Chapter Text
I think I'm in love with Kimi.
I have been for a while now.
It probably started in August when it was Kimi's 16th birthday. They had gotten drunk at this girls party and ended up leaving early with a couple of friends. Stupidly, they decided to go walking through the woods on the way home.
Ollie remembers telling the others how the animatronics might be coming to get them. This made Kimi proceed to tell him why Chica is the best FNAF animatronic, which Ollie had to disagree with as it's obviously Foxy.
At some point during this conversation Kimi's hand ended up in his.
He doesn't know how that happened but it did. He remembers how it felt nice having Kimi's soft hand in his. It felt safe. Like no one could take him away from him again.
It could have started when Ollie would go to Kimi's house throughout the years and they would watch the grand prix in his bed. Sometimes they were joined by Kimi's older brother George. Most of the time George would end up going to his friend Alex’s, the younger two definitely knew they weren't just friends.But that's besides the point.
Or it might've been when they would get asked 24/7 if they were dating or when either of them would finally admit their undying love for one another. Which was ridiculous. Forcing two friends to have feelings for each other. Even though it had happened in their case.
It could have been when they had first met. It was Kimi's first day in their Primary school and Ollie had just walked up to him. Kimi had moved from Italy to England with his mum that summer. He remembers thinking he looked cool, like someone he wanted as a friend. Kimi was sitting on the grass watching the others play football. So Ollie sat with him. They had spoken for the rest of the lunch period, bonding quickly about how much they had in common.
Or maybe it was when Ollie saw him and his boyfriend for the first time.
He liked Jack. The three of them were decently close at the time, though Ollie and Kimi were always closer. Jack just sort of was there and only appeared when he was interested in having the other two around. When Ollie had found out that he and Kimi were on a date, he was honestly shocked. Although the overall biggest feeling was jealousy.
He didn't understand why he felt this way when he should've been happy for them, well obviously he knows now, but he always thought that they seemed like a perfect couple. And it wasn't really that bad being the third wheel between them. They never really left Ollie out even when other people joined our friend group like Dino and Gabi.
And then he remembers when Kimi and Jack broke up. Having to sit with Kimi as he cried and ate donuts Ollie had brought for him . He remembers feeling glad. Like a weight had been lifted off his shoulder. And then Jack moved away in year 8 and they never heard much from him ever again.
Ollie had always felt their relationship started its downfall because of him. They broke up in October after some randos told Jack that Kimi didn't like him and was really in love with Ollie. Which wasn't true!
Kimi is definitely not in love with him.
He has probably never been in love with Ollie and never will. He knows he's just not good enough for Kimi. Plus it would ruin their friendship massively if he ever admitted these feelings to Kimi. Plus if Kimi was in love with him he would've given him a sign at this point.
Although, the idea of Kimi maybe liking him back makes him happy. The fact there's a small chance that he could like him makes him want to get closer and not worry about their friendship.
The thing is, Ollie definitely knows he's straight. He had never been interested in men until Kimi turned up. And even before any of these feelings he has had girlfriends who he's loved dearly.
The only issue is none of them made him feel anything like the way Kimi does.
The way in which he had never felt so relaxed with a person before. The way he concentrates in class or when he's taking photos around school for class. The way Ollie prays he could look at him like that. Or when he tells him about the randomest things about whatever he is interested in at that moment, which at the moment is theme parks.
This is how Ollie finds himself in the queue for Hyperia at Thorpe park with his head leaning on his ‘best friends’ shoulder as they wait.
Well up until like an hour ago the day was normal. They picked up Gabi and then Dino in George's car, since he was the only person who would be willing to put up with their chaos. Once they finally got to the theme park they ran onto our first ride then the second, up until they ended up in the queue for Saw the ride.
It was about 4pm at that point and they were all on their phones listening to music. The only issue is that Ollie's phone was basically dead.
He quickly looked around at his friends around him to decide what the fuck he was supposed to do with the lack of good music being played out of the speakers. Like he does understand it's to do with the theming but couldn't you just play a song so he wouldn't have to sit in silence listening to the same creepy theme tune for the 12 millionth time.
So he decides to walk the 3 tiny steps to Kimi and his headphones and steal an ear, which for once he can admit he was stupid. He has to lean over Kimi's shoulder as well as listen to whatever song he is listening to.
One difference between them is the difference in their music tastes.
Ollie would much rather be listening to Taylor Swift rather than what Kimi was listening to but I guess he could put up with whatever Eminem type song Kimi was listening to.
They continued like this until they got onto the ride.
After the ride had finished the group split into two. Kimi and Ollie had both decided they wanted to ride Hyperia in the sunset. Gabi and Dino hated the idea of riding the 236ft coaster meaning they went off on their own to ride some smaller coaster.
They entered the queue at the start of dusk and soon ended up huddled together once again. Which Ollie will continue to say shows their amazing platonic relationship and how he's not hiding his extreme feelings for him. Although the feeling of his head on the shorter boy's shoulder, fighting the urge to take his hand and touch his curly hair.
All Ollie can think of is why hasn't he been pushed away yet.
Why is he so alright with his best friend of 6 years leaning on him like were one of those tiktok couples in a queue line
Why does it feel so right?
The fact Kimi allowed him to use his phone to choose a song. The fact he felt like Kimi had trusted him more than anything even though it was a small stupid thing like being able to hold his phone
By the time they're finally on the ride and going up the long lift hill ahead of them all he has is the constant circle of thoughts.
