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It was a cool spring night, the breeze just brisk enough to warrant a jacket but the summer warmth was soon on the horizon. The last of the winter freezes in New York.
Magnus strolled down the winding streets of Dumbo. While he would typically portal back to his place he instead decided to take the A train back from his errands on the Upper West Side. Allowing himself a moment of decompression on the nearly empty train after an eventful day of restocks and orders for his home apothecary.
It wasn’t often that he would allow himself to get so low on so many of his essential ingredients, but the past few weeks had been quite the whirlwind of last minute urgent requests and playing catch up on fulfilling long placed orders-- that the task got away from him.
Luckily enough the majority of what he needed he could find right there in the tri state area. For the remaining handful of items he needed, he would be making day trips across 3 additional continents in the weeks to come.
But for now he was a block away from his flat, his feet beginning to ache from his regrettable choice of boots.
As he pivoted once more and onto his street, he looked beyond the metal staircase leading up to the entrance of his building and to the other end of the street, where a tall shadow of a man leaned back against the brick wall.
It took Magnus a moment to concede with the fact that this other man in the distance was his partner, Alec. Not because he could not recognize his lover from a quick look alone, but rather because he struggled to accept that he had just watched said lover lift one of his once loosely hanging hands up to his mouth before a billow of smoke filled the moonlit air around him.
Magnus stood frozen. Alec Lightwood, his Alexander, stoic, rule following, head of the New York Institute, was openly smoking and for that reason alone, Magnus knew something must have happened to warrant the action. So as he restarted his commute home, he did not stop and turn up the stairs to his loft, but rather kept walking towards the other end of the block and towards Alec.
It wasn’t that Magnus had a problem with the other man smoking, he had lived enough lives and through enough centuries to have indulged in the act himself and would therefore be a hypocrite otherwise. But as he drew closer to Alec, he could only come up blank on memories of times Alec could have possibly smelt of nicotine, had a lighter or a pack on him, all unlike now.
As he closed the distance between the both of them, Alec finally lifted his head slightly to give acknowledgement to the growing presence. When he realized that it was indeed Magnus and not a stranger who had made their way to him, his eyes widened slightly before he hung his head back down.
The display of quick moving emotion would have been difficult for anyone else to catch but to Magnus he could tell the other man was not embarrassed for having been found in his current state but rather bracing himself for the possibility of reprimand. Magnus knew this because he had watched his lover deliver this same action countless times before, ahead of dealing with issues at the institute, with the Clave, his own parents, and he’ll admit that it stung a little to have his partner put up a similar wall to him as well.
But he took in the other man’s stature, his shoulders drooped not to make himself appear smaller but fallen with defeat, his head lowered not to bar eye contact with passerbys but because it weighed heavy with exhaustion, and the darkness beneath his eyes, as fast and gone as they were to Magnus’s own gaze, were not shadows of the night but the result of what was clearly a long day.
It was written all over him, seeping out of him, dripping to the ground. In his delicate state, Magnus slowed before positioning himself to mirror Alec’s position against the wall. His actions careful and calculated as to not have Alec run from what clearly needed to be talked about, which is why the next words out of his mouth-
“Smoking kills you know,”
Were not exactly what he was going for.
Magnus thanked the demons that Alec didn’t take his sarcasm seriously as he heard the other man let out an under the breath scoff laugh.
“So do knives…And demons.”
Magnus nodded as Alec lifted his hand to his mouth, drawing in another deep breath. The end of the cigarette crinkled a bright red and orange as it burned and grew smaller, a ladder of ash left compact and balanced in its place. Alec held the smoke in as he casually flicked his thumb against the filter, allowing the ash to lose its hold and fall to the ground before slowly exhaling. A practiced motion that confirmed to Magnus that this was not Alec’s first rodeo.
Alec turned to look at Magnus properly, eyes filled with guilt and the slight twinge of embarrassment that he always gave to others when he was caught doing something that would otherwise seem out of the ordinary for the outward character he had built for others to see.
“Sorry if this is a turn off”, Alec said, lifting the cigarette slightly as if to emphasize the subject.
It was Magnus’s turn to let out a scoffed laughter.
“My love, I have done more drugs than I hope you will ever even know of in your lifetime, may I ?”
