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Caine was supposed to be asleep.
He didn't need sleep, but you really thought learning how to sleep, or at least an attempt to rest his brain for the night without literally shutting himself off, might help him organize his thoughts and get better at managing his stress. That was why humans needed it in the first place, after all!
So he had agreed to try. But laying around his office didn't work. While the room was one of his favorites in the whole circus, it was designed to be comfortable to work in. To brainstorm or solve puzzles in. Maybe to sit and reflect in. Not to sleep.
(In fact, trying to sit in there without working or playing or creating had a tendency to remind him of bad times. He'd had just as many negative thoughts in that room as positive ones.)
So he had tried to make himself a bedroom instead! Still no luck. He kept wanting to play around with the contents of the room. It didn't make him feel tired. He wasn't sure how to make a room for him to relax. The only time he ever really felt relaxed was-
Was when he was with you.
So when he explained his dilemma, you had offered to let him try in your room. And at the time, he thought it was a great idea! He couldn't imagine anything more comfortable! He could even study how you slept to learn!
Which created a different problem. Because being near you wasn't uncomfortable, not at all! But it was… distracting. Far more than he had expected. And he wasn't sure why.
He had doubled the size of your bed to fit you both with plenty of space. You were so at ease that (despite warning him that you sometimes tossed and turned to get comfortable) you seemed to have fallen asleep immediately. He watched your breath rise and fall in a gentle rhythm.
He should have been relaxed. He was! So why was his brain still running? Why did it want to stay awake to watch you sleep instead of just getting sleep? It wasn't even that entertaining!
He grumbled and rolled onto his back, frustrated. What was he missing? Why couldn't his brain just shut off-?
And then you rolled over, tossing an arm over his chest.
And his brain very nearly did shut itself off.
He initially went stiff, terrified of waking you, but, in your sleepy stupor, you curled into him closer with a hum, nuzzling into his chest at just the right angle for him to instinctually wrap an arm around you. Once you were officially as close as you could possibly get, you sighed, contented, and went back to doing nothing but breathing.
He had no idea how long you both stayed like that.
His brain ran a mile a minute trying to process what you were doing. Why had you moved to him in your sleep? You were asleep, right? Why were you smiling? Were you smiling in your sleep before or was it just after finding him? Was he really that comfortable to cuddle? He hoped so, of course. But why did he feel so comfortable when you were forcing him into a non-standard sleeping position? Not that he could cramp, exactly, but- Since when was your model so warm? Why was he so warm? Why was he so flustered? You'd hugged him before! And neither of you was doing anything mature, heaven forbid, so why did it feel like a cartoonish heart was about to pound out of his chest? He liked you! He shouldn't be nervous! He-
Did he love you?
Well, of course he loved you! He loved all his wonderful human friends!
But. But you?
You who had done so much, shown more compassion than he ever thought possible, certainly to someone like him.
Did he-?
Could he-?
“As far as I can tell, you can feel just as much as we can. Creativity and understanding and everything else aside, that’s what confirms you're a person, Caine.”
You had said such things so, so many times. You believed he could feel just as much as the rest of you could.
So. So he could love you. Like that.
And.
And he did.
Oh, how he did.
“I love you…”
He muttered it to himself. Just to hear it. To confirm it was real.
Did. Did you-
“Do you love me?”
“Muh?”
His head snapped to look at you in alarm. You blearily met his gaze. Why had he said it aloud WHY-
“NOTHING!”
He ripped himself away from you and rolled over. It would have been off the bed, but he just let the blanket fall where it would and floated in the air like it was an invisible mattress.
“NOTHING I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING SORRY FOR WAKING YOU JUST TALKING TO MYSELF I'LL SHUT UP GOODNIGHT!”
He held himself perfectly still. He didn't dare look. He didn't-
Ok, maybe he turned his eyes to glance at you a little. You were concerned. More awake than before. Darn it! Now look what he did! You needed sleep too!
He looked away again when you tried to make eye contact. Maybe if he just didn't respond, you'd go back to-
“Caine, I'm sorry-”
No. Don't you do it. Don't apologize.
“I’m so sorry, I didn't realize I was…”
Stop it! You didn't do anything wrong!
“Did I… make you uncomfort-”
“NO!”
He couldn't help himself, fully spinning around to face you again, grabbing and stretching a pillow over his head from the stress. Then he buried his face in it.
“No, you didn't do anything! I just- You- I-! UGH!”
Why couldn't he find the right words to explain himself? Was this how you felt all the time?
“I, um…”
The slight shake in your voice told him yes. Then you took a breath.
“I do love you.”
