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His grandmother’s grave stared back at him silently, but not unwelcoming. The carving of her name had grown soft and faded from erosion. Only those who knew her would be able to read out the lettering and dates. A cluster of spring clovers had surrounded her gravestone, along with dots of white and yellow daisies.
Alhaitham was one of the few people who didn’t bring bouquets to the cemetery. He didn’t see the point of it. It would be a waste to buy flowers just for them to wilt at a grave. It was more for the living’s comfort.
Comfort was also the reason why Alhaitham was here, speaking to a gravestone.
“….You were the first person to ever believe in me,” Alhaitham said to it quietly. His voice sounded strange to him in the foggy cemetery's silence. There was no one around except for a couple of crows in the treetops. Alhaitham continued. If he closed his eyes, maybe he could envision his grandmother in front of him. “When I was younger, you’ve always pushed me and encouraged me never to stop learning. To keep being curious and ask questions. You’re a big reason why I am here now, graduating. So thank you.”
He took a deep breath. It’s interesting how he had so few words for the living yet so much he wanted to say to his grandmother. It was like years of words had built up inside of him with nowhere to go. But this was still easier; the dead didn’t talk back and did not ever expect a conversation out of him.
“If you were alive now, I’d like to think you would be proud enough to come to my graduation,” Alhaitham states. He knows she would have come.
An envelope crumpled in Alhaitham’s hands. He finally opened it up to reveal the ticket to his graduation ceremony.
The Akademiya had given seven tickets to each graduate. It was enough for most people to invite their close family members or maybe even a friend. Alhaitham had no one, so he sold most of his to his classmates. Then he kept two and mailed one to Kaveh months ago, hoping his address was still the same.
Back in the Akademiya, Kaveh and Alhaitham used to be inseparable. No one else could be on their level of understanding when it came to academic topics and debates. They would often walk through the hallways, lost in conversations and unaware of everything else around them.
Now, he didn’t even receive a reply back from Kaveh letting him know if he was coming to his graduation or not.
They had promised one another to be at each other's graduation.
Alhaitham still remembered the day his senior handed him an invite.
-
“I know my graduation isn’t in several months, but I’ll give you this early in case I forget. You better be there!” Kaveh had shoved the envelope into Alhaitham’s hands, their hands brushing against each other. Kaveh’s eyes still looked at Alhaitham warmly back then.
“Does this mean you will be at mine?” Alhaitham asked hesitantly. Kaveh would have graduated by then; he wouldn’t go back just for someone two years his junior.
“Of course I would! I promise!” Kaveh smiled. A promise from Kaveh was like gold. He was known to be dependable. He was true to his word. If a client needed a design by a tight deadline, Kaveh would sacrifice nights of sleep to meet that deadline. If a project ran out of funding, Kaveh would reach into his own pockets to make sure it was done.
So if Kaveh promised to be there, he would be there.
But then the fight happens. Shreds of Alhaitham’s thesis scattered onto the floor. He asked to have his name withdrawn after Kaveh made it clear he didn’t want to see him anymore. So why would Kaveh want to see Alhaitham at his graduation?
When Alhaitham entered the Kshahrewar graduation ceremony, he stood at the back. Kaveh’s name was called to the stage, and the audience exploded in cheers. He had always been popular. He was graduating top of the class. The Light of Kshahrewar. He was friends to all, classmates and professors alike. He smiled and thanked his Kshahrewar sage as the scroll was placed in his hand. Kaveh’s hair had been braided tightly, pinned down neatly with red pins. A crown of small flowers had been woven into his blonde strands. It was just a mere fact that he was the most beautiful graduate in the room.
Footsteps echoed as Kaveh walked up to shake his professor’s hand. He turned back to return to his seat. But he pauses for just a moment. His red eyes scanned the crowd, perhaps searching for someone. They stopped when they met Alhaitham’s.
Their gazes locked for just a second. It was Kaveh who tore away first to walk off the stage and into his group of Kshahrewar friends.
There was an after-party; all of the graduating Kshahrewar class, their friends, and families had reserved a night at the Lambad’s tavern. Sounds of their laughter could be heard down the streets of Sumeru.
