t blame students around the school gossiping about me like I’m some sort of monster.”

Tsukasa couldn’t believe his own ears. People viewing Rui as some monster? But how? He was just so… So wonderful. How could they ever treat him like this?

He leaned into Rui, hoping that could provide him some comfort. “...You know, it feels like we know each other so well, while also knowing nothing about one another.”

“...Yeah.” He held Tsukasa in place. “And yet, I’d still love to keep getting to know you.”

They stared at the tank. Two fish were swimming around together, probably a pair of mates. They looked happy. They looked beautiful. They gave him hope.

He could feel the sweat forming on his skin. It was too much, everything was too much. Rui practically wanted to get rid of everything that made him… him.

He was disgusting.

A monster, hiding in human flesh. Just why couldn’t he be normal? Why did he have to be born like this? None of this was okay, none of this was normal, none of this should be allowed or accepted in any way.

The closer he and Tsukasa got, the worse his heart ached.

This wasn’t just admiration, no. This was something deeper. Something more disgusting. He didn’t just like Tsukasa's company, he craved it. He craved it so bad, that it was sickening. Nothing about this was innocent anymore. He no longer just wanted a friend, he wanted something deeper.

Tsukasa-kun's presence changed his life, for the better. And yet, a part of him feels like he’s getting worse.

He can no longer stand the idea of not getting to see Tsukasa anymore. He needs to see him. He needs to be there with him he can’t handle no longer being near him he needs to be closer to be part of him to— God fucking damn it.

He gripped his hair, tugging some of the strands so hard they fell out.

He has to stop. This isn’t healthy. He shouldn’t have gotten this attached. Just— Why? Why did it turn out like this? Why couldn’t he be normal about something once in his life? He wasn’t like this when he met Mizuki.

He cares about her, sure, but not to this extent. He can handle not seeing her for a while, but Tsukasa-kun? God, it’s sickening. Everything leads back to him the longer he’s away from him.

Rui didn’t realize just how bad this all had gotten, until he noticed just how jealous he felt when he heard about Tsukasa actually talking with one of his classmates. Somehow, it felt like something in him snapped. Why? Why couldn’t he be normal about this?

It was his fault. If Tsukasa-kun didn’t try to get to know him— Fuck, he should’ve left him like everyone else instead. It’s not his fault. He didn’t know just how much of a monster Rui was.

He was disgusting.

When Tsukasa wasn’t at the hospital, or visiting his brother figure, he’d be there with him. He’d always be there by his side and it’s just so— It’s infuriating. If he didn’t get so close, this all could’ve been much easier.

But no.

Being with him became as simple as breathing. Everything… It was all him.

All his thoughts were about Tsukasa, and what they’ll do tomorrow, together. His mind came up with stupid ideas, like what if he meets someone better? What if he realizes how horrible you are, and leaves you? What if he comes to terms with the fact that you just— You aren’t worth it.

Tsukasa-kun is kind, but he doesn’t deserve this.

He’s— Rui is selfish. He’s selfish, obsessive and jealous.

Tsukasa doesn’t deserve to deal with this.

He just became such a huge part of his life, that he can’t live without him. The second he met the star, it was too late, his life already changed. Tsukasa singlehandedly not only tore down all his walls, but made him feel like he belonged.

He— God, he’s perfect.

Would he be disgusted by him? Would he yell at him, telling him this isn’t normal, nor is it healthy? Or would he hold his hand, telling him that it’s not his fault. Telling him that sometimes, you just can’t control your feelings. That everything is… normal. That it’s valid for him to feel this way, and he promises he won’t leave his side—

He dug his nails into his skin.

Stop it— Stop. I’m taking advantage of him. I’m a filthy monster taking advantage of his kindness and I just— I DON’T BELONG HERE. HE DOESN’T DESERVE THIS. HE CAN’T—

A monster shouldn’t love a human.

Tsukasa was so very human… He wore his heart on his sleeve. His expressions… They were so alive. The way he talks, the way he behaves, the way he acts… He’s so beautiful, so human. He’s everything Rui isn’t.

Rui tried to wipe away the tears forming in his eyes. He doesn’t deserve to cry, not after thinking these things. He’s… He’s the problem. He doesn’t deserve pity, not even from the gods.

Just why was he born like this? Why couldn’t he be different?

Wh—

Rui got a message on his phone. It was from Tsukasa… He was asking him to meet on the rooftop of some building.

Why? Why him? Couldn’t he have asked his new friend inst— Stop. Stop thinking like that. For once in your life, please, just stop.

Rui rushed out of the front door, still in his school uniform. These thoughts have been haunting him since the last bell rang, and he couldn’t find time to change. He was… A mess. God, he hopes Tsukasa-kun won’t be too repulsed by him when he sees him like this.

Typically, he’d put effort into his appearance when he goes to meet up with him. But now? He looks like his regular day to day mess self. He’s not a pretty sight to behold.

