Chapter Text
The thing, when you're an eight-year-old boy who insists on wearing shorts to go play outside, is that skin breaks. It can be torn apart as easily as paper, and you never really understand the pain until it's too late and your blood is already smearing the floor. It's no surprise then, when, after attempting what seemed like a very reasonable jump from the top of the park's castle to the floor, Lovro's entire knee ended up scratched from every single little rock waiting for him on the ground. He looks around, his little fingers coming to grab his knee, and tries to control his trembling lips when he realises nobody is watching him. No dad in sight—who probably went wandering around in search of a beer, and no other kids to possibly witness his futile attempts at pursuing his dreams of becoming a ninja.
He looks down at his damaged knee, breath ragged from trying hard not to cry. It becomes even more difficult when the pain starts radiating down his leg, and the shame of his failure threatens to burn his cheeks and his heart. He's a big boy now, as Dad would say a lot. He doesn't cry from a stupid bruised knee from a stupid jump off a stupid castle. Except his knee is more than bruised, it's bleeding, and it hurts, and he really, really wants to cry.
He is about to let go of all the big feelings that had been piling up in his chest for the last two minutes when he hears a light chuckle behind him. Lovro turns around so abruptly that he almost scratches his other knee against the floor. Nobody was supposed to be there, but now there's a boy in front of his own two teary eyes looking down at him with a smile that screams, "I saw you scratch your stupid knee and cry like a stupid little baby." Lovro frowns, tries to control his shaky lips, and turns his bloody knee away from the prying eyes of the boy, as if it would make him forget everything he just saw.
"What do you want?" Lovro almost barks, because if he looks tough enough, maybe the boy will ignore the tears in his eyes. Unfortunately, not only does his smile grow even bigger, revealing a row of teeth with a huge gap right in the middle, where he probably lost one or two, but he also circles Lovro to plant his feet firmly in front of him and points with a chubby little finger at his knee.
"That was dumb. You're not even a ninja. Nobody else could jump from there." He says, laughter so evident in his eyes that suddenly controlling his wobbling lip seems impossible, and the tears he was trying so hard to suppress start sliding down his cheeks freely. His knee hurts really bad, this stupid boy with a weird lisp is laughing at him, and Dad will be back soon with a beer, and he'll see him cry.
"I wasn't even trying to be a ninja…" He mumbles under the sob bubbling in his throat.
"What?" The boy hasn't stopped smiling, but his eyes are serious now. He looks ridiculous, with his big tooth gap.
"I wasn't trying to be a ninja!" He all but screams before turning away from him once more, his eyes scanning the area. He releases a small breath when he takes notice of the absence of Dad around.
Next to him, the boy sits down. He doesn't make much noise through Lovro's loud sniffle, but he feels his presence at his sides. He ignores him.
"Mh..I tried to be a ninja too, one day." He says quietly after a few seconds, serious like he's sharing a secret he's never told anyone before. Lovro slowly turns his head towards him, eyes examining his face in search of the mocking glee he found there a few minutes ago. There's none.
"Yeah?" He asks, wobbles still evident in his voice.
"Mh..yeah. Well, obviously, I was not. Just like you. Look." The boy takes hold of the sleeve of his hoodie and rolls it up to reveal his elbow. There resides, like a trophy, what seems to Lovro's eight-year-old eyes like the biggest scar he has ever seen. The boy wiggles his eyebrows at him as he shakes his elbow a little.
Lovro's eyes widen. Suddenly, nothing hurts anymore, his knee stops being stupid, and the weird kid in front of him becomes the absolute coolest boy he has ever seen in his entire life. He looks down at his knee. Will it leave a scar, too? He hopes so. He imagines walking around school, adorned with a scar that nobody else has, and he will be unique and cool. He can't help the huge grin spreading across his lips at the thought, fantasies of wonder in other people's eyes starting to take root in his mind.
"I can't wait to have a scar!" He exclaims after a while, thumb gently pressing in the wound. This might be just the best day of his life.
"No way! I'm the only one who can have one!" Tooth-gap boy roars before he lays both his hands on Lovro's shoulder and pushes. The young boy loses the only balance he had, sitting legs tangled under his bottom, and ends up sprawled awkwardly on his side, elbow slightly scratching the floor. Before the yell has a chance to dislodge itself from Lovro's throat, because how dare he? The boy is on his own two feet and sprinting down the side of the park with a loud laugh trailing after him.
Lovro doesn't waste any time before he uses his hands to push himself off the floor, not caring in the slightest about the little rocks that pierce his skin in a way that will definitely sting when Mom cleans it later, but he doesn't care because he is on a mission now. First official ninja mission: take down the enemy. The park and the grey building that surrounds it seemingly disappear and leave place for a narrow street bubbling with people going on about their day. Oh, and it has a market. Lovro can almost smell it. He looks around, tries to find the best way to get to his target without attracting the bothered looks of passersby. The boy is still laughing like an idiot on the other side of the park, now turned busy street, so Lovro quickly stops trying to find the best course of action and just runs. He's a ninja; he knows how to be discreet.
His knee protests right off the bat, the pain sending an electric shock right down to his toes, but he doesn't care because he's running as fast as he can, the wind lodges itself beneath his shirt as he gains speed, and he can't rein in his own laugh escaping from the pit of his stomach. He doesn't care because the sun is hitting the top of his head, and he feels warm all over. He doesn't care because Dad is still not back and his eyes are not on him, and all he sees is the brown-haired boy running in front of him with the coolest scar he has ever seen and the ugliest tooth gap. He doesn't care.
"You can't catch me! You're really not a ninja!" The boy exclaims suddenly, turning his head towards Lovro. He almost trips on his own feet by doing so, but manages to keep enough balance to avoid crashing against the floor. His smile falters for just a second before he turns back to look ahead, teeth on full display.
Except Lovro is definitely taller than him, so after a few laps around the park turned busy street, where the only sound that can be heard is the one of their feet thumping on the floor and their giggles echoing on the walls of the buildings around them, he's on him. He plants his hands on the boy's shirt and yanks as strongly as his eight-year-old fingers will let him. The boy comes tumbling down in a yelp that is very much not ninja. As soon as his body hits the floor, Lovro turns him on his back and straddles him to make any attempt at an escape futile. His knee certainly won't be thanking him for the rough treatment, but Lovro has more important matters to take care of. And maybe he shouldn't care too much for it if he hopes for a scar to form there.
