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The first time it happens is just after their daughter is born, she’s bundled up in Shane’s arms, the older man cuddling her close as their twins climb up the bed, trying to get a glimpse of her. “She’s so little Daddy.” Ilya smiles as he watches them, already so besotted by her.
“She’s tiny!” Shane chuckles as Julian speaks, moving the baby down slightly so the boys could see. “Papa, she’s so little… come see!” Nikolai calls, looking to Ilya and waving him over. Ilya steps over, smiling at his family. “She’s very cute, I think. Tiny, but very pretty. Just like your Daddy.” The boys groan loudly, making Shane and Ilya chuckle.
The boys gush over her for the next while, Ilya taking photos of his family, he wants to remember these moments forever. Ilya watches as Shane sits with the boys, answering all their questions about their new baby sister. He doesn’t even realise he’s crying until he’s unconsciously sniffling to stop his nose from running and he feels the tears falling down his cheeks. He turns around quickly, walking to the bathroom and wiping his face. “Ilya,” Shane calls, the younger man clearing his throat before quickly moving back out to the room to hear their daughter starting to fuss in her bassinet. Ilya nods a little, moving to pick up the small bundle.
Ilya shushes her, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead and then passing her to Shane. “Off the bed please boys, Daddy has to feed your sister.” The boys groan a little, only moving to end of the bed, he decides to leave them. Placing kisses on their heads as Yuna and David come into the room. “Grandma and Grandpa! Did you see our sister? She’s so tiny!” Nikolai calls excitedly, jumping down from the bed and jumping into David’s arms. “Is she? I think you two are going to be the best big brothers to her.” Nikolai nods, telling David that when they’d held her earlier she hadn’t even cried.
Ilya watches silently, his chair pulled up to Shane’s bedside as close as can be.
He watches as the twins- with their curls just like his but the colour of Shane’s hair, their freckles like Shane and their pretty, big, brown eyes like Shane’s- sit with David for the next small while as Shane finishes feeding the baby.
“How come you have to feed her, Daddy? Have you got boobies?” Ilya lets out a childish laugh at Julian’s comment but quickly stops when Shane glares at him. “Yeah buddy, when I have a baby my body changes lots so I can grow the baby and then help the baby grow once they’re not in my belly anymore.” The boys both nod, Shane smiles at them, inviting them back up on to the bed- which they’re quickly crawling back up on to.
“Do you want us to take the boys back home? Give you and Shane some time to get to know her.” Ilya shakes his head, he couldn’t think of anything worse than separating his family right now. “Is fine. Boys will be good, huh solnyshki?” He says softly, looking to the boys who are cooing over their sister. “Yeah Papa, we’ll be good.” They say in unison, Ilya smiles at Yuna, thanking her for coming. “Are you ok?” Yuna asks, one hand cupping the side of Ilya’s face gently, there’s tears in his eyes. He nods, looking to the roof quickly to will the tears away. Yuna pulls him into a hug quickly, gesturing for David to take the boys out- which he quickly does.
Shane watches, tears coming to his own eyes as he repositions himself. “Ilya,” He says softly, the younger man sniffles, his arms wrapping around Yuna so tightly like he’s afraid she might disappear. Yuna shares a sad look with Shane, holding the younger man tightly and kissing his head softly. “You’re ok, sweetheart. I’ve got you,” Ilya lets out a quiet sob, taking fist fulls of her shirt.
