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Robby wasn’t new to grief.
He saw it almost every day he went to work. But it was new to watch someone else go through it. Someone he knows and loves. Someone who didn’t get time to prepare. That one day you walk home, and the house is just empty after having been filled for a while. It was jarring for Robby as well. One day, he was over with Jake for a late lunch and Kendra was in the kitchen. Her snarky comments echoed over the walls and the smell of her signature pan-fried haddock filled the house. The next day, the house is gray and gloomy, and Jack sits on the floor, staring off into the distance after having thrown his crutches across the room and Robby just stood there and looked at his friend. He didn’t know what he was supposed to do. He wasn’t new to grief, but seeing Jack go through it was something else.
It happened just before shift change. Robby was bouncing on his feet, ready to get home after having spent the whole day shift dealing with the flu influx. He had seen Jack walk back to the locker room and gave him a nod. Dana had called something about an MVC, and Robby had just sighed. He had hoped to be out of here soon. He had a dinner planned with Janey, and Jake was finally old enough not to need a sitter. This MVC was going to be on him as the attending. He was pissed at first. He wasn’t pissed when they brought in Kendra.
“CHARGING.”
He wished he were the one to tell Jack. He wished it could have been him. He hated the thought of Jack hearing it from someone but him. But Robby needed to run the code. He needed to be the one to work on her, because he knew Jack wouldn’t want anyone else to work on her. Jack had to be restrained, held back by the security guard. He wanted to help, he wanted to be the one who ran the code. Robby heard his screams when they stopped CPR. They would echo through his brain until the day he died.
“Please, just three more minutes, please, give her more time. More - mor-”
In the end, there was nothing to be done. No one to blame. She hit a spot of black ice and swerved into oncoming traffic. The CCTV and forensics confirmed it. The crash happened a mile away from the hospital and she was there 15 minutes after the crash. She flatlined on the two-minute ride to the hospital. It took 27 minutes from the time she kissed Jack goodbye to be declared dead. There was nothing anyone could have done. She died on impact, but she was kept going by the responders, by the team, until they realized that the only thing keeping her going was the CPR.
“Robby?” Jack called from the room. He sounded broken, like he had sounded since the funeral happened. “Can you-?”
Robby dropped what he was doing and turned toward the bedroom. “Sure.”
Robby left his place from where he was packing the living room. He walked into the bedroom to see Jack on the floor, his crutches standing by the wall. Jack was lying down on his side, tears falling silently as he stared at the open closet door. Jack was clutching a sweater to his chest as the tears kept falling. Robby wanted to pull him into his arms and kiss away the pain. But he couldn’t. They were friends. Nothing more.
“I can’t-.” Jack began, but the rest of the words were swallowed by a hiccup.
“I’ll get it,” Robby said and began pulling up a box and folding the clothes away. “What are you going to do with it?”
“She- Uh- She wants it donated.”
“Do you want to keep any?” Robby asked and knelt on the floor next to his friend, pressing a firm hand on his shoulder. He could feel the way Jack's body shook under his hands. “We can do this later also.” Jack didn’t answer. He just sobbed quietly into the shirt. Robby was used to it. He couldn’t imagine trying to live on after Janey died. It would destroy him. He would probably be in Jack's exact shoes, lying on the floor and praying.
“I-” Jack tried, but nothing more came out. Robby just ran a comforting hand up his back, trying to convey support through the gesture.
“Let’s leave it? Hm?” Robby said and shifted on the floor so he could move Jack to a sitting position. “I know you want to pack the bedroom yourself, but Janey and I can do it. Janey can find out which clothes can be donated and which can’t, and you can keep those.”
“We have a will, we have everything that we want done listed after I almost died from the infection.”
“That’s smart.”
“It felt stupid at the time.”
Jack just nodded, and Robby lifted him so he was standing. He was still crying, but Robby just let him lean on him as he brought him out into the living room. He didn’t bother with the crutches; he knew Jack needed the comfort of touch at this moment, and Robby would give it to him in any way he was allowed.
“Michael- Oh-oh, Honey,” Janey said and walked over so Jack could wrap his other hand around Janey's shoulder, and together they wobbled over to the couch. “Let’s get you a tissue.”
“I’m starting to hate tissues,” Jack mumbled as he sat down heavily on the couch. It made Robby’s heart flutter.
