Work Text:
Kakashi opened his eyes slowly, every muscle in his body ached, every cell screamed for chakra.
The moment his uncovered eye opened to the intense white light of the hospital, he squeezed it shut again so tightly it hurt.
He was home, he was in Konoha.
The touch on his lips was so subtle that, if he hadn't been Kakashi - Sharingan no Kakashi - he wouldn't have noticed.
But he was. And he did.
The energy that coursed through his body was so intense that he wished he could open his eyes again, both of them for once.
Just as subtly as it came, the sensation left him; he felt the mask being placed back over his lips and the pillow being fluffed under his head.
Kakashi woke up again two days later, alone in an empty room. He hated every aspect of it; The white walls, as well as the ceiling. The unnecessarily large window that let in too much light, the undeniable cold that enveloped him whenever he woke up there - although the latter was more psychological than real.
Waking up there meant the end of yet another mission.
Another one in which he had probably come very close to death.
The place was a testament to how dangerous the life he led was, the life of a soldier. A weapon in the hands of a sick system.
It was this realization that made him feel cold.
Like the metal of a kunai, sharp, stained with blood, replaceable.
Kakashi sat up, adjusted a pillow under his back, and looked around.
His body was almost completely recovered, and his mind still possessed the alertness that accompanied him after each mission. His uncovered gaze fell upon a particular object, one that stood out from the absurd whiteness and sterility that surrounded him.
Something so familiar, so comforting, that the mere sight gave him the will to smile.
On a small table beside his bed, a small envelope lay unassuming.
It would undoubtedly have been lost among so many other details, were it not for the intensely green paper from which it was made.
And, as if rain clouds had dissipated and the sun had reappeared on a spring day, Kakashi no longer felt alone.
He was irreplaceable, he was unique and cherished. He wasn't just a weapon.
Kakashi took the small package between his fingers, with the delicacy of someone holding a small flower. He knew what awaited him; every word was etched in his mind, like a tattoo in his DNA, coursing through his blood, mingling with the oxygen that kept him alive.
Gai could undoubtedly be the most expansive, expressive, extroverted creature, and all the other "ex" qualities that refer to... well... someone like Gai.
But there, on that small piece of paper, Gai was what brought him sanity again. He showed him that everything was alright and everything was in its place, he guaranteed that he was Kakashi, and Gai was Gai, and they were together, no matter how far apart they were.
“Rival”
At any other time, Kakashi would have rolled his eyes at the starter of the letter. Not here, not when he was alone in that room.
Here he allowed himself to smile, to allow the normalcy of his companion's madness to carry him into their world.
“Rival,
When you wake up, I'll be on a mission. I'm sorry."
No matter how much Kakashi insisted that he shouldn't apologize, it was inconceivable for Gai to leave without saying goodbye, and when forced to, he would break down in pleas for forgiveness the moment he was back.
“I left against my deepest desires, at Tsunade’s request and in service to our village. I want you to know, as I have always done, that I left with every intention of returning to you. To our home.
I'll be back before I can say “spring of youth”
Kakashi couldn't stop himself and - feeling ridiculous for having mumbled the words (consumed by foolish hope) - went back to reading.
"If I don't come back when you say “spring of youth”, I'll give you a thousand upside-down kisses. If I can't manage that, I'll hug you for a whole day, if I can't manage that, I'll tell you two thousand times that I love you, and... well... I think I can manage a thousand kisses."
Kakashi laughed; he always managed it, even with his protests, and then he would hug him for a whole day while telling him how much he loved him. It was really annoying.
“Kakashi, I will fight with all my strength, defeat all enemies, and return to you, for you. Just have a little patience and we will be together. Congratulations on another mission completed, it's 243x242, when I return we will be tied again.”
Kakashi never told Gai that he sometimes carried out missions that even Gai wouldn't know about, but he was sure that his beloved had just as many of those missions as he did.
"Stay hydrated, eat well. Don't avoid the hospital."
As if that had ever stopped him. Kakashi took a deep breath; the part of the letter he knew was over, the part that was starting now was usually the one that took his breath away.
"I already miss your kisses. Touching your body. I'm sorry, I had to borrow one of your shirts to smell your scent. I spent nights by your side, waiting for you to wake up and look at me, to see again the beauty that your eyes reveal only to mine. To let me sink into the depths of who you are, Kakashi.
It's torture every time you come back to me like this, the worry tears at my soul, the longing to hold you in my arms rips at my heart, in the end I'm like an old rag with no use whatsoever, because Kakashi, without you by my side I have no purpose.