Alhaitham approached the tavern door and knocked hesitantly. A Kshahrewar graduate opened the door, his cheeks flushed red from drinks. He looks at Alhaitham up and down and decides this guy probably wasn’t invited.
“Lambad’s closed for tonight! It’s been booked out!” He exclaimed and started to close the door. Alhaitham grabs it, stopping him.
“I’m a friend of Kaveh’s. I was invited to his graduation ceremony.” Alhaitham said unwaveringly.
The graduate frowns, “You?! Do you know how much trouble you gave Kaveh? You’re the last person he wants to see.”
“And yet I was invited.” Alhaitham holds out the graduation ceremony ticket.
“You could have bought that from anybody.”
“...Fine. Then could you give this to him? It’s his graduation gift.” Alhaitham lifted a bag up. He didn’t want to spend the night fighting his way into a party hosted by someone who didn’t want to see him.
He didn’t want to ruin this night for Kaveh.
The man snatched the bag from Alhaitham and slammed the door shut. Sounds of music and cheers leaked out through the door, out to where Alhaitham stood alone in the dark.
-
A caw of a nearby crow brought Alhaitham back to the present. He was at the cemetery still, and the skies were growing dark. The graduation ceremony was going to start, but he felt no sense of urgency. After all, if he missed his graduation, the akademiya can simply mail his diploma to him.
The graduation venue was outside the Sanctuary of Surasthana, where it overlooked the Divine tree. An audience of friends and families has already settled into chairs before a raised stage. The background was made up of long, flowing vines and flowers that hung from branches. Alhaitham walked into the line of graduates who were getting ready to walk onto the stage. Everyone turned to stare at him, whispering about how late he arrived.
After everyone had received their diplomas, the announcer read out his name from a scroll. “Alhaitham, class of Haravatat. You are awarded for your academic vigor and continuous advancement in Haravatat research. ” The Haravatat sage held out a gold medal for him to receive.
The audience was mostly quiet when he stepped onto the stage, save for a couple of professors who clapped when they recognized Alhaitham as their best student.
“Thanks.” Alhaitham took the scroll and medal and turned around, his eyes instinctively scanning the audience. He told himself he didn’t care who showed up for his graduation. Alhaitham didn’t need validation for his achievements. He was responsible for his own hard work and didn’t need to share this with anybody else.
That didn’t stop him from searching the crowd for that flash of blonde hair. It definitely didn’t stop the sinking feeling in his chest when he realized he wasn’t there.
Of course not. Why would Kaveh want to be here after everything that happened between them? Alhaitham took a deep breath as he hesitated walking off the stage, as if he wanted to wait for him to suddenly show up. He ignored the tightness in his breathing, the pain in his chest as he walked down the steps. It shouldn’t matter. This was his own celebration, and he needed no validation. He was receiving his degree regardless of who showed up for him.
Alhaitham had an urge to walk out the door to avoid whatever speeches were going to happen. In a way, he was glad that he arrived late. He wouldn’t have to sit and listen to everybody’s name being called. However, he took himself to one of the seats and sat down. His eyes kept wandering around, staring at the entrance of the venue. Some part of him thought Kaveh might burst in, face red from running up the steep steps, and blurting out an apology about being late. Alhaitham reminded himself to be realistic. He wasn’t coming.
By the time the speeches ended, the venue was dark and lit by lanterns hanging from the branches. Alhaitham yawned. He was ready to go home and finish reading a book he started. He was the first to leave, walking past the groups of Haravatat graduates mingling and getting pictures with their kameras. They were going to be here for a while.
He kept walking, exiting the akademiya campus. The streets were quiet, dark except for the occasional street lamp. Most people were still celebrating or had gone home with their families. Alhaitham walked the streets alone, enjoying his peace and quiet. His hand rubbed the gold medal hanging around his neck. The metal was smooth and cold against his fingers. His darshan symbol was carved into it.
A sudden hard shove from behind sent Alhaitham stumbling into the pavement. His knees scrape the hard surface, and his hands automatically reach out to catch his fall. However, another kick into his back pushes him down into the ground. Just before his face hits the concrete, hands from behind grab his graduation robe and twist him around.
