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Soldier sets his towel on one of the benches in the shared showers. The place was old, only thin curtains separating the individual shower slots. It smelled like stale water and chlorine in there. Like community pools back home.
One of the showers was running, humming in the background as soldier turned to stare into a cloudy mirror. He spends a good moment looking at his blurry reflection every time he goes to shower. Silently judging the man he's become. It's a ritual of sorts, and he can never decide whether to be proud or repulsed by what he finds staring back at him.
He doesn't know that minutes before he came here, another man faced the mirror with the same question in his mind. Engineer stared at his distorted portrait, fist clenched by his side. His dizzy mind trying to decide if he likes what he sees. Especially after today. He didn't exactly do his best on the battlefield. Hell, he didn't even do good for his own standards. Just what has gotten into him? He's been so tired lately and his throat is starting to feel weird. He can't get sick now, there's way too much work he needs to finish.
A warm shower should help, the fool promises himself. Just once, he'll let himself relax. And as the steaming water travels down his body, he realizes that in search of light he has reached for the bait of an anglerfish...
Yes, the shower is quite nice for the first couple of minutes. He doesn't even register the sound of the door opening, for all he knows, he's completely alone right now. But just as he starts to get comfortable, the fever that was waiting to bloom for days now spikes. His body temperature rises so fast he's doomed long before he realizes what's happening.
Engineer holds onto the wall, unable to see anything but smudges of reality running past him. As he tries to reach to turn off the water, he realizes that his hand does not respond to his commands anymore. His first instinct is to call for medic, but the words die in his throat.
It was only a question of time before his knees buckled.
He falls onto the wet tiles and as he's going down he sees the same thing he saw when he passed out from sunburn as a kid.
Nothing.
The exhaustion quickly overwrites his body. And as he lays there, he realizes that If he was to die this very moment, the last thing burned into his mind would be the wish for soldier's cold hands. Oh god, the man's hands were like ice, Engie couldn't help but shiver every time he touched him. It felt like being held by the hands of death itself, skin hardened from labor and torture and they never quite learned how to be gentle, but oh my... As his body was boiling, he found himself craving nothing more than
The hands that carried him out of the shower, lifted his legs up on the bench, the hands that trembled as they checked his pulse and temperature. And as he slowly comes to his senses, those are the very hands he finds resting on his chest.
"MEDIC!" Soldier's voice thunders through the base. It's not a plea, but a command. You'd swear that the whole building shook with the call if you were there.
It only takes a moment before the door swings open once again, welcoming the German to the scene. He and soldier exchange words, but all the memories stick and tangle together in Dell's mind. He falls in and out of consciousness, barely able to tell what's going on around him anymore. Until eventually, he finds himself in the med bay, laying on clean bedsheets, tucked in under a thin blanket.
There's a man sitting on a chair in the corner of the room. He's been there for hours, only ever moving to refresh the cold towel laid behind engie's neck. He also tried to get him to drink something a few times. It's all he could do and the knowledge ate him alive. Figures walk past the closed door, the night lives out on the other side and soldier lets it all slip by.
Medic walks in from time to time to check if the meds are working. No words are exchanged, there's no need for them. The world grows dark behind the small windows. It's the only way soldier can tell how much time has passed. The clock on the wall ticks through these hours, keeping him company.
Engie lays still with his eyes open for a moment after he wakes up, trying to recall what happened. Only after he takes a proper look around the dim room, does he notice his company. Soldier sits like a statue, grey eyes locked on the bed engie was laying in. His posture relaxes once he sees that Dell's awake.
"Wakey wakey, rise up sunshine." Soldier smirks. "Took you long enough, you know." He adds rather harshly before leaving the room. Dell tries to focus his eyes on the clock. It's been five hours. Surely soldier hasn't been sitting there the whole time...
His body is aching, making it hard to think. He lays his head back down with a sigh, staring at the ceiling. To his surprise, soldier returns rather quickly, carrying a steaming bowl of what smells like chicken broth.
"Doc said you should eat something." Soldier says as he sets the bowl on the nightstand.
"Yeah, yeah. Just leave it here, I'll get to it." Engie sighs, his voice hoarse, he sounds pathetic like this. Food is the last thing on his mind, his whole body feels too heavy to move and his throat is like sandpaper.