“Ona dolzhna byt' zdes'.” She should be here. He laments, Yuna looks to Shane- who has tears of his own falling down his cheeks. “Ilya, come here. Please.” He says quietly, but Ilya can’t bring himself to pull away from the woman who took him when he needed it most. “Kak by mne khotelos', chtoby ona s nimi poznakomilas'.” I wish she could meet them. Shane moves to stand, wincing slightly as he rounds the bed. He slowly helps Yuna untangle herself from Ilya and takes the younger man in his arms. “Ona zdes', ona zdes' dukhom. Ona zdes', v vashey pamyati i v vashem serdtse. Kak by ya khotela, chtoby ona tozhe mogla vstretit'sya s nimi.” She's here, she's here in spirit. She's here in your memory and in your heart. I wish she could meet them too. Shane says slowly, Yuna listens as her son speaks, tears still falling down his cheeks as his husband sobs into his chest. Ilya nods a little at that, his head still stuffed into Shane’s shoulder. “YA tebya lyublyu, YA tak sil'no tebya lyublyu.” I love you, I love you so much. Ilya whispers it back to him, sniffling softly. “I’m sorry..” He mumbles after a few minutes, he helps Shane back onto the bed and gives Yuna a sheepish look. “I’m sorry. That was-”
“It’s fine, I’m here for you. I don’t know what either of you said, but I can guess it was about your mother?” Ilya inhales sharply, but gives a short nod. “It probably won’t mean much, but I think she would be very proud of you. I think she would be very proud of the father you are. How much of your culture you share with the boys and with us. She would be so proud of you, Ilya.”
“Thank you,” He says, there’s tears in his eyes again but it’s different. “Thank you.” His voice is thick with emotion, he turns back to Shane and hugs the older man gently.
She turns to leave the room, wiping away her own tears.
“Are you ok?” Shane asks after a few minutes of silence. “Yes.” Ilya answers quickly, too quickly. Shane lifts the younger man’s head, moving his face so they’re making eyes contact- as much as he hated that. “Be honest. Please.” He whispers, his hands moving to gently play with Ilya’s curls.
“I-I don’t know, it’s like- English is hard.” Shane nods, telling him they can speak Russian if English is to much. “Nespravedlivo, chto ona nikogda s nimi ne vstretitsya. Ne znayu, inogda eto ochen' ogorchayet. Kak budto ya grushchu iz-za svoyey mama, a tut tvoya mom, takaya krasivaya i dobraya, kak moya.” It's not fair that she will never meet them. I don't know, it makes me very sad sometimes. It's like I'm sad because of my mama and then your mom is there and she's just so beautiful and kind, like mine was. Shane nods as Ilya talks, he sits silently, his hands still playing with Ilya’s hair. “Ona byla samym dobrym i zamechatel'nym chelovekom, kotorogo ya znala. Ona byla prosto potryasayushchey, zhal', chto vy ne smogli s ney poznakomit'sya.” She was the kindest and most wonderful person I knew. She was so amazing, I wish you could have met her.
“I do too, I think about her sometimes.” Shane’s says after a few beats of silence. “I think about how the kids would love her, how they would always be asking about their babushka. How she would love them with all of her heart, how she could teach them things, like cooking and teach them about their culture, but then I remember that you do all of that. You teach them about their culture, so much so they prefer Russian sometimes to English.” They share a laugh, Shane wiping Ilya’s tears away gently. “You cook Russian food with them; you love them with all of your heart. Because she is in you, in your heart.”
The baby makes a small noise then, the fathers are sharing another tight hug and Ilya picks her up. “Papa says no more crying tonight. Is happy day, happy birthday of Mila Irina.” Shane’s smiles, kissing his husband passionately as Ilya passes him the baby. “I love our family so much.”
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
The next time it happens, Ilya is alone with the kids, Shane had gone to an away game he couldn’t miss apparently- even with his new position as technical skills coach.
Ilya doesn’t even feel it coming on, the kids had been fine. Nikolai and Julian were watching a movie, having their quiet time while Mila slept. Ilya’s in the middle of making sandwiches when Julian comes in and sees him hastily wiping his eyes. “Wha’s wrong Papa?” He asks, cuddling into Ilya’s leg- he had always been their sensitive little soul. “I am ok, solnyshko. Just missing my Mama.” Julian frowns, crossing his arms as Ilya picks him up and places him onto the bench. Ilya hadn’t yet told them the full story of his mother, just that she was in heaven and in their hearts. “How come you don’t have your Mama, but Daddy has Grandma?”
Ilya swallows thickly, he really thought that the boys would be older when he explained it to them. “When I was little, my Mama was very sad, and it made her sick. She um-” Julian’s frown deepens. “Like how you get sad sometimes? An’ you have to take medicine?” Ilya nods a little. “Da malysh, like me. But my Mama didn’t get to have help like I do. She didn’t get to have medicine to help make her better and-”
“Is that why you go and see Doctor Galina? She helps you not be sad?” Ilya nods again, wiping at his eyes. Julian leans forward to hug him. “Do me an’ Niko an’ Sissy make you sad?” Ilya looks up to the roof quickly, wiping his eyes again. How could his baby think that?