They had moments, moments when Jack would come back. They were starting to be more moments of him joking and laughing than moments of him lying down or staring off into space. Robby knew it was part of the grieving process. It didn’t make the processes any less saddening seeing it happen to his friend. The first few weeks were eerie. Robby and Janey took turns checking on him, making sure he ate, he moved, and he took showers. Jack didn’t cry for the first few weeks. He just started into the abyss. Then came the anger. When the forensic report came back and there was no one to blame. Robby got a black eye that day, and Jack had a broken thumb. The next phase was just normal. Jack was cracking jokes, taking Jake to shoot hoops at the YMCA, and showing up to work. Then he called Robby sobbing at three am, drunk off his ass, and using alcohol to self-medicate the hurt and anger.
“She's not coming back, she's not at the bar and she's not coming back.”
It haunts Robby. Many things about this seem to haunt him. Jack is light when he holds onto him. He’s pliable when they help him bathe, and he’s lost muscle. He has a therapist on speed dial, and Robby has spent more nights in the guest bedroom of this house than his own home since the day Kendra passed. Robby isn’t new to grief, but there is something about watching his best friends go through all the stages that makes it hurt more than he ever thought was possible.
“I need to move. I can’t stay here, I need to move and not wait for her to walk through the fucking door, Mikey, I can’t fucking stand it here.”
Jack moved into their guest bedroom in the end. He placed his house up for sale and found a new place for himself. Somewhere where he could start anew. Jake loved it, loved having Jack around. He loves him. It's helped Jack. Made him more like his old self again. Not the high-strung version of himself who plastered on a face and got moving because that's what men do. The light was coming back in his eyes. But now it was hollow. Robby and Janey had offered to pack everything for him, but he insisted he wanted to help. Robby had a feeling it would end up this way, with Jack just staring into the abyss as Robby and Janey took the rest of the stuff in the living room and packed it into boxes. Half of it was going into storage for Jack to deal with later, the other half to his new condo three minutes away from Robby and Janey.
“I wish it were me instead.”
“You wish you were dead or it was me in the coffin?”
“Don’t start Janey.”
“You think we should call Jake?” Janey asked as they moved into the kitchen. Jack was still on the couch, staring off into space. “I’m worried this is going to take longer than we thought.”
“He can heat up a pizza if we’re too late,” Robby said as he opened one more box and began looking at the cupboard.
“That’s not-” Janey sighed. “You know, sometimes I think it's like you're not listening to me anymore.”
“Well, what did you want me to say?” Robby said as he let his fist fall hard onto the counter. He was tired. So tired. He wanted this endless cycle of dealing with Jack and dealing with Janey to end. He felt spread so thin that he was see-through.
“To tell me to call him or something? He’s 12, not 17, I don’t want him to cook by himself.”
“He’ll be fine.”
“I don’t want to do this right now,” Janey said and began taking stuff out of the cupboard and reading labels. Robby just sighed and began wrapping the plates. “He’s still a kid, you know.”
“I thought you didn’t want to do this,” Robby said, but regretted it the moment the words left his mouth. Janey let the bag of crackers she was holding drop to the floor. “I’m sorry, I’m just-”
“You’re just what Robby?” Janey said and crossed her arms. “You keep taking everything out on me. I know you want to be there for your friend, but at some point you’re going to have to start prioritizing us.”
“I am making time for us.”
“You’re making time for Jake, not us. You’ve barely fucking slept in the same bed as me for the past month. It feels like I lost both you and Kendra in the same fucking week,” Janey said and uncrossed her arms, busying herself with the labels.
“Sorry, I know it doesn’t cut it, but- Jack needs me. I want to be there for my friend,” Robby said as he placed the last plate in the box.
“I FUCKING LOST HER TOO,” Janey screamed, and then she was sobbing, the opened bag of pretzels abandoned on the counter as she covered her face with her hands. “She was my friend too- I just-”
Robby just turned and enveloped her in a hug. He rested his head on top of hers and felt as she hit him twice in the chest before falling onto her knees. Her sobs echoed over the kitchen as Robby knelt by her and wrapped his hands around her again. “I’m sorry,” Robby said, and felt as she let the tension go.
“It’s just so unfair,” Janey said after a while. Her sobs had died into hiccups after a while, and they both knelt there, arms wrapped around each other. “She was a good person, she didn’t deserve to go.”
“She didn’t.”
“You know they were going to try IVF one more time?” Janey said as she pushed herself away from Robby's chest. Robby lifted his hands to stroke away the tears as he shook his head. “She told me that the night before, when she came over for a girls' night. They had an appointment the day after- after she died.”