"You're a terrible ninja, too! You can't even run!" Lovro celebrates in his face, utterly out of breath, hands pushing his shoulders firmly into the ground. The boy's grin, though, is still plastered proudly on his face, as if he were aware of so many things Lovro wasn't. He smiles like he hasn't just been thrown to the floor, like even though his back is probably being stabbed everywhere by the little rocks that damaged his knee, he's still winning this thing they've been doing. Lovro looks into his eyes, then, and they're shining in a way Lovro is a complete stranger to. It's confusing, and he doesn't understand what he sees in them, but it matters little when they are so compelling he can't look away.
Unlike him, the boy sees something in his eyes that he clearly understands because one second he's pinning him to the ground, and the other he is being strongly pushed to the side like a boneless doll.
"Hey!" Lovro complains before he moves himself on the floor so that he ends up sprawled in the same starfish position as the boy. They're both looking at the sky now. The boy chuckles again. Lovro smiles. He feels good. He still faintly hears the noise of the market around them, but the street has cleared. Maybe people didn't want to get involved with two trained ninjas.
Soon enough, everything is silent but for their breath still catching in their throat occasionally as they still come down from their intense pursuit. The boy next to him fidgets a little, and it has Lovro wondering if he's trying to say something. He doesn't push or try to talk, though, content with the sun hitting his face and still no sign of Dad anywhere.
Soon enough, he hears him take a breath, and his voice echoes around them, shyer than it has ever been since they met roughly fifteen minutes ago.
"You know..I thought it was cool. When you jumped from the castle." It's quiet enough that if Lovro's senses weren't completely tuned in on the boy next to him, he would've missed it. His heart picks up a little bit, seems to catch in on itself to pick up on Lovro's emotions as he turns his face towards the boy. He meets the shining brown eyes that he still can't understand already on him. He throws him his own toothy grin.
"Yeah, I know." He says with the confidence of a boy who was on the verge of a mental breakdown from said jump just a little while ago, but now dreams of a scar that will make him the second coolest kid on the planet. The boy's laugh seems to escape him on its own accord if Lovro notices the slight change in emotions in his irises.
"I'm still the coolest. My scar is bigger than yours." He says in response, eyes sparkling more than ever. "Yours will be so tiny nobody will see it!"
"No, that’s not even true!" Lovro answers, suddenly irate again. Still, he can't help the smile that won't leave his face.
"Yes, it is!" The boy's tongue sticks out of his lips as he shoves his shoulder slightly. Lovro simply grunts in answer and kicks him in the shin.
Soon enough, the two boys are a tangled mess on the floor, limbs seemingly merging as they tear and push and scratch and even bite. Lovro doesn't really understand where he starts and where the boy ends. All that matters is that the sun is still shining on them, and the boy is still laughing, so what else can Lovro do but laugh in return when this is literally the bestest day of his entire life. Because he can't feel any pain anymore, and he jumped from a castle, and now he's fighting a fellow ninja.
He's about to pull at the boys' hair when he hears him.
"Lovro!" Dad's voice is low. Lovro can't see him yet, but he doesn't sound mad, simply bored. He stops moving altogether, heart picking up for all the wrong reasons. It's not jumping from excitement anymore; it's simply back to doing his job.
He looks up, and yes, there he is, beer in hand, on the other side of the park. Much like his voice, his eyes are not angry; they're bored and tired. Lovro doesn't understand how the sun can turn so cold, but suddenly, nothing is warm anymore. The boy beneath him has also stopped moving, so now all that Lovro feels is his dad's bored eyes piercing through his own gaze to land right at the base of his throat, where a lump has formed once more.
"Get up, we need to go home now. And don't get your clothes all dirty like this." He gestures with his beer hand towards their building and waits.
Lovro gets up abruptly and tries not to wince at the boy's little whine when his foot accidentally steps on his hand. He doesn't look at him. Because nothing is warm anymore, and he still can't understand when he looks into his sparkling brown eyes, and Dad is waiting for him.
"Um, bye." He says hurriedly as he starts walking towards his dad.
Oh. His knee hurts again, he didn't even realise. More than ever. The boy hasn't said anything. Lovro feels really cold.
He's starting to limp really badly when he hears behind him the rustling of the little rocks as the boy probably stands on his own two feet as well. Lovro looks at his dad and focuses on the sound behind him, imagines it, thinks of running after him, painlessly. He's cold. Why is he so cold?
He stops in his tracks, hands curling into tiny fists at his side. Dad's foot is starting to tap against the floor. Bored, impatient, angry. Lovro takes a breath that ends up shakier than he would've liked and turns around.
The boy is not smiling anymore. It's the first time. It looks much weirder than his tooth gap. He doesn't like this at all. It's ugly. And he's still cold.
"Um. What's your name?" Lovro asks before he can stop himself, eyes wide, startled.
"Lovro." Dad's voice rings behind him again, and the lump in his throat grows three times its previous size, but he waits. The boy's eyes jump towards his dad for a second; they're not shining very much anymore. Perhaps Dad's boredom steals the light from everything, even his own, Lovro thinks, because it looks wrong on the boy.
"Ivan." The boy, Ivan, ends up answering after a few seconds, fiddling with his fingers. It feels all warm when Lovro repeats it in his head. He smiles at him, hoping the boy will smile back because he really, really doesn't like the frown on his face.
"Cool. Lovro." He waves at Ivan then, hands a little bloodied by their fight, and turns around. The boy stays silent.
He sprints a little when he hears his dad sigh loudly, and doesn't look back.
His fingers press into the wound slowly. He winces, but doesn't stop. Tries to get the warm feeling from earlier, but it doesn't really work. All it does is hurt.
"Lovro, stop doing this. I'm trying to clean your mess, and you shouldn't touch where you're hurt with your dirty fingers." Mom says with a small voice, as she picks up his finger from his knee and moves his hand aside. When they came home, with Dad, she just looked at his knee and dragged him to the bathroom without a word. She didn't look at Dad.