“No malysh, no no never! You, Niko and Sissy make me so happy. Moi deti i Daddy delayut menya samym schastlivym Papa na svete!” My babies and Daddy make me the happiest Papa ever! As he speaks, Ilya cuddles his son into his chest. “You make happiest Papa.”
“You make me happy too Papa, I think you and Daddy are the best dads ever.” Ilya smiles, kissing the boy's forehead. “You want to help with lunch? We are having PB and J, I think Daddy says. You want to pick snacks to go with it?” Julian nods excitedly, jumping down with Ilya’s help and the rushing off into the pantry and coming back with an arm full of snacks. “This is too many, da? Two snack each, maybe you ask Niko what he wants?” Julian is quickly rushing off to find his brother and pull him into the kitchen, so they can decide on snacks. Once they’ve picked their snacks- obviously choosing two different ones so they can share all of them- Ilya is putting their plates on the table and grabbing them each their drink bottles. The baby monitor is then lighting up and Mila’s cries can be heard through it. Ilya kisses the boy’s head softly as they’re sitting quietly and he movies to retrieve the small girl.
“Privet malysh, you sleep good?” Ilya asks, kissing the small girl’s curls softly. “Would you like some lunch? Your brothers are having some.” She shakes her head, cuddling into Ilya’s neck. “Still tired, malysh? Shall we finish movie with your brothers?” She nods, the boys are quickly finishing their sandwiches and moving to sit on either side of Ilya as they press play on the movie.
Ilya’s phone is ringing then, Niko rushing to answer it- at the prospect of it being Shane.
“Hi Dad! We miss you!” He says after answering the phone and rushing back to the couch and handing the phone to Ilya. “Hello, moya lyubov, how are you?” Shane nods, telling Ilya about something stupid Hayden had said and some other details. “Is uncle Hayden there? Can we talk to him?” Nikolai asks, pushing himself in front of the camera. “Nikki! You hurt me!” Mila whines, a small sob falling from her lips as Nikolai moves back and Ilya starts to soothe her. “How was school yesterday, Mils?” Shane says, Mila turning to face the phone still in Ilya’s hand. “W-we did painting, an’-an’ Miss Sarah said that Papa can come an’ teach everyone ‘bout Russia! Me and Papa are gunna make some um, um, what you call it Papa?”
“We are going to make pelmeni. The children will love it, yes?” Shane smiles with a nod, listening to their daughter as she tells him all of the detail about her day at school. “Julian, you want to tell Daddy about what happened at your school?” Ilya turns the camera on their son, the boy shyly telling Shane about the award he had been given at the weekly assembly for his good behaviour and excellent work. “Well done! I’m so proud of you! What about you, Niko? Did you get anything?” Niko pushes into the frame again, shaking his head and telling Shane it’s because the teacher doesn’t like him. “Maybe we can get you some extra tutoring?” Shane says, Ilya nods kissing each boy's head softly and asking Shane if there was any reason for his call. “N-no I just, I don’t know its stupid. I just had a feeling that maybe you needed me or something?”
Ilya chuckles, gently sitting Mila down next to her brothers and moving back to the kitchen. “You have super-powers now?” Shane laughs with a shake of his head. “I was crying when I was making the boy their lunches and Julian saw.” Ilya says softly, Shane gives him a sad smile. “Was it about your mum?” Ilya releases a deep breath, tears instantly coming to his eyes. “Yes, it was about her. Um, he asked why she is not here like Yuna. If it is same as when I get sad. He asked if that’s why I see Galina.” He stops, his breath shuddering as the tears slip. “He asked if they make me sad.”