“I didn’t know.”
“She was my friend, my close friend. I know they’ve only been together for four years, but she was my friend.” Janey said and reached up to cup her hands around Robby's face. Her fingers were cold. “I wanted it for them. I wanted a kid for them. Wanted them to have a family like us.”
“Me too,” Robby said. He wanted to turn back time and stop Kendra from getting in that car. Ask her to stay, ask her not to drop off Jack that night. Make Jack take the bus or make him drive himself. But he can’t change it. He can’t go back and change a thing. He can only stay here and try and push through the grief and help his friend and partner to start again. “Go home.”
“What?” Janey asked, and Robby leaned down to kiss her. He was grateful she kissed him back. He didn’t want to fight, he was tired of fighting with the people he loved.
“Go home,” Robby said as he pulled back. “Take Jake out to lunch and then bring him back here. He and Jack can go shoot hoops or something whilst we finish packing, and then we can go home together and go out. Just the two of us.”
“But-”
“No buts,” Robby said and kissed her again and pulled her up from the floor. “We’ll get greasy fast food and talk, just the two of us. But we need to do this first, and then we can unpack everything. Jack can cook for Jake, or they can order, I don’t care. Go home.”
“Okay,” Janey said and sighed. “It’s a good idea, Jack shouldn’t be doing this right now. Kendras death is too fresh in his mind.”
“I have good ideas sometimes,” Robby said and pulled her close to his chest and kissed the top of her head.
“The word sometimes is doing a lot of work in that sentence,” Janey said and pulled away from him to kiss him. “I’ll be back in two hours. You two eat something.”
“Yes ma’am,” Robby said and watched her walk into the living room.
“I’m going to get Jake, okay, Jack?” Robby heard Janey say to Jack. He didn’t hear Jack respond, but he heard the front door click closed. He was glad Janey was away. He didn’t know how to deal with both her and Jack in the same room. Robby busied himself getting the rest of the essentials from the kitchen packed. He didn’t want to think about Jack and Janey. He didn’t want to think about anything. He fell into a rhythm of wrapping and packing. It was soothing, like playing a real-life version of Tetris.
“She lied,” Robby was snapped back into reality by Jack's voice from the living room.
“Who lied?” Robby asked and placed the bowl he was wrapping on the counter, and made his way to the living room.
“Kendra,” Jack said. He was still staring off into the distance. Robby just sat down next to him. He didn’t ask any questions. Just sat down next to his friend and waited for him to continue. He knew pressing him would only make him shut down again. He did it when he lost his leg and he did it again when he lost his wife. “She was already pregnant. We had done IVF roughly two weeks before. Had already gotten it confirmed by a blood test. We had our second blood test the next day, to make sure everything was on the right track.”
Robby didn’t know what to say. It wasn’t the first time this month. He should say he’s sorry. But it doesn’t feel like sorry is enough. He hates that Jack kept this from them. But he can’t hate a grieving man. He can’t hate Jack ever. He still-. He can’t go down that route. That route leads to pain and heartache. So Robby says the one thing he can say.
“I’m so sorry, Jack.”
“There’s nothing to be sorry for,” Jack said as he turned to look at Robby. “I didn’t want you to go through the bedroom to find the pregnancy test. I knew it would just make it harder for the two of you.”
“You shouldn’t be thinking about it being hard for the two of us.”
“But it is,” Jack said and scooted closer. “You lost her too, and you’ve been taking care of me. Making sure I keep myself alive. You deserve time to mourn her too.”
“I have been.”
“Didn’t sound like it,” Jack said and laid a tentative hand on Robby’s thigh. “Janey sounds pissed.”
“Things have been tense,” Robby said. Jack's hand on his thigh felt like fire. He felt like someone was dropping ice down his back, with how his hair stood on end.
“I can move out.”
“It’s been going on for a while,” Robby said and turned so he could face Jack. With the afternoon glow streaming in from the living room window, it made a sort of halo around Jack. He looked angelic. Worn down, tired, and eyes red-rimmed, but Robby couldn’t stop thinking about how much he wanted to kiss him. It was not what he was supposed to be thinking. Those thoughts were thoughts on the route he wasn’t supposed to go down in his head.
“A while being?” Jack asked, and his thumb rubbed over Robby’s jeans. It was distracting. It made his mind wander. Wander down the route of pain and heartache. A route littered with what ifs?