If I am strong, I am strong enough to return to you. If I strive to be ever faster, it is so that my steps towards you may be firm and swift. If I face each enemy with the fury of a thousand tornadoes, it is so that you may have one less enemy to face. If I heal every wound on my body as quickly as I can, it is so that my heart may be strong and healthy to love you."
Kakashi choked, his vision was slightly blurred, and his heart pounded in his chest. But he didn't cry. Seeing Gai so protective- possessive, and ever the stable companion he was, made him feel embraced.
Everything about his partner was worthy of his admiration: his courage, his strength, his determination to never fall behind, to always be strong and always be there to support him.
People used to call him a genius, the same people who didn't bother to look at Gai twice. If they looked, really looked, they'd see the same person he did. The loyal, intelligent, and completely honest man.
The man he still fought for, the person who kept him afloat, who gave him breath.
Unlike Gai, Kakashi had always been shy, and despite his reputation for laziness, he was a perfectionist to a fault. Always observant, reading between the lines. And that letter was full of them; Kakashi could read more between the lines than in the written words.
Gai could be boisterous at times, noisy. But if he was that way, it was because - in some way, he wanted to be noticed. He wanted to be recognized. And Kakashi recognized him.
More than that, he needed him. Couldn't live without him.
His Gai was sweet, calm, understanding, and protective. His Gai held his world together, preventing him from falling into a deep abyss. His Gai was his. Just as Kakashi belonged to him.
“Eternal rival.”
Eternal, no matter what word followed that statement, they were eternal, to each other, they were constancy.
"Eternal rival, five days have passed since I last saw your eyes. Your gaze, so pure and fragile, and at the same time a dangerous look, which to me only shows how intense the man I hold in my arms is. I won't say it's been days since I could touch your lips; I feel like a teenager, or like in a fairy tale, kissing a sleeping prince.
Rival, I have a challenge for you."
Once again, Kakashi was in familiar territory. He could recite every word from memory, not because it was photographic, but because he had read so many letters so many times.
“I challenge you to stand up, to be strong. I challenge you to be ready to go home when I arrive. If you are not, you will have to pay me with two thousand kisses; if you are, I will have to carry you home in my arms so that everyone can see my devotion.”
Somehow, whether winning or losing, both things ended up happening.
Strangely, the letter continued. It wasn't like Gai to go on so long in his writing; he was always restrained, almost too brief. And, despite being succinct in his words, he was always so perfectly intense.
"Kakashi, the way fate brought us together can only be described as perfect."
The words were slightly more rushed, almost hesitant at points, as if Gai were writing them on impulse.
"As if the gods, to compensate for the cold lives we lead, deemed it right to keep us united. Rival, ah...my eternal rival. We are two opposites who, undoubtedly, not only attracted each other, but complemented each other masterfully. I know that sometimes I am noisy, I take up too much space or time, and you are always so quiet. Your touches are so uncertain, your glances so furtive that, sometimes, I doubt your presence, your so sweet presence."
Kakashi felt a lump forming in his throat; he never intended to be cold, but—reading those words—there was no other way he could define himself.
"Despite always being so shy, always looking at me from a safe distance, I feel the weight of your gaze on me as if a burning fire were engulfing me. You never said it, it was never necessary for you to say it."
Even though the words weren't written there, Kakashi knew exactly what he was referring to, and he cursed himself for it.
“It’s always clear in the way you look at me when I come back from a mission, in how you notice if I’m even a tenth slower because of some muscle pain, in the way you avoid touching bruises that, to me, were imperceptible. It’s obvious when, despite your shyness, you touch me with such intensity that it takes my breath away, and look at me with such desire that it burns my skin. It’s explicit in how you take care of every detail, in how you don’t use so much salt in my food because you know I don’t like it, or in how you never use too many products on my clothes so that the green doesn’t fade.”
Kakashi smiled; he could attribute it to his irritating perfectionism, but he knew very well that each of these actions was so that Gai wouldn't have the slightest trouble. So that the other's day would be perfect, down to the smallest detail.
"I don't know why the cosmos united us. It's truly exciting how destiny works. I could say that our destiny was written in the stars, I could say that the galaxies hold the secret to our love.
But the stars don't shine like your eyes, and in them I see constellations more beautiful than any wandering through this vast universe.
Rival, counting down the days until I see you.
Maito Gai."
Kakashi carefully folded the sheet of paper, ignoring the small ink stains created by tears that insisted on falling. Again, he handled the paper with care, as if handling a crystal as delicate as the balance between life and death.
