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“Have you ever thought about the dating allegations you two have?” Gorou asked as they all settled for a round of cards.
Wanderer started choking on his water. It was much more annoying knowing it can seep through some gaps and get into his wiring. To his salvation, Kokomi extended her hand and just brought the water back out.
“Why in Teyvat would we have allegations?” Wanderer’s voice was monotonous and he almost seemed unbothered if it wasn’t for the slight lilt at the end.
“Well a lot of them are looking for any signs of change. I can’t blame ‘em,” Gorou said with a shrug.
“The Tri-Commission hasn’t been doing anything - I suspect the elders are hindering Kamisato. So it’s only natural they place their hope in Watatsumi’s leadership.” Kokomi adjusted herself, placing her long flowy sleeves behind her as she sat in front of him. “But I wasn’t aware that the people of Watatsumi assume I’d be willing to lower my standards to him.”
Wanderer kicked her lightly, rolling his eyes. “I’d be surprised if people think someone like me would be capable of any love at all.”
He had only been staying in Watatsumi for a week so far. Nahida had given him two, but it was quite clear that the village people didn’t exactly know how to feel about a foreign scholar that looked vaguely Inazuman - not just Inazuman, but Narukamian - in their midst. He couldn’t blame them. It seemed like a very conservative society.
Gorou slouched in his seat, already tired from the banter. He knew full well a TCG game with the Strategist of Watatsumi and former Harbinger would definitely end in more banter and trash talking. “Well the allegations aren’t that much but they’re definitely there.”
Kokomi hummed as she arranged her deck. “Just let them, Wanderer. It’ll always exist. Waste of time worrying about it.”
Wanderer clicked his tongue as he tried to focus on arranging the action cards in his hand.
“Seriously though with you two always appearing in meetings together, they’re starting to talk about whether he’d be fit to help rule Watatsumi,” Gorou continued, not wanting to let the topic die out in their conversation. It wasn’t an uncommon sentiment whispered among the locals whenever they passed by together and they would have to address it eventually. But still, he thought he could get away with ignoring it for much longer.
“Why? Isn't Watatsumi a matriarchal theocracy? I’m not a believer so I don’t see why I should be worried about that shit.”
“To be fair, the men who marry into the Sangonomiya line also get a say in some decisions regarding the village,” Kokomi replied, an odd history lesson in the middle of the TCG match but it was interesting so he wasn't gonna complain. “They’re probably concerned about how you’re a total outsider with no obvious connection to the Sumeru government so they can’t exactly label our meetings as a meeting between delegates.”
“But Nahida sent me as a Sumeru representative.”
“Yes. And as an Archon, she should have the authority. But you know how the Watatsumi people are.”
“Ah.” She wasn’t wrong. Watatsumians have lived ignorant of the Archons for centuries already. He doubted Nahida appointing him as a representative would mean anything to them unless he was appointed by the Akademiya itself. “So you’re fucking telling me the only way they’d think I’m legit is if I marry into your theocracy?”
“Seems like it.” Gorou nodded, completely missing his sarcasm as he rolled the dice. Three omnis. Annoying. He attacked Kokomi a few times then ended his turn. Not that she’s even close to dying.
Wanderer grabbed the dice. “Hmph. Annoying.”
“Must be. I doubt the people in the Akademiya itself um… accepted your rise in its ranks?” Kokomi asked, looking at him.
“Yeah, no.” Definitely not after he tried to destroy Sumeru and Nahida told all of them about it. She tried to be gentle about it, of course, the Goddess of Wisdom was always so wise. But the Sumeru people were not as kind and honestly it had been hell trying to live through the subtle shade that the researchers threw at him. Beating them at their own research was one of the things that made it worth it.
“Damn that must suck…” Gorou said. He then stretched and stood up. “I’m hungry. Gonna go buy myself stuff from the village. Want anything?”
“Nah.”
“Mochi, please, Gorou.”
“You got it, Your Excellency.”
They placed their cards down. Once Gorou closed the door behind him, Kokomi shifted to face him. “Nahida, um, wrote me a letter, by the way.”
Wanderer barely even flinched, even if he could feel a shiver run through him. He had told himself a million times before that he’d have to face it eventually.
“Ah. So you know about it now.” Well. Surely could end in a shitshow.
“Yes. Honestly it wasn’t too hard to believe you were the one behind it.”