He found himself facing three older men and couldn't help but sigh. He just wanted to go home and relax with a book.
“What?” Alhaitham mumbled.
One of them grabs Alhaitham by the collar and snaps in his face, “What do you have in your pockets? Any gold?”
Ah, so he was being robbed.
“No,” Alhaitham states. That earns him a punch across the face. The fist connects with his cheek, and the force throws his body into the ground. He hits the pavement with an embarrassing smack that stung his face. The man grabs his collar again, lifting him back up, and punches him square in the nose. Tears spring to his eyes this time from a blinding pain. Blood gushes out of his nose and he hates the feeling of it; warm, sticky, and metallic. He curled away from the attackers and clutched his nose. It would be useless if he called for help; no one was around.
“You’re lying, you’re one of those Akademiya brats.” One of them sneered. He was wearing a mask, like the ones treasure hoarders wore. “What’s that you’re holding?” He pointed at the medal in Alhaitham’s hand.
“It’s nothing of value.” Alhaitham’s grip tightened on his gold medal.
“It’s gold.” The treasure hoarder reached down to take it.
“Spray-painted on, probably.” Alhaitham guessed. In this moment, he wished he were stronger. Life would be more peaceful if he had the means to fight or defend himself.
“Hand it over!”
When Alhaitham refused, the treasure hoarder aimed a high kick into his face.
Thud! A sharp pain explodes in his jaw, and blood fills his mouth. He didn't even register that he was lying on the ground the next second. But his hand continued to clutch the medal close to his body. This was his, and he earned it. Technically it was just a carved piece of metal. And Alhaitham usually wasn’t sentimental about things like this. But it was the principle of it all. What it represented: his achievements, experience, and time spent seeking knowledge.
“Didn’t you hear what I said? Hand over everything you have.” The treasure hoarder growls and aims a sharp kick into Alhaitham’s stomach. He grunts in pain and curls over on the ground, the air completely knocked out of him. Another kick lands deep just under his ribs, and he gasps. It hurts.
Alhaitham felt sudden waves of nausea overtake him. He tried to suck in a breath but couldn’t. Come on, just breathe.The pain clouded every single one of his senses until he couldn’t see or hear. Was this what dying felt like? He’s never been on the verge of death before. He was always curious to know what it felt like.
A kick slammed into his stomach again. He gritted his teeth to prevent himself from crying out. The force of it jolted his body and landed with a crack. A sharp, intense pain spread throughout his abdomen. The grip around the medal loosened, and he felt it rip from his fingers.
“See, that wasn’t so hard, was it?” A hooded treasure hoarder held up Alhaitham’s gold medal. It dangled from his fingers mockingly.
He glared up at them, despite the blood flowing out of his nose and mouth. The hits to his face left him both numb and disoriented.
They searched his body next, trying to take anything else of value. Rough hands patted down his clothing and his pockets rather invasively. After finding nothing, one of them aimed one last kick at him before disappearing into the dark streets.
Alhaitham was left lying, breathing hard from the pain. Soon, the graduates will finish their conversations and head down the streets. If they saw Alhaitham bleeding on the ground, there would surely be fuss and commotion. The last thing Alhaitham wanted was a group of his classmates gawking at his predicament. He wanted to be home and in bed.
He forced himself to his knees and was instantly hit by nausea. He clutched his stomach, feeling the bruises already starting to form. Very gingerly, he stood up.
The world spun around him as he stumbled over to an alleyway between two residential buildings. It was quiet here, finally. The walls of the buildings shielded him from both sight and sound. Above him, stars peeked through openings in the divine tree.
As he curled over himself, hugging his knees close, he heard footsteps and carefree laughter. The graduates were coming out of the venue and walking down the path wrapped around the divine tree. They walked by the shadows where Alhaitham sat, bleeding and shivering. Lost in celebration, they didn’t notice him. He hasn’t felt this small and insignificant since his grandmother had passed. He wasn’t the type to feel lonely; he enjoyed solitude. But even he remembered how it felt to crave comfort when in pain.
He held his nose at an angle, hopefully to stop the bleeding. Everything hurt, from his face to his body. Every intake of air caused a sharp stabbing sensation in his ribs. But if he had a broken rib, he had to take deep breaths.