"Nonsense." Soldier huffs, bringing over his chair to the side of the bed. He grabs a spoonful of the broth, carefully bringing it to engie's mouth. "Gotta follow doc's orders." He says as he watches engineer swallow the offered soup.
Bit by bit, soldier feeds Dell by hand. It's a long process, since the man is weak and has trouble swallowing, but eventually the bowl gets empty.
"You are an important asset to this team. How dare you get sick?!" Soldier grumbles, crossing his arms. "Whoever did this to you will pay." He adds, making a grimace similar to an angry dog.
"Son, I don't think you can punch a virus." Engie chuckles, looking up at soldier. The smile lingers on his lips, tired and pale, but it's still a damn sweet smile.
"Not if that means punching you with it, of course." Solly huffs, looking away to avoid staring at the man's lips. "You can slack off as long as it means you'll get better. So, go on and do nothing, I'm allowing it!" He adds quickly, putting his commando voice back on.
"Thanks Solly." Engie smiles again, reaching over to pat soldier's shoulder.
Dell has been in bed for the past two days, mostly trying to sleep through the sickness. And every time he woke up, he found soldier nearby. Often still in his uniform, fresh from the battlefield. And the man always brought him food and water, along with any meds medic has prescribed.
"He's sleeping on zhe floor here every night. Even vhen I try to throw him out, he somehow still gets back in." Medic complains as he checks engie's temperature.
"... He sleeps on the floor?"
"Ja, something about protecting you from zhe night terrors." Medic rubs the bridge of his nose. "I'm considering becoming his night terror if he doesn't stop asking me about your condition..." He grumbles while putting his things aside. "Although I have to hand it to him, you do look awfully like a corpse." That last sentence was quieter, his eyes softening ever so slightly as he watches the sick man.
"Except corpses don't talk." Engie huffs.
"Keep talking zhen, I might have a hard time telling you apart if you stop." Medic whispers, eyes open wide, holding eye contact way longer than necessary, it sends a chill down Dell's spine. One can never truly get used to medic's presence.
"Noted." Engie clears his throat out of habit, which only makes it hurt that much more.
"Zhe medigun doesn't seem to be as effective on things zhat aren't blunt force damage or any other man-inflicted wound" Medic groans as he scribbles something down on a loose sheet of paper. "I didn't quite account for viruses to be a problem. My apologies." He hums, not even looking up from what he's writing as he says so. "Thankfully, ve still have access to standard modern medicine, you'll be up on your feet in a few days, mein freund." He folds the paper and tucks it into his coat pocket.
He's talking to himself right now, although Engie still listens. Most people stop paying attention to medic the moment he starts going on a rant, what a pity. The man holds much wisdom, which only seem to be reserved for people willing to listen. Well, and he also loves to talk about his birds. A lot.
"One last thing." Medic sighs. "Your little fall in zhe showers... It scared soldier. In all my years working vith zhat idiot, this was zhe first time I've seen him cry." There's a small pause as medic stares off at the window, thinking. "All I can tell you is, zhe last time I cried over a man, the tears were of adoration. You know what I mean." The words seem to thicken the air in the room, lingering around long after the man leaves.
Dell knew.
Of course he did. He knew way too well that the soldier's acts of kindness had much deeper meaning than casual comradeship. It was clear as day, just the way he looked at him... Heat spreads through Engie's body and he isn't quite sure if it's the fever or butterflies.
Up until that day, soldier was convinced that all his colleagues were invincible. That the existence of the respawn machine removed the risk of loosing one of them. The thing is, the machine is only active during battle.
The feeling of Dell's limp overheated body imbedded itself into his skin. He couldn't wash it away, it haunted him like a ghost.
He has carried dead bodies before, ice cold men he used to call friends forever asleep in his arms. And now, he got harshly reminded just how fragile the human vessel can be. Just how easily can everything go wrong. It brought back memories he isn't quite able to move on from. And so after he made sure his sweetheart got the care he needed and was no longer in danger, soldier broke down in medic's office. He forgot how it feels to cry over the years, but right now, right here, there simply wasn't any other way to relive the built up pain and stress in his body. All those years of piled up emotional baggage came streaming down his cheeks, dripping onto the floor, finally free.
