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On a brisk evening, hours after a titan encounter outside the walls, you found yourself walking the familiar halls toward the section commander’s quarters. Of course, this was not a trip for official business as Section Commander Hange’s assistant.
It’s pretty late, you thought to yourself, taking note of the pale moon outside the window. The light filtering in through the glass illuminated the hallway before you. It wasn’t necessary. You could likely find your way to this room blindfolded. Will they still be awake? You wondered. Crawling into bed beside them didn’t sound half bad at the moment. In any case, the more likely scene awaiting you was the section commander jotting new research notes, or maybe they weren’t there at all.
You made your way to Hange’s room at the end of the hall. You knocked quietly, hoping they were still up and willing to have your company. It had been an eventful day, to say the least.
“Come in,” they called from the other side. There was no need to question who was visiting at such an hour—there was only one person the section commander would expect.
Cracking open the door, you peeked inside, and your eyes widened in shock. “What are you doing on the floor?”
Hange chuckled. “Got a little tangled up in my ODM gear. You would think I’d have figured it out after so many years, but…” Their voice trailed off, and they looked at the ground sheepishly, a hint of something akin to sadness just barely grazing their features.
You entered the room and closed the door behind you softly before kneeling in front of them. Upon closer inspection, they were in quite a predicament. The leather straps of the ODM gear had somehow twisted at the shoulders, and the straps connecting the thighs to the torso were so tangled that you wondered how long Hange had spent fiddling with them for them to become so contorted. Their hand lingered on one of the belt buckles, and you placed your own hand over theirs. Though almost imperceptible, you could feel it. Their hand was trembling.
“Can I help?” you asked. Hange nodded silently, removing their hand from the buckle and allowing you to begin untwisting the straps. “Have you done anything at all to wind down after today’s encounter?”
They averted their gaze. “I was busy filing reports for most of the evening. By the time I was done, it was nighttime.”
“So, you haven’t.” You were met with more silence. You tugged more sharply at a strap than intended, prompting Hange to flinch. “Sorry.” The thigh belts were loosened now. You let out a slow breath to settle your emotions and steady your hands. Next, you tried threading the web of torso belts through the freed thigh belts, but to no avail. “Hange,” you began, but they cut you off.
“It’s not like what you’re picturing. I take care of myself enough. It’s just that my responsibilities as a section commander have to come first sometimes.”
Now it was your turn to shake your head. “And what happens when our section commander isn’t able to function anymore? When you’re so tired that you tangle yourself in gear and have hands that are shaking too much to undo simple buckles? And while we’re on the subject, when was your last bath?” Your fingers worked gently to undo the mess of straps near their torso belt. Your mind was split, half computing the maze of ODM straps, half steeping in concern. You could hear the force in your own words, but Hange wasn’t perturbed. They smiled.
“I see your point. I’m sorry you have to play assistant to me even outside of our jobs. It isn’t fair.”
“That’s not what I was trying to say. I’ll never complain about taking care of you—I want to take care of you,” your voice shifted from determination to quiet uncertainty. “What I’m afraid of is that you’re pushing yourself too hard. So hard that, one of these days, my care won’t be enough.” One more strap was set free. You unbuckled it and slid it through the left thigh piece.
Hange’s eyes widened at your words, and they grabbed your arm, squeezing it. “Your care means everything to me! There’s nothing that could happen to me that being with you wouldn’t help. The only problem is that I know I drag you down whenever you need to do this for me.”
Your grip on the belt you were holding loosened. “That’s not true. You and I both knew what we were agreeing to when we started this. Our world is unforgiving. Having each other is all we have sometimes, no matter what condition we might find ourselves in. But, I’m not naive enough to believe there’s nothing a lover can’t fix.” You stopped your work entirely, finally looking into Hange’s eyes. Their gorgeous brown eyes that, right now, were alert and full of worry as their gaze darted around your features. “Does taking care of me drag you down?”
Their face fell, and their reply came out helpless. “No. Loving you could never, ever bother me. I’m sorry I said something so childish. I just don’t want you to regret this.”
Hange didn’t need to elaborate. Your relationship was far from professional at this point. In many ways, having each other was a blessing, but there was always the gnawing worry that a relationship in this type of world would only lead to the worst kind of pain.
“And I don’t want you overworking yourself and hiding it all behind a cheerful smile.”
Hange grinned and tilted their head. “What, you don’t like my smile?”
You looked at them with an expression of exaggerated annoyance before offering a smirk in return. “Don’t be ridiculous. I just want you to promise that you’ll ease up on the work and let me in when you need me.”
Hange nodded firmly, holding out a hand. “Deal.”
“Deal.” You shook their hand, a beat passing before you both cracked up quietly, shedding the fear and the pain of the day’s struggle—of everyday’s struggle. You resumed your mission of freeing your lover, most of the straps being untangled already. All that remained was the back piece. “Arms up, please.”
Hange obliged, raising their arms as you moved closer to unbuckle the straps near their armpits. Before you could reach for the first buckle, however, Hange suddenly dropped their arms, snatching you and squeezing tightly.
You yelped in surprise before relaxing and snaking your own arms around their back, returning their surprise hug. You settled more comfortably in their lap, resting your head on their shoulder and allowing them to pull you closer. These moments almost made you forget about everything else. It was just you, Hange, and the warm glow of the lamps. Even the cold, stone floor was comfortable when you were with them.
You couldn’t begin to count how many close calls the two of you had each faced in your careers. A titan’s hand grazing your leg, a jaw snapping shut feet away from Hange’s arm. Yet, you barely registered them anymore. You prayed the desensitization wouldn't kill one of you someday. As long as you still had the section commander to hold at night, after the adrenaline had long since drained and left you both exhausted down to your bones, you could keep going. The future the two of you may share outside of this hellscape made every risk worth taking. You knew Hange felt the same way.
You pulled away. Hange’s gaze lingered on your eyes before tracing a slow path down your face. You brushed a stray lock of their bangs out of the way. In the reflection of their glasses, you were met with the ghost of your own face. For a moment, you felt what it might be like to see yourself through their eyes: beautiful, loyal, and safe.
As if in confirmation of your revelation, Hange’s grip around your back tightened, and they pulled you just close enough to press a kiss to your lips. A rare type of gentleness. The chaos of your jobs, your relationship, of them, became secondary in the quiet warmth they reserved only for you. A burning sensation simmered deep in your chest. Your eyes had closed before you knew it, and your fingers curled into the hair at the base of their neck, tugging loose strands of hair from their ponytail. They immediately leaned forward, pinning you to the floor underneath them with a sudden aggression. They broke the kiss to stare down at you. Dark brown bangs framed their face and hung down, casting a shadow over their wide, focused eyes. It was a look you knew well. Intensely and passionately was how Hange lived. Whether looking at a titan or at you, Hange’s adoration was often channeled through absolute focus. Their desire for you was no different.
You narrowed your eyes. “You’re still tangled in your gear.”
“That’s not a problem.” They leaned down again, but before they could kiss you again, you pushed their face away with a hand on their cheek.
“Hey, you didn’t answer earlier; you haven’t washed up yet, have you?” Your smile was bright, and your laughter barely contained, despite your complaint.
“How’d you expect me to clean myself stuck in my ODM gear?” they asked, half-muffled with your palm pressed against their face.
“So, now the gear’s a problem? You weren’t going to bathe, anyway.”
Their gaze drifted to the side, “Well…”
“Alright,” you said with an amused sigh, grabbing the remaining straps of their gear from your position on the floor. “I’m getting you out of this.”