Wanderer wished he could be offended by that sentiment, but if he met himself, he'd probably think the same thing. “So that’s why you spent as much time with me as you did. You were testing me, right?”
“I’m sorry. I couldn’t risk Watatsumi falling for the same trick again. And it’s been hard to trust an Archon’s word after… well, you know.”
“It’s smart. I wouldn’t trust myself either.” Kokomi stared at him for a few seconds as he said that, as if looking for a sign he wasn’t serious.
“Oh.” Yeah she seemed to have gotten the message.
“Yeah.”
“Well Nahida told me more than your sins. She also told me to ‘be gentle with him’ and said that ‘he’s changed. Please trust him.’”
Wanderer’s heart warmed a little at the Goddess’ words. He didn’t really need it but it felt good that someone was looking out for his well-being just like that. “Well, do you?”
“Yeah, I… I suppose I do. I hope I’m not being stupid for that,” Kokomi said.
“Well you kind of are,” Wanderer said. He knew it wasn’t to provoke her, at least for the most part. He knew he personally believed trusting him would be the most stupid idea of all time. If he were anyone, he wouldn’t trust him either. No one should trust him.
Kokomi sighed, perhaps taking it more personally than he thought. “Well it’s hard being the only one making decisions for the entire village…”
“Ah. I can’t really say anything to that.” He never really had to make a major decision that controlled the fate of so many people. He was always the one people made decisions for. Even when he thought he was the king of the chessboard, someone else was still playing him behind the scenes.
“Sorry,” Kokomi said, bringing her knees closer to her. “It must’ve been harder for you.”
“Comparing struggles isn't worth anything,” Wanderer said. Anything to play down his own trauma.
Kokomi tilted her head. She looked like she usually did when playing TCG: eyebrows knitted together, her leg bouncing nervously, fingers fidgeting as she hunched over so much that her back’s probably curved like a conch. Like she was thinking of the next course of action.
“I’ve never been good at consoling people.” is what she settled on saying. Not bad.
“I don’t need to be consoled,” Wanderer said. He came here to be a delegate, not have some mushy apologies over events in the past.
“This feels like the wrong situation to say ‘water under the bridge’ though.”
Oh right. Multiple lives were lost because of his stupid vengeful advances to reclaim Inazuma as his own and spite his own creator. He wouldn’t blame her for not moving on from that. “... I know an ‘I’m sorry’ isn’t going to cut it. And I’m not gonna say it wasn’t your fault.”
“I know.” Kokomi laughed weakly. It was gentle, like waves on the shore. “Honestly I’m glad you think of it that way.”
“We were both stupid.”
“... do you, um, want a hug or anything?”
Weird question. Then he realised oh wait that’s probably what a normal person would want after talking about something that weighed heavily on their minds. Oh. He… had no fucking idea what that felt like. So he remained silent. Whether she took it as an invitation or not, he didn’t care.
She placed a hand on his shoulder even if both of them refused to meet the other’s eyes. “I was wondering, uh, what made you do… all that?”
It was his turn to laugh. “It’s a long story, Sangonomiya, I doubt you could handle it. But I guess I could say that I wanted revenge on the one who made me. But that was petty and asshole of me to risk that many lives in the process.”
He didn’t bother explaining the whole ordeal about the gnosis. May be quite a delicate topic to share with the Watatsumi leader.
“Ah.” A few seconds of silence, with her hand just sitting comfortably on his shoulder. He found he didn’t mind it. “You know she also made a lot of mistakes.”
“Yeah, I guess.” He didn’t wanna talk about that. About her. Hell he wanted to ignore her existence as long as possible. That’s why he was fine with just visiting Watatsumi to delegate. Nahida could deal with the actual Archon. “But she didn’t force me to blackmail Watatsumi.”
“Honestly it’s strategic,” Kokomi said. Which almost, almost made him laugh.
“It’s kinda charming how that’s the first thing you think of.”
Kokomi laughed for both of them. “Well it did successfully cause more havoc in Inazuma and weakened overall morale. Quite effective. Fear is the best weapon, after all.”
“Y’know I should be glad you weren’t going against me.”
“Honestly I’m too much of a coward myself to use fear.”
Ah. “... was that a confession?”
Kokomi shrugged. “I just find it hard to use. I know my conscience will mess me up real bad.”
You’re telling me, he thinks.
“Your conscience must be pretty bad, too, huh?”
