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"Jim," Spock began, his back straight and his utmost professional tone of voice. They were in Jim's quarters, and Jim could tell from Spock's even-more-strict-than-normal posture that he was in for some kind of trouble.
"Per our conversation 2.7 weeks ago," the Vulcan continued, "I was under the impression that we agreed to join together in an exclusive romantic relationship. I-" he faltered, pursing his lips slightly and bravely meeting Kirk's eyes. He continued with a note of uncertainty, "I do not believe I was… mistaken, in that interpretation?"
Jim looked back at him, eyes narrowed. "Yes, Spock, that is what we agreed on. Why? Have you-" he swallowed uncomfortably, glancing away. "Have you changed your mind?" 'Already?', he thought. Was he really that hard to put up with? They'd only just- finally- gotten together, after months of longing glances and careful tact; what could he have done to screw it up so quickly?
"I suppose that depends on the conclusions of our present conversation," Spock replied slowly, brow furrowed, and Jim felt his panic rise. "I must express my… disappointment with your actions this morning. We have agreed, and I have trusted you, to remain exclusive with each other in terms of physical affections, and yet I witnessed you engaging with another."
"I- what?" Kirk choked, looking bewildered. "With who? I didn't do anything, I swear!"
"You deny what I saw with my own eyes?"
Kirk squinted at him, and mentally took a step back, hands in a 'slow down' gesture before him. There had to be some kind of misunderstanding; it was probably best to proceed with caution. "What exactly is it that you saw, Spock?"
The Vulcan opened his mouth, then closed it, watching Jim's face carefully. When he spoke, it was in the same tone of explaination as he would use in any official report. "This morning at approximately 06:00 hours," he began blandly, "the Enterprise experienced a failure of the main replicator unit in the Mess Hall while the crew preparing for Alpha shift were attempting to acquire their pre-shift meals from said replicator."
"Yes, I remember," Jim nodded patiently, though he could not for the life of him see where Spock was going with this.
"Yourself and I," Spock continued, "were among those that had not yet received our meals when this malfunction took place, and we were faced with the promise of arranging our meals from the emergency food stores while the machine awaited repair; a much less appetizing option than the meals we normally receive from the replicator."
Jim nodded again, biting his tongue to keep from blurting 'Get to the point, Spock'.
"Before we managed to do so, however, Ensign Chekov arrived at the Mess Hall. Upon learning of the malfunction, he made quick work of repairing the unit, and procuring for us our desired meals, saving us from the less desirable prospect of non-replicated meals."
"Spock," Jim said steadily, crossing his arms. "I remember all this, I was there. What exactly is the issue here?"
Spock quirked his head slightly, eyebrow raised as he fixed Jim with the Vulcan version of an accusatory glare. "When Ensign Chekov had finished the necessary repairs, you thanked him emphatically, and then you-" Spock pursed his lips briefly before finishing quickly, "You joined your hand with his very obviously and purposefully."
Kirk's eyes widened, searching Spock's face. "That's… it? That's what you're upset about?"
"I am not upset," Spock replied in a very Vulcan tone that Kirk didn't buy for one second; the fact that dark eyes were glaring daggers at him hid nothing. "I am merely trying to understand why you would agree to be exclusive with someone and then proceed to engage in intimate physical activities with another party right in front of them."
"Intimate- I gave him a high-five, Spock. And that's 'intimate'?" Spock was looking at him incredulously, and- after a beat- it hit him.
Oh. Oh. Hands. Vulcans had a thing with hands.
"Oh," he said aloud, the realization dawning over his face. He met Spock's eyes desperately hoping he could negotiate this effectively. "Okay, Spock? It's not what you think."
He tried to slow down and speak cautiously and logically- to use Spock's own language, so to speak- so there would be no further misunderstandings. "What I did with Chekov, it's called a high-five." He demonstrated, by lifting his right hand in the associated motion, then pointing to it. "See, 'high-five'? 'Cause it's… five fingers…?"
Spock blinked, and Kirk faltered for a moment before continuing his explanation. "It's a human gesture, though a little outdated. It's basically an expression of… congratulations, and gratitude, and enthusiasm. And camaraderie," he added for clarity. "It really doesn't carry any romantic indication. At all."
He sighed, "I was happy that Chekov fixed the machine, and I acted without thinking. Hand gestures are a lot different for Vulcan's, aren't they? I didn't stop to think what it might mean to you, and I apologize. I swear, it was a misunderstanding; I have no intention of being with Chekov, or anyone else for that matter, as long as we're together."
As he spoke, he watched Spock's posture relax, his expression soften. If possible, the Vulcan looked grateful, if slightly abashed. When he spoke, he spoke gently. "I accept your apology, and offer my own. Mutual cultural ignorance aside, I should not have jumped to conclusions in the way that I did.
Jim smiled, in that very 'Jim' way, his eyes lighting up. "No harm done. And if it makes you feel more comfortable, I'll try and avoid gestures like that from now on."
Spock raised his eyebrows. "I appreciate the offer, but that may be impractical; after all, humans have a unique way of expressing themselves and it would likely hinder your social capabilities if you were unable to engage in such expected exchanges. I myself have experienced some frustration when trying to engage with humans, whose gestures I do not reciprocate, and I would not expect you to apply such a handicap to yourself for my sake."
"Spock-"
"It may even be considered rude, if you began avoiding such human contact as handshakes and other physical greetings."
"I got it, Spock," Jim said softly, still smiling brilliantly up at him. "And now, if you're not breaking up with me… I think that was some excellent communicating we just did, don't you?"
His boyfriend nodded curtly. "Indeed, Jim."
"Then I'd say," Jim grinned, lifting his hand, "that this calls for a high-five."
Spock's eyebrow arched upwards as Jim's eyes twinkled with affection, hand still held up invitingly. The Vulcan hesitantly lifted his own hand, automatically forming the Ta'al out of habit before he forcibly relaxed his fingers to mirror Jim's. When he didn't move, Jim decided to take the next step, and brought their hands together with a gentle slap.
He smirked as Spock pursed his lips, eyeing his own hand as he would some interesting specimen in the labs. "Well, Mr. Spock," he said, using a mock-serious tone of voice, "How would you rate your first experience with this entirely human gesture?"
"Fascinating…" was the deadpan reply. Spock tilted his head to look at the human. "It would seem your prior analysis was correct; the romantic implications of such a gesture were entirely negligible."
"Ouch!" Jim laughed. "Don't tell me I killed the mood."
Spock appeared thoughtful for a moment before nodding sagely. "It may yet be salvageable," he said, and holding his hand up once again. "In fact, I believe there's a Vulcan remedy that would be quite fitting in this situation."
A very genuine smile spread across Jim's face, as he lifted his own hand to brush softly against his First Officer's fingers. He noticed the faint upward tilt of Spock's lips, and leaned close to place a gentle kiss upon them.
"Between you and me, Spock, I think I prefer the Vulcan version."