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"Oh, Ranpo…"
Ranpo wasted no time coming to sit on Poe's lap, legs either side of his waist. Ranpo was a bit heavier than Poe could comfortably manage.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing, dearest. Just having a day, I suppose…" Poe tilted his head, pale hand resting on Ranpo's messy hair. "And you?"
"I'm fine, Ed."
Poe wasn't sure. There was an air of anxiety to him, which automatically made Poe's anxiety worse. He bit his tongue.
"Was it something I did?"
"No." Ranpo straightened enough to kiss Poe's cheek. "Nothing is wrong."
Something was wrong, Poe could feel it. But if he pushed, that'd annoy Ranpo, and he didn't want that. He nodded quietly.
"Alright…"
He felt sick to his stomach the rest of the day. Everytime he tried to sit down and write his novel, the characters ended up in a lovers' quarrel, which ended badly each time. Fistfights, suicides, broken hearts.
He gave up eventually, going to hide under his blankets in bed. Karl nudged at him, snuggling under. Poe put his focus into Karl, his soft fur, his warmth, the way Poe could feel the rise and fall of his little chest. He tried to slow his own breathing.
An awful ringing sounded. Poe shrieked, grabbing onto Karl, who let out a disgruntled noise of complaint. Poe apologised quietly, trying to find his phone.
"Um…" He hated answering calls. The word 'hello' stuck in his throat. Luckily, Ranpo knew that.
"Eds. I need to talk to you; can we go to a cafe?"
Poe's heart rate spiked. That could mean anything.
"I-I suppose, dearest, but…"
"Okay! One-thirty at that new boba place, 'kay?"
Ranpo hung up before Poe could put his worries into words. He sighed. "Okay…"
He could do that. It was just a cafe. A sweet drink, a… talk, and then right back home. He stared at his closet, starting to sweat. What was he supposed to wear? He didn't want to wear something ridiculous if Ranpo was going to tell him something bad. He couldn't be too formal - it was a boba shop, of course.
Couldn't Ranpo just come over? Poe was a lot more comfortable here. If he was going to his humiliation, he'd rather do it alone, without people watching. His throat tightened. People-
He fumbled for his phone, trembling.
"Ranpo, Ranpo, Ranpo…"
A click. "He-llo?"
"Ranpo!" He leaned against the wall, tugging his gown around him tighter. "I can't…"
"'Can't'?"
"Can't- Can't go. I'm sorry. I- I don't know what to wear, and there's going to be people there-"
"Ed."
"-Especially since they just opened and there's always too many people in boba shops, and I don't know what you're going to tell me-"
"Poe. Stop."
Poe shut up, rubbing at his eyes. "Sorry…"
"It's fine. We don't have to go. Maybe I can get someone from the agency to go fetch it for us, sometime. The boba doesn't matter." A breath. "I still need to talk to you. Can I come over?"
Poe wanted to say no. Drag out whatever this was for as long as he could. Karl was glaring, though. He shuddered.
"Yes…"
He didn't get dressed. He made himself some tea and sat down, waiting patiently. He tried not to get worked up any further.
Ranpo arrived late, which Poe expected. It would've irked him, but he'd planned for it. Ranpo was lucky to get anywhere on time, even with help. Poe answered the door, hands shaking. He sighed, mustering up a smile.
"Ranpo."
"Eds." Ranpo hugged him, which always made Poe's heart warm. "Food?"
"Only some biscuits, dear…" He watched Ranpo bounce off to find something to eat. Poe loved him, of course, but he was dragging this out now. "What was it you wanted to talk about…?"
Ranpo slowed, biscuit packet in hand. "Um…"
"I'm sorry if I did something-"
"It's not you, Ed. I just have to tell you something…" He trailed off, squinting at Poe. Something shifted behind his expression. "Oh. Sorry."
"What…?"
"I didn't tell you what it was about…" He abandoned the biscuits, coming back to Poe's side. "Were you freaking out the whole time…?"
"…A bit," Poe admitted, letting Ranpo take his hands.