Shit, what?
“Oh, sorry, you don’t have to answer that…”
“No, uh, it’s- it’s fine.” So perhaps Kokomi being shit at social cues was also being a pain in the ass to him. “I guess… I guess you could say that.”
He didn’t want to downright admit it but fuck. That felt like an invitation to talk about his issues and he really tried his best to turn it down. It didn’t have to ruin a simple diplomatic meeting.
“Well, I’m not saying Watatsumi has ‘no hard feelings’...” No shit, he thought. “But you, you know… you’re still welcomed here.”
“In all honesty, your excellency, you and Gorou are the only ones to think that. And I’m sure they’ll only grow more hostile once they find out.”
Kokomi shook her head. “I won’t let them. Grow hostile, I mean.”
“It’s what I deserve. I’d be hostile, too.”
“But keeping all this hostility isn’t really productive, is it?” Kokomi said in a frustrated tone. Whether for him or for her people, he couldn’t tell. “It’s better to let it go and try to push on despite the past conflicts between parties.”
Ah so that’s how she managed to move on from the Vision Hunt Decree so fast.
“It’s stupid though,” Wanderer said, running out of ways to justify his philosophy. Not that he’d let it show. “I mean I killed their families.”
“Yes, you did, but that doesn’t mean you still will, right?”
“... no comment.”
“I know you won’t.”
“Okay but what if I have a motive?”
“Would you let yourself kill people for your own benefit again?” Kokomi said, attacking right at the crux of the matter.
“... I mean who knows. I actually might.” Ah yes being a stubborn spiteful sarcastic little shit. Truly the best coping mechanism.
“You have to stop thinking the worst of yourself. Call me naive but I don’t think you’d let yourself do that again.”
Wanderer remained silent. He wanted to continue pushing back and generally being a stubborn asshole just to push his thoughts on the matter and ignore any other perspective on things because he hated himself that much. But also yeah okay at this point it would be rude and… okay unproductive to shut her down. But he knew he was also extremely fucking hesitant to change his thoughts on the matter. “... you underestimate how much I’d hate myself to do it again.”
Okay that was a rude bombshell to drop onto someone he’s supposed to have a casual diplomatic meeting with but he already went this far. There’s no filter stopping him now. He’s grateful Gorou was taking his time shopping.
He didn’t expect Kokomi to respond after that but then she fucking speaks again. “You can’t forgive yourself, can you? Is that why making the same mistakes still remains a possibility for you?”
Wanderer was the one left with no reply. He just silently stared at the back of the TCG cards laying on the ground after that. That was a good enough answer.
Luckily Kokomi didn’t say bullshit about that being ‘unproductive’ but the fact that that was a worry already made him realise that oh he was spending way too much time thinking about her words. Hell, they might actually start to make sense and challenge his point of view on things and then he wouldn’t know what to do with himself.
Part of him wanted to stay in Watatsumi and see where this would lead. Maybe he could write a letter to Nahida.
… on second thought Nahida might be too enthusiastic about him finding a chance to change his perspective.
… well, that’s too bad for him because he was going to write to her anyway.
“I’m back!”
Wanderer finally looked up to see Gorou walk through the door.
“Oh, uh, what were you guys doing?” he asked.
“Just had a chat about Watatsumi,” Kokomi said as she went back to her usual spot. She turned to look at him and their eyes finally accidentally met again. She smiled at him.
Wanderer didn’t bother to return it but he did tense up less.
–
Wanderer had sent his letter to Nahida by the time Kokomi found him the next morning.
“Wanderer, I wanna show you something,” Kokomi said, dragging him halfway across the village and towards a big tree overlooking the shrine. It’s a pretty view, he had to admit as he stayed there. But then she grabbed his arm again and yanked him inside a little cave.
“Ow…” Wanderer scratched his arm as he looked around. Books were strewn about and there’s an entire minishelf full. Not as much as the average room in the Akademiya but still.
“I think you could benefit from a place like this that you’ll only have for yourself. Oh and… journaling.”
Ah. “... you hang out here a lot?”
“When I get a break in my schedule, I try to,” Kokomi said. Right. The Watatsumi people would crowd around her every time she stepped out. She grabbed a book from the table. “It’s really nice to write things down though. Like write the things that are getting you down instead of letting it stay in your head and stir there forever. And it’s a little easier to get back to work once you do…”
Wanderer caught a glimpse of a page as she flicked through, noticing his name. “You wrote about me? What did I bother you with?”