He motioned towards the cigarette. Alec looked at him warily, as if to see if this was all a test to get his emotional support smoke away from him.
“This one is almost done, here,”
Alec reached into his pocket before pulling out a pack of Marlboro Golds and handing them to Magnus, who took them willingly.
“Good taste.” Magnus nodded before opening the pack, noting that it was half empty before pulling one out and placing it in his mouth. The spark of a lighting flame clicked at his left as Alec held up a disposable lighter, fire already licking away. Magnus leaned in, both of their hands coming up to shield the act as the winds from the east river began to pick up, startling the flame.
After a few tries, Magnus finally blew smoke up and into the air.
“It’s been a while since I've indulged in one of these.” He looked over at Alec who watched him intensely. Magnus raised his hand that held the pack, offering it back to Alec who took it graciously before putting it back into his pocket.
“Me too,” Alec agreed quietly.
“As always you never fail to surprise me Alexander, but I’ll admit, smoking was not on my list. How long has this been a thing?”
“Do you promise to react normally if I tell you the truth?”
“Possibly.” Magnus smirked, going in for another hit.
“15.”
Magnus choked on his next inhale, turning to look at Alec with shock only to find Alec already staring at him.
“Don’t.” Alec said sternly though without any heat for it to mean anything.
“I didn’t say anything.”
“Yeah well you were thinking it.” Alec responded.
“Who the hell was buying you packs at 15?”
“No one.”
“Alexander, don't tell me you were stealing them.” Magnus teased.
“Stop it, and no I wasn’t. It was during my academy days, sometimes people from the older classes or Centurions would come by and bring packs with them, and if we didn’t have exams or anything the next day,” Alec shrugged.
“It was just a stupid schooling thing, hell Izzy and Jace definitely did the same and as much as I don’t want to think about it, Max probably is or will sooner or later too.”
Magnus pondered this for a moment before nodding.
“I always thought of Jace and Isabelle to prefer their liquors, but I suppose this revelation isn’t one of surprise.” Magnus thought outwardly as Alec finished off his own cigarette, tossing the bud on the ground before squashing it and digging into his pocket for the pack again, ready to light another one.
“I mean, I suppose they can get up to whatever they choose to in their free time but you're not wrong with that. They both don’t really smoke to my knowledge.” Alec paused to light his new cigarette.
“How many is that for tonight?” Magnus asked quietly.
“Just my second. I got here not long before you, I just.” He stopped for a moment, blowing out smoke again, thinking.
“I just really needed this tonight.”
“You know I have a pretty large balcony, and the entire rooftop. You didn’t have to stand out here.”
Alec shook his head.
“Up until five minutes ago you didn’t even know I smoked, I wasn’t about to fill your space with the smell of nicotine.”
“Our space.” Magnus corrected gently. Alec looked at him with soft yet still visibly exhausted eyes. A small smile twitched at the corner of his mouth at the correction.
“Besides,” Alec continued. “I don’t really do this often, just every once in a while when…” He droned off. Magnus used this as his in.
He placed his own cigarette between his lips before swirling his hands, opening a portal. Alec looked to see that beyond the swirls of magic, the floor of their rooftop laid on the other side. Magnus pulled his cigarette from his lips, reaching a hand out towards Alec.
“Come, let’s sit.”
Alec took the invitation and followed the other man through the portal, landing gracefully onto the concrete of their rooftop. With another wave of his hand, Magnus lit the garden lights and an ashtray appeared on the glass patio table along with two glasses of liquor.
The two made their way to the patio love chair, sitting pressed against each other. Magnus put his own cigarette down in exchange for his drink, while Alec still held his own tightly. Taking another hit.
“So, do you want to talk about what this is all about?” Magnus inquired gently.
Alec looked down, thoughtfully. For a long moment Magnus believed that maybe he would shut himself off, pretend that there was nothing actually wrong and he just so happened to be craving a smoke that night when,
“Tomas is dead.”
Tomas Bell-Fleur was a Clave envoy stationed at the Paris Institute. In the year following Alec’s ascent to Head of the New York Institute, spearheading the Shadowhunter - Downworlder Alliance, and for one reason or another, the most controversial of them all, his open relationship with the male Downworlder that was him. He had more or less amassed a large pool of enemies, but with that followed a following of like-minded individuals such as Tomas.
