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The loud music of the live orchestra, the clinking glasses all over the ballroom, the murmur of dozens of conversations occurring at the same time, the cold rim of the glass against her lips, the overwhelming warm lights illuminating every single corner of the room.
Lumine throws her head slightly back and downs the drink in a quick gulp, the alcohol burning her throat as it goes down. With grace and elegance she would rather not have to display at the moment she leaves the now empty glass in the waiting tray of one of the many waiters that run around the room.
It’s been several decades where Lumine has attended the end of the year gala that the Tsaritsa yearly hosts, and yet every single year she finds herself dreading and hating the thing.
But for her there’s no avoiding it. As she walks through the room countless eyes follow her, every step she takes is well thought out and choreographed, she passes by another waiter carrying a tray full of drinks and with no fanfare quickly takes hold of a new drink.
She brings it to her lips and for the moment limits herself to just small sips, not like that will make a difference on her current state, after hours of taking drink after drink the effects are already present. That slight humming inside her head, moments when her mind starts to wander, while still nowhere near drunk she knows she is getting closer.
She keeps on walking with no real direction and taking small sips, the eyes still follow her, but how could they not? Tonight is one of the few times when the elusive second hand of Her Majesty the Tsaritsa is out and about for the public to see. Tonight is one of the few chances where many will have an opportunity to talk to one of Her Majesty’s advisors before she goes back to the more obscure corners of both the world and her Excellency’s court.
But if she has learned something in her more than 5 decades of being part of the court of the nation of eternal frost, is how to appear busy in a way that made no one approach her even if she was doing absolutely nothing.
And for a while that is just what she does, mindlessly wandering all around the room while downing drink after drink, occasionally she will make a quick stop and slowly look around, giving the illusion that she is overseeing the event so that it runs smoothly.
Luck is with her and no one approaches her, and soon the clock will mark the octave hour since the event started, a point in which few will notice when she manages to slip out of the room, and if someone does? Well it’s not like anyone aside from her Majesty can really admonish her, and tonight Lumine has done her required amount of strutting around the place, allowing the eyes of the court to see her and be reminded of the power the Tsaritsa holds.
The time for her vanishing is getting closer, her only form of amusement and distraction is yet another drink and being able to see the usually so composed and untouchable Harbingers hiding their discomfort and desire to bolt out of here as soon as possible. Or well, at least the majority of them, seeing as La Signora thrives on the attention these kinds of events bring her, she is the only exception.
Unlike them, the formidable First is like a fish out of water, to the untrained eye he hides it well, but Lumine knows that the formidable Captain has a long list of places where he would rather be than here. The current Ninth and Eleventh don’t fare any better, both are rather silent souls that prefer the solicitude of their offices to crowded ballrooms full of people.
Amongst the bustle the clock arriving at the eight hour is lost on everyone but her, it’s time to make her unnoticed vanishing.
Now more urgent than ever, she has been acting as if she hadn’t noticed, but amongst the many eyes observing her the most intense were the ones of the Lord Jester.
Since some days ago he had been wanting to discuss something with her, Lumine believed she had an idea of what it was.
Gracefully and silently she walks through the crowd, and amongst the many souls she sees one of the more recent reasons for the court’s gossip, the puppet that hailed from Inazuma.
He had been introduced to the court just some weeks ago, and the fallout was already rather annoying. And it would only become worse once it was announced that he would be the one to take the position of the still vacant Sixth Harbinger.
As if sensing her intentions to dip the event, Pierro excuses his current conversation and makes his way towards her.
But he’s too slow, before he’s able to reach her she’s already at the door and the soldier guarding it doesn't even hesitate to allow her to leave, her escape is successful. Most likely not her brightest move, but the truth is that right now she’s not in a state to start discussing the way to fix the ramifications of the problem they will soon have in their hands.
Ah, everything sucks, the day, her mood, the event, one would believe that after decades of attending them she would grow used to them, yet she hasn’t, and she doubts she ever will.
With silent and delicate steps she walks unseen through dark corridors, she really dared to believe that-.
Probably thanks to the alcohol running its course through her, but slowly her thoughts travel to the past. That first decade had been just as miserable as today, but then, from the lands of knowledge and dreams their most recent addition arrived. It started as a hesitant partnership between the two of them, but quickly they grew comfortable. After that Galas and other events became less miserable when she could spend them in his company.
And for a while she could manage, and then for some reason Pierro decided to send him on that infiltration mission to the land of electro. And for years she was back to suffering these bothersome events by herself.
But he had returned earlier in the year, and Lumine had believed that everything would return to normalcy, it didn’t.
His return was met with his immediate complete seclusion to his laboratory, whatever it was that he was working had managed to capture his total and exclusive attention.
It must be something rather groundbreaking, seeing as the Tsaritsa had allowed him to work solely on that.
Seeing as how it had managed to rob his complete attention and keep him separate from her.
Alone and miserable she walked down empty dark corridors.
The world around her had started to spin, and her emotions were becoming an uncontrollable frenzy, in an embarrassing display that luckily none would see, tears were starting to form at the corners of her shining golden eyes.
Being an emotional drunk really sucked.