Medic only observed him. He didn't comment, he didn't offer any help, he simply sat by his desk, watching the other man cry. The only thing he did do was closing the blinds and door to his office, making sure nobody gets to see inside. And soldier couldn't be more grateful for that. He hated talking about his feelings, he hated having to constantly explain himself. So the fact that the doctor simply let him weep in silence meant everything in that moment.
Engineer's body still felt way too warm under his hands. Soldier rubs gentle circles on the man's chest, hoping to soothe some of the pain as engie sleeps through what seems to be an especially rough fever spike. The nature of sickness is depressing, one moment the man is beaming with life, joking around and grinning at all soldier's little jokes, but the next, he looks like he's struggling to not fall apart. His breathing heavy, sweat dripping down his body and small tremors shaking his sleeping form.
Soldier slowly retreats his hand to grab the towel laid behind Engie's neck. He stands up with a small grunt, the battle was especially rough on him today, he almost can't even feel his legs. War is harder with one man down like this and he's been fighting through teeth and blood to make sure the enemy couldn't utilize this advantage. He cannot loose this war.
He returns with the towel soaked in cold water after only a moment, placing it back on it's spot. He sits back down, keeping his hands to himself this time. He stares at the ground, not able to think of nothing but the man laying in front of him.
"Why didya stop darlin'..?" A weak voice breaks his string of thoughts. His eyes meet the engineer again. The man's eyes are still closed, the only sign that he's awake is the fact he's drumming his fingers on the bedsheet.
Soldier's hand comes to hover over Dell's chest. He's not quite sure if he even heard the man correctly. But Engie's own hand grabs his, lowering it onto his chest with a pleased hum. That's enough of a confirmation for soldier to relax and resume his little soothing act. The other's hand stays rested on top of his and soldier can feel the man's stiff body melt under his hand.
"You're doin' great, Solly. I'm damn proud of you." Dell mumbles, the words echo in his chest, vibrating under soldier's fingers.
"Huh?" Soldier freezes up for a second, staring down at the other.
"Look at yourself, son. You truly are a soldier, always have been." Engie smiles, tightening his hold on soldier's hand.
"Shit- do you have any idea how much I love you?" Soldier slumps forward, burying his face in his free hand. It's been an exhausting couple of days and he simply cannot hold himself back from being soft.
"I always had." Dell opens his eyes, meeting soldier's peeking from under his fingers. The smile never quite leaves his lips.
"What have I become..." Soldier hisses, already regretting his previous words. It drops on him like a blanket made of lead, a confession that was never meant to leave his lips. But the man before him isn't angry. Far from it actually. It's maddening, why is he still letting him touch his body if he knows what he is?
"My man, hopefully." Dell's blue eyes capture soldier's attention. They feel like home, he could stare into them forever. He doesn't even register the words at first, but when it finally dawns on him, he's left speechless.
"Don't tempt me." He sighs, his heart aching as he adverts his gaze to the floor.
"The night's long enough. And please, would ya do me the favor of givin' in." The words lift the lead blanket off soldier's shoulders, and right now, here in the dim room of the med bay, the world seems to get back it's colors as the evening sun shines through the small windows. Soon darkness will replace it, but maybe, this time, the shadows shall be kind. It's a little easier to believe when it reflects in Dell's eyes. In those baby blue's, even the night looses it's teeth. As long as he's here, things might just be alright, if only for a moment. There were moment's in soldier's life that felt like eternity, so perhaps this one might do him the favor of being the same.
The two men lay side by side in the small bed. Covered by a thin blanket, embraced behind the curtain of night. There's no way engie would let soldier sleep on the floor.
"Kinder heutzutage..." Medic shook his head as he stands in the door. He's just hoping those two idiots won't catch the same virus. God, he needs a raise for this. But still, he's smiling. A small pleased smirk painting his tired face. He's not the one to believe in happy endings, but even his stone cold heart warms up at the sight of his colleagues happy. Or maybe he's just having a heart attack, who knows?
Soldier finds himself facing the mirror once more. The room is utterly quiet as he sets his towel aside. And from that mirror stares his own reflection, smiling.