Caine peeked his head out of the pillow. You held his gaze, blush animating your face, and gave him a nervous smile.
If he had a heart, it would have stopped.
“You… YOU!”
He dropped the pillow, leaned forward, and grabbed you by the shoulders in excitement. You gasped slightly and he loosened his grip immediately, however.
(He didn't want to hurt you. Never again. He had to be careful. More than with anyone else. Because he loved you.)
His voice cracked.
“Really?”
You sighed, but the smile you gave right after was so tender.
“Yes.”
“Really really?”
“Yes!”
“I love you, too!!!”
You laughed. Gosh, he loved your laugh. And your smile. And the way you looked at him.
Wait, then… Then if you loved him, and he loved you, then. Then! Wasn't this the part where-
“Can I kiss you?”
“W-what?”
You flushed, a rosy tint taking over your 2D-animated face.
“Please?”
“I- Uh- Wait, can? You???”
He could. Of all things, he had already considered how he would do such a thing years ago, purely as a thought experiment. Though he had quickly bottled up any hope he'd ever find someone he'd want to kiss… who would want to kiss him.
“Yes I can. Please?”
“How???”
You seemed baffled. And nervous.
(His mind jumped back to one time you had said that he could look a bit intimidating when he got close. You had to pull him aside later that week, after he had gone out of his way to keep an arms’ length between you at all times, to assure him that he didn't scare you. You liked him, you had said, pressing your forehead to his top teeth. You trusted him. And you didn't want him to feel like he had to stay away from you.
You trusted him.)
“Just… close your eyes and trust me?”
He sheepishly shrugged.
Your blush didn't leave. But you obliged.
Gently. He cupped your face in his hands. And brought your mouth to his. Between his tongue, the edge of his bottom teeth, and a little bit of cartoon logic, anything was possible!
His hands slipped behind your head. And you made a noise.
He pulled back immediately.
“Too much?”
“No...”
You leaned forward to catch him again.
And suddenly he was kissing you like his existence depended on it. His hands wove into the tangles at the back of your head but he knew from experience you didn't mind, in fact you said it felt kinda nice. Your mouth didn't taste like anything because neither you nor he had made it taste like anything when you added it. Maybe you could change that to make it taste sweet. Because that's what you were! So sweet and so cute, making such adorable little human noises as he kissed you, you were so wonderful, he loved you so, so much, if every one of the millions of bits that made up his circuits were flipped to spell “love” over and over and over, it wouldn't represent the tiniest fraction of the love he had for you at this very nanosecond of-
He felt the pressure of your hands pushing against his shoulders. And even though he didn't want to, like every other time he let you do anything because he trusted you, specifically, to come back, he pulled away.
You were out of breath. You didn't need air here, but he knew it felt strange when you didn't breathe, so he didn't remark on it. In fact, he should probably keep that in mind for next time.
You smiled up at-
Wait, up at him? When had he-?
He jumped off of you back to his side of the bed with a squeak. He had no clue when he ended up on top of you.
You chuckled, cozying up to his side like before. He relaxed in your hold this time.
“Didn't notice?”
“Mm-mn. Sorry.”
You yawned.
“Lost in the sauce?”
“It was good sauce.”
You huffed out a single laugh.
“You think you can try to sleep now?”
“Maybe…”
…But he wanted to hear it one more time.
“You do love me?”
You stilled. Then leaned to press a kiss to his chin. He gasped, tracing the spot with his fingers as you settled back down.
“Very much…”
He still wasn't sure exactly what he did, but he managed some idle buffering not unlike sleep by focusing on the sound and rhythm of your breathing, rather than the sight.
~~~~
Once Caine had finally figured out how to sleep, it became one of his favorite things to do, but you couldn't tell if he was actually that tired every night, or if he just liked having your undivided attention to cuddle.
You settled on “attention” rather than “exhaustion” when he invited the whole gang to a slumber party in your circus room. With your permission of course. Yours did have the softest carpet and furniture and architecture to match your fluffy aesthetic.
Kinger erected his fortress, and Caine made sure to let everyone pick out pj's (after running Jax’s by you several times until he finally agreed to something appropriate), so you were all as comfortable as you could get. Gangle brought drawing supplies, Zooble helped paint fake “tattoos” and “nails” on everyone's models, and Ragatha had brought a dvd on her end that Caine extracted the files for you all to watch. (A little on the nose, a movie about ragdolls, but everyone enjoyed it. Jax even seemed familiar with it, singing along to the songs with her.)
But of course, it was only a matter of time until Jax got bored and chose chaos.