***
No matter how many times he had been a part of them, these gatherings and celebrations never stopped being nothing more than a hindrance and a waste of time.
Did he understand the subtle show of power and status that it was meant to be? Yes, but that didn’t change the fact that right now there were many other more productive things he could be doing.
Still, at least he had been able to acquire more funds for his experiments after a little bit of socialization with some of the Fatui patrons.
There’s movement from the corner of his eye, the Lord Jester moves from the place he had been staying for the past hours, to the untrained eye nothing would seem out of normal, they would simply see the man walking around the room making quick conversation with any attendee he crosses paths with as he walks around.
But Il Dottore is able to see more than the normal person, he sees the way the Jester has his attention completely on just one thing, and can see the mild tension and hurry that fuels his actions. It doesn’t take the scholar long to see what, who, is the objective of the Jester’s attention.
Quick and silent in the distance he sees Lumine making her way through the crowd, unnoticed, almost nothing but a blur.
At some point the Jester makes the vain effort to speed up his walk, the Director is unable to reach the woman before she reaches one of the doors of the room and… leaves?
But, they still hadn’t had their dance.
***
Another door closes behind her, and Lumine finally allows out some of the sobs and whines she had been silencing ever since exiting the ballroom, she’s still some minutes away from reaching her room, but she’s finally in the Harbinger’s wing of the palace, with nobody to judge her for her deplorable state.
Aside from altering her emotional state, all the alcohol is finally managing to make her world spin more and more, she just manages some steps before she has to stop to find her sense of balance again.
The corridor is only illuminated thanks to the moon, the light entering easily through the massive windows, the stars are also delectable tonight, such a waste of such a pretty night.
With her balance failing her once again she ends up sitting on the windowsill, body laying over the cold glass, and eyes focused on the winter scenery.
“Ah, I didn't even get to dance.”
That stupid dance, their stupid dance.
High on the list of many things that Lumine would never get used to was the amount of suitors that vied for her hand. Some chased after her as a way to obtain a higher standing in the court, others did it because they desired her. But no matter the motivation any advance of any kind was not being considered or entertained.
Unfortunately, having to dance with one of them during a gala wasn’t something she could easily excuse herself out of, or well, there was actually an easy solution, having a dance partner. Those first years had been hard, having to decide which noble or knight irritated her less, and had the minor probability of offending her past the point of civility.
But then, she struck that partnership with the Doctor the moment he arrived, and ever since her first, (and usually only dance,) was granted to him. With no exceptions.
At least until he left, luckily she had some of the Harbingers that she actually was on friendly terms with, and that rather odd occasion in which the Jester was granted the honor.
Tonight she had looked up towards their first dance after a while.
Whatever.
But it wasn't like the crumbling relationship came out of nowhere, for years they had been dancing to a rhythm that either could make it more or break it.
She thought things would change for the better.
What a shame.
***
Once the music changes and the first couple dares to take charge all the others follow. And with all eyes over the dance floor leaving the room unnoticed is incredibly easy.
For a moment he debated against running down the halls, but Lumine had minutes of advantage over him, and there was also the fact that he had no way to know where she went to, but her room was the most logical option.
In the end he settled in a hurried pace, before changing to a run once he reached the deserted areas.
If Lumine reached her room before he found her, then she was going to lock herself inside it and she would not come out until she so desired. Of course he could simply wait until tomorrow to talk with her, but every instinct in him told him that there was more to what he was seeing. And that whatever was going on needed to be immediately discussed.
He could feel the end of the dance they had been practicing around each other for years approaching and he wasn’t sure if he wanted it to end where all the signals were pointing.
***
Minutes had passed and yet she hadn't moved from the windowsill, she possessed no desire to, it was pathetic but the thought of staying still where she was sitting while dwelling in her misery appealed to her.
In the end some tears had fallen, luckily not enough to completely ruin her makeup and make her look like a complete mess, but to a keen eye it would be easily noticed.
And then the door behind her opened, the fragile peace she had managed to find shattered.
It was okay, everything was okay, none of the Harbingers she was friendly with would force her to share her problems, and would actually try to offer comfort in their own awkward way. And well if it was the Ninth or the Eleven, it wasn't really a big secret that they were terrified of her, she was not above using that to get them off her case.
Everything would be fine, as long as it wasn’t.
“Lumine”. He calls for her.
“Dottore.” She says back, and doesn't stand up but turns to look at him. “What are you doing here?”
He's slightly out of breath, did he run all the way here? Why? She forces her senses to perceive more but nothing out of the ordinary is happening, so there’s no emergency that would have caused him to come in what appeared a desperate run for her.
“You left before we could have our dance.”
Unbelievable, how completely ridiculous!
It’s, it’s so absurd that she can do nothing but laugh at that moment.
***
She’s laughing, it’s not the first time that Lumine laughs in his presence, also not the first time when she laughs at him.
But it is the first time where instead of mirth or joy, the laugh he caused is one so full of condescension and scorn.
“You.” She finally manages to say before another fit drowns the rest. She turns her back to him, unable to even see his face. Her shoulders shake in what he knows is well concealed rage. “You truly are such a… So unbelievable!” Whatever she's trying to convey is lost when her words dissolve in a growl of pure frustration.
