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Finally all issues were resolved. Castiel crawled his way back from wherever the banishing spell puts him and Sam was rescued from the British chick. At last they could properly deal with the bunker's newest resident.
Sam took Mary into town to buy her new clothes and a cell phone and a couple other necessities while Dean and Castiel cleaned up the room opposite Sam's.
"How are you doing?" Castiel asked as they were just pulling new sheets over the mattress.
"What do you mean?" Dean asked his boyfriend.
"Now that you've had a moment to think… you've got your mom back. A woman you've been missing your whole life." Castiel said. "How are you doing?" He asked again. Dean shrugged.
"I don't know. I mean I am happy that she's not dead but I guess it's been such a long time, I'm so used to her just not being there." Dean looked at Castiel over the bed and sighed. "I'm scared that she's not as perfect as I remember her." Castiel smiled softly and moved around the bed, taking Dean's face into his hands.
"She is a gentle woman, Dean. I am sure you remember her just as kind as she is." Castiel said, moving one hand to card through Dean's hair.
"Have you had much time to talk to her, yet?" Castiel asked.
"Well I basically just filled her in on what led to her being back and what happened with the yellow eyed demon… there wasn't much time to tell her anything about our lives other than that." Dean said.
"So she doesn't know about us?" Castiel asked, Dean swallowed and Castiel pulled his hands away from Dean's face, taking a step back.
"She knows you're an angel and that you're family." Dean said.
"But not how…" Castiel said, not asking anymore.
"I just don't know how to tell her… I need some more time to get to know her again. I'm a stranger to her." Dean said. Castiel clenched his jaw. "Please don't be upset."
"I hoped that you had finally pulled your head all the way out of your ass when you told Sam after years of hiding this." Castiel said. "But no-"
"Come on, Cas, you're not being fair." Dean said. "I just had to deal with saving Sam first and I need to think about this."
"What's there to think about, Dean? We live together, in a bunker, in the same room! How are you going to explain that?!" Castiel called.
"I thought maybe you could move into your old room until I tell her-" Dean said slowly. Castiel scoffed.
"I'm not going back to hiding my love for you." Castiel said his voice definite.
"Come on, Cas! Give me some time with my mother before I drop a bombshell like that on her that maybe is gonna make her turn away from me!" Dean called. Castiel just shook his head.
"You are such a Winchester!" Castiel called back. Dean frowned at him.
"What's that supposed to mean?" He asked. Castiel shook his head.
"It means that maybe you should consider that being honest is the best way to go here. Maybe telling your own goddamn mother the truth from the start is easier than hiding and lying to her! You and Sam both are so hell-bent on protecting each other and not showing your feelings that you are blind to something as simple and yet as profound as the love of a mother! Why on earth would she care about whether or not you love someone with a penis! She's your mother for crying out loud. She's not gonna care that you fuck a man."
"You're not a man though." Dean just yelled, ending Castiel's speech. Castiel frowned at him. "I don't care that you don't use your mojo except in emergencies, you are still an angel."
"She accepted me as family, didn't she?" Castiel said. "I don't see how this is any different."
"Of course it is!" Dean answered, barking a cold laugh. "Because you being my best friend is something else entirely than you being my- than us being us!"
"How?!" Castiel just asked. Dean sighed. "I don't understand what us fucking changes about me being trustworthy."
"But we're not just fucking, Cas. I love you." Dean said.
"I know." Castiel called. "I don't see-"
"God damn it, Cas. I love you more than anything." Dean said and shook his head.
"Dean, just tell me why us being what we are would make your mother turn from you!" Castiel called, his voice demanding. Dean groaned.
"Because this means that I would choose an angel over my own blood." Dean said. Castiel frowned at him.
"It doesn't. You would never put me over Sam-" Castiel said.
"I would." Dean said. "God knows I don't want to live without Sam but I did it, I lived with Lisa, thinking I'd never see my brother again and I would've been fine if I hadn't been dragged back into the life. If Sam hadn't come back. Maybe I wouldn't have been totally happy but at least I would've been content."
"You lived without me when I lost my memory…" Castiel pointed out.
"But I didn't live, Cas… I just existed." Dean shook his head and took a step towards Castiel, lifting a hand to cup his jaw. "Everything felt just wrong. Back then and when you let Lucifer in… I didn't know if I'd ever get you back and I could barely breathe. Cas, I can't live without you. If it would ever come to it, if I could only save one of you, god help me, I'd chose you. And it's exactly that, that scares me. Because I know Mom would know the second I tell her about us… and how can I look at this woman who has done nothing but protect and love me as short as those four years with her were, how can I look at her and tell her that her baby boy is not my first priority?"
"Okay…" Castiel sighed. "Please think about this again. And please, when you have the time, tell her our whole story and she will see that we could not do anything but fall for each other."
"I'll do that." Dean said and Castiel nodded.
"I'll move my stuff to my old room." Castiel said then and Dean sighed at the hurt undertone still clinging to his voice.
"Just know that I'm not ashamed of loving you, Cas." Dean said and Castiel nodded without looking back at him.
Castiel was distant the next few days as they helped Mary settle in, explaining technical developments and the general changes in the world. He barely talked and didn't seek time alone with Dean.
"Are you guys okay?" Sam asked four days after they'd set up Mary's room. "I saw Cas going into his old room…" Dean sighed.