"I won't know that unless you tell me…" Ranpo leaned into him. "It was never serious. You can say, 'Ranpo, you're being an idiot, just spit it out'. I didn't mean to scare you…"
"I'm okay, Ranpo…" He fidgeted with Ranpo's fingers. "Could you tell me now…?"
"Mm…" He shifted back a bit, but didn't look up. "I'm trans…"
"Oh." Compared to the things Poe had been imagining, that was nothing. Ranpo hadn't met his eyes, though. "That's- Thank you for telling me. You're…?"
"A boy. Since I was ten or so."
Poe nodded. He gently took Ranpo's hands again. "I love you, no matter what, my dear. I'm glad you told me, but it doesn't matter either way to me. Don't stress…"
"Says you…" he murmured, giving a slight smile. He hugged Poe again. "Thanks. If this relationship is going to go anywhere, we need to tell each other things… When we're ready, of course."
"Oh… I don't know if I have much to tell you right now."
"That's okay. I just wanted you to know. Fukuzawa said it was better to say important things in person, but I ended up stressing you out anyway…"
Poe shook his head, leaning down to hug the other man. "Don't worry about it. Next time, maybe make sure to tell me whether I should be concerned or not…"
Ranpo nodded. "I will. Thanks, Ed. I was a little worried about telling you - I know you'd be okay with it, of course, you're gayer than me-"
"Sorry-?"
"-But I wasn't sure if it'd change things, anyway. Maybe you're only into cis guys. Maybe you won't want to sleep with me like this-"
Poe squeaked.
"-or, I don't know, maybe it's just weird." Despite the ramble, he didn't look too stressed. Poe guessed his expressions weren't keeping up with his thoughts.
"It's not too weird for me, Ranpo. I tried to kill you before we started going out. I still do, on occasion."
"For fun," Ranpo chirped.
"Yes. For your enjoyment, largely… My point is, you'll struggle to weird me out. I'm worse than you, I promise." He brushed at his frilled sleeve. "I'm not sure how I could be more gay than you… But your other point. Are you interested in sleeping together…?"
Ranpo shrugged, pulling Poe to the loveseat by the window. He didn't like standing for too long.
"Maybe. Eventually. I'd try it, to see if I liked it. Are you?"
"I… I suppose, yes. With a lot more warning than this, of course…" He let Ranpo sprawl across his lap, smiling slightly as Karl copied the action, stretched over Ranpo's back. "And I don't care what your body looks like. You're beautiful, dear."
Ranpo hummed, closing his eyes. Poe tangled a slender hand through his thick dark hair.
"We're both okay…?"
"Mhm." Ranpo laid his head down. "I'll try to communicate better, next time."
"Thank you…"
A couple weeks passed. Poe ran to the door, peeking through without fully opening it.
"Ranpo! You, um, didn't tell me you were coming over…" Poe wiggled at the door, trying to think of a way to stall. He couldn't let Ranpo see him like this.
"I was in the neighbourhood. And you said I could come over whenever I wanted." Ranpo tried to peek in through the tiny gap. "Everything okay?"
"Fine! And I meant with warning, darling…"
"…Sorry."
"It's okay, it's okay… Do you mind if I do something quickly? I'll be right back, but I-"
"It's fine."
Poe stared in the mirror for a moment, looking at himself, the dress falling from his slim body in a way that both delighted him and filled him with shame. Would Ranpo still want him, knowing he dressed up like a woman for fun?
He sighed, taking it off, and changing into something more appropriate. A white button-up, a cardigan, some dress pants. He went back to the door, finally letting Ranpo in.
"Apologies, dearest…"
Ranpo hummed, glancing around. He smiled up at Poe once deciding there was no danger to either of them. "It's fine. I'll call ahead, next time."
"Thank you…" Poe returned the smile, albeit shakily. "Now, was there a reason for your coming by…?" He was happy for Ranpo to come whenever he wanted, but Ranpo usually came with some reason.