A few months ago the two had been on a date night in Paris when they had run into the other man. A quick exchange of words revealed that Tomas was inspired by how successful the New York Shadowhunter-Downworlder Alliance was and having heard Alec’s intent to help other institutes implement similar trial programs, wanted to collaborate in making it reality for the Paris Institute. He revealed that he had grown up in Paris before their current head Louis Glassland had taken over and began to enact targeted attacks on the Downworld community there, frequent raids of the nightmarket, biased profiling on more than innocent local Downworlders, and the lot.
Tomas explained how as a child the Paris institute prided itself in the peace it held between Shadowhunters and Downworlders alike, so far as to having had collaborations on handling local matters, working together in harmony. Everything Alec hoped for in his own Alliance.
But ever since Louis’ enactment as Head, it had become a place he had hardly recognized. An establishment rebuilt on a foundation of hate. He had hoped that through becoming an envoy and returning to his home city, that he may be able to reinstitute some of the core principles and values the Institute once upheld. But so far his efforts had been in vain and he had been losing hope. It was only in seeing Alec’s own program and the positive stats coming out of the trial that reignited his drive for change. And having run into both him and Magnus that night, believed that it was a sign that they should work together.
And so they had. Alec had been in close communications with Tomas since then, coaching him through situations, lending a hand in responses to the Clave, preparing for meetings with Louis. In fact Alec had even gone as far as to visit Tomas every few weeks for the past few months to make sure everything was alright.
On the surface level it seemed like a partnership made in heaven. But Magnus knew it was anything of the sort. As well as Tomas was getting along in rebuilding trust and relationships within the local Downworlder community in Paris, he was alone in his efforts. The Paris Institute had all but turned their backs on him, sneered in his presence, vocaling taking Glassland’s side, and if it weren’t for his Clave mandate to stay stationed at the Institute, he would have most likely been forcefully transferred elsewhere.
Magnus had known it was a difficult situation, had listened to Alec’s rants, consoled him in his frustrations, even offered Tomas friendly advice himself, going as far as to reach out to his own colleagues in the area to see if they would extend a friendly face to the lonesome envoy. The fact that he was dead now only deepened the pit slowly growing in Magnus’s stomach, a feeling of wrong building.
Magnus exhaled deeply.
“What happened?”
Alec looked up and away, his tongue pushing frustratedly at his cheek.
“Official reports state that he, alongside 3 other men, went to check out a possible den of Scorpio demons held up in the Catacombs. When they got there, they realized it was actually a den of Rahab demons and they were outnumbered. They withdrew and once they were out of the Catacombs they realized Tomas was not with them. Upon their return 3 hours later and with backup, they banished the hoard and found Tomas’s body.” Alec recounted slowly, each word dripping of venom and frustration.
“The autopsy showed a variety of demon inflicted injuries alongside a broken ankle. They concluded he must have tripped and injured himself and was overtaken by the Rahab before anyone could realize he had fallen behind.” Alec finished before shakily bringing his cigarette to his mouth and taking another deep inhale.
“And what do you think?”
Alec scoffed, leaning over to tap off some of his ash into the tray in front of them.
“I think if I said what I truly thought, I’d be thrown in the City of Bones on account of sedition.”
Magnus nodded, taking another swig of his drink, finishing the glass before topping it off again with a flick of his hand.
“Then I’ll say it, they are all a bunch of fucking cowards and Tomas deserved better.”
He looked over at Alec who stared intensely downward. His jaw clenched tightly. Finally Alec nodded, looking up and away, Magnus could see his eyes were glassy.
“Yeah.” Alec finally responded in a broken whisper.
“I’m so sorry my love.”
“Words gotten out about what happened.” Alec continued.
“No one is saying it but everyone is thinking it. Everyone knows. I’ve already received word from two other Institutes before I got here. They are putting indefinitely holds on their trial Alliance programs. Stating that they haven’t seen ‘enough improvement to further justify resource allotment towards them’.”
Alec shook his head.
“But it’s not true, I’ve seen the reports myself, things were getting better, satisfaction rates were up, local crime rates were down…” He dragged off.
“But people are scared.” Magnus finished for him.