He remembered Kaveh’s words again. He had promised to be here.
He took a deep breath again and let out a strangled cough. His stomach heaved, and he leaned over to throw up. The violent force of acid rushing his throat brought tears to his eyes.
“Alhaitham?” A soft voice made him look up. Alhaitham’s breathing came to a halt as his eyes locked onto a pair of amber eyes. Why was he here? Now of all times…
Kaveh's hair had gone almost fully blonde, save for the brown tips near the end of his sides. He was taller too, his shoulders much broader than when they last spoke to each other. Has it really been more than two years?
“Oh, Archons, what happened to you?” Kaveh’s quiet voice grew frantic as he bent down in front of Alhaitham. He placed something large on the ground. It was a bouquet of flowers wrapped in paper. Maybe Kaveh was seeing someone tonight. The thought of that weighed heavily on Alhaitham’s chest for some reason. No wonder Kaveh did not show up to his graduation.
“How did you find me?” Alhaitham asked. The act of speaking made him wince. He rubbed his jaw, feeling the throbbing ache of a bruise forming. His tongue ran over bleeding gums in his mouth.
“I saw blood on the ground, so I thought someone got hurt. I started searching the area to see if something happened,” Kaveh whispered. His eyes were wide with worry as he stared down at Alhaitham. His hands hovered over Alhaitham, unsure where to go.
“It turned out to be me. So you can leave now.” Alhaitham muttered, looking away. He wanted to go home.
Kaveh frowned and shook his head, “I’m taking you to the Birmarstan.” Without asking for permission, he positioned himself to wrap an arm around Alhaitham and lift him up.
A groan of pain escapes Alhaitha’s lips without meaning to. Kaveh dragged him up to a standing position. Alhaitham gasped out, “No. Just take me home.”
“But you’re hurt-”
“Either take me home, or leave.”
Alhaitham didn’t mean to sound cold or ungrateful. Being surrounded by the sick while a stranger tended to him was the last thing he wanted. He already assessed his injuries, and they weren’t serious. The healing process at home was going to be the same as lying in the Bimarstan.
“You stubborn….” Kaveh mumbled something unsavory about Alhaitham. He half-carried him while holding a bouquet of flowers in the other hand. Alhaitham wanted to ask what it was for. But he decided he didn’t want to know the answer to that. Alhaitham found himself leaning against the other’s body.
Once they arrive, Alhaitham digs into his pockets and takes out his house keys. He was lucky those were not taken.
“You don’t have to come inside with me.” Alhaitham knew Kaveh probably needed to head home tonight. Perhaps he even had a partner waiting for him.
“Shut up,” Kaveh whispered. They slowly walked up the stairs and entered the doorway. Kaveh found a lantern somewhere and switched it on, illuminating the living room with a warm glow. He reached the couch and let go of Alhaitham, who immediately collapsed into the soft cushioning.
Alhaitham lays down across the couch and watched Kaveh rummage through his kitchen for a cryo-pack. Kaveh really has gotten taller. His voice was deeper, too, his jawline more defined. Kaveh comes back with a cryo-pack in his hands.
“Take your shirt off, Alhaitham.” Kaveh looked down at him.
“Hm?” Alhaitham blinks up at his senior. He quite liked this view.
“So I can ice your injuries, Haitham.” Kaveh sighs.
Alhaitham wasn’t going to refuse the help; he was tired and didn’t want to exert any more energy. So he took his black, bloodstained shirt off and allowed Kaveh to press a cryo-pack onto his torso. He hisses from both the shock of the cold and the pain.
“I can’t believe this is what you wore to your graduation. Guess your awful fashion sense really hasn’t changed.” Kaveh teased as he placed the cryo-pack on one of the worst bruises below Alhaitham’s rib. He inhaled sharply, earning another concerned look from Kaveh.
“Yes, the graduation you missed. I suppose you had more important matters to attend to.” Alhaitham gestured to the bouquet Kaveh left on the floor. He imagined Kaveh picking out flowers for a lover and getting ready for a date.