"You think I will have a scar?" Lovro asks when she stops the excruciating task of cleaning his skin with a painless sanitizer that felt more like she was ripping his skin away than anything else.
Mom looks into his eyes then, for what seems like the first time since they came home with Dad, and throws him what she probably thinks is a "reassuring mom smile," but it looks mostly sad.
"Eh, if we take good care of it and you clean it every day just like I did right now, I don't think you'll have anything." She says, thumb tracing slow circles on the side of his leg where he's perched up on the side of the tub.
Oh. He looks down at his knee, then. Stupid, stupid knee. Why would it even hurt so much if it wasn't even going to leave a scar? He thinks of Ivan and the scar on his elbow. He thinks of the kids at school who will never see him cool. He thinks of the street and the market, and running after him for his first ninja mission. He's still so cold.
He's shaken away from his thoughts by the tiny laugh that escapes Mom's lips. He looks up at her, quivering lip trying to prevent the cry that threatens to take over his entire body. She smiles at him and takes the hand that's not holding his leg to his forehead, thumb leisurely smoothing out the frown between his brows.
"What's with the pout, mh? Did you want a scar?"
And her eyes are so big and kind that Lovro's heart just burst out of his chest. Suddenly, every single emotion he was feeling before is spilling out of every pore in his body, and he barely has time to nod that yes, he wanted a scar, before he's sobbing against Mom's chest. That's not fair. He's cold all over, his knee hurts so much, and he won't even get a scar.
"Oh, baby." Her mouth is so close to his ear as she brings him up onto her lap on the floor that Lovro almost feels like she's speaking directly inside his body. "You're okay. You're okay. Maybe it will leave a little mark. It does seem pretty deep."
And if his heart doesn't pick up just a tiny bit at that. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. He holds onto that. Suddenly, he's back at school, and there's a little mark on his knee that kids notice. They look up at him in awe, and they ask him how did you get that? And he smiles at them, shakes his head a little, and answers sorry, top secret. Their eyes turn even brighter, and finally, finally, he's not weird anymore. He's cool. Him and his scar.
"Okay, okay. Up you go, young boy. I need to cook you something. Even ninjas need to eat sometimes!"
Lovro's head whips out of Mom's chest faster than ever before as he looks at her with wide eyes. How does she even know?
She throws her head back in a laugh and winks at him with a sly smile.
"Who do you think I am?"
Then she's up on her feet and out of the bathroom, leaving a baffled Lovro behind.
He notices it weeks later when he wakes up. He thinks he might still be sleeping for a few minutes because there is no way. But he looks, and looks, and looks, and yes, it's still there. When Lovro runs his thumb over it, he feels the little bump. Here, right at the center of his knee, lies the tiniest little mark. He feels it more than he sees it, but nothing else matters because it's here. The scab is gone, the itchiness has finally subsided, and the scar is there. His breathing picks up slightly as his head whips towards the mirror lying against the wall next to his bed. He jumps out of bed, trips over the clothes lying on the floor, and barely makes his way towards it without falling face-first on the floor.
He stops breathing, rides up his pyjama pants all the way to his thighs, and just looks. He doesn't feel different from before, but still, when he turns a little bit on himself, and it's still here, it almost feels like his heart is ready to leap out of his chest from joy. It looks cool.
He jumps a little, looks one last time before he's out of his room, running to the kitchen, where he can hear Mom moving around.
"Lovro! What did I say about running around before 9 am?" She complains before he is even in her line of sight. Lovro rolls his eyes. She's mad because she hasn't seen it yet. This is why he's running.
"Look! Mama, look!" He almost screams as he halts to a stop next to where her mom is standing over a stove.
"The neighbours can hear you running, and it wakes them up, so just— what?" She sighs as she turns around to look down on him, eyebrow raised in annoyance.
Lovro doesn't say anything, expecting. His grin doesn't falter. Come on, just look! It's right there!
But Mom doesn't seem to see anything. She just looks up and down, seems to honestly try to look for something, but her eyes stay blank, oblivious to what has just completely altered Lovro's world forever.
"Mama!" He whines then, head dropping, because how can she not see it?
"I'm sorry, kiddo…um… did you grow up during the night?" She tries, but the grin that slowly creeps up on her face looks way too amused for Lovro's liking. This is very serious. So serious, actually, that he can already feel the lump forming in his throat.
"No! Look, here!" He throws his leg up and almost loses his balance when his other foot slips on the floor. Mom is openly laughing now, and Lovro's heart is definitely not leaping out of his chest anymore. It's as still as stone. "Stop laughing!"
"Sorry, sorry.." She picks up his knee between her fingers. Despite the teasing smile still adorning her face, her eyes are serious again. "Honey, hold onto the counter. If you keep moving like this, I won't be able to see anything."
It takes a little while, but finally, her eyes shine with recognition, and soon enough, she's tracing his scar with her thumb, the same way he was just a few minutes ago.
"There..I see it now. Ha! Yeah, it's right there!" Her voice rings out in the apartment, and it might be the best sound Lovro has ever heard because suddenly the lump is gone, and he is now a true ninja. Mom sees it. She knows. Her eyes are shining, and his heart is so, so warm.
"Of course it is! I told you!" He says, smug, eyebrow raised.
She drops his leg and turns back to her stove, chuckling lightly before she throws him a look over her shoulder where he's still holding onto the counter.
"Yeah, okay, crippled boy, calm down now. If you're so tough, why don't you go to the store and buy me the small little pack of chocolate chips you like so much, mh? We're out, and I need it for my cake."
Lovro presses himself against the wall of the kitchen, back as flat as possible against the stone, before he silently nods. He whispers, "Of course I will, mama, a ninja never says no to a mission!" and then he's running towards the door where his shoes are waiting for him, ready to take over the whole entire world if only people continue to look at his knee forever.
"Lovro, stop running! And you are NOT going outside in your pyjamas, get dressed! There's some money in the pocket of my coat."
Lovro stops in his tracks and tries not to sigh too loudly, afraid of Mom's wrath if by some weird magic she manages to hear him, and changes his trajectory to go back to his room.