“Six months,” Robby said. “She wants to get married, I don’t.” Robby couldn’t. He couldn’t marry her. He cheated on her. He’s still there. Four years later, he’s still here. Still dating her. Still keeping her bed warm on most days. Still playing dad with Jake. He’s scared of losing them. Of losing Jake. He doesn’t think he loves her anymore. Doesn’t think he has loved her since the moment Jack came back into his life.
Jack just whistles. “That's a long time.”
“I should break up with her. But there is never a right time.”
“Trust me on this,” Jack said, and his hand moved from his thigh to the back of Robby’s neck. “There is never a right time. Kendra taught me that. She always said lifes to fleeting to waste time. That's why we got married so quickly.”
“I thought you guys did that so she could get the military spouse benefits.”
“Partially,” Jack said and dropped his hands from the back of Robby's neck. He could still feel the heat from his hand on the small of his back, even if Jack wasn’t touching him. He felt like Jack was a live wire next to him. He didn’t know where this conversation was going, didn’t know how to estimate what was going to happen next, or how to get him to stop feeling so electric and hot. “But mostly it was her. She wanted to get married and said that anyone who sticks around after how bitchy I was post-deployment deserves a wedding. I agreed. She bought the rings the next day.”
“I didn’t know that.”
“There’s a lot we didn’t say,” Jack said and leaned back into the couch and removed his hand from behind Robby. Robby missed it right away. “There's a lot I regret from my past life. You, enlisting, not telling Kendra every day I love her. But there is nothing I can do to change that. I can change my now and affect my future, or I can wallow in pity until I die. Kendra wouldn’t want me to do that. She would want me to move on, to live.”
“You sound like a therapist,” Robby said and leaned back with him.
“I’ve been spending a lot of time with mine,” Jack said, and Robby watched as he ran patterns over the sweater in his hands. They spent a while like that. Jack looking up at the ceiling, and Robby looking at Jack's hand. His wedding band caught the light a few times and glinted. “I’m glad she died before we had a kid. I couldn’t live life the way she would want if it were the other way around. I would be stuck in a spiral of surviving.”
“She wouldn’t have faulted you for that.”
“But I would,” Jack said and sat up again. “Robby, I say this as a widower, but you need to live. Live life for yourself. Take a break, enjoy life. Not settle down because it's easier.”
“I missed you.”
“You were with me the whole time.”
“Yeah but I couldn’t hold you like this.”
“I am not settling. I love the two of them.”
“Yes, but do you love them or the idea of them?” Jack asked.
“Is there a difference?”
“Yes.”
“I don't know,” Robby said and stood up walking away. “I’m going to finish packing the kitchen now.”
“Can you get my prosthetic?” Jack asked. “I want to help.”
“You think that's a good idea?” Robby asked, but fetched the prosthetic from the foyer anyway.
“I have to live, if not for me then at least for her, and to live means dealing with my life,” Jack said as he took the prosthetic from Robby and lifted his joggers up to put on the sleeve. “And my life now is going through loss. It's hard, but I’ll live. I’ll cry, and I’ll scream, and then I’ll live.”
“You should have been a therapist,” Robby said as he heard the locking hiss.
“I would have been shit at it,” Jack said and stood up a bit wobbly. He pulled the sweater over his head, and Robby watched as he pulled the collar up to his nose and kissed it. The sweater was tight on him, and Robby could see the way his eyes glistened as he pulled the hem so it would sit lower over his stomach. “I have no bedside manners.”
“Still think you would have been good at it.”
“That's speaking of the past,” Jack said and walked ahead of Robby to the kitchen. “I want to forget about what ifs for a while.”
“Okay,” Robby said and followed Jack. He would always follow Jack.
“See? I learned a new trick.”
“That looks danguoruse.”
“You should see him do it with coffee, then we’re in dangerous territory.”
“What if forgotten,” Robby said and handed Jack a bowl. “You wrap, I pack?”
“A plan,” Jack said, and began wrapping. Robby tried not to notice the times Jack handed him a paper that was wet with a few tears. He just gave Jack a reassuring pat on the back after each box was full. He wished he could do more. When Robby was done and was waiting for Jack to finish wrapping the last of the mugs, Robby let himself enjoy looking at Jack. Look at him and enjoy him.