"Right. Your latest book." Ranpo pulled the crumpled manuscript from his bag, and sat down on the velvet loveseat by the balcony window. "It was great. Almost took me ten pages to figure it out, which is pretty good. But I have a question."
"Yes?" Poe sat beside him.
"The main character. She's trans, isn't she?"
Poe blinked. He hadn't stated that anywhere. "What makes you think that?"
"Mm..." He thought about it. "Little things. Reactions, details she picks out, a couple comments from the other characters… It's subtle, and not related to the plot at all. But it seems to be the case."
"Huh." Poe didn't even realise. "I really didn't intend for her to be at all…"
Ranpo nodded. "It's okay if she's not. I was just wondering-"
"No, no. I think she is…" Poe glanced at his closet, where he'd hidden his dresses and flowy skirts away in a box. "I just didn't realise I was writing her so."
Ranpo watched him. "You seem a little more caught on this than me."
"I, uh…" Karl brushed against his leg. Poe picked him up, grateful for the distraction. "I think I should maybe tell you something…"
"Okay…" Ranpo reached to pet Karl with his knuckles. "Is it bad?"
"I hope not…" He offered Ranpo a shaky smile.
Even though Ranpo was trans himself, Poe was still worried. He held onto Karl a little longer than the raccoon would've preferred.
"What is it?" Ranpo asked.
"I, um-" He had to do it before he chickened out. Ranpo had been brave, telling him that he was trans. Poe had to show him he wasn't the only one making an effort. "I'm just going to show you…"
"Okay…"
Poe went to his closet, dragging out the scuffed box. He pushed the lid aside, dragging out a dozen dresses and skirts.
Ranpo hummed, looking through the pile. "Cool."
"Ranpo…"
"You have a collection of dresses."
"To wear…"
"To wear," Ranpo repeated after him. He didn't look overly bothered. "How come I never see you in them?"
"…It's weird." He said, like that should be obvious.
Ranpo shrugged, touching a few of them. "Not really. It's just clothes. Can I see you in one?"
"Um… You want to?"
"Yeah." Ranpo looked at him. "If you're okay showing me."
"I… Suppose I could…"
Poe stood rather awkwardly in the dress. It was vintage, gothic, one of his favorites. He fidgeted at the door.
"Okay…"
Ranpo bounced back in from the other room contently, stopping for a moment. He hummed - not immediately positive. Poe shrank into himself.
"Ranpo…?"
"You look pretty, but not happy," Ranpo noted.
"Um-" Poe shifted as Ranpo took his hands, pulling him around the room, spinning. Poe followed after him. "I don't want you to… I don't know…"
"I don't care what you're wearing, Eds. I like what's up here." Ranpo tapped Poe's temple, still spinning him. "As long as you're happy, you can wear whatever you want. As long as the texture isn't abysmal. I still want to be able to touch you."
Poe laughed weakly, starting to ease into the steps. "And why are we dancing…?"
"Movement will make you feel better."
"Mm…?" Poe wasn't sure it was moving that was doing it. He could be doing anything with Ranpo, and always feel this good. "I do feel better…"
"Told you," he chirped happily.
After, Ranpo was digging into the pizza they'd had delivered, and Poe was eating the pasta he'd ordered instead. Ranpo looked up at him from the floor (Poe had told him he could eat on the couch with him, but Ranpo insisted on the floor).
"Do you think you might be a girl, then? Like in your novel?"
Poe thought about it. "I'm not sure yet… Maybe…? I'm not upset by being seen as a man… I just feel pretty in dresses."
Ranpo shrugged. "Labels are overrated, anyway. You don't need to decide or change anything. Just let me know if you do, so I know how to refer to you."
"Right, I will…" He wrung his wrists. How did he end up with the most perfect boyfriend ever? He slid off of the couch, hugging Ranpo from behind. "I love you…"
Ranpo leaned back into his chest, mouth full of food. He grinned at him. Poe pressed his nose to Ranpo's soft neck, keeping his arms wrapped around the shorter man.