"You can take some candies with the change if you want, but not too much! You know how Damir is; he likes you." Mom says once he's out of his room, wearing shorts that stop just short of his knees. "And I can see you from the window, so don't try to do anything else. Hurry up if you want to decorate the cake with Dad."
"Yes Mama!" He answers loudly, feet skipping towards the door before putting on his shoes in one quick motion. He feels so light, he's sure that if he were to concentrate very hard, he could start flying right now. Maybe he would even fly through the ceiling, onto their weird neighbour's apartment, where she lives with all her weird dead dogs. He would see all his other neighbours that mom hates and prank them until they're all screaming. Then, he would arrive at the top of his building and fly into the sky until he's almost touching the moon.
He pulls himself out of his thought when he hears the faint voice of Mom screaming: "For God's sake…Lovro, no running!" as he's running out of the apartment, money in hand.
The sun hits him as soon as he's out of the building, and it's so early, but it still manages to build a warm feeling in the pit of his stomach. When he looks up at the sky for a second and feels the air on his naked legs, he thinks nothing could make this day a bad one.
If he runs to the shop fast enough, he will be back in time for Dad to be home from his Sunday morning walk, and they will decorate Mom's cake just as he promised the day before when he tucked Lovro into bed.
"Heya!" He hears below him, from where he's stood on the first step of the building's entrance. His heart drops to his stomach when he throws his gaze down, and it falls directly into two big brown eyes and a toothy smirk that Lovro notices is slowly getting its two front teeth back.
"What are you doing here?" Lovro asks because his heart is still hammering in his chest, and he has to show his scar, but he can't come off too eager because that would just be embarrassing. So for now, he simply pretends that seeing the boy, Ivan, who might still be the coolest boy Lovro has ever seen, for the first time after weeks, didn't send a jolt of excitement through his entire body.
"I wanted to play." Ivan answers, and the bored look that crosses his eyes screams, "What else would I be doing at 8 am, duh!"
Mom would never let him play outside alone at this hour. Even during summer holidays like right now. He frowns.
"It's weird." Lovro squints slightly at him before he jumps the last little step to land right in front of Ivan.
The other boy simply sticks his tongue out, but doesn't answer anything. Instead, he looks past Lovro's shoulder to the door behind him.
"Do you live there?" He asks then, hands behind his back.
"Yeah, right here!" He replies, pointing to his apartment window, where he knows his mom is looking down at him. Probably one hand in her cake, the other tapping lightly on the counter.
"Oh! Look, I live there!" Ivan points back, bouncing on his feet, to the neighbouring building where two grandmas are walking out, talking passionately in hushed voices. One of them turns her head towards Ivan and throws a delighted wave of her hand towards him. The boy bounces again as he waves back, which seems to make her laugh as she swivels back to her friend. He has weird friends, Lovro thinks, they're so old.
"I never saw you before." He says matter-of-factly, because he's lived there for a really, really long time, and he surely would've noticed that scar before.
"We're from a village super far away! But my mom and my dad wanted to leave, so now we live here!" He retorts before flashing Lovro another toothy grin. And Lovro is absolutely delighted because Ivan is his first official cool neighbor, but he's getting impatient. So impatient, even, that he doesn't even remember starting to bounce his knee a minute ago. He has more important matters to do than being overly exalted in the knowledge that Ivan is actually his neighbor, and he didn't know, and it is the best news he has ever heard. He has priorities to take care of first.
Without warning, he turns around and jumps up the stairs he just came from to look down at Ivan. The three small steps aren't enough to give Lovro the feeling of floating above the boy, but it's enough to send a thrill running all the way through his spine down to his toes because he thought he would never see him again. He thought he would never see him again, but now he's right there, and Lovro can see the scar picking around his elbow, and he gets to show him his own.
"You can't laugh at me anymore!" He starts as he places his two fists on his hips. "I'm a real ninja now, and even my Mom saw it!"
Ivan stops laughing from where he's standing, a few steps under Lovro. He crooks his head a little, eye curious, before he climbs the stairs in return, cutting short Lovro's dramatic display.
"Ok, let me see." He looks serious now. Like he's actually going to decide whether or not Lovro is worthy of becoming a ninja like him. Lovro's heart is absolutely hammering in his chest because what if he doesn't see it? Would it mean Mom lied? Would nobody ever notice it but him? He frowns. It's not really fun anymore, he decides, because he can't think of a version where the boy simply doesn't accept him.
"You have to look really well, okay?" He almost implores when Ivan crouches to get a closer look at his leg. Lovro takes a deep breath as he tries his best not to squirm under the gaze. Please, look really well.
It takes less than a second for Ivan to tap his knee with a cheerful scream.
"Yes! I see it!" He jumps back on his feet, and his eyes are solemn when he slowly nods. "It looks cool."
Lovro shrieks. And then, he's off.
He pushes Ivan by the shoulder and jumps off the stairs before he starts running around faster than he ever has. He thinks he'll never be happier than now because how could he?
He hears a faint "Hey!" behind him that sounds more like a laugh than a complaint, and then he is being pushed in return by two hands that slap against his back. "I'm still cooler than you!" he hears again, so loud in his ears he feels like Ivan is speaking directly to his soul.
"No, you're not!" He screams right back. Then he's scampering again, feet lighter than they've ever been.
For a few minutes, Ivan does his best to catch up to him, even going as far as pretending to fall to get Lovro to halt. But nothing works. Lovro is taller, faster, and happy. Nothing could make him stop running. It almost feels like he might simply run forever now. He doesn't know where he would go, really, but he doesn't care.
He's about to turn around once more when Ivan "trips" on his own two feet and drops with a loud thud on the floor. Lovro scoffs. I'm not dumb! He thinks before his feet seem to stop on their own accord when he doesn't notice Ivan getting up.
For a few seconds, all he hears is the ragged sound of his breathing and the beating of his heart against his ribcage. All other noises seem to have vanished somewhere between Ivan's fall and now, and his friend is still not getting up, so nothing is funny now. He's just starting to run towards him when he hears a pained "ow.." followed by a loud sniffle. Lovro exhales a breath he barely noticed holding. He's not dead.
