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Kris walked up the stairs to their and Susie's apartment rather happily; today had been good! Their classes on campus had been actually enjoyable and interesting, and work wasn't too atrocious (customer service couldn't achieve a better review from them than that). But over all, they were happy today.
They grabbed their keys from the carabiner on their hip and unlocked the door, stepping inside and dropping their backpack from the one shoulder it had been slung over onto the floor, not taking use of the line of hooks that sat on the wall right next to the door. They slipped off their shoes next, then went into their and Susie's room to take off their binder and put on something cozy. They settled on a pair of pyjama pants with B-MO from Adventure Time printed on them and one of Susie's Dragon Blazers shirts (of which they definitely did not sniff).
They breathed a deep sigh as they stepped back into the living room area. Even if they had had a good day, it was nice to be home. They assumed their usual spot on the couch, as they did everyday, and went on their phone. Every few minutes they glanced at the door, and pouted when they didn't hear their girlfriend's footsteps sending the staircase. After an hour of doomscrolling, they did the next step of their daily wait for Susie, and that was to shift from lounging on the couch to sitting on the small stool that sat in front of their keyboard.
In the years since the Soul or Angel or whatever the hell it was had been banished, they had played more. And not just by themselves. They kept the promise they made to Susie back in the church that October night when they were fifteen.
"I'll play again someday... If you play too."
They pressed their fingers onto the keys, starting the piece they had in mind with a sharp note. It was one of Susie's favorites. Something they had composed together and entitled "Rude Buster". It was typically a duet, but Kris knew how to play it solo too. Their shoulders rose and fell in time with the music, leaning forwards and backwards to emphasize notes with their whole body. They played, adding flourishes and little extra bits into the song as they went, the notes eventually rising into a graceful crescendo. They picked up their phone to check the time.
It was still only 5:30.
Susie didn't get home until 7:00.
They slumped down, hitting their head in the middle of the keys, producing a pained plonk.
They eventually rose their head and kept playing, stopping to check their phone and listen to the outside every few minutes, hoping with all their heart she'd get off work early and surprise them with a hug and a sloppy kiss.
Despite their hopes, time moved at a crawl. They felt like a puppy waiting for its owner to return home. At 6:00 they got up from their keyboard and began making dinner.
They grabbed a box of taquitos from the freezer, preheated the oven, and laid the taquitos onto a baking sheet to cook. In the meantime, they hefted the electric mixer onto the counter. They were gonna make snickerdoodles, and baking was their strong suit anyways.
Butter, sugar, baking soda, cream of tartar, eggs, vanilla, and finally, flour, all went into the mixer, combining into a nice dough. They rolled it into little balls and dipped them in sugar and cinnamon before laying them out on a separate sheet, licking the extra dough and cinnamon off their fingers. Any extra dough was consumed quickly and without mercy.
They then returned to the couch, scrolling once again. The oven beeped, signaling that it was preheated, and Kris put the taquitos in to cook. They returned to the couch. The oven beeped again, and they pulled the taquitos out and slid in the tray of cookies. The oven beeped a final time, and it was all done. They set a plate stacked high with taquitos next to a warm plate of cookies and two glasses of milk on the coffee table, adjusting and positioning everything to be just right.
And finally, the clock hit 7:00.
They sat on the edge of the couch listening intently. One minute passed. Then two. And then, heavy steps could be heard advancing up the staircase outside.
They felt their nonexistent tail wag and their similarly nonexistent ears perk. They practically leaped off the couch to open the door as she reached it, and immediately flung themself into her arms upon seeing her.
She wrapped her arms around them tightly in return, "Jeez, miss me much, dude?" She said, pulling back to pat them on the head.
"All the time," They responded.
They released her slowly, and let her step through the door.
"Oh hell yeah! Food!", She grabbed a taquito and tossed the whole thing into her mouth, crunching on it as she spoke, "Dude, you read my mind or something because they whole way home I was all 'I hope my lovely partner made me food' and you did! I haven't eaten since this morning either, dude, I was so hungry-"
Kris cut her off, pouting, "I told you you needed to eat more," They exclaimed, "I don't mind making something you can take with you during the day, y'know."
"You already do so much for me, dude, I really couldn't ask more of you." She lead them to the couch and sat them down next to her before leaning down to peck them on the top of their head as she pet their hair.
"You don't gotta ask, I'm doing it anyways."
"Fine, not like I can say no to your food anyways," She spoke around another whole taquito she had already shoved in her mouth, "Wanna find somethin' to watch? I think I saw that Mark uploaded."
Kris nodded and snuggled up next to her, leaning their head on her shoulder as they ate half a taquito in one bite while simultaneously navigating YouTube to find that Markiplier video Susie had mentioned. The two settled into comfortable silence save the crunch of tortilla shells and the sweet voice of Mr. Mark Iplier.
The plate of taquitos shrunk until all that was left was a few crumbs, and Kris reached for their first cookie.
Suddenly, their phone buzzed in their pocket.
Did you keep your pledge today?
They clicked yes, and a second notification popped up. They don't even know why they kept the app, if not a little confirmation that it had gotten better before and it could a-
Congratulations! You're two years sober!
They stared at the screen, flabbergasted. Susie noticed their expression and poked at them, worried.
"Hey, dude, are you good?"
They swallowed.
"I'm, uh, two years clean."
"Deadass?!"
"Deadass." A slow smile crept into their face, matching the one that had split Susie's as soon as they had announced the news.