“Oh Ilya,” Shane says, tears gathering in his own eyes. “What can I-”
“YA dumala, chto ochen' khorosho eto skryvala, konechno, oni znali o moikh lekarstvakh, no ya schitala, chto skryvayu svoyu depressiyu luchshe.” I thought I'd hidden it so well, obviously they knew about my medication, but I thought I was hiding my depression better than that. Shane nods sadly. “YA tebya lyublu, do you need me to come home? I can-” Ilya shakes his head, telling him its fine. “Ok well, maybe I can see if my mum come and see you? She can watch the kids for you and you could like-” Ilya shakes his head again. “So I can have appointment with Galina? So they see me being sad and depressed and think I will leave like my Mama?” He snaps, he doesn’t mean to sound so harsh but it’s kind of hard not when it’s such a sensitive topic for him, especially in regards to his own mental health.
“No, Ilya. They will never think that, they will never know that pain because you are actively trying to get better and be better. I know you feel bad about it, but they were going to ask at some point.” Ilya just looks at him through the screen. “You are being honest with them, you are getting help, talking with Galina and taking your medication. You are being the change and getting the help that your mom never could. You are showing your children it’s ok to get help, you’re showing them it's ok to cry and that it’s healthy.” Ilya starts to cry again, listening as Shane speaks. “It feels very stupid to cry so much.”
Shane nods, telling him that’s what he loves about him. “When will you be home? I think Mila is missing you, she was very grumpy after her nap.”
Shane lets a small chuckle fall from his lips. “I’ve got an early flight, so I’m hoping to be there about 8:30, hopefully they’ll sleep in and then I can be there for breakfast.” They both share a laugh, knowing the chances of that happening are slim to none because Mila had been waking up at 5:30 sharp and then the boys were usually up at 6:30-7.
“I will make them wait for you, tell them we can have special kasha for Daddy coming home.” They share a laugh, Shane nodding on the other end. They share a quiet goodbye, Ilya promising to call him again once the kids are down for bed.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
Shane notices the third time, and it’s not even one incident, it’s like it builds, it’s really small things like Ilya getting a little to emotional when Mila talks about how all of her friends really really like learning Russian at preschool, or when Niko and Julian talk about the fact they both chose to do a school project about their Russian heritage because Ilya always loves to tell them about it and he ends up crying in bed that night with Shane just holding him.
He and Ilya were having a rare night at the cottage by themselves, the kids were at Yuna and David’s, probably eating all the ice cream their little hearts could devour. He’d first thought something was off when they were sending the kids off, Ilya had been unusually quiet, he’d dotted on all three of them that entire morning- even more so then usual.
“Are you ok?” Shane asks, as he comes outside. Ilya was sitting on the love seat where he’d first told Shane about his mother all those years ago. Ilya doesn’t look at him, his jaw tightens as Shane places his hand on the younger man’s shoulder. “Just thinking.” He mumbles, wrapping an arm around his husband as the older man sits down and pulls him into his chest. “She would have loved them so much.” He says softly, Shane nods against Ilya’s chest. “She would have been the best babushka. She would teach Mila to do her hair all pretty, she give them so much treats.” Shane slowly wraps his arms around Ilya, he squeezes softly to let Ilya know he’s there and listening. “Galina said I should tell Niko about her, like I told Julian. She said that he might be angry if I don’t tell him soon because he will feel, uh,” He pauses as he thinks back to what the woman had said. “Be-betrayed?”
Shane nods. “Yeah, like he might not trust you as much.” Ilya nods, planting a few soft kisses to Shane hair.
They organise to tell him the next afternoon once the kids get home, Julian also sitting in on the conversation, just in case he has anymore questions.
“Are we in trouble?” Nico asks, fiddling with his hands nervously as he waits for either of his dads to speaks. “No no malysh, not in trouble. I want to talk to you about my Mama, your Babushka.”
Niko nods slowly, frowning when Julian stands and inserts himself onto Ilya’s lap and hugs him tightly. “Daddy says you don’t like to talk about her cause it makes you sad.” Ilya nods, planting soft kisses to Julian’s head as tears start to sting his eyes. “Yeah malen'kaya lyubov'.” Little love. Niko’s still fiddling with his fingers, Shane waves him over, the younger twin quickly moves to smash Shane with a hug.