"Hey…you're okay?" He tries as he stops just in front of the boy, hands hovering uselessly at his sides as he worries his lower lip between his teeth. Nothing looks out of place when he takes Ivan in, or at least, no bone is sticking out from somewhere it definitely shouldn't, so Lovro takes that as a win. Though he would really appreciate it if the boy would just talk instead of sounding like he's two breaths away from death.
"Mh..my hands hurt." His voice is small and quivering in a way Lovro has never heard yet, and he decides right here and there that he hates it.
He thinks of Mom and what she does every time he hurts himself. Okay, easy, he tells himself, because he's not the one doing the helping usually, and he really, really doesn't want to mess this up.
He takes Ivan's hands in his own and brings them close to his eyes to inspect them. He turns them around, shakes them, blows softly on them, and then pokes slightly. The only thing he can actually identify in the end is the tiniest hint of a scratch right at the edge of his palm, but it's so tiny he has to squint his eyes to see it.
"I'm sorry…" He starts as he lets go, gaze turned towards the floor where Ivan is now sitting crossed-leg in front of him.
"What? What's wrong?" He questions wetly as he brings his hands towards himself for inspection.
"Well..you definitely won't get a scar from that." He says as solemnly as possible, even through the grin that is trying to force its way to his lips.
Ivan snaps his eyes on him, gaze intense. They're still filled with unshed tears. Lovro gulps slightly, already imagining Mom yelling at him for making jokes at the boy when he's about to lose his hands, and it's going to be all his fault, and he'll never want to be his friend again, and—
Ivan is smiling. And then he's laughing again. It's loud. Yeah, that's better, Lovro thinks as he jumps back on his feet. With one hand, he grips the boy's elbow, feels the bump of the scar, and hauls him up gently.
"I think we should stop running now." He says once Ivan's stable on his legs.
"You started it!" His friend retorts as he gives one last look at his hands. Lovro shrugs, grinning.
Ivan is about to say something else when his heart drops all the way to his stomach.
"Oh no! The chocolate!" He exclaims as his head snaps to the window. He can't see Mom from there, but he knows she's still waiting. Ivan looks at him, seemingly puzzled, before Lovro elaborates quickly:
"I was supposed to go to Damir's shop to buy chocolate for Mom's cake! I need to go!"
Ivan looks towards the shop for a second, eye shining, before he smirks.
"Race you to the shop! Last one is the biggest loser ever!" And in what seems like the blink of an eye, he's sprinting as if he wasn't on the verge of tears merely two minutes ago.
"Dirty cheater!" Lovro screams as he falls into step behind him. His focus zeroes on the other boy's back as his legs kick as fast as they can against the pavement. The buildings blur in his peripheral vision, and if he focuses just enough, he can almost imagine that they're not actually sprinting towards a shop but are being chased by a giant. Their only way of escaping is to get to Damir's tavern before they get crushed like mere insects by the enormous feet of the monster. Ivan is in front of him, as fast as the wind, and from Lovro's eyes it almost looks like he's simply floating above the ground. Like a shadow, he's wearing a black ninja gown, moving along silently, never turning back, never worried about the earth shaking beneath him from the weight of the giant running behind him.
Lovro's hands tense, relentless, excited, exhilarated, he doesn't really know. He's running, feels like he hasn't stopped since meeting Ivan, and the sun is starting to burn his back, but everything feels good. His lungs hurt, Dad is probably home already, but he can't stop smiling. Everything is bright around him, and it's warm on the tip of his nose, where he's usually always cold, so he doesn't even bother to try to stop smiling. It would be unfair, he thinks, if he tried to dim the light around him. So he runs, and runs, and runs, and before he can even control his mouth, he screams at Ivan:
"Faster! The giant's right behind us!"
Ivan turns around then, for the first time since he ran off a minute ago, and for a second, his legs slow down just a bit. He looks straight at Lovro, and the young boy suddenly worries the flash of confusion he detects in the brown eyes in front of him will turn into embarrassment or worse, rejection. His breath catches in his throat because he can already see Ivan stopping dead in his tracks and seeing him weird. Not cool anymore, just weird. Because they're big boys, they don't play silly fantasy games anymore.
Fortunately for him, Lovro doesn't have much time to lose his mind before the confused haze leaves Ivan's gaze, and soon enough, he's smiling at Lovro, small hand extended in front of him.
"Come on, Lovro! Don't slow down!" He's shouting as he picks up his pace. Lovro almost trips, legs suddenly weak. Ivan's running back towards him, seemingly keeping an eye on the giant with a worried look. He grabs Lovro by the hand before he makes a mess of himself and runs. Lovro laughs, heart so big in his chest he feels breathless, because of course Ivan is seeing it.
The sound of the giant's footsteps is getting louder behind them, but the tavern is right there, so with the last of the energy he didn't even know he had, Lovro grips Ivan's hand tighter and jumps towards the door, barging in with no warning before closing it behind him with the back of his foot.
"Woo! That was so close! Good job!" Ivan states with his hand on his knees as he tries and fails to keep his breathing even. Lovro is so out of it that he doesn't even reply, head swimming from the lack of air and lungs protesting against his ribcage. He simply sticks his hand in the air for Ivan to high-five. In a beat, their hands meet in a clap.
Beside him, someone coughs. Damir, owner of the tavern— which is slowly turning back into a shop, looks at the two boys with expectant eyes and a kind smile. His glasses, usually perched on his nose, are being lazily twisted between his fingers as he leans against the counter. From the silence around them, except for their jagged breathing, Lovro guesses they are the only ones there. Which is not unusual for a Saturday morning. Sometimes, when he comes and picks up stuff for Mom, he finds their downstairs neighbour buying breakfast after his last Friday night party. He usually buys bread and a beer and goes to sleep while everybody wakes up. Mom doesn't like him very much.
Damir is super old. Like, older than Mom and Dad. Not older than the weird grandma friend Ivan waved at earlier, though. He almost has no hair anymore, but the few he still has are as white as snow. Despite the way he's always hunched over himself, he looks like the tallest man Lovro has ever seen. Sometimes, Lovro wonders how tall he was when he wasn't so old and broken. His nose is very long, but his glasses always fall anyway, so he rarely wears them as he gets very annoyed with them.