“Why do I feel this way”
“Has he noticed”
“If he finds out will he hate me”
“Why does being around him make me feel at peace”
“Why does it have to be him”
He looks over to the curly haired boy beside him and listens as he shouts out to Gabi and Dino outside of the queue. He begins to join in with the shouting.
As the sun finally sets in front of them they drop and all his worried thoughts come out as a loud scream.
-
Ollie then finds himself standing behind Kimi right after leaving the ride station, taking photos.
“You do realise the other two are waiting for us” He says to the younger boy in front of him.
“But I can get good photos here, like those rollercoaster people on instagram or whatever” Kimi replies shortly after.
“Kimi, your instagram is private, who's gonna see these photos?”
“You, Gabi, Dino, George? And whoever else follows me. Plus my photography teacher will appreciate the effort. I'm worried I'm going to fail my mocks next month.” Ollie hears his voice drop towards the end.
Ollie takes a deep breath before replying. “You’ll be fine. You're not failing as badly as I am.” He continues “Besides you're like the smartest person I know. So you'll be fine. Plus I'm not going anywhere so even if you fail I'll be there to help.”
“Thanks” Kimi replied. He was quieter than usual. “I'll be fine.”
That's when the other two came running around the corner shouting at them
“I can’t believe you two did that ride that was insane”
“We recorded all of it.”
The other 3 started a normal conversation as they walked towards the scare maze that Dino insisted they do. Ollie stayed behind slightly.
He knew something was up with Kimi in general.
Not including all the being in love things but just in many ways.
He always knew that Kimi's mental health wasn't the best but he felt as if he could see it breaking again right in front of him and he couldn't do anything.
He remembers getting their results during the summer and comforting him as he cried over how his brother got better results than him the year before.
Or just the fact he refuses to go to school all the time
Either way seeing him smile as if nothing had just happened. The way his smile dropped as soon as school was mentioned. He felt like everything was on the verge of going to shit again.
And there is nothing he can do to stop it.
As they walked towards the maze he listened to Kimi try to calm down the other two before entering the maze.
“I did it before last year. It's fine.” Said Kimi
“I don't know if it's scary.” Replied Dino
“It's fine, I'll hold your hand if you're that scared.” Kimi replied sarcastically
“You mean it?”
“I mean yeah sure I guess?”
Ollie felt jealous.
He shouldn't feel jealous but he does.
They're just friends. Dino’s straight
He looks over at Gabi who is staring right into his soul as if he knows something. He watches as Gabi raises an eyebrow at him as if to say ‘knew it’
Fuck.
They enter the maze as a group and everything is normal.
The screams around them, mostly from Dino, were loud as the masked people jumped out at them. The noises are loud enough to give them headaches for the rest of the evening.
A strong overwhelming smell of burning wood in the air as they walk around the corners.
That's when Ollie hears it.
“Dino it's fine I love you calm down.”
What.
He's heard them say this before. It's a normal friendship thing.
So why does it hit harder now, after 6 years.
They were out of the maze soon after that and Ollie finds himself just wanting to be silent. As if his social battery dropped to 0.
He felt the concerned looks from the other 3 after he had been lively all day but he didn't care. He felt annoyed.
After a while as they walked he felt a familiar presence next to him.
“So… you alright?” Kimi began to say to him
“I’m fine.”
“You sure? It's just you went suddenly silent and I'm worried that something happened.” The younger boy said “You know you can talk to me?”
“Yeah I know. I'm just tired” Ollie brushes off Kimi's comment. “Right, okay.” There's a loud gap of silence before “You wanna go stealth? It's the best night ride I think. Plus get away from the two scaredy cats?”
“Yeah sure” Ollie replies
That's when Kimi shouts to the other two boys a couple steps ahead “Hey guys, we're gonna go Stealth again. You guys just do whatever we’ll meet you later.” Dino gives them a thumbs up and walks away again as Gabi again looks at the other two with a knowing look before walking with Dino.
They get into the queue for Stealth and begin the process of waiting again.
Ollie feels awkward wanting to move closer to Kimi again. He knows Kimi probably doesn't like Dino.
Kimi has never shown any interest in being with Dino, I mean he hasn't to Ollie as well but that doesn't matter. He's pretty sure Dino is straight which means Kimi isn't Dinos type anyway.
Throughout the queue Kimi tries to make conversation, which is just him trying to figure out why Ollie is being silent.
Ollie can see the panic on the others' face. He wants to tell him it's not his fault and that it's just him being stupid but he cant. All he can do is stand there and look stupid.
By the time they get on the ride he feels even worse than before.
After they went on a couple more rides before it hit 9PM and the group were slowly exiting the park to meet George again.
He still feels how close Kimi is to him. Making sure that he isn't alone or upset.
As they get in the car Gabi quickly steals the passenger seat to talk to George about God knows what. This means that Ollie, Kimi and Dino all have to squash into the back.
Kimi sits in the middle of the other two as Gabi turns around to wink at Ollie. He knows Gabi knows. It's so obvious. This really isn't good.
He's too tired to even understand what he feels about Gabi being aware. He watches as Dino scrolls on his phone and Kimi listens to whatever music he decided to put on.
Ollie feels exhausted.
He slowly leans his head to the side and falls asleep.