"Yeah, I- we had a fight about telling Mom… I just- I can't tell her yet." Dean said. "We only just got her back."
"Okay, I'll refrain from sharing my opinion on this topic." Sam said then, moving to leave the kitchen, leaving Dean alone with the dishes from their dinner.
Dean felt lost in his bed. Although it was a bit small for two people of their size it was suddenly far too big for him, far too much empty space. He sighed at himself for behaving like he was in a cheap chick flick and decided to sneak through the hallway to Castiel's room.
"Cas?" Dean asked as he slipped through the door.
"Yes?" Castiel asked, sitting up on his bed. "What are you doing here?"
"I miss you, Cas." Dean said, walking into the room and sitting down on the edge of the bed.
"Well, you wouldn't have to if you were man enough to tell your mother how you feel." Castiel said. Dean clenched his jaw.
"Please, Cas-" Dean started.
"No." Castiel cut him off. "You could give your mother more credit. She's not your Dad you know?" Castiel said.
"What?" Dean asked.
"She hasn't been punching into you that you need to protect Sam from all harm. She knows you're both grown men who can make their own choices." Castiel said.
"It's not about that…" Dean said. "It's about her needing something to hold on to- something as easy as family." Castiel shook his head.
"What about family don't end with blood?" Castiel asked. Dean clenched his jaw.
"You have to understand that you being a part of our family is way more complicated!" Dean said.
"I do. But I don't understand is how you can say things like this to me and still expect me to act as if nothing has changed and happily go back to sneaking around." Castiel answered.
"What? So you'd rather not talk to me at all?" Dean asked.
"I want to spend time with you, Dean. I miss you too… but how am I supposed to feel when you hide how much you feel for me because you see it as a betrayal to your family! How am I supposed to trust in your love for me when you are acting as if you are embarrassed by it!"
"Cas, what are you saying?" Dean asked. Castiel licked his lips.
"You have a choice here. It's not life or death but it's exactly the choice you're afraid of. Either you tell your mother about what we have and you trust that our love is enough to convince her that I'm not coming in between you and your family, or you don't tell her. I won't hide, if you don't tell her about us, there will be no more us to talk about." Castiel said.
"Please, don't make me choose." Dean pleaded and Castile shook his head.
"I'm done, Dean. I let you hide this from Sam for as long as you wanted. I can't do that again." Castiel said. Dean nodded and stood up.
Dean came to breakfast later than usual, the three other inhabitants of the bunker already eating. Dean met Castiel's eyes and swallowed before sitting down without saying a word. When he glanced up again, he saw that Castiel's eyes were filled with tears.
"Okay then." Castiel whispered and stood up, leaving the kitchen.
"What?" Sam asked, looking over at Dean.
"Did I miss something?" Mary asked. Castiel turned in the door of the kitchen and Dean looked at him, feeling all the confusion and emotions boil up as he saw a tear steal its way down Castiel's cheek.
"I can't lose you." Dean said, shaking his head. He swallowed hard, trying to keep the tears at bay. He looked at Mary who looked very concerned. "Mom, I don't know how to tell you this… since he's an angel and all that but… I love him, Mom." Dean said. "I have for so long and I'm so scared that you'd see this as me turning away from the family, as choosing a supernatural being over Sam… but I can't lose this. Being with Cas is without competition the best thing that has ever happened to me." Dean burst out. Mary just stared at Dean and Castiel in time.
"Is this why you barely said two words together in the past few days?" Mary asked Castiel.
"Yes." Castiel said. "I was so afraid… I love your son, more than anything in this whole universe and I couldn't bear to lose him."
"Cas-" Dean breathed, standing up and slightly opening his arms. Castiel moved quickly through the room, pulling Dean into a tight embrace, his fists clenched into he soft fabric of Dean's shirt.
"I love you." Castiel whispered into his ear and Dean pulled back a little.
"I love you too." Dean answered before pulling Castiel into a deep kiss.
"Glad that's cleared up then." Sam said. "It's unbearable when you two fight." He added. Dean rolled his eyes at his brother. Dean only looked back at his mother when she cleared her throat and stood up, walking up to Dean and Castiel.
"Welcome to the family. Officially." Mary said and pulled Castiel into a hug. She then turned to Dean, lifting a hand to caress the side of his face. "I want you to understand that you will never have to hide anything from me. You'll always be my little angel, Dean." Mary said and Dean smiled.
"Okay." He whispered. Mary ran her hand through Dean's hair.
"How could I ever turn away from you just because you're in love?" Mary asked. Dean shrugged.
"I just thought… since he's not human-" Dean said. Mary just shook her head.
"I always told you that angels were watching over you." Mary said.
"I will protect him." Castiel said.
"I can protect myself, thanks." Dean laughed. Castiel just grabbed his hand and pulled him closer.
"Then why did I have to drag your ass out of hell?" Castiel asked with a smile. Dean rolled his eyes.
"I guess it's better with you around." Dean said.
Dean sighed as he finally felt Castiel's arms around him again. He knew Sam would probably laugh at him for the rest of his life but Dean really loved the feeling of being the little spoon. With Castiel wrapped around him there was nothing that could possibly hurt him.
"I missed you." Dean whispered. "I missed this."
"Me too." Castiel said.
"Don't ever even hint that you could leave me again." Dean said and Castiel moved a bit closer.