Work Text:
Once soon a time there was a lonely cookie named shadow milk cookie. There was also a cookie named Cow. And there was another cookie named pure vanilla. One day as shadow milk cookie watched idly above the town he saw a cookie with billowing robes and a kind smile, his name was pure vanilla cookie. Pure vanilla cookie was sitting under an apple tree. Pure vanilla cookie ate one of the apples from the tree and fell into a deep death like sleep. Nearby cow was watching him slumber and as he walked closer he came to startling revelation. Pure vanilla cookie had grown a third eye. It looked like a virus had been implanted onto him, the eye was bright blue and dark blue ink was spreading across his forehead. A gutural screen ripped its way out of cows throat, drawing shadow milks attention back onto the pair. Shadow milk quickly ran over to cow and pure vanilla. The eye on pure vanillas forehead started glowing suddenly and it was as if he was possessed as he spoke. “I see a song of past romance, I see the sacrifice of man, I see portrayals of betrayal and a brothers final stand, I see you in the brink of death, I see you draw your final breath, I see a man who gets to make it home alive; but it’s no longer you.” Then pure vanilla cookie passed out. The cookies surrounded him and looked at his pale and dead like body. “What do we do now?” Said cow. Black sapphire suddenly falls from the sky just to beat the shit out of cow and then sinks into the ground like a png. Then all of the sudden candy apple cookie came running in with her giant candy apple mace and finished the job before clipping through the wall and disappearing once more. But suddenly all of cow’s 193,836,018,754,742,650,750,310,759,658,649 siblings came running in to revive cow. “This is fucking bullshit”. All of the sudden pure vanilla rose from the ground in a heaven like state instantly vaporizing all of cows siblings, leaving only him and shadow milk alive. When suddenly pure vanilla and shadow milk were thrown violently into the sun, roasting to their deaths. The sun was glowing and shaking violently as it seemed as though it couldn’t contain them with their magical whimsical power and love. Soon they fell like Icarus, landing safely in the sea only instead of death they rose stronger than before. As they swam to the nearest island they realized they were in Alaska. But on Alaska it was like a whole different world from their own, the beings who lived there were not cookies. Two humans walked over, one had fluffy brown hair and was covered in bandages, the other had red hair tied in a loose ponytail; their names were Dazai Osamu and Chūya Nakahara. “I hunger” said Dazai. From the fog many pairs of these strange being appeared looking down at the two cookies like zombies. Soon shadow milk cookie and pure vanilla were on the run, eventually they had covered so much land that they had somehow made it to New Jersey. After walking around New Jersey for a while pure vanilla and shadow milk hop on a plane to New York City. It was like a cute little hallmark movie, until millions of New Yorkers attack shadow milk. “Aghhhhh” shadow milk died on impact. After 20 billion years of praying to the cookie gods, pure vanilla was able to bring back shadow milk with spooky ooky dark magic. With the power of their ooky dark magic, pure vanilla exploded like a beautiful supernova and the world becomes Africa. Appearing in a halo of golden light Shakira decended upon this realm and made them do factoring to repay for their sins.
The end.