“Oh it’s not just the negatives…” Kokomi promptly closed the book. “I also write about the positive things. Things that, well, made me happy for the day. It helps.”
Huh. Well that’s something.
She walked over to the bookshelf, scanning through the books before pulling out a pretty light blue book with its spine adorned with pink pearls. She dusted it off before handing it over to him. “Here. I know Sumeru has a lot of books and paper to write on, but think of this as a souvenir from Watatsumi to remember us by.”
“You’re making it sound like you’re going to die,” Wanderer deadpanned. And he didn’t like the idea of it.
“Well who knows when I’ll visit Sumeru again. Honestly, I’d like to. I could pay you a visit, too.”
“‘Again’?” Wanderer asked, finding himself a bit too intrigued. And oh shit he cares.
“Yeah, I, um, went to the desert to visit an old friend of mine. It’s been a while since I saw her, too…” Kokomi said, flipping fondly back on the pages of her journal. “I wasn’t able to visit the main city though.”
“Well you can visit me there,” Wanderer said. “I’m part of Vahumana.”
Kokomi grabbed a pen and wrote in her journal. “Vahumana? Isn’t that the one for etiology?”
“... yes,” Wanderer replied a little begrudgingly. “I’ve, uh, actually written some papers on Inazuma itself. Do you mind if I dunked on its political landscape?”
Kokomi burst into laughter. “No, not at all. Honestly, about time someone did. I’d like to read your research though. It sounds interesting. Isn’t etiology based on diseases?”
“... yeah. I figured it’s a choice I can be useful for. Plus I’m gonna have to deal with the… consequences of some of those diseases eventually.”
“I don’t suppose you’ve been focusing on Inazuma in that research?” Kokomi asked, her voice a little hopeful.
“Yeah I have. Mostly on Tatarasuna though, but I’m gonna admit there’s also a lot going on with Yashiori.”
“Interesting… if you’d like, I can also send a few sources regarding the Tatarigami. Those are gonna be books that were specifically passed down in the Sangonomiya line so they haven’t been released to the public before but they should still hold some scientific merit. That, and honestly it’s about time something happens with Yashiori instead of having it as abandoned territory. It would be nice to restore the village and mine.”
“That’s what I thought, too.” Good to know that at least someone didn’t plan on abandoning Inazuma forever. That was way too much land going to waste. “And, uh, it would be nice if I could get sources, yeah. I’ll send over some papers from Sumeru, too, if I can.”
“Really? You would?” So the rumours were right when Gorou told him she was a nerd. Her face lit up a little too much at that and oh fuck was she actually blushing at that? He never met someone this whipped for the books and he lived in the Land of Wisdom.“Thank you.”
Wanderer shrugged. He could not take any gratitude so he just let it hang in the air.
Kokomi knelt beside her bookshelf again and started taking out a few books. “I also have a few rare editions here. I have to admit most of these are strategy books but there’s a few about famine and disease in war here somewhere…”
“Oh.” Because they both know a possible reason why she would even have those books. “... would it help if I wrote research regarding Delusions, too? Not likely I’ll get to publish it but I think I can privately send it to Watatsumi.”
Kokomi looked at him tactfully. “It doesn’t really erase the past… but it would be nice to be prepared. And heal any possible lingering symptoms.”
“Did you do most of the healing back then?” Wanderer asked, his curiosity getting the better of him.
“That’s the thing. I was still very much needed on the battlefield, but I tried healing particularly dire cases. Most of those…”
Ah. And that was why the Vahumana existed, whether he liked it or not. “Tsk. It’s fucking unfair and counterproductive to have the healers doing the only healing. We shouldn’t have an overreliance on visionholders.”
Kokomi sighed. “Well, we work with what we have. It makes me less worried though to know that you’re doing research on Inazuma though. It’s like having help with the burden.”
“I mean if the bitch won’t do the job then who will? You’re already doing better than her so far,” Wanderer said. Trust the Shogun to not do shit.
“Aha well I wouldn’t exactly say that.” Well that’s honest. “Watatsumi’s been having a crop problem and relying too much on imports lately… I wonder if there’s anything in Sumeru that could help? Land of Dendro and all.”