He's always been there in their neighbourhood. People come and go, they move out, they close their shop, or just go somewhere else, but not him. As long as Lovro's been alive, he has always known him. Unmoving and proud. He's quite grumpy with kids, doesn't like them running around in his shop, but he likes Lovro for some reason he ignores. Most of the time, when he comes alone, the old man hides a candy or two in his pocket with a wink that has Lovro giggling.
"Hello, young fellas, who's chasing you so early that you come barging into my shop as if death was on your back?" He asks, gaze trailing outside for a second before falling back on the two boys.
"A giant! Like…he was this big!" Ivan replies with enthusiasm, voice laced with pride as he gets on his tiptoes to be able to put his hand as high as possible. Lovro nods fervently before he adds:
"Even taller! We couldn't even see his head above the clouds!"
Damir smiles before opening his eyes widely and putting a hand on his heart, grave.
"Oh my! That sounds scary, I'm glad you're both okay!" His voice is filled with humor, but Lovro doesn't sense a hint of mockery in his tone, so he smiles back.
"Not even scary. We're trained for this, you know." He proclaims as he takes the money out of his back pocket.
"Oh, I bet." Lovro doesn't really understand his tone, but Damir is still smiling, so he just shrugs it off. "What can I do for you?"
"Um, Mama wants me to pick out chocolate for her cake. The one we use to decorate it." He says, because he is so used to buying it all the time, that Damir simply knows.
Damir hums, understanding forming in his features before he turns his back away from Lovro and leaves his counter in quest for the ingredient.
"So, you two friends then?" The old man asks as he comes back behind his counter, glasses now settled on his nose.
Lovro looks at Ivan, who is still waiting by the door, back resting against it. Yeah, we're friends. He nods but doesn't answer out loud. Maybe too shy. Maybe just a little bit scared. He doesn't really know.
Damir laughs then, and when Lovro turns back towards him, he looks like he understands something foreign to Lovro. It has him frowning a little bit. Adults do that all the time. Look at him as if they know everything, but they won't ever say anything. It feels like they're keeping this enormous secret that he can't be let on to.
"I saw you on the first day with your mom, no? You don't really come with her anymore." Damir pulls him out of his thoughts as he questions Ivan.
"Um, yeah." His voice is all serious when he answers, so serious that it makes Lovro turn around towards him, puzzled. But Ivan is still smiling, so he reckons he might just be tired from all their running around. Maybe he just gets quiet like this when he's tired.
Once again, Damir seems to grasp something, as he throws a glance towards Ivan, which he keeps sealed in secret. Lovro is getting bothered now, especially with the way Ivan seems to shift a little bit against the door in a very unnatural movement.
He doesn't have time to let his annoyance linger, however, when he notices Damir putting the chocolate to the side and making his way towards the other side of the counter, where he picks up his giant bowls of candies that Lovro is utterly obsessed with. He takes two bags from under one of the drawers and starts generously filling them up with a mischievous smile.
"Don't tell your mom, okay? I know she doesn't like it when I put too much into the bag. But you guys deserve a treat for running away from a giant taller than the sky! It's a gift, just give me the money for the chocolate. This is our secret, okay? And brush your teeth." He voices as he hands them both their little bags of candies with the chocolate lying on top of Lovro's.
Ivan leaps away from the door excitedly, and any trace of discomfort is completely faded from his face as he beams at the bag of candies like it's the greatest treasure of the universe. He shakes Lovro slightly by the shoulder while he slides next to him to take it from Damir's extended hand.
"Thank you so much, mister!" They both shout at the same time as the old man laughs, glasses sliding down his nose.
"Okay, okay, off you go now. Your mom is probably waiting for you. I'll keep the giants busy for your way back!" He offers, one finger pushing them back up.
And with that, they're running outside in a giggle, bags clutched tightly to their chest.
Lovro stops at the bottom of the stairs to his building, swinging slightly on his feet as he looks at the floor, bag of candies in his hand. They hadn't really talked on the way back, content with just enjoying their sweets, but Lovro couldn't help thinking about the sun, and his scar, and the chocolate and the fact that he really didn't want to stop hanging out with Ivan right now. The idea of decorating the cake with Dad and Ivan seemed much, much more appealing than just doing it without him.
He looks around, and when he still doesn't notice anyone presumably looking for his friend, he asks:
"Um..do you want to come to my house to decorate the cake?" He looks into Ivan's eyes as he speaks, hope pouring out of his every pore.
Ivan shifts, whole body on alert as his gaze leaves Lovro, weirdly shy. He lets his bag of candies sway loosely at his side while he raises his eyebrows.
"Are you sure..?" He looks at the building, then back at Lovro.
"Yes, of course! My mom and my dad won't mind!" He puts all of his confidence in his tone, if only to give some reassurance to the smaller boy in front of him.
Ivan seems to be thinking about it for all of two seconds before he jumps, features cleared of any worry:
"…Okay!"
"Yeah!" Lovro chants as he bumps his shoulder with Ivan, heart light despite the weariness he's starting to feel all over his body. Once they start heading inside, he can't help but think that it's really nice to have a friend.
He throws a worried glance at Ivan when they're both in front of his apartment door, cowardice slowing him down. He knows Mom was watching them while he was losing all this time, and she'll definitely be unhappy about it. Come on, he hears Ivan whisper at his side. Lovro sighs, but gathers the small drop of bravery left in his system as he knocks, both of their candy bags carefully hidden behind their backs.
"Lovro Dević! You know I'm really glad that you made a friend, but- oh! Hi!" Mom starts before the door is even fully opened, but halts as soon as her eyes land on the boy next to him. "What are you doing here, kiddo?"
Ivan looks at Lovro with a stare that screams save me! This is your mom!
"He's coming to decorate the cake!" He blurts out, stepping inside the apartment while Ivan seems stuck in the corridor, lips sealed and eyes wide.
Mom crouches in front of him, a soft hand landing on his shoulder, where she throws him a gentle look.
"Do your parents know you're here, then?" Her voice is very gentle, just like she speaks to him when she's tucking him to sleep.