And he can just stand there, in the far distance the sound of the music can still be faintly heard.
Finally Lumine takes a deep breath, and her movements cease, she looks over her shoulder, her glare showing no feelings, and until that moment he realizes; tears are running down her face, the paths showing over her cheeks proof that she had been crying since before he arrived.
“I left before our dance.” She repeats his world in an incredulous tone. “Why wouldn’t I?”
What? For a small moment he believes the worst, that in the years he had been away someone had finally managed to surpass her defenses, and taken her all for themselves. It’s an idiotic unfounded thought, after all she is here, having made her great escape before the dancing began.
But then, why? Why would she leave?
In the face of his silence she finally completely turns to face him. By this point the tears have ceased but their aftermath is so clear to see.
“Why? It is what you must be thinking right. But why wouldn’t I? Seeing as to how you didn’t even bother asking for us to dance.”
Oh. In the grand scheme of things, after years of their dance being the only one that Lumine would accept to external eyes, maybe still asking her when it was guaranteed was unnecessary. But between both of them it had become a custom, even if the answer always was a yes, days before he still would approach her, and with a token of some kind, either flowers, or a piece of jewelry of some kind that he knew would match with her clothes for the gala he would make the question.
But yes, this time it was different. But it had not been born out of forgetfulness on his part, he would never, but instead.
“I was to ask you today. You have been avoiding me these past days.”
For mere seconds the emptiness in her eyes is replaced by a flash of rage, and her eyes slightly twitch. How has he erred with his words he doesn't know, but he braces to the explosion that is about to go.
But instead of screaming at him Lumine does something worse, she simply turns and walks away.
Or well, at least tries.
With a lack of grace that doesn’t belong to her, she slightly tumbles after some steps. At the same time that he moves to her side to help her, she catches herself on the windowsill, pushing his awaiting arms away on clear rejection she opts for sitting down back again. Her back resting on the window.
And it’s not until now that the space in between them is closer, and with the moonlight shining a spotlight over her, that the tears start anew. They fall quickly and in great amounts, but she remains silent, no sobs or cries leave her.
“I have been avoiding you.” It’s more of a whisper to herself than anything else, still he hears the disbelief that fills her tone.
“You silly man,” she finally addresses him. “You really haven’t even realized yet, have you?”
Tear filled eyes look straight at him, her gaze is so intense, that not even the barrier of his mask seems to offer a degree of separation.
“Dottore,” she says in a voice so soft and calm. “This is the second time we have had a conversation ever since you came back.”
And the first one had been nothing more but pleasantries during the celebratory banquet that had been thrown the exact same moment he returned.
“Every single one of my invitations and summons, you have either rejected or simply overlooked.”
At some moment, he fell to his knees, his hands seizing the skirts of Lumine’s dress, words refusing to come out.
“Many were the times I went to search for you, but you know what I always found? The door to your laboratory closed, nobody allowed to come in.”
There’s a moment of weakness in him, and for seconds he looks away from her. In guilt? Denial?
“So tell me, what was I supposed to take that as? It’s clear is it not? It's just that you finally found something far more interesting that I could have been, and what other destiny awaited me more than to be discarded.”
Ah, so that bad habit of his finally came to bite him back. But no, it wasn't that. It would never be that.
And it was only in the privacy of his mind, but since years ago he had dared to admit to himself that what kept him interested for so long in Lumine, had so long ago stopped being out of scientific interest. And it was simply the desire for connection, for somebody who had accepted and comprehended him, in all of his totality.
But how to even begin to say all of that. And how to even begin to explain that what had kept him so busy was nothing more but the ‘cure’ for his mortality. How to explain that soon one of the biggest hurdles holding them back was about to be destroyed.
Because he knew, even if they never talked about it, as the years passed, and the wear of time started to present itself on him he could see how it also had an effect on her. Sometimes when he removed his mask and she saw another wrinkle or aging line on his face, her eyes would start to fill with something akin to sorrow.
They never talked about it, but slowly his time decreased and even if he still had some decades left, it was obvious she had already started to mourn him.
Once again silence had befallen.
“Lumine.” How? How to do it? How to do do it? What to do? Explain or apologize? Both.
In a rare display he removes his mask, once years ago, Lumine had once mentioned that no matter how hard he tried his eyes would always betray his intentions, and reflect all of his emotions. Would that do it? Would it be enough to show the true depth of his sorrow and regret?
Did it matter? What was he searching for? Her pardon or to simply put her mind at ease?
And so he began.
What transcurred would be something that he would never forget, a precious memory forever ingrained in his memory. At the beginning her disappointment and disbelief, but then the hitch of her breath and the way her eyes opened wide in shock when he shared that he had found the way to avoid his death. The way that the stars themselves shined inside her eyes when he revealed that soon she could stop worrying about his death, for it would become an impossibility.
Would forever remember the way her hands had cradled his face still laying on her lap, and slowly she bent over to allow their lips to meet.
It wasn’t a complete forgiveness, that would come later, but for now it was enough for her.
It was enough for them.