He looked good. Rough but good. The sweater was a bit tight around the shoulder, but looked good on him nonetheless. His eyes were tired and red-rimmed, but his profile glowed in the light. It made Robby’s heart ache. He wanted him. Always wanted him. Wanted Jack anyway that he could. It was disgusting to think about it. He knew it. He shouldn’t be lusting after Jack whilst he was still mourning the loss of his wife. But he couldn’t help it. He was in love with Jack. A part of Robby's heart would always and irrevocably belong to the man who shed a few tears as he wrapped the final mug up in paper and handed it to Robby. Their hands brushed momentarily, and it sent shivers up Robby's spine. It made his stomach churn. He shouldn’t be feeling this for him now.
“I have something on my face?” Jack asked, and Robby was snapped back to reality so violently that it almost made him jump.
“No, just,” Robby sighed and continued. “I admire you.”
“I think I love you.” Robby whispered into the hair of a sleeping Jack. The late afternoon sun cast a halo around his head. He looked angelic.
“For what?”
“For dealing with grief like this,” Robby said and waved his hands around. “I would be a mess if Janey died.”
“I was a mess,” Jack said and rested his hand on Robby’s upper arm. “But I had you and Janey and Dana and Adamson to help me pick up the pieces.”
“Yes but-” Jack placed his finger over Robby's mouth to shush him, and Robby's whole begin short circted.
“No what ifs, you promised,” Jack said and removed his finger. Robby missed it. “I was a mess, and now I’m picking up the pieces myself. You helped me. You stayed with me, got me to eat, and got me to shower. You helped me. You and the people who love me.”
“Okay.”
“Okay.”
“Sometimes I wish I could do more,” Robby said and had to stop himself from hugging Jack.
“You do enough,” Jack said and flashed him a smile. “And sometimes that's plenty.”
“We’re here!” Janey called from the foyer, and Jack dropped his arm from Robby’s.
“Hey Jack, Hey Robby,” Jake called and waltzed into the kitchen with a basketball under his arms. “Mom said you might want to go to Y with me and shoot hoops.”
“Maybe,” Jack said and looked at Robby. “You guys okay to finish? If you’re unsure, just pack it in the boxes for the movers. I’ll get it into storage myself.”
“It’s just the bedrooms and bathrooms left if you guys are done in here,” Janey said and hugged Jack. It filled Robby with a sick sort of envy. He wanted to hug Jack. He hadn’t hugged him since the funeral. It felt wrong. Felt wrong to hug the man he loves. Robby didn’t know why. “We’ll be fine, besides, you’ll be doing us a favour. Jake has been gaming since early morning.”
“Mom-”
“No Jake. You hadn’t moved since we left this morning.”
“God you’re so annoying,” Jake whined, but there was a hint of teasing in his voice.
“You love me all the same.”
“I guess,” Jake said and rubbed his forehead. “Come on Jack, Mom said you can take our car.”
“Lead the way,” Jack said and patted Robby on the back as he left. Robby watched him go and then turned to face his girlfriend.
“Hi,” Robby said and kissed her.
“Hi,” Janey said and kissed him back, a small smile playing on her lips. “You done in here?”
“Yeah, Jack helped,” Robby said. “He seems better.”
“It’s been a month. He’s been good at showing up to therapy,” Janey said as she took his hand and pulled him into the guest bedroom. “Now come on. I want to finish this soon so that he can come home to a packed-up apartment.”
“Yes ma’am.”
They worked in silence until they reached the master bedroom. Robby hesitated as he walked in, wondering where Jack and Kendra would have stored the pregnancy sticks.
“I’ll go over the closet, and you’ll take the dresser?” Janey asked.
“Yeah, I’ll get more boxes,” Robby said and went to exit.
“Oh, can you get a bag for donating?” Janey called after him.
“Yes!” Robby shouted back, picked up the items, and made his way back. He passed a few boxes to Janey and the bags and began taking stuff out of the dressers. Most of it was clothes and jewelry. Robby organized it into boxes and left each drawer open after he was done. As he was reaching the last one, he turned around to see Janey folding each item of clothing slowly and wiping away her tears.
“You okay?”
“She had such nice clothes,” Janey said, and wiped the tears. “I can still sort of smell her on it, I just- It's hard to think of these all going to be donated.”
“We should honor her wishes,” Robby said and made his way over. “She would want that.”
“I know,” Janey said, but the tears continued falling. “I just- She loved this shirt.”
“Then let Jack keep it.”
“I think I will,” Janey said and placed it in the box next to her. “God, I understand why he couldn’t do it.”
“He’s still strong,” Robby said and pulled her into a hug.