“When I was little, my Mama was very sad and it made her sick.” Niko nods slowly. “Julian said ‘s like when you get sad sometimes. He told me that you told him about your Mama.” He pauses as Ilya wipes his eyes, Niko eyes him carefully. “Papa told me ‘s why he goes to see Doctor Galina too.” Julian says softly, wiping Ilya’s tears away and then hugging him tightly.
Ilya nods again, a small sob leaving his chest. Shane moves a hand to the back of Ilya’s neck, massaging the skin softly and reassuring, much like the younger man had done when he came out to his parents and had a panic attack at the dinner table. “How about we let Papa talk for a minute, ok?” Shane says softly, his hand still on the back of Ilya’s neck. “You are right,” He says, taking a few deep breaths. “But because my Mama was sad and it was a long time ago, she didn’t get to have medicine and she didn’t get to have a special doctor like I do.”
The boys both nod. “I get sad sometimes too, like my Mama, but I have medicine and Galina to help me.” Tears are falling freely down his cheeks, but he’s not really concerned about that now. “I-I don’t want you, moi malyshi, to think that you make me sad. You make me happiest Papa ever.” My babies He pauses again, letting out a long breath and kissing each boy’s head. “What happened to your Mama?”
Shane’s eyes widen, his eyes snapping to Ilya as the younger man’s mouth opens and closes. “Babushka was sick, yes?” Shane steps in, seeing Ilya’s struggle to find the words. The boys look to Ilya, who nods. “Because she was sick and she was sad she made some sad choices and now she is in here.” As Shane speaks, he points to each of their hearts, it make Ilya smile softly. “And she is up there, watching us.” The boys look up to the sky, both of them waving, which starts a new wave of tears from Ilya.
“What is her name?” Julian asks after a few minutes. “You would have called her babushka. But her name is Irina, like where me and Daddy send the money from our hockey camp.”
“Is that why sissy is Mila Irina?”
Ilya nods with a big smile. “Yes, for your babushka.” The boys nod, Shane moving Nikolai over to Ilya’s lap. He continues to eye Ilya carefully. “Are you ok papa?” He asks after a few minutes. “Yes, malysh. I will be.”
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
The next time it happens, Ilya is at his therapist’s office. He’d asked Shane to accompany him because Galina thought it might be helpful if Shane could hear him talk freely about it, not in front of the kids, not with the distractions of being at home. So Shane supposes it’s kind of coaxed out of him, which is good, maybe, maybe he needs that because he’s been really worried about his husband lately. These breakdowns about his mother are becoming more frequent and Shane knows that was really fucking traumatic for Ilya to find his mother in her bed, dead because she had killed herself.
He sits quietly on a seat by himself, honestly he wishes he could be sitting next to Ilya, that seat is a love seat so doesn’t really understand why Galina motioned for him to sit here but whatever. He watches with wide eyes as Galina and Ilya sit quietly for a few minutes, no one talks- which isn’t that the point of therapy? To talk about your feelings?
“How have you been Ilya?” Ilya opens his mouth and then closes it, Shane frowns, watching as he does it a few times. It’s almost like he doesn’t know what to say. He looks to Shane with worry over his face, then he looks back to Galina. It clicks in Shane’s head then. “Russian is fine, Ilya… I don’t mind.”
He gives a small nod, but his eyes keep flicking between Galina and Shane, like he thinks maybe he’ll get in trouble for using Russian or English. “Whatever language is fine, I don’t care baby.”
“But you won’t understand, that is why you are here, da?” Shane shrugs, telling Ilya it’s fine and that his Russian is getting pretty dang good- not to toot his own horn. “Ok, how about we start in English and then if it gets too hard we can switch to Russian?” The couple both nod, so Galina motions for Ilya to start.
“I’ve been good, for the most part. I’ve been um, Shane thinks I’ve been getting- what did you say?” He looks to Shane and Shane swallows his eyes widening as he looks between Ilya and Galina. “I um, I thought that maybe he was going down hill again because he’s been getting really emotional over small things.” Galina nods, still looking at Shane like she’s asking him to continue. “We were having dinner the other night, and Mila had casually mentioned that her friends at preschool all really like learning Russian. Ilya got upset for lack of a better word. And then the boys were telling us about this family heritage project they’ve got to do for school and they’ve both chosen to do it about their Russian heritage, they’d said it was because Ilya loves to teach them their heritage and that caused another breakdown later that night.” Galina nods, asking Ilya about how he was feeling when these things happened.