“... I’ll be sure to check.” She’s avoiding his gaze so there’s definitely more to this crop problem that meets the eye but maybe that was the actual classified stuff within the Sangomiya family.
“Thank you.” Kokomi stood up and handed him a stack of three books. “These should help. Let’s head back to the shrine. We can pick up more there.”
–
He and Kokomi both knew his two weeks of staying was halfway done. There wasn’t really that much left to do. Kokomi kind of discouraged him from bothering to meet with Watatsumi’s merchants and honestly he was grateful for that. For this day he was mostly just intent to finish multiple research proposals for the Akademiya and brainstorm a few possible collaborative projects with Watatsumi Island.
“Working again huh?” Kokomi said with a laugh as she passed his desk and moved to her own with all of her paperwork. He felt somewhat guilty for intruding on her own office but he wasn’t going to complain about it.
“Not like we have much else to do. Boring lives, you and I.”
“I have to admit it was funner during the war,” Kokomi admitted which earned a little laugh from him.”This paperwork drains my energy so fast.”
“What’s it about?”
“So many business and agriculture proposals. I haven’t read nearly enough on those to judge yet so it takes me around a week to get to them,” Kokomi said with a groan, scrunching over the current proposal sitting on her desk. Wanderer tried his best not to laugh. Writing proposals was a pain but having so many of them bombarded at one to approve could only be more annoying.
“Lemme see,” Wanderer said, sliding his chair over to his desk.
“Are you procrastinating on your actual work?” Oh fuck that smug voice.
“No,” he lied. “Besides, if I am, I’m still helping you.”
Kokomi laughed. “It would be nice if you were here to read it all everyday. Might as well make the most out of you while you’re here.”
“Oh, haha.” Wanderer scanned through the proposal in a few minutes, furrowing his eyebrows. He shook his head as he put it in the discard pile. “No. That isn’t economically feasible and there are much better ways to use those resources.”
“Are you sure? It might work if–”
“And that’s why you take so long approving these things.” Kokomi shut her mouth. Good. “You need to grow a backbone, Sangonomiya. Some of these are just stupid and you need to learn to turn them down.”
“It’s hard.”
“Doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it.” Wanderer moved to the next in the pile. “Sucks for you to write the rejection letters though. Fuck writing letters.”
“I dunno, I find it easier,” Kokomi admitted. Probably with how the Watatsumi people would accept any word from her. If only it were that easy to convince the Akademiya to let him do shit.
“Well in that case, wanna write my proposals instead?”
“Sure.”
Wanderer had to stop himself from laughing again. He had meant it as a joke but well if she were really offering… He grabbed his stack of empty papers as well as preliminary research material and handed it over to her. “Good luck with that.”
“And good luck with this,” Kokomi replied, handing her own stack of proposals over for him to read through and reject every last dumbass idea.
He could live like this for the rest of his life. Screw the Akademiya.
“I honestly didn’t know you were planning to do collaborative research with Watatsumi,” Kokomi suddenly piped up. He knew their desks moved around half a meter or so closer to each other and honestly he’s not complaining. Normally he’d be hard pressed about anyone other than Nahida invading his working space but Kokomi was at least not obnoxious.
“Oh yeah I forgot to bring that up with you. I just assumed it’s fine anyway, right?”
“Better than fine. I just don’t know if we’ll have the space to accommodate that many researchers.”
“Tsk. The Akademiya people are all stuck-ups. Their fault if they don’t know how to survive living by the sea in a quaint little village.”
“Easy for you to say. You’re lodging in the Sangonomiya shrine yourself.”
“And whose fault is that? I expect the same courtesy to be extended next time I visit.”
Kokomi rolled her eyes but they both know she’s not declining that request.
–
It had been a few days of their routine before Nahida’s reply letter came back.
“Oh.”
“Did they reject it? I can revise the proposal if you want–”
“Oh no Nahida just gave me an extra week to stay here. Not too bad honestly. I like this change of scenery. Staying in the Akademiya too long just gets depressing and at least I don’t work nine hours straight.” Wanderer almost caught himself smiling. He walked over to her table. “What are you reading?”
“Old Inazuman laws. Trying to see if I have any evidence we can use for restoring Yashiori,” Kokomi muttered.
Wanderer sat on her desk. She only moved her eyes when he dropped a book in front of her. “Here. We shouldn’t hyperfocus too much on only one source."
“We?” Kokomi asked. He missed the way the corners of her lips turned upwards.