"Um..My mom is working today, she's going to be back tonight..and my dad is on a trip for his work, so I'll see him next week!" Something that resembles way too much of what he saw through Damir's eyes flashes through her own, which makes Lovro frown once more. Why do they all look at him like this?
"Okay, well, you boys just go to this one's room," She starts as she throws a pointed glance at Lovro. "Dad's going to be home very soon!" She says, keeping her secrets to herself, much to Lovro's annoyance. He's tired of being so clueless all the time.
But Ivan beams at him now, and he has so much stuff to show him in his room that he forgets all about this in an instant. He also pretends he doesn't see Mom looking at them, sprinting down the corridor with their bags full of candies. All that matters is that now he can play with Ivan, even when all the boy does is fight him on the ground to prove that he is stronger than him, even though he is shorter.
Ten minutes later, and with Ivan sprawled comfortably against Lovro while he plays with his favorite figurine from a Japanese comic book Dad enjoys so much, they hear the front door opening and Dad's voice ringing in the corridor. On top of him, Ivan freezes.
Lovro thinks of last time, when Ivan saw Dad, and everything felt cold. That day, it seemed that even the sun couldn't compete with Dad's boredom. Or maybe it was his sadness, Lovro doesn't really know. Never really understands it. Today, though, it feels like light is way too bright and warm around him for anything to be able dim it.
There's a knock on the door before Dad's head appears. He looks relaxed. His hair is a little bit tousled from his walk, but his eyes are open, and they glint just enough for Lovro to relax against his friend, who sat up as straight as a ruler the moment he heard the creak of the door.
"I heard we have some company today! Be careful, cake decoration day is very serious around here. I hope you're ready, little man!" He smiles at Ivan, no recognition filling his eyes. Lovro supposes Dad doesn't remember much of that day.
"Yes, sir!" He says politely as Dad's already closing the door with a: "I'll wait for you guys in the living room!".
Ivan lets out a small sigh that Lovro feels on his arm, where he's still lying down on the floor. He meets the other boy's wide eyes and smiles at him. It's okay. He's okay today.
Ivan smiles back, before he cheekily exclaims: "I'll make a better decoration than you!"
Lovro laughs and shakes his head, pushing Ivan back on the floor.
"Impossible, I'm the best!"
It feels like one moment, the scorching sun is burning his back as he plays day after day with Ivan; the next, winter is here, cold and cruel, biting his hands and his nose. Like everything though, it passes, and soon enough it's March and spring is finally here. Lovro recalls days spent playing in the park for hours on end until it all blurred, and suddenly school was starting again, but this time it felt oh, so completely different. Nobody noticed his scar, really. Didn't even look at it. Nothing really changed, actually. He didn't become cooler; he didn't become anything less weird to them. To boys who preferred to laugh at him rather than with him, and to girls who stuck between themselves. Except, except, Ivan tapped his knee every time he wanted to get his attention, right where he knew the scar was, so nothing else mattered.
Today, it's the 8th of March, and the sun has been freed of clouds for what feels like the first time in forever. Today, he's finally nine. No more teasing from Ivan, no more feelings of being just a little bit too young to understand him. Today he's nine, and the universe feels like it opened wide just for him to take a jump. He feels on top of the world.
It's just the four of them. Ivan, Mom, Dad, and him. It feels enough. It feels enough to keep him warm for eternity. Feels enough that he likes to imagine, as mom and dad are sitting by the river and Ivan is picking the best pieces of grass for their soup, that maybe the earth belongs to them and them only today. It's his birthday, after all. He's allowed to wish whatever he wants.
Ivan taps his knee twice.
"Hey, Lovro, look." He whispers so quietly that Lovro barely hears him.
He turns his eyes towards him, where he was previously putting some grass on the side, and it lands directly on the boy's hand extended towards him, almost up his nose with how close it is to his face. There, just on the back of it, sits the tiniest ladybug Lovro has ever seen.
"She's so small." He murmurs back, scared of scaring it away. Ivan doesn't say anything, simply looks at it with wonder, eyes shining bright, until she probably decides she's tired of that weird human hand and flies away until she becomes invisible. Lovro wonders what they think about, ladybugs. Wonders if she has a friend.
"She was so cute." Ivan sighs as he lets his hand drop back on the grass, eyes still fixated on the point where she was last. "Do you think she's going to travel a long time?"
Lovro shrugs despite his friend not seeing it. "Or maybe she's just going home." He offers, because Ivan looks sad, for some reason Lovro can't really grasp.
"Yeah, maybe."
"So, do you have enough grass for the soup?" He says after a beat, breaking a silence that was becoming too heavy for Lovro's comfort. Ivan perks up at that, a toothy smile, with all of his teeth back, breaking through his frown.
"Yup! All done! Here, taste it." Lovro takes the small piece being handed to him and brings it to his mouth. It doesn't actually taste good, but he likes doing it more than he dislikes the taste, so Lovro nods enthusiastically before he picks up the bowl full of water and invites Ivan to drop the grass inside.
Mom calls them right at the moment their soup is finished, so they spring to their feet with a proud handshake and run to the table that Dad brought with them to celebrate his birthday. There's a cake placed in the middle of it. It's Lovro's favorite. All in chocolate. Beside it sits the new figurine Mom and Dad gifted him this morning. It's his favorite ever now.
He drops their soup next to it, and despite her grimace, Mom doesn't say anything about it, used to them and their mixtures.
"Okay, Lovro, turn around now!" He executes himself and waits. When she calls him again, the cake is lit up with nine colorful candles of different shapes. Lovro smiles; It's perfect.
Mom takes his hand in hers, Dad smiles at him, and Ivan's arm brushes against Lovro's. The spring sun does nothing to warm them up, but Lovro still feels it all over, heart so full it might explode before he even has the chance to blow out the candles on his chocolate cake.
Mom breaks out into the birthday song first, voice loud and rough that never seems to hit any of the correct notes, but it makes Lovro laugh so much she doesn't seem to be embarrassed in the slightest. From his side of the table, Dad appears a little bit more reserved, voice quieter and smile shyer, but Lovro hears him still, so he doesn't care about the rest. Ivan sings too, and he's so loud that Lovro thinks even the fish might hear him from the bottom of the river.
