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The alarm did not go off today. Odd. John looked to his bedside table, his drawer was wide open and his alarm clock…Gone. Yoko was being unusually loud today, screaming and making just a ruckus outside. "Yoko? Fuck, this bitch.." He muttered. The house looked different, as well. "Yoko? Why are the pictures crooked? And it's a fuckin' mess in here!" Yoko continued to wail and did not respond to his complaints. Next, was the kitchen. The door had a glass screen but was now shattered and covered by a moving curtain. "Who is that? Is someone here? Yoko, you better not be cheating on me, i swear to God—" Was he just hallucinating? There was a pause. Yoko stopped her cries and there was no noise. On his dining table sat a cartoon character. It's just his sleep medication, isn't it? It..Looked straight at him and continued to eat all their food in the pantry. Yoko and another man he didn't even know were both tied up, horribly with a stringy piece of rope. Hands touching and everything, John couldn't help but make a nasty face at the two.
"Yoko, what the fuck? Am I dreaming?" She shook her head violently. "No, John, this is real. There's an actual animated man in our kitchen." He closed his eyes, and opened quick. Now, where did he get that bucket of chicken from? "I must be dreaming, no." The man tied up with his just-as confused wife now spoke, in muffled words. "What? Who are you?" The man, or..Boy was sensored by the tape. When he went to take it off, he felt a real hand come onto his shoulder. "Nope, stop right there, asshole." It spoke? But this can't be, he thought. "Yep, I'm real. No dreams." The greedy bastard continued to munch on a monstrosity that lied in a striped bucket. Chocolate syrup, rotten meat, and everything in their home. "How did you get here? Has the end come?" It scoffed and looked away. He took it as an opportunity to swipe the tape off. The boy yelped at the rip on his skin. "What the fuck?" He blinked. "That's what I'm thinking, who are you two, and why have you chosen to visit my home? Are the million other countries not enough?!" He growled, "No you fucking idiot, I'm a human being. I don't know how I got here, or why it's fucking 1974, apparently to that fucking cartoon!" They both looked at the character and sighed. "So, you see it too, then? Are you a time traveler?"—
—"No, I'm not a time traveler. Where I'm from, it's 1985, and you're fucking dead, shit, that's kind of weird to think about." Yoko screamed through the cloth, John had no reaction. "Dead? Then how did I die, if you claim I did?" The cartoon boy scoffed. "Well obviously, he's not laaaying." Weird accent, that thing has. "Got fockin' shot, man. Then your lady went all crazy and cut off half her hair, looks old as shit now." Yoko let out an 'Ugh!' and pushed him aside. With such pressure, the ropes ripped their wrists. "Ow, fock, man!" John was now rubbing his eyes. "I don't understand this, how is this possible." The cartoon looked to them, "So my friend Kenny, when he died, he formed with other dead bodies in the graveyaad, and they created some fleshy organ portal, dude. And my names Eric Cartman, don't fucking call me a cartoon, all weird looking." John snapped his fingers, "That's enough of you..Eh," Analyzing him, he didn't look too far off to a real human being. "Eric, Cartman." He hesitated to point his finger, such a gluttonous species, he could just bite his finger off if it was cooked well, or…Well, he was eatung rotten meat. "Hah! You're not my dad, I…I don't have a dad." The other boy chuckled. "So it even has feelings, too? And can someone untie me? If my wrists break, I'm focking suing your wife when I get back." John hummed in annoyance. "Hmm, that's not necessary, young man, because none of you are leaving through that.. Portal, you say if I don't get my questions answered."—
—"I didn't go through that focking portal, man, I just got drunk, went to sleep and..Hey, do you think brain can be so good it sends you to another universe?" Yoko spoke through the cloth, "Brain?" Eric laughed, "Hah! You sound like Kenny." He mocked and covered his mouth. John ripped the cloth off her mouth. "Don't mock my wife, boy." He shrugged, "Don't have any questions to ask? That's too bad, cause I'm about to kill you geys right now." Both his fingers were pointed to the two. "And leave me out? I want to die with my husband, even if you try."
It turns out it was easier than Cartman thought. Now all three were tied up and echoing muffled screams throughout the house. "Sorry not sorry, geys, but this is so nobody finds out my secret." Through the tape yelled John, "What secret did you tell us? The portal?" Yoko nodded, "Yeah, we won't tell anyone!" The young man was asleep on Johns shoulder, his snore the only response. "No, I don't give a fuuck, about that portal." He twirled his fingers, "But, you geys know my secret chicken recipe, and no one can know that, okeey?" He pulled out a knife from his pocket, the two screamed, waking the man, who too, also screamed. All eyes were wide and then went shut. All John heard were three gut stabs from his left, thank God Yoko was on the right. He sighed a breath of relief as cold blood spilled onto his fresh silk pajamas. "Yoko, how bad is it?" Her response were cries. "He opened an eye to see Eric munching on the young man's organs. "Oh fuck yes, I'm selling this shit, this kicks ass, man, almost better than KFC, or Dunkin Donuts, Ooh, or Mem's pot pie, oh, and Mcdonalds, mmmmmmmm…." He drooled and licked the blood and saliva off his fat, greasy lips. "What the fuck is wrong with you? You're a fucking cannibal!" He cackled, "Yeah, but you know who else is? Scott. Fucking. Tenorman. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!—OH, FUCK, THAT'S SO FUCKING FUNNY, HE ATE HIS FUCKING DAD AND MEM!!!" John stared concerned as he held the long noodle looking guts and cackled like fucking evil. "Nasty Intent. Has this tape always been off?" He stopped to stare, and laughed through his speech,
"No, man, you just licked it off, you fatass. Hey, that's what that fucking jew calls me, are you a jew?" He shook his head. "Are you really gonna sell that? And..Fry it?" He nodded violently, "Fuck yeah, dude, totally." Barely alive, the young man groaned and called out random names. "Who the feck is James? Just die already, bastard!"
Fried organs, it was Cartman's favourite. The oil, so delicate, draped over fresh meat, the drummer's arms, Butters, he was a drummer once, too, so perfect to chop up, like chicken breast. His nose was the fucking cherry on top, literally. "And, voila, what do you think, geys?" The boy smacked his forehead, "Dude, what the fuck is this? I said bring me FRIED. CHICKEN. Not this fucking mess! And what even are these things, noodles?" Cartman groaned. "Dude, that's like, totally disrepectful, cause," There goes the tears, "The person who I f-fried,—Sniff—Was, like, totally danish and that's his culture right there." The boys screamed. "THIS IS FUCKING HUMAN?! DAAD!"
"Daddy's not here to help, boss. Only I, THE Eric Cartman, can help." His knife, sharp and metallic, "So, if you don't mind, WE are selling these, and if you don't…" The knife tapped onto the bloody counter, "If you don't respect me, or my authoritah, there will, be consequension."—'It's consequences, Cartman! Teehee!'—"Ugh, I know that, cupid me!—There will, be consequences."
John Lennon did not speak a word until December eighth. Cartman did not tolerate this behaviour, and John did not respect his authoritah. There was serious consequension, and Yoko did cut her hair like a crazy bitch. The next day, James Hetfield woke up from his hang over to his drummer's stomach ripped open, and a groupie under him. Even in 2026, he still didn't understand how that woman did that with just her mouth. Maybe an explosion? He was careful getting brain ever since that incident, and only Cartman and Yoko, the only surviving members of the incident, knew.