“Hey, if a defense of this can end up being my thesis, that’s a lot of work cut out for me. Plus I’ll be helping you. Win-win.” Wanderer knew that he’s doing this for his own benefit and out of his own guilt. Part of him wondered how far he’ll help, if it finally isn’t a consequence of his own actions.
–
Wander found himself staring at the bright starlit sky. There’s something interesting about knowing that what’s above him is actually all black. The only thing keeping it from being that way are the thousands, possibly millions of stars dotting the night sky. They seemed so small. So strange to think that something so far could make this much of an impact on something.
Another thing he noticed fairly quickly was no clouds. Probably expected from an island like Watatsumi but he still wasn't quite used to it. Tatarasuna wasn't really known for good weather and he lived in the rainforest part of Sumeru. Clear cloudless nights like these feel like a dream.
“Wanderer? Didn’t expect you to be here at this time.”
Wanderer didn't even notice Kokomi sneaking up on him with a lamp in her hand. The light wasn't strong. It’s a gentle and steady blue that let her see a meter in front of her.
“Just needed a walk. You?”
“I was actually going to check on the shrines then check on Enkanomiya.” She’s calm as she talked about the hidden kingdom beneath the waters. He’s surprised she even said it out loud, but he didn't mind. He’s no longer interested in that place for personal benefit. “Care to join me?
“If we’re not going far.” Wanderer walked back towards her and they fell into step beside each other as they made their way to the four Watatsumi shrines around the island. “It’s a very clear night here.”
“It often is. You should come here more often. It’s calming.” Kokomi looked up, finding herself preoccupied more with the moon than the stars that had captivated Wanderer.
“I wonder what exactly is up there.”
“Would you want to go?”
“If I could,” Wanderer said. “Yeah, I could work with the Akademiya and try to get up there. I want to know what’s there.”
The sky was false and he wanted to know what exactly lurked beyond the projection above. He’s too enamoured by the stars to notice Kokomi’s knowing smile.
“I’m sure you can.”
Wanderer sighed softly. “Sometimes I wish I could actually sleep. Just… lie down and stare at the stars until it calms me enough for my brain to stop working.”
“I think you can.”
Wanderer laughed as he looks at her. Her gaze was gentle and her eyes glimmered the same way the moon did on the ocean. “That’s not very reassuring.”
Kokomi stretched with a yawn. “Ah well. If I didn’t have any responsibilities, I’d join you. You and me on the sand, staring at the moon.”
“Grass, not sand, but I share that sentiment.” Wanderer reached out for her hand. She accepted. He didn't feel anything. Not nervousness, not embarrassment, not the giddiness and excitement of sharing that act with someone else. It just felt normal. “Guess you and I just aren’t allowed to rest.”
Kokomi scoffed. “At least you don’t need to.”
“That’s fair.” He absentmindedly swung their arms together as they walked. “Sometimes I really just don’t want to exist anymore. I mean, what’s the point? I don’t feel the need to enact revenge anymore. It’s petty and I’m beyond that. I’m just surviving so that I can do something useful while I’m still alive.”
“Seems like you know you don’t live for yourself.”
“Yeah.” A few seconds of silence. “Nahida would normally just continue egging me on to find a reason to live. I don’t have a reason. I don’t need one to exist. But that won’t be enough when I finally find an undeniable reason to die.”
“Hm.” She looked at him. “Would you consider living a hassle?”
“Not exactly. It’s just tiring to put up with. There is a point to living, I just don’t see why I should fulfill it sometimes.”
She smiled. “You’re pretty. Pretty wise.”
Wanderer scoffed this time. “Still not a reason to live.”
“So you just exist… not live?”
“Yeah essentially. It’s not bad but I can’t imagine it being that much different from being dead. It’s tiring. Fatigue, I guess. And on some days I just really fucking wish I was.” He told himself he wasn’t going to trauma-dump but ah well.
Kokomi was silent. Not an awkward one. A contemplative one. She didn't bother with an apology or pity. “This is a difficult situation. I can’t imagine it.”
“I don’t expect you to.”
“Answer only if you’re comfortable but… how about today?”
“Are you asking if I wanna kill myself or…?”
“Take it any way you want.” She loosened her grip on his hand a little more, as if telling him he’s allowed to step away.
He squeezed it. “Still yes. But eh I’m busy enough to distract myself.