“I don’t understand what we are supposed to be doing here. It’s like, every step forward we take the Clave is just right there to bite us in the ass and push us 10 steps back. And every time I finally convince someone to give us a chance, they “die” under "unfortunate circumstances” and everyone knows it’s bullshit but no one is doing anything about it!” Alec continued to shake his head, allowing himself to finally let out his anger at the situation.
“You are.”
Alec scoffed at this.
“Yeah I am, and I look like a piece of shit trying to convince people to sign their own death sentences by taking my side.”
“Hey no, that is not what I meant,” Magnus put his glass down again, turning to look at the other man.
“Look at me Alexander.” He waited until Alec had followed his request, returning his gaze before continuing.
“People know exactly the type of risks they are taking by stepping forward. No war has ever been won without casualties. And every person who has finally had enough of the Clave’s bullshit to stand against them, knows that they may not get to see the fruits of their efforts. Just because you are the face of this movement doesn’t mean you are personally responsible for every loss or step back we take.” Magnus’s eyes searched Alec’s face hoping to see a sign that his words had gotten through to the other man but he could see that he was losing him to an internal battle.
Magnus sighed.
“Before the Accords, it was hell on earth. Every day could have been your last. Accidentally running into a Shadowhunter was a near guaranteed death sentence. Working alongside them, by your own choice or otherwise made you out to be a rat against your own kind.”
Magnus’ thoughts raced through the centuries, of all the times he risked his own status to help the Nephilim, and all of the times genuinely good at heart Nephilim returned the favor.
“When Consul Katsugoro first proposed the European Downworlder treaty, it felt like a sick joke. That after all of these centuries, after everything the Nephilim had put us through. That one would use their power and status to protect us? It didn’t make sense. I remember those times clearly. Shadowhunters who backed Katsugoro canvased the streets, trying to find anyone, Warlock, Vampire, Werewolf or other to speak to, to convince to hear out the proposal. But none would. They were scared. And not just from the prospect of being tricked by a false promise.”
Magnus paused, taking a deep breath. He could feel Alec’s eyes on him now.
“For every Shadowhunter that backed Consul Katsugoro, two more would turn their anger from demons to Downworlders. Hate crimes against the Downworld were never by any means low before those times but once the Treaty was put on the table… All hell broke loose. I will never forget those days. The atrocities committed… Before then it was not unknown that much of the generational wealth accrued by the Nephilim was in part due to the… trophies they took. Filling their homes with Warlock marks, claws, fangs.” Magnus gritted his teeth, the memories still caused his blood to boil.
“It was not lost on us what a treaty with the Downworld would mean to many of the Nephilim. Many of their status had been built upon their capabilities of ruthlessness against Demons and Downworlders alike, your own family included.”
It was a low blow, Magnus was aware of the way Alec shifted uncomfortably. But it was history, both of theirs and there was no point in skirting around the details of it no matter how discomforting they were. Hell, Alexander was the eldest son to two Circle Members. They both knew it was forgiveness, recognition, and maturity alone that their relationship was feasible to start.
“But,” Magnus continued before the two could fester on the details for too long.
“There is a reason that despite the violence, despite the distrust, and the fear, that the treaty was signed.”
At this point both of their drinks and cigarettes had been forgotten, the night was slowly growing cooler as the hour closed in at midnight.
“What was it?” Alec finally spoke. His tone held a faint childlike curiosity, anticipation of what happened next.
“Not all Nephilim are evil, there were many that fought alongside the Downworld, loves that emerged, individuals that challenged the powers that were, but even with the good ones that came and went, life never changed, it simply continued. But there was something about this treaty, unlike all times before… it was as though the air in the room shifted. As though it were making space for something that was brewing and bubbling beneath the surface. Things felt different this time around, and for those who had been around long enough to know it, felt it. Change was on the horizon, and so even despite the threats, the killings, the fear, we stepped forward and as did Katsugoro and his followers, and the treaty was signed”
“And it was by the European Downworlder treaty that Ralf Scott and his companions used as basis to present a negotiation of rights, though fruitless at the time they would later be recognized as the groundworks of the first Accords signed in the Summer of 1872.” Alec recounted, memorized and engrained from his years of study.