He tucked the letter against his chest; later it would go into a box, along with dozens of others he kept hidden, because even though he didn't deserve those words, they were for him only.
To be seen by his eyes alone.
Gai entered his room through the window, just as Kakashi had recovered and was about to go home. His brown eyes lingered on him for a while, and - to show that he had recovered, Hatake held that gaze, looking at the other in the same way.
Both stayed there for a minute. Studying each other, making sure the other was whole, it was obvious that Gai had gone home before coming to see him.
Then his eyes, pleased to see Kakashi well, gleamed with a certain anxiety, they went to the bedside table, and Gai blushed upon noticing the absence of his letter.
“Ah, I was hoping you hadn't found it yet.”
Kakashi frowned, knowing that; even with his face hidden beneath the mask, Gai would be able to read his expression. The silence lasted for a few more seconds, and Kakashi crossed his arms.
“How many?”
Gai smiled awkwardly, his hand scratching the hair at the back of his neck, a clear show of his nervousness.
"Ah." His boyfriend gave him a thumbs-up and one of his famous smiles, so different from the smiles they usually reserved just for the two of them. "Always so cool, you recovered and you're on your feet. I guess I lost the bet then. But you're in the spring of your youth, it was to be expected and…"
"Gai," Kakashi interrupted, his eyes fixed on the Gai's. "How many letters did you hide before I woke up?"
"Just…" Gai sighed and looked at him with an embarrassed smile, his eyes apologizing in a way that words never could. "Just a few, maybe four."
"Let's go home, and you'll give me all of them." Kakashi narrowed his eyes, suspicious. "You still have them, right?"
“Ah...sure. I...yes, I do have them.”
"Maa, Gai, it's very wrong to hide something that doesn't belong to you." Kakashi sighed and headed towards the window, seeing no reason to use the door. "If you wrote them for me, they're mine."
He didn't complain when he felt strong arms wrap around his waist; the weight of a thousand thoughts lifted from his body as Gai's chin rested on his shoulder. He could feel the warm breath on his neck and, for a moment, he savored it.
"Rival." Gai stepped back, knowing exactly when to leave; he read him like an open book.
Not only because of how intelligent he was, but because after being by his side for so many years, Gai knew him better than Kakashi knew himself.
"It's time for us to go home, Rival."
Kakashi savored the words, letting them sink into his chest and take root in his heart. They mingled with all the others he had read in those letters.
It was these words, no other, spoken mission after mission, that made him realize that yes, he was where he belonged. He had a place in the world, and that place wasn't just some random field, with his hands full of blood.
Gai was his security, his safe haven. It was Gai's love that kept him sane.
Later, when he was locked in his room, reading the letters that Gai had swiped before he could wake up (his boyfriend on the other side of the door, pouting and being the very definition of "down in the dumps"), Kakashi was certain that if there was ever a right time to tell the other how he felt, that moment was now.
As if, somewhere, the stars had aligned, and this was a one-in-a-million chance.
However, when he opened the door and was taken by a kiss as intense as it was chaste, the words were lost in his chest; Mixed with the feelings that coursed through his veins, permeated his blood, shouted by every beat of his heart, spoken with his eyes - even though one of them was hidden - evidenced by the lips curved in a smile, on display, because for Gai he could expose himself in every way.
"Rival," Gai whispered, his mouth barely away from Kakashi's, his warm breath mingling with each gasp of his counterpart.
“If you hide any more, I will make sure that every piece of green clothing is wiped off the face of the earth.”
He almost laughed when the brown eyes widened in shock, but he remained serious.
Gai gasped. “You wouldn't do that.”
"Is it a challenge, Gai?" The lazy, almost bored voice always had the desired effect. Gai wouldn't dare.
“Kakashi…” Hatake resisted the urge to bite the pout forming on the other's lips as he whined and- unable to resist the urge to smile, buried his face in Gai's chest.
It was at that moment that an idea came to him, and without thinking much about how cowardly or selfish he was being, he began to draw patterns on Gai's heart.
Not just any pattern; a message.
Written in one of Konoha's field codes, a letter to his partner, written without ink, on skin.
Gai froze, seemingly holding his breath longer than when they competed to see who could stay longer under water. And then, as if the world no longer existed and they weren't ninjas, soldiers, Gai kissed him.
Such a passionate and profound kiss, that it stole Kakashi's breath, but he didn't care; with Gai there, he didn't need oxygen to survive.
"I love you too, Kakashi." The taijutsu master replied with a smile, making it clear that his letter had been received, understood, and accepted.