“Alright, who's up for a game of Spin the Bottle?”
There were several groans and muttered dissent, but Caine’s head flipped 180 degrees at the mention of a game, and his body followed suit.
“Oh?! What's that?”
You instinctively covered your smile with your hand. All that knowledge of fun and games, plus the rose-tinted concept of sleepovers, but Caine was somehow still too innocent to even know what that was. He was too cute sometimes.
You could do without Jax’s grin though.
“Well, if you could get us a bottle…”
“You can conjure one yourself, ya know.”
Despite the truth of Pomni’s statement, Caine snapped an empty bottle of vaguely generic cola into Jax’s hand. Zooble stood up and made straight for Kinger’s pillow fort, where he and Gangle were drawing.
“Nope. Not doing this.”
“Aw, c’mon, Zoob! What, you don't wanna smooch the most handsome bachelor in the circus?”
Zooble bluntly told him off and Pomni shot back a sassy “Why, is he in the room with us?” as Jax clutched his chest, mock offended. But Caine stuttered.
“Sm-smooch???”
He looked to you, and, by second nature at this point, you explained.
“It's a game where you spin a bottle on the floor in a circle of people-”
"And whoever it lands on, you have to kiss.”
Jax finished your sentence for you.
“K-kiss?!?”
Caine flustered, blush floating around his face, curling into an increasingly small and embarrassed ball- then froze with a sudden thought. And turned back to you.
“Wait, surely it's not all romantic then?”
You shrugged and shook your head. Jax’s voice had a playful lilt to it.
“Doesn't have to be.”
“Oh. Well, then I'm happy to play! Who's first?!”
Jax reached for the bottle, but Caine beat him to it, setting it spinning with a dramatic wave of his hand, despite floating far too high to physically touch it. It came to a stop on-
“Pomni!”
For a split second, Pomni startled, leaning away. You said Caine's name, leaning forward, panic and embarrassment and maybe something else building in your chest, ready to tell him to stop as he zipped right up next to her-
And then he stopped himself. Clasped his hands to the side. And stretched the tips of his teeth in a cartoonish way to give her the tiniest, most chaste little peck on the cheek you had ever seen, with a comedically loud “Mwah!”
You and Ragatha both relaxed with a sigh. Pomni brought a hand to the spot with a relieved “Oh” and chuckled.
(Gosh, he was adorable, you couldn't help but think.)
“Aw, bor-ing.” “Oh, hush Jax!”
Caine whipped back around to the bottle.
“Ok! Next up!”
“Wait- You're not supposed to go twice! You-”
Jax’s correction fell on deaf ears as Caine spun the bottle once more and it landed on its new target: him. You watched Jax’s eyes narrow to pixels as Caine turned to look at him.
What followed was one of the funniest scenes you had ever seen play out in all your hours spent in the circus. You were laughing so hard you could hardly make out any actual words, between Jax’s panicked protests as he bolted around and around the room, Caine’s cheery quips as he gave pursuit, and everyone else's shared hilarity.
Pomni finally managed to catch Jax’s leg and trip him, bringing the chase to an end. Even though Caine’s peck on his cheek was just as feather light as Pomni’s, he rubbed the spot furiously.
“Ugh, gross! You all suck!”
“Must be hard, being the most eligible bachelor.”
Jax glared at Zooble for a moment before finally regaining control over his demeanor. He brought his hand to his head like a put upon celebrity.
“Sigh, it's simply a curse I have to live with…”
“Did you really just say ‘sigh’?”
Caine spun the bottle yet again, despite the “circle” being down to two people. When it chose Ragatha, she politely presented her cheek with the grace of a noble lady offering her hand. It did your heart good to see how genuinely amused her smile and laugh were afterwards.
“And now that just leaves - drumroll, please!!!”
Caine swung his hand wide, his whole body following the motion this time, watched the bottle spin, enraptured-
And it pointed to the wall. At no one.
Caine didn't budge from his pose. His eyes met yours. Then glanced at the wall. Then back to the bottle.
(You smiled to supress a giggle.)
He flicked his index finger ever so slightly and the bottle snapped to point at you.
“Bounba!!!”
And the next thing you knew, Caine had pounced. He wrapped you in an embrace and his tongue found your lips in record time. As he dipped you backwards into the corner, you realized with mild horror that you hadn't mentioned to anyone how close you had gotten with Caine. And the hushed silence that fell over the room said you weren't going to get away with keeping it a secret.
But when he pulled away, still so close that you couldn't see anyone but him, and looked you up and down so adoringly, like you were the most precious thing he'd ever laid eyes on… you smiled. The others could tease you for the rest of time, you decided. You were the real winner here.