"Okay, now, wish for something and blow your candles, honey." Mom says at the end of the song.
He closes his eyes. I wish that the earth is just mine on every birthday now so I can always invite Ivan, Mama, and Papa to the river and make grass soup. And then he blows with all his might until they're all turned off. He hears Ivan scoff beside him when he misses one and starts pouting, ranting about how he never misses any of the candles. Lovro pushes him away until he falls flat on the floor.
"Okay, now let's eat!" Mom starts, ignoring their antics that she grew accustomed to. "How many-"
"Mom?" Lovro cuts her off, pretending not to feel Ivan starting to pull his shirt in an attempt to make him topple over as well, from where he's still sprawled out on the floor.
"Mh?"
"Can we go to the bunker before the cake? Please, please, please? After we eat, we'll just go home…" He gives her his best sad pout because he promised Ivan he would show him the coolest place ever this morning as they were preparing for their little birthday picnic just outside of town, and every time after they eat the cake, all Mom wants to do is go home. Besides, he simply can't wait anymore.
Mom sighs, and Lovro's heart drops because he knows that sigh all too well. But then, like a birthday miracle, Dad is speaking before she even has the chance to open her mouth.
"Okay, fellas, it's not too late anyway." He says softly as he leans against his chair, sun grazing his skin. Maybe he wants to enjoy spring a little bit more. He gives a pointed look towards Mom, which has her smiling as she shakes her head fondly. "Don't stay too long, though, or we'll eat everything!"
Mom sighs again, but it sounds more resigned than before. Dad won, this time. He feels good today, Lovro thinks as he takes in Dad's relaxed features.
"Okay, okay, you win. I could do with some more lying in the grass anyway. Feels like we haven't seen the sun in forever, no?" She tells, as Lovro nods vividly before he's pulling Ivan to his feet with a come on, Ivan.
"Wait, wait, wait! Not so fast!" She begins as she grabs them both by the shoulders before they have a chance to run away. She looks at Ivan. "Your mom told me she would be back around ten tonight, so we'll just bring you home so you can wait for her there, yeah?" Her voice is quiet in a way it always is when she talks about Ivan's parents. When Ivan nods, smiling and seemingly distracted by the idea of following Lovro, she ruffles his hair. Then, she kisses both of their foreheads and gives them a slight push with a last: "Be careful over there, yeah? I don't want any broken bones."
It doesn't take them more than five minutes of following the bank of the river for them to find the big, old bunker in ruins. It lies there, untouched for years except for the multiple graffitis scattered all around it, and it's Lovro's favorite place in the whole world. Or like, almost his favorite place after the park.
"Wow..it looks so old." Ivan wonders when they get close enough to touch it.
"It's from the Second World War, Mama told me. It's like a thousand years old." Lovro answers as he grips one side of the building that sticks out lightly. "Come on, follow me!"
Ivan, always adventurous, doesn't hesitate to follow him, taking the same path as Lovro as they both start climbing. After a few missed calls and slipping feet, they reach the top with nothing but a slightly scratched knee from Ivan. Lovro's the first one up there, so he extends his hand to give him a boost on the last bit of his climb.
"We can see the water go so far now!" Ivan exclaims as he sits down at the edge of the roof of the bunker. They can't be more than three meters from the ground, and still, it gives Lovro the feeling of being higher than anyone before. It’s quite exhilarating, to see from a height like this. This is why he likes it so much.
He sits down next to Ivan. Their legs are touching. For a while, they don't really talk. He doesn't really mind, he thinks absently, because it never feels too much when it's just the two of them. He wonders if it's because now they have spent so much time together that they don't always have something to talk about. Because they've said everything. He likes it. It makes him feel a little like the grown-ups in movies that Mom watches a lot, when they're very smart, and they take long breaks before saying something very deep that he never understands.
He's pulled out of his thoughts by two little taps on his knee. Ivan's already looking at him when he turns his eyes. His cheeks are red, which is unusual enough that Lovro notices.
"Here um…I have something for you." He's looking straight into Lovro's eyes, but he looks like he would rather look anywhere else. With one hand, he slides a small paper out of his pocket. He hands it to Lovro in a swift, almost robotic movement. It almost seems like he stopped breathing between the moment he called Lovro and the time he started fishing out the paper.
Lovro smiles at him in a way he hopes won't scare him away more as he turns his gift around to take a look. His heart leaps when it lands on a drawing of Ivan and him being chased by a giant so big his head is not even visible on the paper. His eyes widen so much he's scared they might roll out of his head at any moment.
"It's our giant." Ivan points out as he puts a gentle finger on the drawing, where the giant is running after their tiny doodles. Lovro's breath picks up a little bit at that because he used to be so scared of anyone deeming him too weird if they ever found out that he still liked to play with fake imaginary friends and monsters. Instead of this, he looks back at the giant previously only living in his head and realises that it exists on paper because someone else saw it. His heart is suddenly so, so full that his body seems to react on its own when he tackles Ivan in the tightest hug his arms could ever give.
"Thank you..I love it so much. It's the best gift I've ever had." He murmurs as Ivan's small arms circle around his back. His shoulder slumps slightly against his own as if the weight of the world itself has been lifted off them. "Cool." Lovro can hear the smile in his voice.
He's still focused on the drawing a few minutes later when he notices it.
"Hey! Why do you have a ninja outfit and not me?" He exclaims, indignant, brows furrowed as he tries to look very, very hard for any sign of any ninja accessories on him, but falls short.
Ivan's laugh echoes loudly around them.
"Well, I'm still the coolest, so!" His laugh dies a little when Lovro shoves him hard on the shoulder until he's lying sideways on the stone, but every time he looks towards Lovro's face again, he breaks out in a new laugh.
Lovro shoves him one last time as he gives him a murderous look.
"Worst gift ever!" And if Ivan doesn’t stop laughing in his face in the next thirty seconds he might simply push him off the edge and cry to his mom that a terrible, terrible accident just occurred.
Still, and with Ivan’s laugh still buzzing under his skin, he slides the drawing delicately into his back pocket and promises himself to cherish it forever.