“Sharp memory.” Magnus teased with a faint smile which Alec offered back.
“There is a reason why there was so much more violence during those times. It was because we were not the only ones who felt it, this coming change. Those on the other side that opposed it, did as well.”
Magnus turned his body to fully look at Alec for what he would say next, waiting until Alec returned the favor by looking Magnus in the eyes. Holding his gaze.
“When a person or people's power is threatened even when that power is built on the suffering of others, they will do anything it takes to ensure they keep it. And when fear has historically been used as a safeguard to hold power? They will test its affectability once more. And when it has once again proven its effectiveness? They will latch onto it with panicked hands.”
Magnus reached over to grab Alec’s hands into his own, feeling the cool and calloused fingers between his own warm hands, threads of magic buzzing within them.
“The Uprising was a bleak moment in our history. Even I must admit there was a piece of doubt within me, that the distrust I had initially felt all those years ago when the European Downworlder treaty had been proposed. That it was all to prepare me for the moment this bubble, this dream of equality would pop, that the Circle was the needle to it all.”
Alec’s eyes searched Magnus’s face, brows knitted and mouth set in a tight grimace. An inherited guilt for what his parent’s generation- what his parents had done to his partner.
“But they came and went, and yes in that time the world felt stifling and heavy as it does now. But it did not ever truly feel permanent, not in the same way the world felt during the first treaty, not again when the Accords were signed. For all that has and is happening, I know we’ll get through it, we have to.”
The two sat in silence. Taking in Magnus’s speech, the rawness and bare trust woven throughout it.
Magnus watched Alec as Alec stared down at their still joined hands, feeling the way the archer intertwined them, flipped them back and forth, fiddled with his rings, thinking.
“When you say the air shifted ahead of change… What did it feel like when you met me?” Alec finally looked up. The look he held made Magnus' heart ache, his eyes were slightly red, a combination of the wind, smoke and emotionally evening irritating them. But beyond that held a look of nervousness, fear, hope, innocence.
For all that Alexander was mature and responsible for, he was still so young, too young to have been dealt such a heavy hand.
“Alexander,” Magnus swallowed.
“It was as though all the air had left the room and only those whose lives have been entangled with history, and those who have respected the balance of it, still knew how to breathe. But those who have turned their backs to it? They are suffocating. And in their panic they are lashing out.”
Magnus leaned in.
“There is a reason why people follow you Alexander. Even in the face of possible death. Why the Downworld listens when you speak. Why they willingly sit at the place you’ve set for them at the table. We know the feeling when things are about to change for the better, and we all felt it when you entered the room.”
A look of quick overwhelm passed over Alec’s face, he shook his head, trying to take it all in.
“Then how am I not expected to feel personally responsible?”
“Because you are not the only one fighting.” Magnus shrugged, almost too nonchalant for the conversation at hand. But what else could he do, this was all he had ever known. For Alec, it was a world completely new to him, no longer blurred by his gilded cage.
“Sure many will fight because they choose to do so to stand by your side. But many will also do so to stand by mine, or Caterina's, or Luke’s. Or even by their own hopes for better. But we cannot bear the emotions of others' choices. To do so would leave us no room to breathe and to move forward. We would simply be fixed in place, too overwhelmed. And then we would never make any change at all. Just because the majority of those who are choosing to stand at our sides now are doing so to stand by yours, doesn’t make them your responsibility Alec. You just happen to be the first person people think of when they see the change that is happening.”
“But like you said, I’m not the only one fighting, you and everyone have been fighting these battles for so much longer than me. So why me? What makes me so different that people are just now deciding to stand up and fight?”
He could see the internal battle that Alec was fighting. Struggling to accept who and what he represented, the weight of simply wanting to do good. Magnus could barely conceive how it must have felt to the other man. His own power and image developed through decades. He was able to reconcile with it, shape it to his own comfort. Learn through trial and time how to yield it. And yet he looked at his partner, just over two decades into life and being asked to bear the responsibility of fixing the sins of his forefathers.
He would never truly understand but for the sake of his love, he would try nevertheless.
“Sometimes it takes a fresh perspective, a new face to reignite people’s drive.”
“Yeah but I didn’t ask to be the face of a movement.” Alec said breathlessly.