Kaveh’s face fell, and his eyebrows scrunched up in a way where Alhaitham could tell he was feeling guilty about something. He stood up, leaving the cryo pack on Alhaitham’s chest. For a second, Alhaitham thought he was leaving. But instead, Kaveh searches the cabinets until he returns with a first aid kit.
“I did receive your invitation,” Kaveh responds as he takes out alcohol wipes. He eyed the scrapes on Alhaitham’s face and leaned in to clean them. Each one of them stung. “I got so caught up with work today with a client…and I ran to get there. I’m sorry, Haitham. I know I promised to be there.”
“But who are the flowers for?” Alhaitham asked and prepared himself for the answer. He predicted that Kaveh would be going on dates now. He was attractive, charismatic, and talented.
Kaveh stared at him in disbelief, “It’s your graduation gift…I swear! There’s even a congratulations card in it.”
Alhaitham looked at it closely. Kaveh was telling the truth; it had a “To Alhaitham” card slotted in the middle of the bouquet. The name was written in the neat cursive handwriting Kaveh had.
Something in Alhaitham’s chest loosened as he listened to Kaveh’s words. The loneliness Alhaitham had denied all night shrank just a little bit. He looked away so he could blink back tears.
“I see,” Alhaitham whispered. It doesn’t take away from the fact that Kaveh broke his one promise to Alhaitham. But knowing he had planned to come, that he still remembered him after all these years, meant something.
“I’m sorry; I still didn’t show up. So none of that matters.” Kaveh sighed. “If I did, maybe you wouldn’t have gotten hurt.”
Alhaitham shook his head, “I didn’t expect you to come. I thought you’d still be upset with me.”
“I...I still am. You were extremely frustrating to work with in my senior year,” Kaveh admits. He has always held onto grudges the same way he holds onto guilt.
Kaveh finished cleaning the blood off of Alhaitham’s face, dabbing at his cuts gently. He lifted the cryo pack and pressed it to Alhaitham’s jaw. He winced as he recalled the way he was kicked. This one in particular hurt more than others. He had to get stronger.
“I don’t think I could ever see you the same way, so I need some space from you for a long time,” Kaveh continues, the words stabbing into Alhaitham harder than the punches could. He closed his eyes and allowed the coldness of the cryo pack to numb his cheeks. The pain was still there but faded to a throbbing ache.
“…but, I never stopped caring about you. ” Kaveh’s voice wavered, and he looked away, almost embarrassed. Alhaitham catches a glint of gold around Kaveh’s neck. A red gemstone hung from the necklace, carved in the shape of a bird that Alhaitham recognizes. He recognizes it since he was the one who picked it out from a vendor, packaged it in a gift bag, and handed it to a guy at the Kshahrewar graduation party. His graduation gift to Kaveh. He had kept it after all this time. For some reason, it lightened Alhaitham’s mood just a bit.
“I’m glad you still think of me, senior.” Alhaitham doesn’t hide the amusement in his voice.
“That doesn’t mean I’m not still mad at you!”
“Only you could remain angry for two years. Do you not have anything going on?”
“Of course I do. As a matter of fact, the merchant Dori commissioned me to build a palace for her. I’m quite looking forward to it.” Kaveh’s face lit up at the mention of his work. He was going to start discussing it in detail. But he stopped after taking one glance at the state Alhaitham was in: his breathing was ragged, and his injuries were turning into deep blue bruises. Kaveh wanted to get his junior to bed soon so that he could rest. So he spoke to him gently, “It seems like you’re doing great too, Haitham. I heard you graduated top of your class. I’m proud of you.”
Alhaitham almost smiled at that, if his face wasn’t in excruciating pain. “I was awarded a medal for it. But it was stolen.”
Anger flashed across Kaveh’s face, and his eyes narrowed. His hand went to grip Alhaitham’s, rubbing circles over the back of his hand. Alhaitham missed how easy it was to read Kaveh’s emotions. “I’m sorry about that. You need to report this to the Mahamatra as soon as possible.”
“Sounds like a problem for tomorrow,” Alhaitham mutters, acutely aware of Kaveh’s hand in his. If only he could savor this moment forever.