“I-I loved hearing it. It made me feel um, how you say, pride? It made me happy and then it made me think about how happy Mama would have been with them all learning our language and about the way of life over there.” Galina nods, asking if there was anything else he felt. “I felt bad, like maybe I lied to them, you know? Russia can be good country but is also bad country for somethings. Like I only tell them good things, only show them happy things about Russia. They think is happy, good country, they do not know I can never go back. I can never take them there and show them my country because of who I marry.” He gets emotional as he talks, then starts to cry as he brings up his mother again. Shane and Galina listen as he talks, Shane eventually moving over to sit with Ilya and rubbing his back as Galina passes him the tissues.
“How does it make you feel when Ilya gets upset over his mother?” She asks, looking to Shane, Ilya sits quietly next to him, he sniffles quietly and blows his nose again. “It upsets me, it makes me feel helpless. Like I need to fix something, but I can’t or don’t know how to.” He’s quiet for a beat. “Sometimes I worry about the kids, like will they have to worry about their mental health. Will they have to face the struggles that Ilya and his mother faced, it scares the shit out of me. The thought of them possibly thinking about ending their life because of their mental health. The thought of Ilya thinking thinking that, or doing it and leaving them.” Galina nods, Ilya crying more so now that Shane has confessed how feelings. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. Mne ochen' zhal', tebe ne sledovalo by ob etom bespokoit'sya. Menya ubivayet to, chto ty perezhivayesh' iz-za menya.” I'm so sorry, you should never have to worry about that. It kills me that you worry about this because of me. They share a tight hug, Ilya crying into Shane’s chest. Shane shares an awkward glance with Galina, who gives him a tight-lipped smile. “Are you comfortable if we switch to Russian?” She asks, Shane nods quickly.
“Ilya, Shane volnuyetsya ne iz-za tebya i tvoikh problem s psikhicheskim zdorov'yem. On volnuyetsya, potomu chto lyubit tvoikh detey i tebya. Razve ne tak, Shane?” Ilya, Shane doesn't worry because of you and your mental health struggles. He worries because he loves your children, and he loves you. Isn't that right, Shane?" Shane nods, a frown on his face as Ilya looks at him. “Ya tebya lyublyu. So much.” Ilya nods, kissing Shane softly and looking back to Galina. “Mne do sikh por trudno pozvolit' sebe chuvstvovat' sebya lyubimoy. Iz-za moyey sem'i. No ya znayu, chto Sheyn lyubit menya, i ya znayu, chto on lyubit nashikh detey vsem serdtsem.” I still struggle to let myself feel loved. Because of my family. But I know that Shane loves me, and I know that he loves our children with his whole heart.
The session continues, Ilya is able to talk about ways he can talk about his mother and continue to deal with the grief and emotions that come along with the way that she died. They talk about things he and Shane can do with the children to help remember her by.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
A few months later they’re back at the cottage, and Ilya had come down with a harsh bout of the flu. He’d tried to fight it off, telling Shane and the kids he was fine, nothing was wrong with him and that Russians do not get sick. But when he almost passed out and proceeded to vomit violently into the sink, Shane banished him into their bedroom, citing that he was on bedroom arrest and was to stay in there and keep his sickness away from Shane and the children.
“Shane!” He calls, his voice is hoarse. “Yeah, baby?” Shane says as he comes into their room, Ilya’s lying on their bed. His hair is stuck to his forehead with sweat, his complexion flushed. His nose is red like he’s part of a cartoon and his eyes are a little sunken. “I need some medicine, I am dying.” Shane lets out a small chuckle. “You only had some like an hour ago. Is it your fever?” Ilya shrugs, a small smile on his face as Shane sits gently on the bed next to him. “I think maybe I miss my husband and our babies. This will make me better.” Shane laughs again. “We have movie night in here, in our bed. Will make me all better.”
“Maybe, I don’t want the kids to get sick though.” Ilya groans, causing Shane to laugh again. “You’re a baby.”