“And yet no one who has truly made a change ever has. That’s why people will follow you. Because what you are doing now is not for some ultimate end goal, you just believe it’s the right thing to do. It’s one of the many things I love about you.” Magnus lifted his hand to Alec’s cheek, allowing himself to gently caress the other man’s cheekbone with his thumb. Feeling content at the weight of Alec leaning into the touch.
The intimate moment was quick and fleeting much to Magnus’s dismay as Alec shook his head, leaning back and reaching down to his once forgotten cigarette, now half the size it had been since he had first abandoned it.
This time he pinched the filter between his pointer finger and thumb, taking a hit of it quickly. And damn Magnus’s unstill mind that his thoughts pivoted to consider whether he could later convince the other man to smoke a joint alongside him under more positive circumstances. He was pulled from his unrelated fantasies by Alec’s voice.
“It still doesn’t change the fact that people are fleeing. Institutes are still aligning themselves with the Clave.”
Alexander, always five steps ahead, preemptively worried about things that may or may not come. It’s what made him so ideal for his role and leadership position. Magnus just wished it did not come at the cost of his lover’s light.
“Patience Alexander. Yes it is frustrating, but the entire Shadow World is not your responsibility to fix and change over night. Give it time. Give people the time they need to find what they need to be brave. It will get better. I know it because I know you.”
Alec stared at him, and Magnus watched as his eyes scanned his face, thinking, contemplating, taking in their conversation. Once again Magnus waited out this internal battle until-
Alec nodded.
“Ok.” Alec whispered, biting his lip.
“Ok.” Magnus repeated slowly.
The two sat quietly, still turned towards each other. The wind chimes hooked to the drainage pipes being the only noise save for the faint sounds of the city below.
“Will there be a rite of mourning for Tomas?” Magnus inquired, breaking through the silence.
Alec shook his head.
“They’ve already burned his body.”
Nephilim, always quick to bury and forget their sins.
“Then maybe we can do something for him, just the two of us?” Magnus offered.
“What do you have in mind?”
Magnus smiled and with a flick of his wrist, a white paper lantern appeared in front of them. He looked to Alec with an enquiring look, Alec on the other hand simply stared at the lantern with a soft yet sad smile.
“It’s perfect.”
Magnus picked up the lantern in one hand, holding it between the two of them, grabbing his glass of liquor in the other and waited for the other man.
Alec let out a deep sigh before pulling his lighter out of his pocket once more. Carefully reaching underneath the lantern to light the wick to the candle inside. Once done he pulled his hand out, setting the lighter on the table in front of them and grabbed his own previously untouched glass of liquor to match Magnus. Only then did Magnus continue.
“To Tomas.” He raised his glass.
“To Tomas, ave atque vale.” Alec repeated.
The two each took a sip of their drinks before locking eyes and with wordless agreement, both proceeded to pour out a splash of liquor onto the concrete floor.
Magnus held tight to the now weightless lantern, waiting for Alec whose eyes stared ahead unfocused. He watched him beyond the flickering light and shapeless shadows that bounced off of the lit candle inside of the lantern and onto the back wall and their faces. After another moment of silence Alec finally let out a deep breath, returning from wherever it was he went.
Alec nodded and grabbed hold of the lantern before softly pushing upwards, the two letting it go.
They watched as the lantern swayed up and away from the building. And one might have found symbolism in the fact that despite the growing winds, the light of the candle never gave out.
Magnus and Alec sat in contemplative silence, until the lantern finally reached a distance of obscurity.
The night was over and the next day awaited them.
For one final time that night, Magnus called upon his magic, waving his hand over the table in front of them, clearing it of half smoked cigarettes and half empty glasses.
There will be more evenings. Magnus thought as he stood, reaching a hand down towards Alec.
Alec took the offer gently and rose to his feet.
As Magnus turned to begin his retreat towards the stairway back down to the loft, he felt a slight tug at his hand. He looked back quizzically to find Alec simply staring at him, his eyes full of overwhelming love and gratitude.
“Thank you.” he said softly.
Magnus’ own eyes softened at this.
“Come,” he responded gently, squeezing his lover's hand.
“Let's go to bed now, my love.”
And so they went on their short journey back down into their home. An end to their night.
Le Fin.