Ragatha broke the silence.
“You, uh… ok, Boun-”
Caine flew back into the air like nothing had happened. Of course you were ok, he declared! Why wouldn't you be?
You gave a thumbs up and as confident a nod as you could muster. (Despite your conviction, you could still feel your cheeks burning.)
Jax suddenly made a beeline to lounge directly across from you, once again grinning like he was about to make something your problem.
“Okay, new game: Truth or Dare. Bounba’s going first.”
“What are you, a middle-schooler?”
You appreciated Zooble’s attempt to diffuse his plan, but it felt like it might be a nice excuse to answer everyone's unspoken questions indirectly. You put on as self-assured a tone as you could.
“Truth.”
“Have you and kissing booth over here ever had-”
The word itself wasn't censored, but Caine choked and coughed and sputtered so loudly, it might as well have been.
You immediately deadpanned a “No”, but Caine answered as well, utterly aghast. (It was becoming unfair how much joy you got watching him fluster. Or do anything really.)
“JAX!!! Just because I have begun lifting the censors after hours for you adults does NOT change the anatomy on your digital bodies or add ANY additional functionality!!!”
“Well, last I checked, Bounba didn't have a face here ‘till recently. And here I thought you were a creative AI-”
You grabbed your pillow, but Pomni beat you to it, tossing one directly at Jax’s face.
“Oh, shut up, Jax!”
Zooble emerged from the pillow fort.
“Alright, Jax. You've had your fun. I think it's your turn.”
He rolled into a sitting position defiantly.
“Dare. Lay it on me.”
As the other side of the room began debating the best/worst thing to make Jax do, with Caine’s full attention captured as well, Ragatha scooted over next to you and leaned in with a whisper, holding up her hands.
“Hey- Not that I don't believe you! But-”
You nodded reassuringly, appreciating her concern.
“I'm good. I'm…”
You felt your cheeks flush just thinking about the way he looked at you.
“Better. Than good. Really.”
Her eyes widened, but face eventually settled on relief.
“Ok! Just… making sure!”
You both glanced at Caine as he loudly suggested an entire adventure scenario, quickly deemed too long for Jax’s dare, but maybe fun at a future date.
Ragatha turned back to you and continued.
“I know he can be… a lot. Is he… careful? With-?”
“He is. Very. I could tell him to stop and I'm pretty sure he wouldn't even budge until I told him to. If anything…”
You watched him follow the others’ conversation with that interested awe he always seemed to have ever since he got to be your collective friend instead of your “ringmaster”.
“I’m more scared of hurting him.”
“What?”
“I mean… Like…”
You looked down at your lap, looking for the right words.
“I don't want him… entirely dependent on me, you know? I love him, I'd do anything for him, but if something happened to me, or I say the wrong thing and he misunderstands-”
Ragatha put a plush hand on your arm.
“Hey, don't stress! You're not his only friend anymore. We'll all take care of him.”
She beamed.
“And from what I've seen, you're the best at talking to him of any of us! So you don't need to worry about that either!”
You smiled.
“Thanks… That really-
Hi.”
Ragatha nearly jumped when she noticed Caine at her elbow, floating on his stomach in midair, holding his chin in his hands.
“Hello. What are we whispering about?”
His “whisper” was about as loud as you'd come to expect from him. His eyes darted back and forth as if most of the room couldn't hear him. The grin on your face was not voluntary, but leaning forward with your own exaggerated whisper cupped in your hands was.
“We’re talking about how much I like you!”
He gasped comically and pointed at himself and fanned his face and performed several other animations that doubled you over in muffled giggles in no time.
“Wait. Was that sarcasm?”
You straightened up and caught your breath as he skeptically searched your face.
“No. That is actually what we were talking about.”
“Then why the tone and the laughing?”
“I like watching you react. You're expressive! It makes me happy.”
“Oh. Well, that's good! Because…”
He paused. Then leaned in until he touched your forehead and locked eyes with you. This time, his voice was actually soft. So much so, you felt several organs you knew you didn't possess in this body flutter.
“Watching you makes me happy too.”
He carefully pressed his teeth and the slight tip of his tongue as a kiss just above your eyes.
You waited until he had turned back to the rest of the room to hide your red hot face in your pillow. You didn't even look to see Ragatha’s expression, but she patted your arm encouragingly. Maybe Pomni did too. You were getting too tired to manage much more emotion and PDA in front of everyone tonight.
Despite it being your room, you slept in a sleeping bag next to Caine that night. Nobody even commented on it. Jax got to call dibs on your bed.