“Yes, but I am your baby.”
Shane shakes his head with a laugh. Ilya leans up, asking Shane to give him a kiss while puckering his lips. “No, I don’t want to get whatever you have.” Ilya groans loudly again, throwing himself backwards on to the bed. “You are being so mean. If it was you who is sick, I would give you all the kisses, you know this.”
“Yeah and then you’d be sick again anyway.” At this Ilya blows a raspberry, Shane stands with a playful roll of his eyes and calls him childish. “I still want movie night with my babies!” Ilya calls, Shane’s only show of acknowledgment is the middle finger as he walks out of the room.
As Shane walks back out to the main living areas, Mila is rushing towards him, waving a piece of paper in the air. “I drawed it for Papa! J said I needa make him a card cause he’s sick. So I drawed this one!” Shane smiles at her, letting her show him each part of picture as well as the messily scribbled name on the top as well as Julian’s writing saying, ‘I love you papa!’
“Would you like to give it to him?” She nods quickly, rushing to his and Ilya’s room and knocking on the door. “Papa! I make this for you!” She calls loudly, rushing to jump on their bed and shove the page in Ilya’s face. “O bozhe, eto potryasayushche! Shane we have artist daughter, she is very talented, da?” Oh my, this is amazing! Shane raises his eyebrows at him, then laughs. “Maybe papa might like to have it on his bedside table.” Shane says, watching as Ilya props it up on his bedside table with excitement- maybe even more then Mila. “Mila,” Ilya says as he turns back around, a large grin on his face. “Would you like to have movie night with Papa?” She nods excitedly, so Ilya tells her to get the boys. “What we will watch?” She asks, Ilya shrugs and tells her that they’ll find something.
“When are you better, Papa? You been sick for a long time.” Ilya nods. “I know malysh, I am better now. This is why we will have movie night!” Mila launches forward to crash her father into a hug so tight Shane is worried it might cut off his circulation. “C’mon Mils, if we’re going to have a movie night with Papa, we need him to rest.” Mila sits up, looking over to her older father and gives one quick nod before jumping off the bed and rushing out of the room to alert her brothers to possibility of a movie night.
Shane watches the kids for the next few hours, he makes dinner with some help from the kids and then is getting their showers done quickly, because the kids are just so excited at the mention of a movie night in his and Ilya’s bed. He gets a few special treats ready- some popcorn, a bowl of chocolates and some chips the takes them in and places them on his nightstand. Ilya smiles at him, the kids already cuddled up to him and they’re picking the first movie. “Do I have time for a quick shower?” Shane asks, he gets a mix of answers but decides he can because they’re arguing over what to watch.
“C’mon Daddy! You takin’ so long!” Mila calls, the boys snickering at her as Ilya sits with a large smile. Once Shane’s dressed and comfortable in the bed, Ilya presses play, quickly though he repositioning the kids so Shane can cuddle into his side. “How’re you feeling?” He asks after the kids have moved to the end of the bed to get a better view. Ilya shrugs, “Ok, no more fever and only little headache.” Shane nods, kissing his jaw softly. After the first movie, Shane’s pretty sure the kids won’t last for another but they’re begging and honestly he can’t say no. “So are going to have a sleepover in our bed then?” The kids nod excitedly. “I didn’t realise this was part of the deal!” The kids nod, moving back up the top to cuddle up to the parents and honestly Shane is so thankful he and Ilya upgraded to a bigger bed size to accommodate the three kids.
Ilya had been quiet for most of the first movie, just content watch his family as they ate the snacks and argued over who was the best character from the movie. It’s not until the second movie, once Mila and Niko have fallen asleep and Julian and Shane are not far behind them that he thinks about it.
He’s so fucking happy right now.
This is probably the happiest he’s ever felt. Surrounded by his three babies and the love of his life. He leans down to kiss Shane’s head, he realises that older man has fallen asleep, as has Julian so it’s just him awake. He looks up to the roof and the looks at his family. This is exactly where he needs to be, and exactly where he wants to be.
“Spasibo, mama, za pomoshch' v ikh poiske. YA tebya lyublyu.” Thank you, mama, for helping me find them. I love you.