“Come on, let’s get you to bed.” Kaveh pulled away. His arms went under Alhaitham’s back and scooped him upwards. Kaveh was just strong enough to move Alhaitham from the living room couch to the bedroom. Any more than that and he would have collapsed.
“You should stay for the night. It’s late. It might not be safe.” Alhaitham sank into bed, his gaze still on Kaveh.
“I’ll be fine, I walk home later than this all the time. I’ve spent nights in the desert, remember?” Kaveh pulls away. He grabbed his red scarf and stretched out his arms.
At this moment, Alhaitham felt the need to make him stay. Two years without Kaveh had been too long. If Kaveh left now, who knows how many years it will be before they speak again. If he could prolong this…
“I’m worried the attackers will come back, knowing I’m hurt.” Alhaitham quickly lies.
It worked. Because Kaveh’s red eyes soften immediately, he walks back slowly and bends down to Alhaitham’s level on the bed.
“Don’t worry, they won’t touch you again,” Kaveh whispers, his hand taking Alhaitham’s again. His fingers intertwined with Alhaitham’s and squeezed them.
“Does this mean you’re staying for the night?” Alhaitham closed his eyes, his body relaxing.
“…Sure, to keep my junior safe.” Kaveh teased lightly.
That was all Alhaitham wanted. The world faded away, and he felt sleep drifting over him. He was briefly aware of the sensations of a blanket being laid over him.
Despite the exhaustion and pain that overtook his body, his dreams were not peaceful. His nightmares were plagued with intruders coming into his house, toppling his bookshelves, and stealing all his jewelry.
In his sleeping state, he was only aware of his body tossing and turning. And then afterwards, a familiar weight pressed up against his body. Warm hands rubbing down his shoulders and back, Soothing whispers against his ears. He wouldn’t remember any of it when waking up. But the nightmares disappeared, and he slept a little deeper.
–
When Alhaitham woke up, it felt like he had been hit by a sumpter beast colliding into him at full speed. When he turned his body, he let out a hiss of pain. He curled around his stomach, feeling every bruise from yesterday. Thankfully, his ribs were still intact. He reached out beside him. There was an indent in the bed next to him, as if someone had slept beside him last night. The blankets had been pulled across, and the spot was still warm. It took him great effort to roll over.
A glass of water and some painkiller pills were left on the nightstand, along with the bouquet. Its fragrant herbal scent wafted into the air. The smell was light, not too suffocating or sweet. He realized that Kaveh remembered the flowers Alhaitham liked.
Two months later
Alhaitham had set up a consistent workout and diet plan for himself. It was more straightforward and formulaic than he had thought. Weight lifting came in sets of twelve, and he just needed to make sure his protein intake was high enough to build muscle while staying lean. Then he simply had to split up his body zones into days: arms, legs, back, etc. There was almost no subjectivity in it.
Career-wise, Alhaitham was satisfied. He’d landed the position as the Akademiya scribe immediately after applying. The hours were steady, giving him enough time to work out and have time to himself at home in the evenings. The work was quiet as it didn’t require too much socialization for him.
He came back one night and checked the mailbox to see a package. That’s strange, he doesn’t remember ordering anything. His name and address were handwritten in ink, in a neat cursive form. He would recognize it anywhere.
“Of course,” Alhaitham whispered to himself and brought the package inside. He tore it open in a way that Kaveh would’ve complained was messy.
A ribbon drops out, caught by Alhaitham’s hand. Attached to the ribbon was a circular medal that shone golden against the evening light. The design carved into it was more intricate than what the Akademiya usually gave out. It was a medal of honor for the top graduate of Haravatat, inscribed with all the detailing of the Akademiya and his darshan. But in the center was something more unique. Etched in the gold metal was Alhaitham’s constellation: Vultar Volans.
The stars were etched more boldly. But the artist had carved the shape of the eagle as well, including the feathers and curvature of the wings. It was beautiful handwork, especially for this size.
A small slip of paper fell out of the packaging. Alhaitham unrolled it to reveal Kaveh’s neat handwriting.
Dear Alhaitham,
Congratulations on your achievements. I hope this gift is enough to make up for missing your graduation. Wishing you the best.
Love From,
Kaveh