“The strongest,” Janey said and wrapped her arms around Robby's waist. “God, I could never do this. You’re not allowed to die.” Robby tried not to tense, but it was hard. Jack's words from earlier were ringing in his head. He wasn’t sure if he could continue to be here. To be the shoulder for her to lean on when he didn’t want to lean on hers. He wanted comfort from Jack.
He was in love with Jack. Not Janey.
“We should finish,” Robby said and kissed her head. “Only this room left.”
“Yeah, let's,” Janey said and pulled Robby down to kiss him. “We got this.”
Robby left her arms and opened the last drawer. He was met with a small box. He pulled it out and opened it. It was filled to the brim with a pregnancy test and a small teddy. Robby shut the lid quickly and placed the box gently down in the box of stuff going to Jack's new place. He placed it next to Kendra's bottle of perfume and just stared at it for a moment. He hadn’t really ever wanted kids. He had been happy when Jany had said she didn’t want any more. Jake was enough for him. He didn’t need any more. But there was something about the fact that Jack had wanted kids. That Kendra had been carrying Jack's kid made his heart ache. He wondered what Jack's curls or smile would look like on a child. He felt his eyes well up, but he blinked and shook his head. He couldn’t get lost in it. He needs to finish.
“We’re back!” Jake called as Robby heard the front door open.
“In here,” Janey called, folded a jacket, and placed it in the bag.
“Hey, Mom.”
“Hey, Jake,” Janey said, and Jake jumped onto the bed. “Where is Jack?”
“He’s putting his running blade away,” Jake said as he stroked the sheets.
“Have fun?” Robby asked as he kept placing Jack's folded clothes into a box, covering the box and perfume.
“So much,” Jake said, smiling from ear to ear. “We played pick up with some older boys, and they had so many good tips for me.”
“He’s going pro,” Jack said, leaning against the door frame, his normal everyday prosthetic on. “I can tell.”
“Stop it,” Jake whined as he blushed. “I’m not tall enough.”
“Plenty of time to grow,” Janey said and walked over so she could ruffle Jake's hair. “If you eat your veggies.”
“Ugh, Mom ~” Jake whined, and Janey just laughed.
“We’re almost done in here,” Janey said as she walked to Jack and gave him a short hug. “Ugh sweaty. You guys can chill here or in the living room while we finish.”
“Actually,” Jack said, with a tentative smile on his lips. “Why don’t you guys go home. I think I want to sleep here for the night and finish this room.”
“You sure?” Robby asked, looking at Jack. He knew that there was concern plastered all over his face.
“Yeah,” Jack said and ran his hands through his hair. “I need to finish this by myself.”
“It's okay to ask for help,” Janey said. “It’s not a problem.”
“No,” Jack said and looked straight at Robby. “I need to live for me, and that starts with finding out what stuff of hers I want to keep and what I want to donate.”
“If you’re sure,” Janey said and hugged him again. “Still sweaty, I don't know why I did that.”
“Me neither,” Jake said. “I need a shower.”
“Let's go home then,” Robby said and patted Jack on the back. “I’ll meet you in the car.”
“Okay,” Janey said, beckoning Jake to follow her. Robby watched them leave and turned to look at Jack.
“You’ll call,” Robby began and walked closer. “Promise you’ll call if you need help.”
“Promise.”
“Promise you’ll call?”
“Every time I can, Mikey.”
“Even if it's just for me to get your crutches,” Robby said and lifted his arm so it was hovering over Jack's. He looked at Jack and saw how his eyes shone, and threw caution to the wind and pulled him into a hug. Janey was right, he was sweaty. But he also felt like he was finally where he was supposed to be. Wrapped in Robby's arms so Robby can fight away the bad thoughts.
“Promise,” Jack said, but his voice was muffled into Robby's shoulder. “I love you, brother.”
“Love you too.”
I love you so much it feels like my heart is being ripped out of my chest.
“Now get going,” Jack said and pushed at Robby's side. “Janey and Jake are waiting for you.” Robby couldn’t let himself let go just yet, though. He pulled Jack in one last time and pressed a quick kiss to the temple of Jack's head and then bolted. It was stupid. But he needed it. Needed to feel him in his arms. To feel how real and warm he is. He needed the courage to fill his heart so he could do the thing he needed to do. To let Janey go and be the person that Jack saw in him.
“Can I come over?”
“Sure, why?”
“Janey and I broke up.”
“Come over, I have beers and shitty company.”
“Whose the shitty company?”
“Me, Kendra's perfume got discontinued.”
“I’ll be there in four.”