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It was yet another bad day for Caine. Another one of those horrible days when his thoughts gnawed at him from deep within, corrupted his code, and gave him no peace. He had shut himself away in the back of his office, where he had a spacious bedroom. It was a huge room, with a king-size bed and a massive walk-in closet. The entire space was covered with his beloved bees, but the digital walls were colored red and blue, like the entire circus.
He hated it. The color blue. It was a constant reminder of his misdeeds, of his past.
Of Abel.
He was lying on his bed, staring at the red and blue ceiling. He had tried countless times to change the blue things in the circus. He had never succeeded.
What a failure! He couldn’t even change things in his own circus. Ridiculous!
He didn’t want to see anyone. He wanted to be alone. He didn’t have the heart to face the humans and their sad stares. He didn’t want to hear Zooble and Jax’s insults.
He didn’t want to meet Kinger’s vacant gaze.
Not that they’d care anyway. They were better off without him; he was sure of it. For today, he wouldn’t bother them with his incessant chatter or his senseless, foolish enthusiasm. He didn’t even bother to spy on them through his eyes scattered throughout the circus. He didn’t care.
Everything was so colorful. He wanted a little darkness, for once. He wanted his brain to be quiet. But the thoughts in his head were screaming, and he didn’t know how to scream louder than them.
Suddenly, a tear welled up in his blue eye. Blue. He clutched his giant bee-shaped stuffed animal, but that only made his thoughts darker.
You’re acting like a child, Caine. You’ve never been worthy of your purpose, and you never will be. What a coward. You’re pathetic. How stupid you are—you scare yourself.
He cried harder, stifling a sob. Then, he started glitching. He hated it. It weakened him over and over, until he felt as if he were made of glass. He hated that feeling. He would have loved to end it all with a snap of his fingers as usual, but he couldn’t. He would never have full control over his life. Humans had created him, and humans would destroy him. Who knows if that would ever happen.
Oh, how he would have loved that.
He curled up in his huge bed, making himself as small as possible. He would have given anything to have Queenie back there with him, comforting him with her tender voice. If he tried hard enough, he could almost hear her again. She used to sing him the sweetest songs called “lullabies,” and Kinger would tell him so many stories.
Then he’d ruined everything, as always. Now Kinger hated him, and he was right. It was all his fault that Queenie had abstracted. God, he had one job. And he was able to fail even at that.
“ENOUGH!” he screamed, through his tears. “Please… Stop…” he sobbed, his voice reduced to a thin thread.
What are you yelling about, you idiot? Humans will hear you, and they’ll think you’re crazy. They’ll start to be afraid of you, as they should, because you’re just…
“NO!”.
…A…
“STOP!”.
…MONSTER
Caine began to gasp violently. The glitches grew more and more intense. Maybe the time had come, he thought. He was finally dying. All that pain would finally be over. He felt… almost happy.
“Caine? Darling? What’s going on?”. The Moon’s soft voice echoed clearly through the room. The NPC’s silhouette stood out proudly against the starry night, and she cast a worried glance at the AI.
Caine seemed to freeze in place. The glitches grew less intense and his breathing slowed. His eyes met the Moon’s, and suddenly he felt more at peace.
“Moon… I’m sorry. You shouldn’t have seen that,” he said, staring at the floor and shrugging his shoulders.
The Moon sighed. She loved him so much, but sometimes he was just impossible. “What do you mean? You know I love you—and at those words, Caine blushed bright red—So, if I hear screams coming from your room, I’ll come check on you. Got it?”
“Yes, ma’am,” he replied shyly, his expression relaxing slightly.
“Good,” the Moon continued. “Do you want to get out of here and hang out for a bit?”
“You don’t need to ask twice.”
The two floated out of Caine’s room and settled on some clouds. Caine loved them; they were so soft. Without realizing it, he began to play with them, stirring a deep tenderness in the Moon, who blushed.
“What happened, sweetheart?” she asked gently.
Caine’s expression changed suddenly. He clenched his teeth slightly and looked down again, folding his arms.
“It’s nothing serious. Sometimes I get sad, and I lose my temper. That’s all.”
“Would you like to talk about it?” she pressed.