Susie jumped from the couch and snatched Kris into her arms, spinning them around and around until they both were dizzy. She was smiling all the way, her teeth gleaming in the warm lighting of their apartment. She finally set them down, grabbing their shoulders to steady them and herself.
"I'm really proud of you, Kris," she said looking them directly in their eyes. Yellow sclera met red irises and all that could be felt was... love.
Kris leaned forward until their forehead was braced against Susie's own. They closed their eyes as waves of lightheaded giddiness broke over them and they laughed. A high, snorty laugh that Susie loved more than anything.
Susie picked them up again for another squeezing hug, rocking back and forth as Kris' feet dangled above the ground.
"I love you! I love you! I love you so much, dude! Ughh, I'm so proud of you!" Her eyes were squeezed shut and they opened to find scarlet ones staring back. She set them down lightly.
"You-" They hesitated, finding their words and looking away for a moment, "I couldn't've done it without you... being my- my light." Their eyes blazed and met hers once more, "You make me... want to be better than I am."
She cupped their face in her hand, "You're already basically perfect, my love."
"I wasn't. When we met, I mean."
She snorted, "You think I was?! It took me years to forgive myself for how I treated you back before we were friends or whatever. And I'm still kind of an asshole sometimes."
They hummed. "That wasn't that bad. I was already... hurting myself so much, it was nice to have someone else do it for me. It was an outlet, y'know?"
"That's kinda fucked up. And masochistic."
They shrugged. "What can I say? I still like it when you bite."
"H-hey! That's... different." She pursed her lips and turned a little red as she punched their shoulder.
Kris snickered and Susie took a moment to clear her throat and wrestle her flustered thoughts.
"Anyways, I am really proud of you. Do you wanna do anything in like...celebration? I dunno, that might be kinda gay."
"We are kinda gay." They countered.
"True..."
"Susie, I'm kidding. You know parties aren't my strong suit."
"You handle them better than I do! And I didn't mean a party really. Maybe just... we buy some chocolate from the gas station and cuddle or something..."
They smiled. She really did know them well.
"That... sounds perfect."
"M'kay! Get some shoes on and I'll start the car. I wanna make sure you get the kind you like."
Kris plopped themself onto the couch to slip on their shoes. They could hear Susie walking down the stairs, whistling to herself. They took the moment to turn their arms back and forth in the light.
"Two years, huh..."
They hadn't thought about their old issues in a while, to be completely honest. Sure, sometimes they got the itch to cut again, but Susie was a motivator to keep clean. If not for themself, it was for her. And yeah, they sometimes got stares from the chuds in their classes when their arms were bare, but honestly, the scars looked... good. They were all a faded white and many had begun to match the natural tone of the rest of their skin. If they had to guess, the scars on their thighs probably looked similar.
There would always be a few that stuck out. It's likely they would never fully heal over.
They traced one scar they had a particular memory of. Exactly four years after Dess disappeared, they were going to kill themself. They had grabbed a kitchen knife. The house had been oh-so-silent. Azzy had just moved out a week ago. They had their room to themself. The blade had traveled smoothly over the vein they had chosen. One that ran clearly from their elbow to their wrist. They hadn't cut deep enough, though. The blood ran over their arm and they just... tucked into bed. Trying to ignore the rhythmic throb as they fell asleep, hoping they wouldn't awake.
However, when they had awoken, they were in the hospital. Stitches in their arm and an IV in the opposite elbow. They don't remember much after that, it was all a blur of therapies and antidepressants that made them feel even number than before.
They attempted twice since that incident, but with drugs rather than violence. Neither time had worked. They kept harming though. They just had to know how to hide it. Their arms became less and less populated, and their legs more and more. There were some pretty nasty scars there.
Their later diagnosis of OCD had made sense. It was a habit of theirs since they were a toddler to have unprecedented intrusive thoughts. "Harm OCD" is what many psychiatrists throughout the years had called it. The technicalities hadn't mattered to them at the time. All they knew was they had thoughts. Gross thoughts. Thoughts that they thought should've had them put in an institution.
Thoughts of loved ones. Being killed, stabbed, beaten, gored. By them.
The thoughts wouldn't leave.
They never did.
For weeks or months at a time they looped.
The only way to atone for such thoughts was hurting themself. They were sick. Not worthy of such a loving family like Toriel or friends like Noelle. They became antisocial. And it got worse.
Until Susie.
She had been a lighthouse in their sea of darkness and despair. A beacon of hope.
Of course, it hadn't gotten better immediately. They still cut frequently at the time when they met her and having the soul around to fuck up their life even more wasn't a help either. But Susie was there. She didn't turn them away, even when they were gross. Even when she saw the blood stains on their room's carpet. She had cleaned them with little more than a single glance of sympathy.
It was nice, really.
To have someone care, but not like how Toriel or Noelle cared. Rather, in the way that Susie cared.
Never were they berated, blamed. Never did they see her freak out. Never did they see her cry because of what they'd done. She treated them with care and with patience. Something they hadn't expect when they met her. She'd wrap their arms with gauze and wouldn't object when they refused to be taken to the Dark World to heal.
She... understood.
And when they were ready. After the Roaring. After everything they had been through. They tried.
For her.
The door to the apartment swung closed and they spotted the old crappy car they and Susie shared. She sat inside, drumming her fingers on the steering wheel. And when she saw them, she smiled and waved. Kris smiled and waved back as they descended the flight of stairs. They had some shitty gas station food to get to.
For her.