He felt like his body was on autopilot. The people he walked by felt like ghosts, almost like they weren’t there to begin with. Everything blended into the same thing. The world was so— Ugh, he can’t come up with anything. All he knows is that he lost control of his body at some point. His steps towards the rooftop of that building Tsukasa-kun sent him felt almost mechanical.

Every step felt like a ticking time bomb. When he reached the rooftop door, he felt not only guilt, but also… nervous.

Does Tsukasa-kun know anything about this?

No, there’s no way he does. He isn’t some mind reader. There’s no way of him knowing about these thoughts he is trying to bury ever so deep into his mind. He can’t know… He mustn't know. If he did, everything would be over.

He doesn’t want this to end. He’s been so happy… He doesn’t want to be alone again.

Rui opened the door. The rooftop was… empty, minus Tsukasa who was sitting in the middle. Surprisingly, this rooftop didn’t have a fence, which was quite dangerous actually.

If worst case scenario became true… He could just—

“RUI, YOU’RE HERE!” Tsukasa patted the empty space next to him. “Take a seat! I’ve been waiting for you, you know? You’ve been oddly slow…” He pouted.

Rui sat down next to him, with a carefree expression, trying to pretend like everything was fine. “Fufu… You were the one to suddenly message me out of nowhere. Did you seriously expect me to show up the second you texted me?”

Tsukasa visibly looked embarrassed. “NO! I WAS—” His face was so very red… It was an adorable look on him. “—I WAS JOKING! It’s fine that it took you a bit, seriously. I just… I wanted to watch the sunset with you.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Why so suddenly?”

“I just felt like it. I thought it’d be nice to watch it today, with you.”

Oh, he has no clue just how much his words impact him… That disgusting feeling of pride is back. Out of everyone, he chose him. He could’ve asked his new friend to join him, or just watch it alone instead— But no. He chose him.

Tsukasa-kun wanted him just as bad as he— Rui, get it together… You need to stop being like this. Why are you so— Disgusting?

He could feel something settle down on his shoulder. Something… warm. Something human. Rui froze, not wanting to scare Tsukasa off. If he’s so comfortable with him that he’s willing to do this… He can’t risk ruining this all. He doesn’t want this moment to end.

“You know, we met six months ago on this date.” Tsukasa whispered. If he was any quieter, Rui wouldn’t have heard a single word.

Rui stared at the sun, slowly still setting. “Really? It feels like it’s been longer than that.”

Tsukasa didn’t say anything, and neither did he. They just stood there on the rooftop, existing together. It wasn’t cold, it wasn’t warm, it was— Everything felt just right. Him, Tsukasa, and the rooftop. Them being together. Somehow, the silence didn’t feel awkward. Instead, it felt comforting. It felt just right.

“...Despite us getting to know each other, I still feel like there’s so much I don’t know about you.” Tsukasa revealed. Rui could only nod, not knowing what to say. “Despite that, I’m glad to have you around.”

“Me too.”

Tsukasa cleared his throat. “Rui, just what do you think about the world?”

“What an odd question—”

“—Do you think we have a place here?”

Rui could only stare at him, his mouth agape. Just what kind of question is that? And where is it coming from— …Rui closed his mouth again. “This world… It was never created for us, and yet…” He got lost in thought for a second. “I think that doesn’t mean we don't belong here. I think that there’s hope. There’s hope for us to grow, to show others that there’s a place for everyone. We will carve out our own section if necessary… I just— I want to believe that there is a place for us. Despite how fucking cruel this world is, I want to have hope. I want to believe that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.”

Tsukasa suddenly pulled his head back. He slowly rose to his feet, and moved closer to the edge. Rui felt a sense of dread kick in, and yet— He didn’t move. Tsukasa wasn’t that close to the edge anyways.

“Rui… Even if I’m obnoxious, a nuisance to be around, a weirdo, a mistake…” Tsukasa held his arms out. “I want to keep living. Even if it’s wrong for someone like me, I want to keep going. I— I want to make others smile, but I can’t do it on my own… Rui, will you stay by my side?”

Rui felt like time stopped. Whatever sounds he couldn’t filter out normally, all just stopped. It was just him, and Tsukasa. It was just… Him and Tsukasa.

It was always him and Tsukasa.

Despite how disgusting he is, Tsukasa never viewed him as anything lesser. To him, he was Rui. He was so very human… Willing to treat a monster with kindness, rather than with hatred.

He didn’t deserve this, and yet, he felt happy. He felt so overjoyed. A disgusting mix of pride and joy swirled through him, making him feel a bit overwhelmed. All of this was… So much, and yet, he could only really feel happy.

He gave him a teary eyed smile. “Yeah, I’ll stay by your side. Just… Never leave mine, okay?”

“Never. Not even after we die.”

Rui smiled so wide, his cheeks hurt. “Yeah, okay!”

Maybe he doesn’t belong here. Maybe he’ll forever be a monster to everyone, but what matters is that he can make Tsukasa happy. He chose him, and that’s all that matters.

…Ah, is this what love feels like?