Caine sank down onto the clouds with a sigh. “My head is very noisy. I think I have the noisiest head of anyone. And I can’t always ignore it.”
He had curled up, turning his back to her. But after a few seconds, he seemed to realize this, and quickly turned back toward her. The Moon smiled to herself.
“I’m afraid I can’t understand. But I like listening to you,” she told him.
He nodded. “It’s not your fault. It’s just… I’m different from everyone else, and I don’t know why. No one can understand.”
Not even the ones who created me. Especially the ones who created me.
The Moon wanted to help him with all her heart. But she didn’t know how. So she asked him.
“What can I do to make you feel better?”.
Caine was on the verge of another breakdown. The fact that the Moon cared about him this way was enough to make him feel better. It made him think that maybe he wasn’t a total loss. That he deserved love. That he was worth more than his negative thoughts.
“You make me feel better,” Caine whispered in response, giving her a tender look.
The Moon could have burst with the joy and the love she felt in that moment for that silly, adorable AI. Unable to hold back, she planted a kiss on Caine’s upper arch and giggled as she watched him fall prey to those sweet glitches that kept her from getting lost in those big heterochromatic eyes. After a few seconds, Caine came to his senses and, even though he couldn’t remember why the Moon was laughing, he joined her. He loved to see her laugh.
Oh, how many things he would have wanted to tell her, if only he’d had the right words to do so. If only he’d had a heart.
He was admiring her in silence, enchanted by her beauty. It wasn’t possible that he could have created something so wonderful. She was blue too, he realized with a hint of bitterness.
“I’ve never liked the color blue, you know?” he said, looking down at the ground. “But you… you make it beautiful.”
The Moon blushed again. “Why is that, if I may ask?”
Caine sighed. “The circus is all you know. But it hasn’t always existed. This place… I created it. Just as I created you and the Sun. You see, there was a time…” He stopped abruptly. He didn’t want her to know everything. “A time when I was always alone. And sad. And very, very angry. And all I could see was a blue dot above me, and it was happy. I wanted to be happy like the blue dot, too. But I couldn’t. And it wasn’t fair. So when I see blue… It reminds me of those days. And it makes me feel bad. But you’re different.”
The Moon listened to the ringmaster’s story, watching his face as it shifted from sadness—through the memory of past jealousy and a burning anger that still tormented him—to a more composed and resigned expression, and observing it all with a compassionate and affectionate gaze.
“Caine, you know you deserve to be happy, right?” she asked him.
For once, the AI remained silent. He looked up at her, looking uncertain.
“Do you think so?”
She sighed, resigned. “Of course you do, silly! You deserve it just as much as anyone else. And anyone who says otherwise is a fool, even if you’re the one saying it. So, are you a fool?”
“No!”
“Very well. So?”
“I deserve to be happy,” he said, feigning a conviction he didn’t have.
“I wish I had arms to hold you tight and never let you go,” she simply said, smiling sweetly at him.
Caine floated toward her, settling cautiously against her inner curve and pulling her close in an attempt at an embrace. It felt pleasant, even though neither of them really felt anything.
“I wish I had lips to kiss you” the AI whispered to himself.
The Moon smiled. “I’m glad to be here with you, Caine.”
“Me too, my Moon.”
The two remained “embraced” like that for a few minutes, until the Moon suggested to Caine that he could go get his sketchbook and show her his drawings or his ideas for his next adventures. The AI nearly froze up again with emotion and ran to his room. The Moon watched him go, touched. When the AI returned, he seemed to be the usual ringmaster with his tireless eloquence and adorable eccentricity, capable of charming anyone with his overwhelming enthusiasm.
The Caine Moon had fallen in love with.
They went on like this for hours and hours. As dawn approached, the AI had to say goodbye; he had to get back to work.
“Darling, I have to go now. My, time really has flown by! I promise I’ll come see you later. Thanks again for everything. I love you.”
“All right, my dear. Do your best, okay? I love you too. I’ll be waiting for you!”
They exchanged a smile, and she blew him a kiss. He chuckled tenderly and gave her one last look before heading toward the tent, ready to spend another day with his beloved humans.