He finally let go of her hand and started walking a few steps ahead. He couldn't say it next to anyone. He didn’t when he told Nahida. “I, um, remember not having memories. Well I didn’t really have memories so I guess there was nothing to remember but well it was nice. Not exactly fulfilling but pleasant enough. Sometimes I wish I could just live as a normal person then die.”
“Hm. Where would you stay?”
“If I were to choose a place to live, probably not Sumeru. I love Nahida but she’s probably the only reason I particularly like staying there. I’d stay here, in Inazuma, if I didn’t meet her and didn’t have any trauma. In Watatsumi. So I could see the stars every night. If I knew this place existed.”
He heard Kokomi chuckle from behind him.
A cold wind blew past them as they make their way to the shrine on the fin. It’s a calm night. No specters or other monsters waiting up around it.
“Ah. There seems to be a romantic escapade near this one,” Kokomi muttered, staring at two young women sitting with their legs pressed against each other and huddling close.
“I can swoop in and get out.”
“Thank you. Would be nice.” Kokomi laughed as she watches the two girls. “I’ve always known she liked Yuika.”
“You must be close with your people.”
“It’s a small village.”
“I’ve lived hundreds of years and yet I still don’t know anyone that well,” Wanderer deadpanned. It’s a fact that hits him from time to time but he didn’t expect to think about it here.
“Well you’ve accumulated more strategy knowledge than I have, that’s for sure.”
Wanderer creased his eyebrows at her, doubting her words. He’s sure that there’s something wrong with her perception of time and gaining knowledge. He just couldn't pinpoint it yet. He stayed silent as he swooped into the shrine and quickly made sure that it was prepared properly.
“I can’t help thinking,” Wanderer said as they continued walking around the perimeter of the coast. He flew above any stream of water that flowed into Watatsumi. “Isn’t it a bit hard for Watatsumi to be over reliant on one person? You don’t even have an Archon.
“Well I’m not extending any offers. We’re comfortable being under Orobashi’s care,” Kokomi said.
“Are you though?” Wanderer asked, skeptical. “You know he’s dead, right? He has no power? Or are you relying on the Tatarigami to protect you?”
“I’m studying it,” Kokomi said, which made him stop in his tracks. He only read a few studies in the Akademiya regarding the Tatarigami but he didn’t expect Watsumi to be studying it, too. It’s been hard to find proper sources as far as he was concerned.
“I’m curious. Is the Tatarigami a consequence of her killing it or is that your form of protection?”
“For now, it’s a consequence. But for years we’ve been trying to see if it can be harnessed in any way, if Orobashi could perhaps lend us his power once more.”
“He’s dead,” Wanderer deadpanned.
“Which is why I’m shifting the goal to studying if the descendants of Watatsumi can handle it. Which is kind of like trying to marry two gods’ powers. We are originally under the dominion of the Dragon of Water, after all. And this is passed down everything from each generation of Sangonomiya to the next. I’m nearing the age of choosing the next heir from the rest of the family since I don’t plan on having my own, so that is also taking up my responsibilities.”
“... forgive me for what I’m about to say next but wouldn’t it be convenient to have an heir that can live for centuries instead of mere humans passing it on to humans?”
“And you’re saying?” Wanderer couldn’t see her face that clearly in the dim moonlight but he guessed she already knew what he was going to say.
Still, he mentioned it anyway. “Is there any chance I could inherit it instead?”
Kokomi looks at him. “... it still has to be from our family line. You can be a Keeper, but I think you’ll have to take an oath.”
“That’s– easier than I thought,” Wanderer mused.
There’s something that stirred in the priestess’ eyes that seemed to be a mix of realisation of her own mortality and something that looked like–was that freedom?
Kokomi looked back at him with a hand outstretched. Wanderer let her take his own and walk them over towards the edge of Watatsumi’s cliffs, overlooking Borou Village and the shrine where she resided.
“It’s a wonder we still stand even after thousands of years,” she breathed gently, the cold ocean breeze caressing her face. The moon seemed to shine directly on her. “I don’t know how much longer we can hold up. I don’t know if there’ll still be…”
If there would still be a Watatsumi to greet him next time he came back.
Wanderer stayed silent. He found himself wondering if he managed to visit Watatsumi all those years ago. If he had only known how it would feel to touch the sand that kissed its shores.
If they would’ve been able to meet all these years later.