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Why can’t I do better?
Taehyung can see things that other can’t. It’s cliche in its own way, except his case is special. He sees ghosts, yes, but he doesn’t see the kind of ghost everybody automatically assumes.
He doesn’t see the ghosts of the dead. Rather, he sees the ghosts of the living.
Taehyung sees what everybody wants to hide, even from themselves. He sees the mostly-transparent ghostly forms of everybody’s inner self, right above their heads. Sometimes, they speak to him. Taehyung had long since been able to tell the difference between the body and their spirit speaking, so it no longer confused him when he heard out-of-character things coming from people.
I’m gaining more weight again.
This ability of his is its own blessing and curse. He loathes being able to hear the private internalized comments and feel the emotions of other people. He hates it even more for doing this to his friends. But he also loves it, because he’s used it to console people. He uses it to converse with loved ones. Sometimes their ghost doesn’t even have to speak for him to know what to say.
He hates it, but he uses it every day for his comrades. Being in a Kpop group means being given high expectations, almost impossibly so. They all carry burdens that they’re expected to improve upon, and it physically weighs them down. It weighs their spirits down.
Teenagers and young adults shouldn’t have to go through so much stress alone, Taehyung reasons. And that’s why he helps.
No, that’s not right. Stop lying to them. Stop being so arrogant.
He urges Jin to continue on with him overlooking the others. Sometimes it only takes a few words, thank him every once in awhile for being so caring and the eldest, who tends to act the youngest, is back to his enthusiastic self, bringing laughter to the group through ridiculous dance moves and motherly tendencies.
He convinces Yoongi to keep going on, when his eternally exhausted friend is tempted to quit. Taehyung most certainly tries to get him to sleep on his frustrations, and though it doesn’t always work, his efforts alone brighten the shorter one up. When his anxiety and lack of inspiration is at its worst, Taehyung is there to ease him into relaxing, taking a breather, and thinking things through from another point of view.
He reminds Namjoon to relax every once in awhile. The gentle giant is usually so wound up tight that even looking at his spirit can give Taehyung a headache. And so he leads him away from the work, away from the stress and expectations of the leader, so he can occasionally act the young adult that he is and joke around with the rest.
He talks Hoseok into remembering to calm down or take a break from his dancing. Taehyung knows from personal experience that it’s far too easy to make Hoseok emotional. It doesn’t take much for him to become sad, nervous, or upset, and that’s when Taehyung takes the initiative to treat his hyung to ice cream or other calming sweets. He’ll make the other laugh until he sees his spirit is distracted and sated.
He keeps Jungkook from overworking himself. He had one of the highest-set expectations and goals, most of them courtesy of himself. As the maknae of the group, he works his hardest to make his hyungs proud. But he often forgets his physical and psychological limit, so when Taehyung sees his spirit stretched thin and frantic, he can easily drag the other away from the pedestal he’d worked himself silly on.
Jimin, though. Jimin was one of the more different cases Taehyung had experienced.
I’m tired… but so is everybody else.
Jimin, to Taehyung, was essentially an enigma, albeit a beautiful one. He’d heard of the term “two-faced” plenty of times, but he thinks this takes the cake. They all have insecurities. All of Bangtan, all of Kpop idols, all of the world. He had yet to meet somebody and listen to their spirit without hearing one or two doubts of themselves. But somehow, Jimin’s was different from everybody else in the way he was able to hide his thoughts and grin through it all the while.
To begin with, Taehyung had yet to understand how any one person could carry such heavy, dark thoughts and manage to smile so brilliantly all the time. He wants to see that smile when there’s no burden weighing it down.
But Jimin’s self doubts clings to him. Taehyung had helped him in improving such thoughts. He had improven greatly from the Jimin that was predebut. However, while he had improved, he’s still not as happy as Taehyung wishes for him to be. Jimin had improved, yes, but he was still prone to moody thoughts that have yet to disappear despite Taehyung’s efforts. Maybe it’s a battle that only Jimin can fight, but Taehyung desperately wants to be there for him. And many times, he is. But there are also times where he has to sit back and wait.
Jimin may carry the weight of the world on his shoulders caused from his own self consciousness, but there are moments that his personality shines through and throws Taehyung off like nobody else can. Like sunshine after a storm, Taehyung compares.
No, don’t think like that. Things are improving. You’re improving.
It’s only during these times that Taehyung completely relaxes, because Jimin’s ever only like this when when everybody else is also sated and content. This is when Taehyung’s patience is rewarded. He’d waited politely, and Jimin himself would reward him in the form of affectionate hugs and kisses and cuddles. Taehyung would more than happily return them, and whisper praise of how proud he is to Jimin. Jimin may not know exactly what he’s referring to, but Taehyung does, and he knows that it comforts Jimin nevertheless.
Sometimes Taehyung wonders if Jimin also has some kind of supernatural ability, with how he’s able to sense others’ concerns. Jimin knows when Taehyung is worried, and repays the favor through sweet words and gentle touches. Not all of them are voiced aloud.
Thank you. Never leave me, please. Stay by my side.
Taehyung thinks that this is why they fit so well together. He will be Jimin’s support beam, and Jimin becomes his own support. And if he uses this spare time to monitor his boyfriend’s mental wellbeing for changes to be wary of (it’s usually quite the opposite, the improving results leaving him nothing short of happy), then who has to know?
It won’t change immediately, Taehyung knows this. He wishes it would, that he and Jimin and everybody else could just throw away their hazardous thoughts, but he also knows that’s just not how things work.
And so, Taehyung will wait. He’ll wait for every dark contemplation to completely disappear from Jimin’s mind, even if it takes him years. To him, it’s not burdensome in the least. Because what Jimin speaks and thinks to him is enough to keep him going, makes him feel better than anything else could.
I love you.